Counting Cats in Zanzibar Rotating Header Image

Judean Peoples Front

Cooking with Nick Griffin

Yes, you heard it right. For my next trick I suspect it’ll have to be kite-surfing with the Dalai Lama.

Anyway, Nick Griffin, the now bankrupt leader of the BNP is presenting cookery shows on Youtube. I suppose it’s a bit like de-snagging LANs with Hitler. Or something. “Goering, you never told me this network was installed by a Herr Cohen!!!”. I digress and must move on because I have a 9am building a tokamak with Ant & Dec.

Anyway, here is the new Nigella in all his shambolic glory.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8_HThEYP2o&noredirect=1

Well, there are things to note. I can cook and a beef casserole is one of my “signature dishes”. OK, I’m not exactly Michel Roux Jr (who is a perfidious frog, obviously – despite being a UK citizen – and my Mum fancies him!) and Mr Griffin cooked this veritable feast upon an Aga which is of course Swedish and we don’t want those Scandies coming over here with their affordable, but unfathomable furniture and their raping and pillaging of Lindisfarne (Northumberland folk-rock *shudder*) and all that. I once saw a doc about a plumber of Pakistani origin who fixed Agas. He was making a mint out of deranged cougars in Surrey who thought the path to enlightenment required the boiler from the Great Eastern chugging away in their kitchen. Anyway this guy who was doing well (and fair play) branded himself as “The Aga Khan”. It amused me.

Please watch the whole thing if you can. It is long but hilarious in parts. Some of it didn’t exactly amuse me though such as Nicky wearing a “Help for Heroes” shirt. I wonder what the Gurkhas or the many other Commonwealth troops in our armed forces think of that? Or what women make of it or how anyone who isn’t a total moron takes his advice on the need to remove the foil from a stock cube? Well the last one is funny. As are some similar “Top Tips”…

Nick Clegg has a plan…

When I first heard that the Lib-Dem “flag-ship” proposal (to distance themselves from the Tories) was a 5p levy (to go to like charidee) on placky bags I almost wet myself with mirth. God knows what William Gladstone would think. The Mash as ever has it spot-on.

PLASTIC bags are to be printed with lurid sexual imagery in a bid to discourage their use. Tesco bags will carry an image of a dwarf having sex with a trumpet, while Sainsbury’s carriers will feature a manga-style orgy involving sexy animals.

A government spokesman said: “A detailed design showing a woodland creature getting wanked off will do much more to reduce plastic consumption than a paltry 5p charge.

“Shoppers will stop and think ‘do I really need this bag enough that I am prepared to walk through town carrying a picture of a squirrel with a massive erection?’”

Mother-of-two Nikki Hollis said: “It’s a good idea in principle but yesterday I forgot my ‘bag for life’ at Morrison’s so the checkout girl gave me carriers showing male bikers stroking each other’s bits.

“Now my children want leather jackets for Christmas.”

The spokesman added: “We’ve made an exception with Waitrose bags. Waitrose shoppers will simply be offered Lidl bags, or nothing at all.”

Shopper Roy Hobbs said: “It’s great to see the government taking positive action. I care about the planet so I’ve got a rustic hessian satchel in which to place all my plastic-packaged shopping.”

Absolute fucking genius. And, yes, for once, I quoted the whole thing. Nothing else would do. Charge me 5p.

Witless Downfall

It had to happen.  The infamous Downfall internet meme has finally entered the orbit of the Fylde’s anti-fracking fraternity.  According to the Blackpool Evening Gazette, the attempt by Frack Free Fylde (FFF) to land this turkey has resulted in it burning up on reentry.

A ‘comedy’ video which shows gas fracking bosses as high-ranking Nazis has sparked controversy after it was aired at a public meeting.

I think the Gazette means niche comedy video.  It must have had the anti-frackers rolling in the aisles.  The Cuadrilla CEO is really a frustrated double glazing salesman?  It has me laughing too but not for the reason FFF intended.

The video, a scene from the war film Downfall, had been overdubbed so Adolf Hitler appears to rant about people on the Fylde coast rising up to oppose to the controversial shale gas exploration process.

Those stratosphere bound people apparently being our old friends Residents Action on Fylde Fracking (RAFF) since they are mentioned both in the narrative and the credits.

The five-minute long film was met with laughter at the meeting at St Annes community centre where Gayzer Frackman, from the pressure group Frack Free Fylde, gave a lecture.

Clearly not everyone was amused.  There was a stoolie in the audience.  And it was a shade over four minutes but why let a little thing like accuracy get in the way.

But Fylde Council leader, Coun David Eaves, has described the video as “a disgrace”.

I prefer to call it an “insight”.

And Tina Rothery, from another anti-fracking group Residents Action on Fylde Fracking (RAFF), distanced her group from the video – which has received almost 300 hits on YouTube.

Was that before or after Councillor Eaves took umbrage I wonder?  RAFF is associated with the video by name – twice.  It is partly a tribute to RAFF.  Distancing itself from the video apparently doesn’t include posting a comment below the video condemning the use of RAFF’s name.

She said: “We all have different audiences. What Gayzer attracts and what we attract are different crowds.”

Because the likes of the infamous and equally wrong Gasland is the video of choice in RAFF circles?

St Annes Town Council member Coun Carol Lanyon said: “From my personal point of view I find it distasteful.

I’d go for humourless.  Satire is supposed to be witty and/or funny even if the message is bonkers wrong.

“It’s not to say I’m in agreement with fracking, but I think there’s a better way to go about it (opposing the process) than tasteless satire.”

By using, for example, one’s position on the local council to make the case for your prejudice via a soundbite in the local rag?

However, Mr Frackman has defended his decision to show the video at the meeting, which was attended by around 40 people.

Well he would, wouldn’t he.  After all he has no hard science to fall back on, only fear-mongering and ad hominem.

He said: “You’ve got to have a little bit of humour every now and then. It’s satire and that’s been going on for years.”

I think he might mean satyr because when it comes to humour the video has the wit of a goat’s arse.

Downfall is a German language film which depicts the final 10 days of Hitler’s rule.

Mr Frackman says he found the fracking version of the film while searching for something else on internet video site YouTube, and does not know who created it.

Perhaps he was looking for the latest release of that famous eco-rock band, Shale Gas Devastation, but had to settle for second best – the Titanic of protracted, double glazing salesman punchlines.

A link to Frack Off’s website appears beneath the video, but the group has denied it is responsible.

Poor Gayzer, abandoned not once but twice.  If you can’t rely on your fellow anti-fracking activists who can you rely on?

During his speech to the meeting Mr Frackman also accused the Government of “pandering” to big oil and gas companies over plans to drill at sites on the Fylde, and hit out at claims the process could lead to cheaper energy bills for householders.

Yet despite the knives in the back he remains stolidly on-message and off the reality trolley.

Fracking is the process whereby chemicals and water are forced deep underground at high pressure to release gas

Mr Frackman said: “The only people going for (fracking) are the Government, fracking companies and their shareholders.

Yet Gayzer has no qualms about benefiting from the fruits of Gaia’s rape.  His talk wasn’t given by candlelight.  His computer isn’t made out of wood and organic cotton.  And no doubt the carpark outside wasn’t devoid of motor vehicles.

“When they get the shale out, we won’t be getting it – they’ll be selling it to the highest bidder.”

I think Gayzer should get his mental lead out.  Cuadrilla is not a charity.  Making a profit out of supplying energy is not a crime against humanity, it’s what makes the world go round and raises our standard of living from the mire of a short and often brutal primitive existence.  Unlike renewables Cuardrilla does not soak up billions in public subsidies.  Remove the money extorted from us all in order to subsidise “sustainable” wind and solar industries and they will sink without trace because they are parasites, not honest businesses.  Cuardrilla actually has the real potential to produce a commodity we desperately need – a cheap, reliable source of energy that doesn’t depend on our volatile and unpredictable weather or upon mass deforestation to make wood chip pellets for back-up power plants when the weather goes moody, as it so often does.

As for “get the shale out” I’d like to see how they extract rock from a borehole measured in inches.

Energy firm Cuadrilla has several potential drilling sites on the Fylde coast.

They’ve never made a secret of it.

Cuadrilla has declined to comment on the issue of the video.

So what?  The video says more about the anti-frackers than it does Cuadrilla.  Even the activists understand that.  With the exception of Gayzer and the Judean People’s Front FFF of course.

However a spokesman for the company said: “While we are at the exploration stage in our work to unlock Lancashire’s considerable shale gas potential, we are confident that natural gas from shale could play an important part in Britain’s energy mix.

“A growing number of reports show that shale gas could help to replace gas imports, improve energy security and create well-paid jobs in the sector.

“Gas is a commodity and, like all commodities, increasing supply, in particular supply located close to domestic demand, will exert downward pressure on price.”

Providing they frack with care because the Fylde aquifer is between them and the shale deposit, I’m not going to argue with that.

As for the Vale of Glamorgan issue alluded to in the video, I’ll let you Google that for yourselves.  It’s not the victory the anti-frackers want you to think it is, particularly since Welsh Water has now retracted its “small risk of contamination” assessment upon which the local council based it’s refusal to allow test drilling.

It’s like fighting weapons of meaningless destruction with wet celery.

Apparently John Kerry is laying down the law on Syria… It’s a bit like being threatened with a dead haddock. It’s Clintonism again. He was talking about targeted missile strikes against the Assad regime on the BBC News today. That’s like throwing stones at a quarry. We have no interest in Syria and neither does the USA but those Tomahawks are such lovely toys! And aginst what and who gains anyway? call me cynical but the Assad regime is vile and the rebels are a mixed bag of assorted fruits. God knows whose side we ought to be on and on that basis We ought to stay out. Now if it’s the case of giving neighbouring states such as Lebanon and Turkey a bit of a hand with the refugees.

I suspect I’m just Middle East fatigued. I’ve forty fucking years of it. It’s like fucking Groundhog Day tetrated. Oh, and the Russians and Chinese are involved. It’s a potential cluster-fuck of Biblical proportions.

I mean for buggering sake I heard recently I heard Syrians were fleeing to Iraqi Kurdistan to escape being gassed. Am I the only sod who sees the bitter irony in that?

Hugo…

From The incomparable Daily Mash

Meanwhile, tributes were also paid to Chavez by the usual arseholes.

Ken Livingstone, George Galloway and Gerry Adams all said he was a great man, which is pretty much all you need to know about Hugo Chavez.

Oh and Sean Penn and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad were there too. Apparently they are going to pickle Chavez as the did with Lenin. That’s what you really need to know though the Mash article is well-worth reading.

The Storm I Believe In.

The Israeli air-force has c.100 F-16I Soufa (Storm) Vipers (nobody uses the official name “Fighting Falcon” because that is camper than a scout jamboree). These are block 50/52 F-16s (the USANG flys block 15s) which have been tricked with conformal tanks and additional Israeli ‘tronics and integration with Rafael and Elbit weapons and systems such as the superlative Python-5 and Derby missiles or the Litening designator. It’s a serious piece of kit. And quite cheap (well for a state of the art strike-fighter). This means it isn’t cheap. It is a co-production between the Israelis and Lockheed-Martin.

Now, I’m an admitted combat ‘plane geek but that really is class. It’s half the price of the RAF Typhoon (which isn’t a bad ‘plane – at least not the FGA4) and the F-16I has the critical (especially for a small country) capacity to switch between trainer and combat aircraft. The training Tiffies have no combat capability – cheers BAE Systems et al!

This is the aircraft (there are others – “legacy” F-16s and F-15s and the F-15I Ra’am (Thunder)) that are paneling Hamas with (despite desperate attempts by the media to colour the Israeli’s as being “disproportionate” for killing more Palestinians than the Israeli death-toll (with very little collateral (c.f. Hamburg ’43)). That is part of civilized warfare. Another part of course is if you have the kit and the skills you can really open “The Gates of Hell”. If, on the other hand, your state of the art weapons system is an underpants bomb you can open the “Flies of Hell” and have your penis found four miles away. I know who’s side I’m on. One day I may take my penis to Israel but that is on the strict condition that the rest of me is still attached to it.

Don’t get me wrong. Being the underdog can be heroic but it doesn’t necessarily make it so despite what the MSM say. C4 News seemed to think that the successes of Iron Dome were something the Israelis ought to be ashamed about because that meant they weren’t showing enough dead kiddies as the Palestinians. Actually they don’t show dead kiddies anyway being civilized and all.

Jump!

Let’s imagine Harry S Truman didn’t authorize the dropping of Little Boy and went ahead with Operation Olympic in ’46. The Japanese were training school-girls with bamboo spears to fight on the beaches against US Marines. Would that have been better? And of course Uncle Joe would have been involved by then. Would that have improved anything? It could have segued seamlessly into WWIII with Japan split as Korea was.

I once temped at the second-largest office complex on the planet. HMRC Longbenton, Newcastle. That wasn’t always a tax-office. It was initially built as a hospital to deal with the casualties from Olympic. And of course Olympic wouldn’t just have resulted in a less than clean political end (due to Uncle Joe wanting part of the pie, natch) or maybe hundreds of thousands of Allied (and Soviet) casualties but almost certainly would have resulted in millions of Japanese dead. A couple of hundred thousand Japanese dead and a clean surrender seems cheap at the price. And that was down to tech. The moral capability to win a war by being able to astonish with high-tech ultra violence. It worked for Truman, it worked for Cortez against the Aztecs. It worked at Culloden when the “romantic” Highland charge met the disciplined steel of the Duke of Cumberland’s red-coats. I guess I am arguing partially that fighting really half-arsed (another result of an underpants bomb) is not being Mel Gibson in “Braveheart” (that would involve less back-combing anyway – “they” tek our lives but they’ll nivver tek us seriously!). And partially that if someone pulls a knife on you and you have a knife and a Glock you aren’t the evil one because you pull the Glock just because you have one. What I’m getting is that “proportionate response” is ludicrous. going on a supreme cunteration that wins a war definitively is though moral. It means it is over. Even I know that just from playing Sid Meier games.

Jump!

No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country.

- General Patton.

Or in another way… Note the defiance here (and I just love this song)… The Storm that is Nina Persson and the Cardigans…

Come and get them Hamas! (By the way that song, in an iconological sense, is meant to be ambiguous on many levels).

I also believe in extremely fit Swedish birds singing cool songs…

Why I believe in that should not require any further elucidation.

Yet a pretty girl, clearly intelligent, smart, Newcastle University (Yes, there is more to the North East than “Geordie Shore” and “banging”) I got in to a conversation at the Monument to Earl Grey (who made the tea) where she was part of a very small protest (My mother was in the corporate jumble-sale that is TK Maxx so I had time on my hands… lots). This lass was nice and very wrong. I merely pointed out she was flying the Venezuelan flag upside-down (an international distress signal of course which somewhat amused me). It has an arch of stars (one for each province) but she’d thought it “jollier” to fly it as a “smile”. Well that got us talking. I politely declined the offer of a CD by the Al-Alqsa Martyrs Brigade Male Voice Choir (I am not making that up) with proceeds going to “Palestinian causes”. She said with an entirely straight-face, “What has Capitalism ever done for us?” Seriously, on a Saturday afternoon, surrounded by the bustle of central Newcastle and surrounded by it’s Georgian architecture (and also the monstrance that is the Eldon Square Mall built by the Commie T Dan Smith that almost destroyed it all). I just said, channeling Christopher Wren, “Look around you!” (all I could think of whilst my flabber was that gasted). Her view on the World was so twisted she defended Comrade Castro “getting better on gay rights”. I wondered what the Al-Aqsa Martyrs brigade Male Voice Choir thought of gay sex – with a shudder. I wondered what she’d be up in arms about if our same-sex civil partnership bill hadn’t passed?* I also wondered how she felt about the fact that I’d seen men wearing nothing but bodypaint and flip-flops holding hands on the main drag in Key West without any hassle. And that was in the evil, repressive US of A – try that it Gaza City or Havana. I even thought what the Al-Aqsa Martyrs brigade Male Voice Choir would have thought of her un-hijabed eslf talking to a non-mehrem man in the street.

The most imposing facade in Western Europe.

- John Betjeman on Grey Street, Newcastle.

Yeah, that’s what Western Civilization, The Enlightenment and Capitalism did for you love! It gave you a nice city to live in, an education, those Nikes you’re wearing, the right to protest in a Quixotic way below the statue of the architect of reforms that enlarged the franchise, the right to engage in conversation with a man you are not married to and not be beaten and raped by the Al-Aqsa Martyrs brigade Male Voice Choir who would have you as a haus-frau and baby-momma. Your womb pumping out future martyrs the same way factories in South Korea produce RAM. We are far from perfect but we are not that bad.

That is also a storm I believe in.

In 2001 I saw via the TV (aka the Shaytan’s Magic Picture Box) some twinkly old cunt “massing” in the AF-PAK borderland (where very bad things happen because if it is not exactly the arsehole (hat ould give it a dignity it doesn’t deserve) of the planet but it is well within the farting CEP). He was waving his “little mashie” at the sky and making blood-curdling threats against Americans whilst a B-52 flew over leaving eight contrails and carrying 16x2000lb JDAMs. Well, best of luck mate I thought! A beautiful scene. I have also seen the XH-558 Vulcan and that was like God was shaking my teeth. How the flying-fuck do you zoom-climb something that size? That is the difference. Whilst some wallow in codswallop and misery and beards – others don’t. The storms I believe in are not the difference. They are the result of the difference. A few years back I heard that whilst 80% of Indian PhDs were awarded in science, engineering or medicine, 80% of Pakistani ones were in Islamic theology. That’s the difference. That’s why I can easily imagine seeing an Indian on Mars whilst the grandson of that old cunt is still pointlessly waiving the same “little mashie” at the sky.

’cause you’re the storm that I’ve been needing
and all this peace has been deceiving
I like the sweet life and the silence
but it’s the storm that I believe in

Come and conquer and drop your bombs
cross my borders and kill the calm
bear your fangs and burn my wings
I hear bullets singing.

They own the dirt. We own the skies. And we do because of our culture. Their culture stinks, so do their toilets. One leads to the other. Our culture flies and so does our vengeance – with JDAM precision.

Frankly, I’d allow the fuckers to wallow in their own Dark Age’s crapulence. But I’d be prepared to wield the big stick when it has to be wielded and not be ashamed it is a big-stick against their twig because until they grow-up and join the modern World then fuck’em.

PS or the World of the ancestors. Our- you know – “heritage”. I will not be lectured to by pompous oafs as to how “trad” their culture is when they are paving it. I shall not be told I’m an Islamophobe for saying this when Notre Dame still stands in the secular RF, yet the Mosque of Abu Bakr is now a bloody Hilton or a car park or some such.

T Dan Smith would have done much the same. All collectivists want to wipe-out history. They may differ as to what they want to build on their clean slate (it’s invariably ghastly) but they all want a clean slate.

*A brisk walk down the road is the Newcastle “Pink Triangle” which boasts (always amuses me when I pass it) a pub called Camp David.

Naughty but Nice.

I’ve read “Midnight’s Children”. It is pretty cool. Now I read it in bed over many days. It was pretty ragged at the start but it was falling apart by the end. It’s a great book. It is also by any standards something I would call unfilmable.

So they filmed it. They did.

Get it via Amazon. It’s worth reading. Don’t see the movie.

Equality Oop t’North.

Here is what passes for informed Tory comment these days.

THE Tories will struggle in the North because the party is seen as “southern, posh, white men” and not like “one of us”, says a senior Conservative MP.

Well I live in the north and I see the Tories in Name Only as a bunch of incompetent, treasonous creeps who, like their Labour and Limp Dim counterparts, are too eager to see us all ruled by an unelected EU oligarchy. That is precisely why I didn’t vote for any of the main parties in 2010 and, if the disenfranchisement persists, it is precisely why I will not vote for them in a future general election.

Eric Ollerenshaw, an aide to Tory party chairman Sayeeda Warsi, said the party needed to promote more Northerners as he warned attacks on trade unions and public sector workers were driving them into Labour’s arms.

Promote? Are we talking about promoting sitting northern Tory MPs here? Well you did okay out of it, didn’t you Eric, becoming a “senior Conservative MP” so quickly. You entered the HoC for the first time in 2010, and, to the detriment of your constituents (of whom I am one), never voted against the party line, not even against wasting billions in taxpayers money by throwing it into the Greek defecit black hole in order to keep the Euro afloat for a little bit longer. Thus are faithful lickspittles duly rewarded with seniority. Working for Not the Tory Party Chairman, Sayeeda Warsi, as a senior “diversity” quangocrat since 2005, didn’t hurt your meteoric rise up the greasy pole, did it.  It also fits snugly into Cameron’s daft “Big Society” bullshit which surely merits brownie points too.

The Tories must win more North East seats to win a majority at the next general election, said the MP for Lancaster and Fleetwood.

So it’s the fault of North Easterners that Cameron buggered up what should have been a landslide victory against Labour corruption and stupidity is it? And here’s me thinking his fall in the polls and disastrous election result was down to ambiguous policies and reneging on his “cast Iron” promise of an EU referendum. My bad.

Action to rebuild support in Northern cities was vital, he said, but he admitted it could take a decade to win just one council seat in Newcastle.

Council seat? I thought you were talking about promoting northern MPs. Make your bloody mind up, Eric!

Mr Ollerenshaw said his party had an image problem dating back to the Thatcher years, with the party blamed for the shutdown of traditional industries and not caring about unemployment while the South roared ahead.

Typical Westminster village idiot promoting party politics and image before the governance of the people they are supposed to represent.  It’s all Thatcher’s fault! It was that hag of a Tory PM who dragged the UK out of the gutter, soundly kicked Union arse and, as a result, won two more general elections because people hated her so much. Tell me Eric, you who would appease the union barons and the bloated sacred public sector, what party it is that you represent because you have more than a whiff of the yellow-streaked Fabian about you.  You could be an echo chamber for Limp Dim policies.

“The view ascribed to the Conservatives that unemployment was a price worth paying for the economic uplift saw a generation of voters turn their backs on a party they thought had turned their backs on them,” he said.

We can’t have the Not the Tories being branded as the Nasty Party can we? FFS, where to begin?  I’ll make it brief.

When Thatcher came to power there were more than three million people unemployed and the figure was rising. Rather than make the knee-jerk, soft option policies so favoured of the current breed of Westminster parasites (who prefer to line their pockets and bugger up the nation rather than do their job), Thatcher looked further ahead than populist decisions and winning the next general election. She focused on putting the UK back on its feet. You can’t do that without a lot of pain. She also lowered taxes to give small business a boost. As a direct result, when she left office in 1990, unemployment was down to around 1.7 million and falling and the economy was healthy and expanding. By 2005, under Blair’s premiership, unemployment was back to 1979 levels and rising and the economy had nose-dived. Today, with the Crapolition in charge, unemployment is still rising and our economy is in the toilet with an incompetent moron’s hand firmly gripping the flusher. Not one of our ministers is willing to do what needs to be done. They don’t have the bottle, the foresight or the intelligence.

Most Tory MPs were Southern following the 1997 election, meaning “what the public saw of the party on TV was increasingly southern, posh, white men”.

It doesn’t mean any such thing. The electorate in this country was sick to death of seeing cabinet ministers jailed for corruption and voted to remove what, at that time, was perceived to be the most overtly corrupt government in UK history. Instead they voted in one that got away with corruption on an unprecedented scale.  Let’s not mention launching pre-emptive wars.

Mr Ollerenshaw added: “Conservative politicians as a group were not seen as ‘being like one of us’ in the North, regardless of policies put forward.” The solution was for the Government to show it had policies to help boost the region. He suggested prioritising new infrastructure schemes for the North and warned Tories not to let Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg take all the credit for policies.

It’s politicians in general that are not considered “being like one of us” which is why turn out on election days is shrinking.  None of you gormless parasites are worth voting for.  And when it comes to prioritising, lets see maximum effort being put into kickstarting the economy and removing the tax burdens from businesses and people rather than pouring money we haven’t got into pointless, politically correct social programmes designed to grub a few inner city votes you aren’t going to get, eh?

He added it was vital to recruit more Northerners to the party as well as make the most of new Northern MPs to communicate the Tory message.

The message that’s coming across is that Ollerenshaw puts the Tory party and his career above everything else regardless of geography.  This back-biting, arse-licking, facile little turd is representative of what is wrong with UK politics.  The fact that he’s a new northern MP has absolutely nothing to do with his crusading wibble.  No, sirree.

Just three people in the Cabinet represent Northern seats. They are William Hague, George Osborne and Nick Clegg. The North has 24% of seats, but 58% of the Cabinet represent southern seats.

I suspect Eric would like to see at least one more northern MP with his feet under the Cabinet table.   I wonder who that could be?

But Mr Ollerenshaw said Mr Clegg and Mr Osborne would not be regarded as Northern by anyone from “north of the Watford Gap”.

Unlike Ollerenshaw who is a northern as black pudding and is pleading his upwardly mobile greasy poleism regional minority case for all it’s worth.  He loves the north so much he’s spent most of his political career working for the London Borough of Hackney, the late and unlamented GLA and the London Assembly.  Championing the promotion of Northern Tory MPs seems to be a recent expansion of his interests.   He’s a Northern Tory MP.  How lucky is that?

Mr Ollerenshaw added that the party had struggled in some places against a “highly efficient” Labour machine as the number of councillors and activists had fallen because of fading support.

We’re back to councillors again. He certainly has a bee in his bonnet about local government when he’s supposed to be focused on the promotion of Tory northern MPs.  Could it be linked to the fact that his career in local government seems to have come to a halt in June 2004 when he ceased being a sitting as a member of the London Assembly and the leader of the Toy faction?  Since 2005 he’s been working as head of the Tories City and Diversity section under Warsi.  Is it me or did he suffer something of a come-down?

He said a long-term strategy was needed to break into cities where the Tories had no representation, including Newcastle, even if that took a decade.

Meanwhile the fact the majority of the UK electorate has little or no political representation whatsoever concerning major issues that affect their lives makes no impact on this cretin.   Being ticked off with wayward Newcastle voters and sucking up being nice to minorities is where he’s at.  Z rate politics from a Z rate politician.  He’d fit right in with the other Z Graders in Number Ten.

He welcomed the creation of a Northern board, which was led by North East peer Michael Bates, with a campaign centre in Bradford but warned the Tories were still too southern based.

The Tories North Campaign initiative isn’t new (opened by Caroline Spelman, a West Midlands MP, back in 2007) and no longer has Lord Bates as one of its leading lights.  He quit the position in 2010.  I suspect that hardly anyone has heard of the North Campaign initiative even though it’s been around for a few years.  Still, it sounds good, eh?

Former North East Minister Nick Brown said Mr Ollerenshaw had identified part of the problem for the Tories.

But the central failure was down to the Government not addressing regional development.

A generation of voters turned their backs on a party they thought had turned their backs on them.

It isn’t only the Tories that voters are turning their backs on.  People are sick and tired of the lies, corruption and incompetence of all three major parties.  Until the Westminster bubbleheads stop minutely inspecting the insides of their rectums and pay attention to urgent national issues rather than chasing votes, emptying the coffers of the Treasury, doing the bidding of their EU masters and stealing from taxpayers trousering expenses they have no entitlement to, nothing is going to change.  THAT is where the failure lies.

As for Eric Ollerenshaw, he enjoys a massive majority of 333.  His constituency of Fleetwood (Labour to the core) and Lancaster (a reed in the wind) will be radically altered under the 2013 electoral boundary change.  Labour loving Fleetwood will go back to being part of Labour loving Blackpool North.  The vast majority of the constituency (the bit I live in) is rural and tends towards conservatism.  I expect he’ll be hoping for an increased majority come the next GE, providing it happens after the boundary changes.  If he comes knocking on my door he’ll be told, like his opposition cronies, to fuck off with extreme prejudice.

Pictures of the Socialistic Present

The Leftist idea of the world seems to be that there are two kinds of people: good, intelligent, caring, compassionate, thoughtful ones – they call them the Left – and nasty, stupid, unthinking, thoughtless and avaricious ones, called the Right. And these latter have always been wrong about everything, throughout history. Name a Bad Man (as Sellars and Yeatman would have had it) at any time, and, no matter his beliefs or actions, you can be sure he was Right Wing. Even, in the early 1990s, the entire membership of the Central Committee of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union.

This very peculiar view of history – “We can’t be wrong because People Like Us are never wrong” – leads to an astonishing ignorance of history. Leftists are like children: unaware that millions of people in the past – and present – have encountered similar problems and attempted solutions similar to theirs which have failed, they’re constantly astonished when their grand theoretical Plans go awry. Simply telling them, “No, that won’t work” is useless. It wasn’t done properly before. It wasn’t done by us.

So in attacking the Occupy protests, I feel rather like the Executive Director of the Linux Foundation, Jim Zemlin*, who a few months ago opined that attacking Microsoft these days was “kind of like kicking a puppy” (given that it’s no longer the 800-pound gorilla it once was), because they’re undergoing the usual implosion that these utopian Leftist Schemes always do: running up against obvious obstacles that they’ve no idea how to handle. They’re not the Revolution, they’re very naughty boys.**

Take this insider account (via Hot Air):

On Sunday, October 23, a meeting was held at 60 Wall Street. Six leaders discussed what to do with the half-million dollars that had been donated to their organization, since, in their estimation, the organization was incapable of making sound financial decisions. The proposed solution was not to spend the money educating their co-workers or stimulating more active participation by improving the organization’s structures and tactics. Instead, those present discussed how they could commandeer the $500,000 for their new, more exclusive organization. No, this was not the meeting of any traditional influence on Wall Street. These were six of the leaders of Occupy Wall Street (OWS).

Gosh, who’d'a thunk it? The management of large sums of money is difficult, and attracts the avaricious and power-hungry. Who saw that coming?

But this is the bit that really reminded me of fanatical Leftists’ willful ignorance of history, Hot Air’s explanation of the “organizational” (I use the word loosely) structure of OWS:

The General Assembly (NYC-GA) nominally makes all the decisions through overwhelming consensus; it requires 90% agreement to approve any decision, including expenditures. Sound groovy? Well, not really; a minority of 11% can essentially block all action, and apparently often do.

See? Anyone could have told them that would happen. It’s a “problem” the EU “solved” with Qualified Majority Voting. It’s more or less the problem California has with taxation. Consensus politics doesn’t work because there is no consensus. That’s why there’s politics in the first place. And my God, OWS has terminal politics…

Daniel, a tall, red-bearded, white twenty-something—one of the six leaders of the teach-in—said that the NYC-GA needed to be completely defunded because those with “no stake” in the Occupy Wall Street movement shouldn’t have a say in how the money was spent.

… oh look, they’ve discovered something else the grown-ups already knew …

When I asked him whether everybody in the 99% had a stake in the movement, he said that only those occupying or working in Zuccotti Park did. I pointed out that since the General Assembly took place in Zuccotti Park, everybody who participated was an occupier. He responded with a long rant about how Zuccotti Park is filled with “tourists,” “free-loaders” and “crackheads” and suggested a solution that the even NYPD has not yet attempted: Daniel said that he’d like to take a fire-hose and clear out the entire encampment, adding hopefully that only the “real” activists would come back.

Hey, something we can agree on!

So, anyway, to get round this – gosh, there’s even a word for it – gridlock in their General Assembly (I’m sorry, but I can’t help thinking of a roomful of presbyterian ministers), they – some of them – decided to create a sort of Inner Council. ‘Least, that’s what they said it was for. You can probably guess the real purpose (remember that 500 grand?). The Spokes Council, they called it. Sounds like something to do with bicycles. I prefer “politburo”, but each to his own…

The main obstacle to the creation of the Spokes Council was that the NYC-GA had already voted against it four times. One audience member observed that no organization would vote to relinquish its power.

No! you don’t say!

Some of the strongest proponents of the Spokes Council responded that they had taken this into account, and were planning on creating the Spokes Council regardless of whether the NYC-GA accepted the proposal.

Or, presumably, else.

They claimed that, in the interests of non-hierarchy, neither the Spokes Council nor the General Assembly should have power over the other.

O-kaaay… I suppose the Chain – sorry, Tyres – sorry, Spokes Council would get the half-million smackeroos though, right? Because we wouldn’t want the General Assembly of the People to soil itself with such unseemly capitalist matters. Or something. Yeah, that’ll do. Unseemly capitalism. Yeah.

But there’s more. Oh hell, there’s more:

In the minutes of the teach-in on Saturday the 22nd, the leaders recognize that usurping power from the NYC-GA might make people uncomfortable. The Structure WG’s eventual proposal was to keep the General Assembly alive and functioning while the Spokes Council “gets on its feet.” Working Groups could still technically get funding through the NYC-GA, but the “GA may stop making those kinds of decisions because people [will] stop going… To officially take power away isn’t necessary,” especially because the NYC-GA works on the consensus model. A small group of people aiming to delegitimize the NYC-GA could easily attend each session merely to block every proposal. According to a member of the Demands WG, this is already occurring in several Working Groups.

To placate the rest of OWS, the Structure WG amended their original proposal and gave the NYC-GA power to dissolve the Spokes Council. This amendment is irrelevant, however, given the 90% majority requirement in the NYC-GA, and the ability of members of the Spokes Council to vote in the NYC-GA.

And they wonder why we libertarians want as little politics as we can possibly stomach. I feel sick just reading about it.

There’s even more over there, including downright censorship of their own number, but really nothing that anyone who’s ever been on a committee of anything couldn’t have told them would happen. OWS is nothing more than the church choir writ large, unwashed, and trespassing. It’s no surprise the CofE’s getting on so well with the London branch.

Assuming for rhetorical porpoises there there’s an afterlife, Eugen Richter must be in hysterics right now. “Oh, mein sides! Zey’re doing it again!”

(If you haven’t read Pictures of the Socialistic Future, seriously, do it now. It predicted it all. All.)

*Known to one and all as Zim Jemlin. Well, it’s hard not to.

**And girls.***

***And, according to them, other. That’s hilarious, by the way: by their own estimation, OWS is 81% white. According to a commenter there (or it may have been PJM; I can’t find it at the mo’), the racist Tea Party was 76% white by Gallup’s reckoning.

Two state solution?

There is much muntering at the UN (do they do anything else other than munter and appoint Libya as head of Human Rights?) about a prospective Palestinian State.

Now I have no axe to grind but it just won’t work and that really has nothing to do with Israel. The culture, geography (and changing that is beyond the powers of Allah Himself), politics (recall when Hamas won in Gaza they chucked Fatah off the roofs), economics etc.

The idea of a unified single Palestinian state is…

Well, it’s mental. The only solution is three-state. I’ve never been there (Israel, West Bank, Gaza, whatever…) but I know. I know because a unified Palestinian “State” would be…

An Islamic Republic spatially disconnected with their direst enemy in between.

One, relatively (and I do mean relatively) prosperous and the other an economic basket case.

The more prosperous being the larger and the more prosperous and the smaller being the more densely populated.

Have we not seen this before?

If you read “Midnight’s Children” by Salman Rushdie then you see the Hell that follows. Ironically someone (Israel, Turkey…) would have to pick up the mess. Should the Palestinians have a state of their own – yes… (not that I’m into states myself being a libertarian and all) but no… They ought to have states of their own or maybe do without that boondongle. Anyway, is statehood freedom? Not if you ask me. It’s a great achievement for the folks you send to Turtle Bay but for the average geezer on the ground in Gaza or the West Bank it’s a tin full of less than nothing.

For me nationality is a feeling (like when I watch the Rugby or cricket – not the football – that’s alas a chronic embarrassment) and not a tax-code. Be careful what you wish for Palestinians because it might come true. And it might of course be the mini-me of Pakistan-Bangladesh. Hell, the “hostile” power in your midst might have to intervene as India did when the slaughter in Bangladesh (and the refugees) became so appalling.

States can be made but nations exist organically. I am fortunate enough to belong to one of the latter. It’s been England since some Egg-King called it so. Even the union with Scotland goes back hundreds of years. The union with Wales is even further back. A “union” of a part of Egypt and a part of Jordan – yeah, like whatever! I was going to say it’ll end in tears so I’m calling it the Nírnaeth Arnoediad anyway.

Am I naive? Really am I? But if everyone (that means you, Hamas) knocked off and built their own little polities then fine. Have states if you play fair. If you chuck bottle-rockets at the neighbours then expect F-16s dropping JDAMs and don’t bitch to me about it. It seems to me that (as is typical in politics) this has nothing whatsoever to do with the Gazan widow or the West Bank farmer but about the encirclement and ultimate overthrow of Israel which is best done by one state rather than two. Shall I put it bluntly? I apply the Rugby test (it’s a little like Norman Tebbit’s cricket one except totally different). Your nationality should be no more nor less than who you cheer for. It is not defined by government. It is a signal, core, failing of the UN that it represents countries and not people. At the risk (and I’m sailing bloody close to the reef) of quoting Monty Python. I shall.

But then anyone who derives their sense of self-worth from statehood rather than selfhood (is that a coinage?) is a scumbag.

I’m Nick. I am proud to be English. That feeling is totally disconnected from our state. The Palestinians want a “state of their own”. Allah save them because it won’t be their state at all!

Vote Vampire!

Jonathon (originally John) Albert “The Impaler” Sharkey (born 2 April 1964) is an American actor, director, professional wrestler and perennial candidate who has run in multiple state-level and national elections. He has attracted media coverage due to his unusual public persona as a Luciferian “sanguinary vampyre” and his run-ins with the law. He resides in Florida and has filed to run for President as a Republican in 2012. He has run both as a Republican and on the ticket of his own Vampires, Witches, and Pagans Party.

His legal difficulties involve threatening to personally impale George W Bush.

Sharkey strongly criticized President George W. Bush, whom he described as a “wuss” and a communist who was responsible for the deaths of innocent Americans in Saudi Arabia and Iraq. He has expressed a desire to try, and convict, and impale Bush, and has since stated that “Obama is even worse than Bush, and I never thought anyone could be worse than Bush. He has no idea how to run a country, nor should he be running a country.”

Sharkey says that he will ban abortion and the teaching of evolution in public schools. On other social issues, he leans libertarian; he supports equal rights for gays. He opposes President Obama’s health care reform and would replace it with a plan of his own in which the poor would receive free medical and dental care; the expenses would be paid with government taxes on marijuana and prostitution, which Sharkey supports legalizing and regulating. On foreign policy, he wishes to bring American troops home from foreign war zones.

I guess there is always dear old Ron Paul…

Caliphatalism

On Saturday this caper is takng place in my old stamping ground of London E1:

It is of course organised by the Popular Front of Judea Hizb ut-Tahrir. Now these are nasty but essentially harmless in terms of their stated aim because a global Islamic caliphate is not going to happen. I know about this shindig because I’m on Peter Tatchell’s mailing list (for reasons too obscure to go into). He has this to say…

“Hizb ut-Tahrir is an Islamist and fundamentalist organisation which seeks to impose its supremacist interpretation of Islam on the whole world. It opposes democracy and has the goal of establishing a global religious dictatorship, a caliphate. Non-Islamic political parties would be illegal. Gender apartheid and the segregation of men and women would become mandatory,” said human rights campaigner Peter Tatchell.

Mr Tatchell will join Saturday’s protest at 12 noon in the Mile End Road, outside Hizb ut-Tahrir’s Caliphate Conference. The protest is organised by the newly-formed Alliance Against Extremism, which includes Muslim campaigners.

If you’re mooching down the Mile End Road on Saturday drop by*. Why did I bold the last bit about Muslims?

Hizb ut-Tahrir is guilty of extreme intolerance towards Muslims who do not share its harsh, fundamentalist interpretation of Islam. It advocates the execution of Muslims who turn away from their faith or convert to another religion.

That’s why. This is not why (quoting Tatchell again)…

The anti-humanitarian views of Hizb ut-Tahrir are not shared by most Muslims in Britain. Its extreme fundamentalist policies are stoking Islamophobic prejudice.

The simple truth of the matter is that whilst Muslims protesting against the lunatic fringe (in much the same way almost all conservative US Christians think Fred Phelps is nucking futz to put it charitably) is excellent news the real core issue is not Islamophobia or at least it shouldn’t be. The real deal and the real reason why Muslims ought to organise against the likes of Hizb is that whilst a global caliphate is a very long way off (to put it optimistically for them) small scale enclaves of de-facto sharia (as defined by the likes of Hizb) are not and whilst that will not directly matter a jot to the likes of me it will matter a lot to Muslims living within these nano-caliphates. I’m talking about things like this. Creeping and localized sharia which will inevitably be run by a local thugocracy like a miniature Iran, Saudi Arabia or Pakistan. One does wonder at times if the Archbishop of Canterbury ever gets north of the water. Muslims living in these areas will be the ones to suffer. It’ll start with the newsagents with Frankie Vaughn on the top shelf, and next will be the corner shops with fridges full of Stella or the curry houses where you can get a lager. It will proceed to anything deemed immoral by the self-appointed guardians. It will destroy small businesses that can’t segregate male and female customers (almost all of them). To the likes of Hizb this is a feature and not a bug. It is an excuse for them to circle the wagons ever tighter. Perhaps to set-up their own welfare schemes for their co-religionists they have otherwise made destitute and now stick to “the rules”. I think you can guess where the money for that will come from can’t you? A totally reliant client-base is something all totalitarians cherish is it not? It is essentially a blue-print for centripetal ghettoization – ghettoes imposed from the prejudice within rather than from the prejudice without.

It’s very sad and very dangerous. Perhaps I was lucky to live in E1 in the mid-90s when it was just all to various. I don’t know exactly now because I haven’t been back for years but what I do know is that if British Muslims don’t act against the likes of Hizb then their future is bleak in many places. If history has taught us anything it is that a relatively small proportion of highly motivated zealots can terrorise the majority and this even more so when operating at a local scale. This has nothing to do with Islam or indeed any other belief system – it is lamentably general. Muslims are therefore going to have to (and as that QMSU article hints will) step up to the plate. This partly because they will suffer first and hardest from the creation of Islamist nano-states but also because, to judge by the gnomic pronouncements of the Archbishop and the rest of the great and the er… good, nobody else will.

*pictures would be nice. Recall they exalt in and fear the image.

Lib Dem Apocalypse!

It’s like Apocalypse Now without the helicopters. It’s like a flan deflating in a cupboard.

It would appear that the Lib Dems are no more. They are an ex party, they are pining for the fjords and have joined the choir invisible. Oh, there will be some Nokias thrown for a bit but to use a technical, political phrase that I hope, Dear reader, isn’t too abstruse for you they are fucked.

Why?

Well, it’s almost Shakespearian isn’t it? Not that long ago Nick Clegg was lauded to the skies – the straight-talking nice guy aided by his old and sage advisor St Vincent of the Cable. And herein lies the rub. I consider myself a liberal (note the small “l”) but I have always been sceptical (or is that septical?) about the true liberalism of the Lib Dems. If I may take a leaf out of a book by Marks (Paul) I’ve said it before and I shall say it again… Where to start? There was a tipping point for me between suspecting the Lib Dems were a party without substance, without any core philosophy and a disgrace to the very word “liberal” – I mean a hundred odd years go you might have voted for Disraeli rather than Gladstone but you at least would have understood Gladstone as a man of integrity with principles underlying his policies – principles and policies you might not agree with but you could disagree with them honestly. The Lib Dems formed from a bizarre marriage of the old Liberal party and David Owen’s ego-wank that was the SDP*. Let me explain…

Start at the beginning Nick! I grew up in I guess the most average place in Britain. That is not a criticism. It’s just saying the neighbours didn’t have Mercedes out front and neither were they smoking crack. Our council ward was strongly Lib Dem. I knew the councillors (they knew my mum) and they were very locally focussed. Come election time their leaflets would actually connect with me. They’d say things like, “This staggered junction ought to be replaced with a roundabout”. The Tories (who frankly weren’t trying – this was Gateshead) and Labour would mouth vague platitudes. Then I lived in inner cities and the Lib Dems would also be locally focussed. A place I lived in Manchester had a Lib Dem councillor, a Mr Ali who only got in (he spoke no English) in a traditionally Labour ward because he and his party opposed the invasion of Irag. Do I need to add this place was predominately Muslim? Fair enough but back in the leafy lanes what were the Lib Dems saying? They weren’t plugging that one. They were talking about hanging baskets on the shopping parade.

This is where I hit a problem. It is right that local representatives support causes that matter to their electorate but it is also wrong to take that to the extreme of being a party that at the national level has no philosophy other than to selectively say whatever is needed wherever. If your philosophy is to be all things to all people then you are an empty vessel. Obviously different areas have different issues but that doesn’t mean, as the Lib Dems have done, you adopt a different philosophical approach – essentially what I’m saying is you chose tactics accordingly but strategy is general. But they did because they have no core philosophy. They don’t do “the vision thing”. Is there anything wrong with politicians being pragmatists? No, not when it comes to replacing a lethal junction with a roundabout. Yes when it means having a philosophical fabric so malleable you could make the same dress clothe Katie Price or Katie Moss. If anything it calls into question the point of political parties at all – are they just vehicles for meddlesome ratbags? I mean do you care what make your taxi is if it gets you to the church on time? It certainly calls the Lib Dems to account.

But I mentioned the Markist doctrine of keeping on saying it until hits home. The current deputy leader of the Lib Dems is the reprehensible Simon Hughes. Well he looks an obnoxious cunt. He looks increasingly like he is Tony Benn’s understudy. Watch video of him because it’s the mannerisms more than anything. Hughes won his seat in ’83 against Peter Tatchell the noted gay rights campaigner. Hughes ran a blatantly homophobic campaign. Years later it turns out Hughes is bisexual and has been since a teenager**. Hughes defeated Tatchell by running a campaign in Lambeth with the slogan, “Vote Hughes – the straight choice”.

That was the tipping point from me suspecting to having proof. It’s that point when Poirot calls everyone into the drawing-room. It isn’t the homophobia as much the hypocrisy. No, it’s worse even than that. It is the moral vacuum of it.

Yesterday Nick Clegg and his party paid the price of buying Gordon Brown’s moral compass at a car-boot sale and this is a good thing. Rightly we are suss of “conviction politicians”*** but conviction is not the same as principle and the Lib Dems have no principles. They will say anything to win and yesterday that revolving door of morality hit them on the arse on the way out. They have been totally sold down the river by Nick Clegg’s coalition which increasingly looks like he thought power**** mattered at all costs. What use is power if to buy it you have to sell all you believe? None to me and none to you but if you are Nick Clegg steeped in the tradition of Lib Dem whateverism you don’t believe a goddamn thing in the first place.

And today is a fine day for British politics. Because people have seen the desperate little man utterly destroyed by Dave Cameron. They have seen Clegg’s spectacular U-turn on university tuition fees when he thought he could get his feet under the cabinet table. They have voted resoundingly against the one thing he had to offer his party – AV. And that wasn’t even the PR***** they wanted.

What is remarkable is the why? Clegg is politically a half-wit. The only policies I recall the Lib Dems having at the last General Erection****** were raising the tax-allowance (at the time I recall the Tories looking like “Oh shit! We should have thought of that one!”), the abolition of university fees in England and some vague idea about the voting system. Well the Tories liked the tax idea anyway, university fees are being tripled and the one thing he got is a referendum (the first in this country since 1975) which he lost and basically put the question off the agenda for a generation. The end of term report isn’t looking good Nicky. In the haggling that made the coalition one of his three big planks was a no brainer (the tax threshold). His other bargaining chips were AV and fees. Nick Clegg pissed his career up the wall on AV which he was always going to lose not least because his U-turn on fees alienated his base (a lot of students used to vote Lib Dem – and your seat is in a major university town you utter pillock!). Dave Cameron absolutely tied him over the gun-carriage and he, Osborne and Willets proceeded tp bugger Clegg senseless. And this only happened Nick because you had no principles to begin with. The only one you stood by (as I said the tax thing was a good idea so it wasn’t a point for negotiation anyway) was something that was rightly seen as a cynical attempt to placate your party by winning them more seats. It is that simple Clegg. You portrayed yourself as an honest man until you heard the dog whistle and then you sold yourself for a mess of pottage. And you did that because you are a Lib Dem and that means you are a principle-free zone. You are someone who will do anything which is the definition of a Lib Dem. Your deputy undoubtedly voted for things like the equalisation of the age of consent and gay civil partnerships. Your deputy who was only in parliament because he ran a rampantly homophobic smear campaign against his opponent despite being a fan of cock and bum fun himself. It is indicative of your complete lack of political nous, your unbelievable arrogance and the political culture that you are of. It has no moral or philosophical base. Ever since they have existed the Lib Dems have been the person of all seasons of British politics and you Clegg over-reached yourself in such a naked desperation for power at any cost that you will not survive. I am sure – I know you Clegg – if Dave had asked as part of the deal if Boris could take Miriam up the Gary you’d have texted her to say, “Add Vaseline to the shopping list luv x”.

That’s what I mean about Shakespearean. All for a grace and favour gaff and an armoured Jag. I bet the next cabinet meeting is fun. Anyway, I’m just glad people are finally seeing through you and the party that spawned you.

My fundamental point here is I simply can’t trust politicians with no principles. I would much rather chew the political fat with an old skool Labourite or Tory than someone who makes the Chinese acrobat in Ocean’s Eleven look to have a spine. .

*An unbelievably vain man. I’ve slept at his house. Long story but it involved a South African house-keeper.
**I guess he has to be. You know the Woody Allen joke about it doubling your chances on a Friday night? I am pondering here now from the point of view of pure math what twice zero is. You can get into some horrendous tangles if you attempt to equate different zeroes.
***Such as Lord Archer. Sorry had to.
****The thrown vacated by Lord Prescott of Hull and Pies.
*****In medical parlance “PR” is an abbreviation for “Per Rectum”. The idea truly is the enema of the people.
******Something caused by a massive stimulus package. Not exactly but it’s funny.

The Ritchie Popular Front

Ritchie strikes at CiF!

“Imagine,” said PCS general secretary Mark Serwotka, “what a difference it would make if we didn’t only march together but took strike action together.”

Imagine all the people living for today… You may say I’m a dreamer… Nah, mate, I’d say you’re off your fucking rocker just as much as that unkempt-conceptual-artist-shagging-bed-inning-warbling-scouse-cunt was. Imagine “no possessions. It’s easy if you’re rich (or Ritch)…” I apologise to all Beatle’s fans – it must be fucking dreadful for you.

It gets better…

The cheer that resounded from the crowd in Hyde Park spoke for itself. This was 26 March, the day that half a million workers from across Britain turned out for the most significant manifestation of trade union strength in decades – although you may remember it as the day when some windows were broken.

Some windows were broken. Alas not enough. Paging Fred Bastiat I love the use of “manifestation” there. It’s like the Ghost of Winters of Discontent Past ambled by rattling his chains!

However inspiring 26 March was [was it?!], though, leaving it at a march from A to B – just in time for local elections – would be a terrible waste. Some union leaders may feel that the best use of this energy is to vote Labour in the May elections.

But of course they’d be wrong because despite the last Labour government pushing public spending to pretty much half of GDP and Mr Ed being brought-up a believing Trotter… Oh, give me fucking strength!

Do you want full on communism? Yes you do. Oh you do.

But Labour councils are also pushing through cuts, and it is obvious from local strike ballots that union members aren’t putting up with this.

Or, clearly, reality.

The next logical step is, exactly as Serwotka says, co-ordinated strike action. So, the Public and Commercial Services Union (PCS), National Union of Teachers (NUT), University and College Union (UCU) and Association of Teachers and Lecturers (ATL) unions are moving towards balloting their members for a one-day national strike over pensions, job losses and wages.

To be paid for how exactly? Unless Ritchie has some magic beans of course.

What sticks out here is the participation of the ATL, which is a professional teaching union not given to militancy. Its last strike action was in 1979. Similarly, the Royal College of Nursing (RCN) overwhelmingly passed a motion at its annual conference in Liverpool calling for an indicative ballot of members for national strike action. This is far from typical for the RCN, which, until a change in its policy in 1995, always ruled out industrial action. The “proletarianisation” of professionals in the public sector, with degraded conditions even for usually respected staff, is leading some of the traditionally conservative unions to be more militant than their larger counterparts.

Oh, wow! Ritchie is of course a Class-A commie with plenty of form. But just re-read that! One way of looking at that is that certain relatively cushy public-sector employees are getting the same sort of (probably lesser) cosh as the private sector at last and are calling, “No fair ‘coz we is special like!”. Another way of looking at that is that Ritchie now sees the middle classes joining the class war against… er, who’s left? Ah!… Uncle Penny Bags* which means Ritchie is seeing a grand coagulation of all state workers from the dustman to the (consultant) dermatologist against all private-sector workers which begs (to me, not to Ritchie, obviously) the question of where they expect the money to come from? Note his typical middle-class l(e/o)fty mixture of desire to be a prole and abhorrence at that actually happening to the middle classes like him.

Personally I’d prefer it if he had his own “Little Richard” tenderised in a Breville by repeated slamming before the actual grilling commenced. I would not want to dissapoint him (he’s eating it) and apparently cock (and bull) tends to be tough without appropriate treatment beforehand. That German cannibal a few years back found it so. Anyway that Krautulent sausage-sucker has a good many years in das große Haus to ponder the the virtue of a marinade. Any African dictator from the last sixty years (or Nigella) could tell you sautéing a penis is sheer culinary madness! It first needs to be hung, preferably well hung, anyway.

If the strike ballots are approved by the members, this could result in up to 800,000 people taking strike action. If other small unions join the strike, there could be over a million people taking industrial action on that day. However, the largest unions – such as Unison, which drew by far the biggest contingent on the march – have not agreed to take part.

Unison tends to represent lower paid workers than Ritchie’s now almost besainted RCN or ATL. Their members can’t afford to grandstand.

According to Paul Mason, this is because their “leaders believe they cannot deliver strike action until October, if at all”. In fact, I understand that Unison has indicated a willingness to strike in autumn, while the GMB have not. Unison’s logic is that if it strikes sooner, it will undermine negotiations with the government. Why should it be that Britain’s biggest unions are so hesitant in fighting the most devastating assault on their members pay, conditions and jobs in generations? With almost 7 million members situated in strategically important sectors of the economy, the TUC has immense potential power – but they’re reluctant to use it.

The TUC are crackers.

Please bring on the RMT! Please do! Let’s have a tube strike long enough that we can dispense with the the idea once and forever that the London Underground needs highly paid (and the perks are something as well!) drivers to merely clutch a dead-man’s handle. Bob Crow could be immolated on a stack of waste paper equal to all his pay-packets in fivers and the run-off of fat could be used for bio-diesel and they bitch about “fat cats” bleeding the country dry! The fucking cheek! I’d have the cheek – well, all four of them and just one of the southernmost cheeks would drive a Vauxhall Astra from here to Beijing.

Since the mid-1980s, the trade union leadership has mainly been steeped in the culture of the “new realism”.

Or perhaps, just “realism” as everyone else calls it.

Broadly speaking, this entailed accepting the policies of the government of the day, and negotiating the best deal for members within that framework.

Forgive me if I am wrong but isn’t that the entire point of a trade union? To get the best deal for their members and not drag us all to the sunlit Korean uplands north of the DMZ? The smarter union leaders have learned the lesson of the likes of the British Leyland strikes of the ’70s – the ultimate industrial-relations firing squad.

Sweetheart deals were in, and industrial militancy was out.

I was wrong. At least in Ritchie-land.

A series of defeats and a gradual erosion of union density strengthened the hold of such ideas. But if this strategy ever had any plausibility, it now looks masochistic.

Unite’s position is more nuanced. Len McCluskey spoke in favour for co-ordinated action on 26 March, and the union’s national health committee recently voted in favour of joining strike action on 30 June. In that sense, Unite forms a bridge between the smaller, more militant unions, and the big battalions allied to Labour. McCluskey has also advocated a model of political unionism (eg co-operating with anti-cuts campaigns) quite different from traditional “bread and butter” unionism. This offers a way forward redolent of Wisconsin, where trade union action was plugged into a much wider community response to Republican cuts.

I thought Len McCluskey was dead? Or is he just mummified like Lenin himself** so that they can wheel him out with a curtain rod up his arse for May Day parades and such?

So, what is the strategy here? Some will say that a one-day strike isn’t going to work. This government may be weak, but it won’t cave after 24 hours. But this would miss the point: 30 June would not be the end, but a good start. As with 26 March, the aim must be to build something big enough to give confidence to other trade unions to join the fightback. It must be to break the paralysis that seized the British labour movement since the recession began.

And who caused that?

If Unison did join national strike action in October, and Unite participated along with the smaller unions, it would constitute a sea change in the culture of industrial relations in this country. Such co-ordinated action would be as close to a general strike as we’ve seen in Britain since 1926.

And that worked brilliantly!

It would have a much bigger impact in the UK than in the continent, where general strikes are a more regular occurrence.

Let’s out Greek the Greeks. “At 12 noon on the appointed day the Red Flag shall be unfurled and all kebab-shop elephant-legs will stop turning” – People’s Commissar, Stavros Ritchie. And so the revolution shall start on a bit of an empty stomach.***

It would shock the government to its core. The alternative is surrender [note again the deliberately militaristic terminology], a weaker union movement and a much nastier society.

As opposed to a society where Ritchie wants reasonably well-paid professionals such as teachers and nurses to hold the nation to ransom on the off-chance of creating a socialist utopia which would be a really nice place to live…

…if you were a people’s commissar such as Ritchie, obviously…

…at least until the Maximum Leader felt it was time for a purge.

Truly the enema of the people!

H/T Harry.

*You ever noticed the bleating the left has contra “monopoly” “capitalists” with the only solution they propose being that they and their acolytes take control of everything? You ever noticed the irony failure there? They haven’t. (they usually lack in irony too – the self-righteous cunts). Who was Lenin or Castro but the ultimate monopoly capitalists? Ah, but they work for “the people”. Yeah, and I work for the twice fictional Goodgulf the wizard.
**When my wife lived in Moscow she visited the dapper little genocidal maniac muppet. She’d had a few too many the night before and almost puked in Lenin’s tomb (incidentally the name of Ritchie’s blog). This would have been a diplomatic incident.
***During an “anti-globalisation” shindig in London my wife saw (she sees everything – note to self – she knows why I’m planning on buying a microwave from a car-boot sale…) the protesters queuing for lattes at Starbucks…

Dear Perry De Havilland…

Well, yesterday I managed to trigger Perry de Havilland’s narcissistic personality disorder and get banned from Samizdata for, er, agreeing with (respected Samizdata and CCinZ writer) Paul Marks, over a very curious matter- the not particularly controversial observation that Oxford’s PPE degree is a feeder for the State apparat. Davey Boy Cameron has one, Ed Balls has one, the Millipede Brothers have them, the BBC writes articles about it, Wikipedia has a great long list of them and casually and correctly states in its article on PPE that it was created as a more modern replacement for “Classics”, the previous booster degree into the Civil Service, politics etc.

But none of that’s good enough for young Peregrine because, er, “a writer” at Samizdata has one. So apparently therefore criticising it is a deeply wounding insult to Samizdata, or “the writer”, or Perry de Havilland, or Libertiarans everywhere, or something. I have no idea which. Anyway, if you’re interested in watching the unedifying spectacle of young Peregrine once again lapsing straight into furious denunciation while entirely bypassing any attempt at a rational discussion, throwing his toys out of his pram and pulling the “I owns this site, you is BANNED” thing (you can just see him typing that with his chest puffed out and shouting PWNED at his spittle coated monitor), feel free to read the thread.

Anyway, I wouldn’t have posted this except for how the thread continued after my removal from the company of decent folks. Another commenter, “will”, posted a supportive (to my comments) comment and young master Peregrine replied with something which initially mystified me-

I will continue to show people the door who are wilfully acting like jackasses on Samizdata “Will” (yeah right).

What can he mean by “”Will” (yeah, right)”? I thought for a moment it might be something to do with a pun on the word “will” but I couldn’t think of one. Then after puzzling for a moment, and looking at the rest of young Peregrine’s deranged ranting, I realised that he thinks that “Will” is me, using some sock puppet screen name.

Yeah, right, Perry.

Hence his franting keyboard banging like this, directed at Will-

You are only a ‘dissenter’ in the sense a obnoxious drunk at a party is a ‘dissenter’, tearfully complaining on the cold side walk about how his right of ‘free speech’ (on someone else’s property) have been cruelly trampled when he get kicked out the front door for being a boorish nuisance.

You fail to understand a great many things… education is only about “what professions require what” if that is what you wish to be educated for. Some people take the view that specialisation is for insects and in libertopia people will take courses that do not meet with your approval much as they do now.

Sorry Perry, it isn’t me. You’re a paranoid loon, mate. I recommend you use that advanced degree-honed brain of yours to check the IP addresses, but if you’re not up to that, you can see both myself and Will in this thread at the Libertarian Alliance blog.

I like the delusions of grandeur in the above quote as well, as young Peregrine divides the world into people like himself and, er, “insects”. If the blogging doesn’t work out, he can always get a job as a megalomaniac Bond villain, or something. I wonder if he passes the time in front of a mirror practicing phrases like, “I will crush you… like an egg!” and “They laughed at me the fools, but they won’t be laughing any more!!!111!111!”

So anyway, I’m just pointing that out here, because I can’t point it out there, because, as we are all constantly reminded, Perry owns it, property rights, etc etc.

Now, back to your normal diet of insightful libertarian commentary from the CCinZ team. Apologies for this interruption.

%d bloggers like this: