Counting Cats in Zanzibar Rotating Header Image


The Great Frack Off Bake Off F*ck Off

This made my day.

The local rag, the Blackpool Gazette, printed a story that was a little more modest although they did post the video shot at the time, perhaps to garner readers” sympathy for the celebrity environmental warriors eco-loon trespassers.

A-list celebrities Emma Thompson and her sister Sophie visited the proposed shale gas drill site off Preston New Road, Little Plumpton, to lend their support and bake a few cakes for the Lancashire Nannas campaign.

Lancashire Nannas?  There doesn’t seem to be many of those in the video (follow the above Gazette link).  Perhaps the Gazette meant ‘nanas as in right ‘nanas.

Emma, who has been a Greenpeace member since she was 16, said she was inspired by the fight put up by the Nannas and the other local campaign groups against the Government and industry which supports fracking.

Hollywood actors and actresses with carbon footprints the size of Texas absolutely never fail to pass up a celebrity whoredom opportunity virtue waving exercise anti cheap energy for people not half as well off as them protest.

Emma said: “The Lancashire Nannas and other groups have fought so bravely against big business. We wanted to come along and support them.

Wot, no patented quotes from Big Red Dictionary of Socialist Epithets?  Perhaps she forgot to bring her spectacles.  She missed out on “evil capitalists” “vile economic realists” Gaia rapers and planet killers.  Why does she think that supporting a bunch  of Luddite Shreddies knitters is the sensible thing to do?

I went ballistic when I found that David Cameron came back from the Paris global warming conference having agreed to cut carbon emissions and then right away okayed 200 new fracking licences. On the one hand, he was saying the world should cut fossil fuels, and on the other he was preparing to start a new fossil fuel industry. The Government has removed support for solar power and has virtually called a halt to onshore wind energy schemes, but is pushing this dirty fossil fuel industry.

So, Emma, how many of your countless trans-Atlantic flights were powered by windmills and solar panels rather than that filthy fossil fuel that gets you into such a tizzy?  Did you arrive by bicycle or a filthy fossil fuel guzzling car?  And how did you bake those cute little anti-fracking cupcakes?  Over a cow-shit fire pit?  There was certainly enough of it around once the farmer had finished spraying his own protest over his property and uninvited interlopers.  How about that much vaunted cake baking competition?  What filthy fossil fuel was used to bake those world changing comestibles you seem to think gives you a free pass to break the law?

It is disgusting, hypocritical and an example of how the Government is hand in glove with big corporations.

And you, Emma, are a disgusting and hypocritical example of how a stupid, anti-humanity celebrity bimbo works hand in glove with Big Green.  Do you possess even a nanogram of self awareness?

The danger is that all of the efforts of these magnificent Nannas and the residents to fight this industry may be ignored by national government. It is undemocratic, especially having been told by the Government and Greg Clark that decisions should be made on issues locally.

Undemocratic?  Because a small minority of dummy chucking, deluded anti-realists, some of whom seem to have been imported from other parts of the UK to make up the numbers, aren’t getting their way?   I’m a local and I haven’t been consulted (nor has anyone I know) so how the hell do you, Emma “I Love Greenpeace” Thompson, know whether or not the people of the Fylde want fracking or not?  No one that I know is against it.  Why is that?  Because we are sick to death of paying through the nose to heat our homes.  It’s not like we can hop on a plane and piss off to the Riviera to keep warm.

Lancashire Nanas campaigner Tina Rothery said: “It is wonderful to have ‘Nanna McPhee’ – Emma, and Nanna Sophie here with us today.

We’ve met Tina on this blog before.  If you are reading this, Tina, please explain to me why “Nanna McPhee”  (Who she?) is trespassing on private property in breach of a high court injunction?  Does her greenie credentials trump the law of the land?

However, the visit was condemned by pro-fracking group the North West Energy Task Force. Member Tony Raynor, from Lytham said: “I won’t be lectured by a London-based celebrity and multimillionaire, especially when lots of local jobs and much-needed investment in Lancashire are at stake.” And a farmer was also spotted spraying muck on the fields close to the bake off (Video courtesy of Andy Ball and Rock FM)

Typical Anti-fracking Gazette.  A few paltry lines at the end of the article for the pro-frackers and barely a mention of the farmer.  Especially when the Thompsons and their Greenpeace cheer leaders get this extra puff piece.  The mail wasn’t much better.

I used to know Tony Raynor because I worked for his Dad, a very astute businessman, many moons ago.  When I knew Tony he was a teenager trying to fill some big boots and making a muck of things.  He now runs a successful telecommunications company.  It’s nice to see the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree after all.

I’m left wondering why the cupcake clowns weren’t arrested for breaching a high court injunction.  Maybe the paltry fines, or rather lack of them, would fail to outweigh the cost of cleaning cow shit from police vehicles?

Oscar Wilde Syndrome.

I trained as a Lawyer and my advice to anyone who is thinking of suing any person or organisation for Libel, even if you have been libeled, but especially if you haven’t, is don’t. Take it on the chin, ignore it and move on with your life. Under British Law it is much to much of a gamble either way, as the outcome of this court case today shows.

I have no idea whether Mitchell called the PC a fuckin pleb or not, and could care less. It is not a criminal offence after all. By all accounts Mitchell is a nasty piece of work who is ideally suited to the job of Chief Whip where being a bully is an absolute plus. He was nicknamed “Thrasher” Mitchell when he was a Prefect at Rugby Public school (yes the same one as the fictional Flashman… you just can’t make it up can you?). But there are some very disquieting aspects to the whole “Plebgate” affair.

First; there is the fact that one Police Officer has been jailed for obstructing the course of justice (presumably the one who pretended to be a member of the public who was just passing by and was “shocked” by Mitchell’s language, and just happened to email the Cabinet office using almost word for word what PC Rowland says Mitchell ranted at him, when he wasn’t there at all). Second; that three other Protection Officers have been sacked. And third; that another five are on gardening leave and under investigation, yet the Honourable Justice Mittings finds that there is obviously no conspiracy against Mitchell. Oh fuckin really??

On the balance of probabilities (not beyond reasonable doubt) which is how this case was decided, the good Judge found that…

‘I am satisfied at least on the balance of probabilities that Mr Mitchell did speak the words alleged or something so close to them as to amount to the same including the politically toxic word pleb’.
And the Judge then goes on to virtually insult the PC again…

Pc Rowland was ‘not the sort of man who would have had the wit, imagination or inclination to invent on the spur of the moment an account of what a senior politician had said to him in temper’

So which do you prefer then PC Rowland, being called a fuckin Pleb, or thick and unimaginative by a High Court Judge?

And the High Court Judge in question, has a bit of form for being an anti establishment dripping wet Liberal.

Oscar Wilde was a bloody fool to sue for Libel, it destroyed him, and the same has happened to Andrew Mitchell. The court costs are going to be eye-watering. And all he had to say in the first place was… Yes I called him a fuckin Pleb, because he is a fuckin Pleb! What of it?

Foghorn Clegghorn

Nick Clegg’s kids supported Spain’s football team during the European Championships according to this article in the Failygraph. So what? They are half Spanish. They’d probably have cheered the English team on to a win too had the team not buggered up on penalties – again. But this isn’t what the story is about.

The former Conservative Party chairman, now Lord Tebbit, controversially suggested in 1990 that immigrants and their children could not show loyalty to Britain until they supported the England team at cricket.

Which was a daft thing to say. I find cricket (and practically every other kind of sport) to be an industrial grade soporific but that doesn’t make me less loyal and I was born a Brit. But that still isn’t what the jist of the story is about.

But in a newspaper interview yesterday the Deputy Prime Minister said that his three young sons Antonio, Alberto and Miguel had backed the country of their mother Miriam, whose team won the Euro 2012 football tournament on Sunday.

Bully for them. The kids probably got a huge rush out of seeing their team win. And this is being reported in the Failygraph why?

He said: “I’m not sure if my children who were wearing their Spanish football kit, given to them by Miriam, would have passed the Norman Tebbit cricket test.

Cleggy is using his kids to have a pop at a retired Tory chairman over something he said years ago? Shome mishtake shurley…

“They know every single detail about every Spanish player.”

We get it. Cleggy’s kids are footie fans. So are millions of other kids. So WTF has this got to do with Norman Tebbit? Apart from the fact that Tebbit probably doesn’t support the Spanish cricket team should they have one.

Mr Clegg took a further swipe at Right-wing Conservatives, pouring scorn on what he called the “shrivelled, cowering” world view of Eurosceptics.

Ah, now I get it. Cleggy is using his kids to promote Team Brussels EU. What sort of shrivelled, cowering Europhile caring father would do such a thing? Well him, obviously.

He lampooned them as “cowering behind the battlements saying, ‘Ooh, I don’t like what Johnny Foreigner might do to us’.”

Because twunts like Clegg would much rather lick EU Johnny Foreigner arse than give it a well deserved kick. Where does cowering behind one’s kids to try and score a political point rate in the scheme of things? Ten miles south of a worm’s navel in my opinion.

The Deputy Prime Minister told the London Evening Standard: “That’s one thing I have never understood about the so–called bulldog spirit of Euroscepticism.

Yeah, the fact that people vigorously object to being ruled by unelected, authoritarian tossers is so frigging hard to understand.

“I don’t think it’s a bulldog spirit at all. I think it’s a kind of slightly shrivelled, cowering view of the world.”

Is it me or does Clegg’s wibble come across as a classic case of psychological projection? Also “a kind of slightly shrivelled, cowering view of the world” sums up Limp Dim politics beautifully.

He said that he was an “old–fashioned Liberal” who believes “we are always best when we are open, when we are ambitious, when we are swashbuckling”.

The Limp Dims have a “best”? Who knew?

London, prepare to become the laughing stock of the Universe.

We knew it was going to be Naff didn’t we? From the very moment the London bid was successful, we here at CCIZ have been putting the boot into the Glorified School Sports Day that is the London Olympics. From the massive public money overspend, the fact that 90% of the sports wouldn’t exist without sponsorship and subsidy, because no-one would pay to see them without all this goddam fuss, to the Zil lanes, and the clusterfuck transport chaos, right down to the rocket batteries on the roofs of council flats.

But at least we thought we might get the opening ceremony right. After all we are good at Ceremony and Pageant  aren’t we? Irrespective of how many medals we win, we Brits can put on a Spectacular better than anyone else on Earth.

Remember the Beijing Olympics 4 years ago? Heh! we would piss all over that eh?

Nope. What we are getting is One Man and His Dog, The Archers on ice, a bucolic vision of our Green and Pleasant land that has either long past or never existed. And boy doesn’t it look like it will move well? Sheep shearing contest anyone, or something more arrestable?

There is going to be Glastonbury Tor down one end of the arena, minus the ruined by earthquake church on top, a worldwide icon that is easily recognised, so why has Danny Boyle substituted an Oak tree instead? Absolutely no idea except it may be a sop to our multi cultural society, Christians being in a distinct minority these days in the good  old UK. Don’t want to offend anyone (you know who) do we?

But you know what? I think this is not so much a vision of our Green and Pleasant Past , but a vision of our future, and fairly immediate future at that, when the lights go out in good old England. Danny is being cool and prescient here! This is supposed to be the LONDON Olympics, LONDON the most magnificent wonderful inventive and creative city on the face of the Earth. But maybe he thinks it’s going to have cows and sheep roaming it soon? Oxcarts instead of 4X4s, row me down the river instead of riding a silver bird into the stratosphere and foreign climes.

Well Broadsword to Danny Boyle… Broadsword to Danny Boyle… Stick this utter crap up your arse and give us back the Commission money!

Is this the worst thing on the Internet?

Shall we take a vote, or does it win by acclamation?

More Reasons to Shop Morrisey

I’d sooner French kiss a month dead whelk than buy a Smiths record.  Why?  Well, apart from the fact their music is pretentious, mind-numbing bollocks, I can’t stand their self-righteous, twat of frontman, Morrissey.  While Morrissey is several magnitudes shy of Bono’s brand of self-righteous twattery, he is making up ground fast.

Thus the old has-been Morrissey succeeds in grabbing the lurid publicity he craves and has the media abuzz with the outrage of it all.  Argentina has no valid  historical claim to the Falklands.  Is this backstabbing treachery posturing down to a misguided political conviction or a squalid PR stunt to promote Morrissey’s South American tour?  Maybe it’s both.

The singer Morrissey has continued to provoke in the Falklands row after his band played a concert in Argentina in T-shirts that shouted the words ‘WE HATE WILLIAM AND KATE’ around a wedding photo of the royal couple.

I can almost hear Morrissey pumping up his audience to a rousing crescendo of repetitive slogan chanting.  But William and Kate?  The couple are an odd choice of target because neither Willy nor Kate have any influence in the international ding-dong over ownership of the Falkland Islands.  That is until you remember that Willy is currently fulfilling a military training obligation in the Falklands.   It’s just as well it wasn’t Harry because that doesn’t rhyme too well with hate.  But then William doesn’t either.  Fortunately Willy is married to Kate which does rhyme.  Simples.  And, like programmed drones, did the audience lap up the humbug?  Kerrrr-ching.

The 52-year-old former Smiths frontman repeated earlier controversial remarks to Argentine fans that the Falkland Islands were theirs.

Bums on seats, dear.  Bums on seats.

We all know that the Malvinas [Falklands] are Argentina’s,’ he told the crowd of 15,000 in Buenos Aires on Sunday.

There are still a few tickets available for my next gig…

Morrissey pleaded with fans not to ‘blame’ the British people ‘because it is the government that decides’.

“Meanwhile feel free to demonise a serving British Officer and his wife because I am a populist, left-wing hatemonger on the make and a lazy rhymester to boot.  Hatey Katey T Shirts and other over-priced merchandise are on sale in the foyer.  Let your pesos do the talking.”

The [British] government, the governments, never listen to the people, to their pain,’ he said.

Naturally, the Argentinian government is a paragon of democratic virtue.  Especially if you have a sell-out (sic) tour to promote.

Morrissey’s five-strong band appeared alongside a flag of Argentina which took centre stage on their drum kit.

It’ll be interesting to see if he uses the same stage prop at his next British gig.  What are the odds that he will?  Zero to bugger all, I reckon.  That’s providing, of course, he can get a home gig after his flagrant anti-British rant.

Argentine fans praised the incendiary T-shirts in online forums.

For the same reasons that the 60′s counter-culture liked Che, and hammer and sickle T shirts.  Peer pressure, fashion and ignorance.

In recent weeks Union Jacks have been burnt outside the British Embassy in Buenos Aires.

Support the international (Hong Kong) flag makers trade. Today’s special offer – Union Jack BOGOF.  Burn one, get one free.

Tensions have rocketed in Argentina since Prince William was posted to the Falklands for a six-week RAF flight training operation last month.

A British officer being posted to British base.  How provocative!  The bloody nerve!  Fortunately for Morrissey this presents a good business opportunity.  Never let a good rocketing tensions situation go to waste.  Making money out of a Marxist cause celebre by fomenting aggression against one’s own country is where it’s at.

The 30th anniversary of the start of the Falklands War, which claimed the lives of 649 Argentine and 255 British servicemen, is on April 2.

Let’s see you put that on a T shirt, Morrissey.

Morrissey, currently on tour in South America, is the latest in a line of celebrities to back Argentina’s claim to the Falklands.

On Thursday he told concertgoers in Cordoba, Argentina, that the Falklands ‘belong to Argentina’.

The lucrative concert receipts from spouting anti-Falklands sentiment is purely coincidental.

Pink Floyd’s Roger Waters told Chilean channel TVN last week that he thought the Falklands ‘should be Argentine’.

The bass player has since moved to quell anger over his remarks by insisting in a Facebook post that he never said the disputed islands should definitely belong to Argentina.

I don’t think semantics is going to to save Morrissey’s arse from an angry public backlash.

American actor Sean Penn caused outrage when he made similar comments in Buenos Aires.

Penn’s opinion is blinkered ignorance driven by left-wing bias and bullshit.  Outrage is when you incite Falklands mania to fill  seats in a stadium.  Not even Penn stooped that low.

Morrissey has had a long career of causing controversy. His 1988 debut solo album featured the track Margaret On The Guillotine, about the execution of Baroness Thatcher.

Because kicking the Argies up their Junta thirty years ago was nothing short of a war crime.  How dare Maggie successfully face up to an aggressor who had invaded our sovereign territory and killed British servicemen and merchant sailors.  She should have stroked Galtieri’s member instead of sinking enemy warships.  She should have capitulated immediately and handed over territory Argentina had little or no historical claim to.  Instead she did her job and defended our sovereign territory.  Morrissey, like every other conviction leftist, seems to have a problem with Thatcher.  Too bad.

The singer told a Colombian radio station last week that he was ignored by the British media because of his song material and bragged that he had never been offered a Brit award.

Morrissey never received recognition for his dreary, wrist-slitting output.  Aw, diddums.  He was so thrilled by the perceived snub he incited hatred against his country.

‘This proves that I am important,’ he said.

No, it proves you are just another fucking narcissistic piece of excrement with delusions of grandeur.

Diplomatic Impugnity

According to the Daily Telegraph, Madonna’s ex squeeze Sean Penn, has been boxing in matters well above his intellectual microbe-weight.  When I say well above I’m not talking stratospheric, I’m talking  lunar orbit.  Hollywoodland has rich deposits of stupid which are exploited on a daily basis and exported to the world’s political stages and media by the megaton.  Lucky Penn has discovered a seam of pure moronite and is currently fracking for all he’s worth. The dense mineral is extremely toxic which might explain why he is totally nucking and  completely futz:

Sean Penn has accused Britain of colonialism and urged the government to open negotiations with Argentina over the Falkland Islands.

Penn is Tinsel Town’s self appointed ambassador to Argentina.  Ah, bless.  And he’s discovered a big word too: colonialism.  Gosh.  And now he’s stamping his feet in anger and pointing his self-important and pig ignorant world renowned US diplomat digit of dumb doom at li’l old Britain.  Oh, my.

At a meeting with Argentine president Cristina Kirchner, the Left-wing Hollywood actor referred to the islands “the Malvinas Islands of Argentina” and said Britain should entered into a UN-sponsored dialogue over their sovereignty.

No, we shouldn’t.  The UN supported Britain following the Argentinian aggression thirty years ago.  As did NATO and the Commonwealth,  Even the Organisation of American States refused to come out in favour of Argentina.

“The world today is not going to tolerate any ludicrous and archaic commitment to colonialist ideology,” he said during the meeting in Buenos Aires.

I’m so glad to hear that.  I mean, no tolerant nation would consider launching a ludicrous, pre-emptive strike against a foreign state in order to consolidate an archaic commitment to colonialist ideology would they.  Oh, wait…

“I know I came in a very sensitive moment in terms of diplomacy between Argentina and the UK over the Malvinas islands.

That explains the dignified, statesmanlike air wanking at the beginning of the DT video.  No getting off to Page Three or Playmate of the Month for Mr. Penn.  I guess that Cristina must be a real hottie, eh?

“And I hope that diplomats can establish true dialogue in order to solve the conflict as the world today cannot tolerate ridiculous demonstrations of colonialism.

Here’s some dialogue for you, Mr. Penn.  Sod off and mind your own bleeding business and pass the message along to Hillary Rodham Clinton and that muppet you call a President while you’re at it.  I’m sorry I can’t be more diplomatic but you see I find it hard to tolerate being lectured to by a mental pygmy ridiculous demonstrations of hand-wringing, no-nowt, lefty bollocks.

“The way of dialogue is the only way to achieve a better solution for both nations,” he said, according to the Buenos Aires Herald.

We’ve already tried that.  It didn’t work.  It was Kirchner herself who told Gordon Brown back in 2009 that there would be no further dialogue regarding the sovereignty of the Falklands because, as far as she was concerned, the mineral deposits islands were the property of Argentina, so there. The 1995 agreement between the UK and Argentina regarding joint oil exploration was ripped up by Argentina’s then president, Kirchner’s husband, almost five years ago.  It was undiluted hubris; an infantile dummy throwing exercise.  The only acceptable solution, according to Kirchner, is the complete surrender of UK sovereignty over the Falklands, or else.  Oh, and to stop exploiting the mineral wealth that belongs to Argentina forthwith.  I guess Penn was too busy rewriting history stretching the boundaries of improbable and clichéd scenarios to breaking point starring in movies to notice.  We should be grateful that Mr. Penn has taken time out of his busy schedule to act on his lady friend’s behalf.

The Oscar-nominated Penn has long been a friend of South American nationalism, visiting both Venezuela’s Hugo Chávez and Cuba’s [Fidel Castro]

And with the addition of Cristina Mr. Penn is well on the way to collecting a comprehensive set of Latin American Loonies.   Will a feature film be far behind?

The [British] government has consistently refused to take part in any negotiations over the status of the islands, saying that they will remain a British territory as long a majority of the 3,000 islanders wish them to.

That’s because Argentina isn’t interested in negotiating, Kirchner herself having made that perfectly clear in 2009, so what’s the point in opening a unilateral negotiation?

Last week, Argentina submitted a formal complaint to the UN, accusing Britain of “militarising” the South Atlantic by sending HMS Dauntless, the Royal Navy’s most advanced ship, to the region.

Yeah, it’s one thing for Argentinian ships to stop and search merchant vessels heading for the Falklands.  Having the cojones to stop and search HMS Dauntless is something else.  Let’s not mention Argentina’s sabre rattling which has a history of turning into pre-emptive armed conflict. Let’s also not mention its own “militarising” of the South Atlantic, policing and delaying merchant vessels carrying vital supplies of fresh fruit and vegetables to the Falklands.  Many captains, frustrated by the delays, turn back, their cargoes undelivered.   Falkland islanders are being deprived of vital nutrition.  What’s the UN going to do about that?

Tensions between the two nations are running high as the 30th anniversary of the Falklands War approaches.

And if the Argies decide to kick off a second time we’ll be waiting for them.

It’s interesting that Penn has taken a stand against colonialism.  When  you look at Argentina’s ethnicity it is (quoting Wiki): 86.4% European (mostly Spanish and Italian), 8.5% Mestizo (mixed native and European), 3.3% Arab, 1.6% Amerindian and 0.4% Asian and others.  Indigenous people make up less than 2% of the population thanks to mass European colonialism?  Shome mishtake, shurely?

Argentina declared Independence from Spain in 1816 and claims it “inherited” the Falklands from Spain at this time.  That’s right, the same Spain responsible for colonising South America and subjugating the indigenous peoples.  Perhaps Mr Penn should insist that Cristina hand back the land stolen from the original inhabitants in order to make amends?  No?  I mean. this anti-colonialism works both ways, yes?  And while he’s at it he can make an appointment with Hillary and demand that the US is returned to its original owners.  And that includes Tinsel Town.

Folie à douche

The Grauniad’s Wintour and Watt blog reports that:

Former PM believes he could still be in No 10 if new allegations relating to Andy Coulson had emerged before the election

The blog post headlines with:

Gordon Brown: I’d still be PM if hacking claims had been aired earlier

That’s right.  The former Prime Mentalist believes that he lost the election because details of Coulson’s alleged phone hacking were suppressed and not because he was a totally useless twat who wrecked the economy and sold us down the festering  EUSSR creek we hated his incompetent and worthless fucking guts.  So let’s see what the Grauniad blog warriors have to say.

Gordon Brown has been experiencing mixed emotions this week.

Translation:  Brown’s been chucking around iPads, iPods, laptops and tablets as well as Nokias.  Maybe his new dummy as well.

One side of him has felt what can best be described as a sense of Schadenfreude as he watches the pressure pile up on Rebekah Brooks and James Murdoch.

It doesn’t even begin to match the sense of revulsion I experienced as I witnessed the damage this pin-headed, shit-for-brains freak inflicted on the UK.

Brown has never, and will never, forgive the pair for the brutal manner in which they withdrew the Sun’s support for Labour before the last general election. The former prime minister always knew he would struggle to retain the red top’s support. But pulling the plug on Labour in the autumn of 2009 on the evening of his last speech to the Labour conference before the general election was seen as a deeply hostile act.

So it isn’t about Coulson and the phone hacking then.  It’s about petty revenge.  Labour was perfectly happy to hitch its dilapidated wagon to the Murdoch ox despite the hacking scandal.  It wasn’t until Murdoch’s change of editorial policy that Brown began stamping his feet and scweaming and scweaming until we were all sick.

But Brown is not enjoying any sweet taste of victory because his over-riding emotion is one of regret. He believes that had the latest set of allegations been aired 18 months ago he might well still be prime minister.

That’s because, to borrow a very appropriate phrase, he’s nucking futz.

It might seem slightly far-fetched to believe that alleged law breaking at Britain’s largest Sunday tabloid newspaper, even if it supports the Tories, could have changed the result of the election. But here is his logic.

Only slightly far-fetched?  In the same way that the Pope is only slightly catholic perhaps?  Your stupidity bias is showing, boys.

Had two of this week’s key developments become public at the turn of 2009/10 then the electorate’s doubts about David Cameron might have hardened into outright rejection. Brown believes those doubts explain the Tories’ failure to secure an overall majority.

That load of retarded bollocks is so hairy you could make a sporran out of it.  Cameron failed to achieve an overall majority because he was perceived to renege on his ironically called “cast iron” promise regarding a Lisbon Treaty (EU) referendum.  And even had the scandal broke early all Cameron had to do was sack Coulson and do what any slimy politician worth his salt would do, distance himself from the issue at the speed of light.  The country was so fucking sick of low-Brownism they would have voted for a lump of dog shit.  Which is more or less what happened.

The two disclosures – the hacking of Milly Dowler’s phone and News International’s admission that payments were made to police – raise questions for Andy Coulson, Cameron’s communications chief from 2007 to January this year. Coulson was NOW’s deputy editor at the time that Milly Dowler’s phone was hacked and News International let it be known this week that it had passed emails to the police suggesting he was aware of the police payments.

All of which happened under Labour’s watch while they were cosying up with News International and stroking Murdoch’s wrinkley member.

Brown believes the appearance of these allegations 18 months ago would have led to Coulson’s immediate resignation. That would have led to questions about Cameron’s judgment in hiring Coulson. These questions are being asked now. But Brown believes that Cameron would have faced far more pressure in the immediate period before a general election. Voters, who were unsure about the Tories, would have turned away from Cameron, according to the Brown thinking.

Personally I’m more interested in Labour’s equally questionable love affair with the Murdoch press before Rupe kicked them in the balls.  Brown should be down on his knees thanking God for the Wapping bastard’s infidelity. But then, Brown’s not the one who broke it off, is he…

The former prime minister developed a close interest in the phone hacking scandal after the Guardian disclosed in July 2009 that News International had paid more than £1m to settle cases that threatened to reveal widespread phone hacking. Patrick Wintour and I recently reported that a few months later, after the News of the Worldand the Sun abandoned their support for Labour, Brown sought to hold a judicial inquiry into the allegations. This was blocked by Sir Gus O’Donnell, the cabinet secretary, on the grounds that it would be too sensitive before the election.

A close interest, eh?  I’ll just bet he did.  And Sir Gus pulled the plug.  Possibly because hypocritical Brown only called for a judicial enquiry after being dumped so conspicuously by Murdoch.  Before that, while they all were defecating in the same pot, he’d kept judiciously schtum.  Throwing his dummy out of the pram with such bitter public resentment would have raised too many eyebrows and too many questions about Brown’s, and therefore Labour’s, pisspoor judgement and (non existant) veracity.

And who was the decisive voice in persuading Cameron that at least one of the inquiries must be led by a judge? That would be Nick Clegg who of course was the man directly responsible for Brown’s resignation. During the coalition negotiations Clegg held open the possibility of a coalition with Labour but only if Brown announced that he would step aside.

Something for which Clegg should be thanked even if he is an insanely leftist cunt with the principles of a shithouse rat and for whom hardly anyone voted.

Nobel Prize for Taking the Piss.

Satoshi Kanazawa is an evolutionary bullshitter psychologist out on the make to make a name for himself.  That he is employed by the London School of Economics, that paragon of impartiality and academic excellence, does not escape me. The Daily Fail article on Kanazawa’s newly published book of pseudo-intellectual cockwaffle contains so many awesome turd polishing moments I simply had to share. For some reason Niall Firth fails to actually name this intellectual dog’s pizzle of a book. Probably because like me, he was laughing too much.

Let’s see some highlights on what Mr. Kanazawa has to say on the human condition.

Liberals are more intelligent than conservatives.

Yes, that’s what he said. Those very same leftards who destroyed or terminally damaged functioning economies the world over are smarter than Stephen Hawking’s science teacher. This means that the likes of Bottler Brown, Phony Blair, the Cleggerons, the U-buggering-N, Obummer and any unelected EU shitbag you can name, are so smart they fucked us up for the next ten generations because that was the intelligent thing to do. Doesn’t that warm the cockles of your heart?

Women are becoming more beautiful as they have more daughters.

No, Mr K. It’s plastic surgery that does that. Usually women who aren’t anorexic supermodels, stick insect ‘slebs or the idle rich just learn to live with the saggy bellies, saggy boobs, stretch marks and stress incontinence usually associated with serial childbirth.

Men who cheat are stupid because humans are naturally polygamous

Men who cheat on their wives or girlfriends are stupid for doing what you claim comes naturally? Maybe so but not half as stupid as you are Mr. K. Above average intellect has nothing to do with any kind of serial bonking denial. Being a world class genius never held Einstein back from bedding any available piece of pulchritude who caught his eye. And I don’t suppose he had any difficulty finding new tail when he fancied it. You see male smarts are a big turn on for women as any good psychologist would know. But you are not a good psychologist are you Mr. K. You are just a phycho-babbulous publicity whore creating controversy to pull in huge wads of the folding stuff. Oh BTW, I don’t fit into your naturally polygamous model and neither does my above average IQ other half if he knows what’s good for him…

Why some people spend every Saturday night alone

Yes I’m sure there are people who spend every single Saturday night in alone but it’s not because they feel sexually and physically inadequate and are totally losers at the mating game. You might be shocked to learn that a lot of couples are Saturday night dodgers too. I know because I tend to avoid going out on Saturday nights like the plague as do many others of my acquaintance. And why is that Mr K? It’s because I couldn’t give a flying fornication about meeting the rich and the beautiful because they tend to be arrogant, narcisistic shits who are so full of themselves the crap dribbles out of their ears. It’s because most sensible members of the human race aren’t the shallow, perfection worshipping morons you think successful people ought to be. It’s because they’d rather not be surrounded by Saturday night pissheads behaving like the whole total arseholes thing is going out of fashion and are trying to get in as much loud-mouthed, fist flailing, face glassing arseholery as they can before they pass out in a pool of their own puke on some piss soaked pavement. Only losers do that. And as a matter of fact I met my husband during a brilliantly sunny weekday when I nicked him for speeding on his motorbike. How does that fit into your seeking potential mates model you ridiculous cock wart?

Why men like blonde bombshells

For the same reasons they like brunette bombshells and flame haired bombshells. It isn’t fucking rocket science, is it. You say that blonde hair displays less grey but that blonde hair also darkens over time which means it will show up grey hair, you idiot!

Why most suicide bombers are Muslim

It isn’t down to lack of sex. They are more than capable of grooming underage, kuffar females for their carnal pleasure.  I know because we keep having to lock the scumbags up to protect our kids. Many suicide bombers are actually married with kids. You see, it isn’t chronic blue ball syndrome that sends them round the bend.  They commit mass murder because they are evil cunts on a mission to spread their retarded shitstain interpretation of a religion and put the fear of Allah up the filthy kuffar. This, incidentally, is the same kuffar who stuck two fingers up at Hitler. You remember Hitler don’t you? He was the fascist fuck who tried to blanket bomb our cities into submission for six years and failed to subdue us. Utterly.

Having sons reduces the likelihood of divorce

That didn’t work too well for Di and Jug-ears did it.

Men sexually harass women because they are not sexist

Oh do fuck off why don’t you…

Bill Maher on America

Dear God Almighty, these people really do despise the American people. He seriously believes that only he and his mates are capable of rational thought.

At least Michael Moore tries to defend his fellow citizens, a little.

Jaded Munchkins

When I add blogroll links I always do ‘em in threes. Always.

It’s a sort of OCD. It’s my only sort. If you saw my office or kitchen you would appreciate that OCD is not something I’m too into.

I was perusing The Whited Sepulchre (another of my policies is to not imbed links to sites on the blogroll unless it’s a specific post – this policy is due to laziness) and at random I clicked on “Munchkin Wrangler” cos I thought it sounded amusing. It was a chance encounter and one that impressed me greatly. I mentally flagged him for inclusion (when I had another two, naturally).

Then flicking through our own stats I noted incoming from “Jaded Haven”. I thought, “That’s new!” and clicked over. I was blown away. Jaded had picked-up on one of Cats’ posts and described us as writing like, “Brilliant Demons”. Cool! I was flattered. Then I read some of her stuff. It was very high praise indeed. Jaded is one hell of a writer.

So that’s two down and one to go…

But what the heck. They’re both already up and I am breaking my rule of threes just this once and bear in mind this is a biggy for me because both Munchkin and Jaded are US bloggers I was on the look out for a third US Blogger so I could title this post, “American Trilogy”. I think I’d best stop around now before I get any more pathetic sounding. Instead I’ll just call it… Hmm… “Jaded Munchkins”? Yeah, “Jaded Munchkins” it is then! I shudder to think what manner of traffic that will attract…

I look forward to finding out.

Anyhoo. Just check ‘em out! They’re both ace:

Munchkin Wrangler

Jaded Haven

hip hip – Hooray

Well ladies and gentlemen, and all those of indeterminate or unspecified gender who get all upset and throw a paddy when the realities of the world are pointed out to them -

I really do hope that tomorrow you have a

Happy hopey changey day.

I shall be down the beach, organic non carbonated low alcohol champagne style beverage in hand, standing at the tide line and watching the seas recede.

So How’s it going?

One of the great pleasures of blogging is the stats. I have peered into the abyss that is Stat Counter and in suitably Nietzschen  fashion it peered into me. OK, most of of our visitors pitch-up for mine and the Kitty Kounter’s profound but fractured take on politics, science and society (or fit birds in the Israeli Army). This is true and this is good. But we have some right royal nonesuchs visiting. We have recently been hit by a Google search for “Lt Uhuru Panties” and also (most perplexingly) by “right starchy foods to eat to achieve a pear shaped figure”. This is odd because I suspect Lt. Uhuru’s panties (must have been a thong for that dress) and eating to gain weight have never been our stock in trade. Me and the feline enumerator are essentially anti-Islamist, anti-Green, pro-capitalist libertarians*. I care nothing about Lt. Uhuru’s panties (though I am of a generation that wouldn’t mind an hour on the holo-deck with Seven of Nine and Deanna Troi and Tasha Yar** but we’d best leave the details iof that debauch for another post).

Now, I drive myself mad hunting down the the “how” of the bizarre visitors (never get “intelligent discussion by Anglo-Australians on politics, science, technology and stuff (including fit birds who wield M-16s in the defence of Israel***”). I nailed “Christina Amphlett nude pictures” but I gave up after that. She fronted The DiVinyls and sang the definitive song about female masturbation, I Touch Myself. As a DiVinyls fan I clocked that this referred to my post on the “fittest birds in Sci-Fi” because Chrissy and the lads second best known song was called “Science Fiction”.

I’m currently (obviously, what else?) listening to Blondie. I first saw Blondie in 2002 at the Manchester Apollo. They were absolutely brilliant and even though Debbie is the same age as my Mum, I would in a New York second (and my wife would want to join in). I was in the mosh-pit three metres from her divine pins whilst she belted out “Atomic”. Best. Birthday. Present. Ever.

Debbie at her air-raid siren best:

Yeah, before you start I know that’s Debbie and not Blondie but who cares? She’s still head to toe lickable.

*Sorry, Cats, to be speaking for you but I’m fairly sure that’s pretty accurate.
**Make it so!
***I once met a real example in Cambridge. She was an IDF machine-gun instructor and doing a PhD in Philosophy. I got nowhere but then I can’t field strip an M-60 now can I? Or discuss Kant’s categorical imperative.

Site Policy

I spent the last ten minutes labouring mightily and bought forth this mouse. If you object, tough. Although all criticism will be gratefully received and used to fertilise the roses.

If anyone recognises anything of their own here, again, tough.


Site Policy

  • It should not be assumed that any poster on this site agrees with, or endorses, anything other posters or commenters may say.
  • We will endeavour to avoid anything which is illegal, libellous, racist, anti-Semitic or grammatically offensive, but all else may be fair game.
  • We will endeavour to be polite to those who are polite to us, but we otherwise make no guarantees.
  • Religious beliefs are not racial characteristics and will not be treated as such.
  • Those who propose conspiracy theories will be deemed idiots. The presence of a (Jew, Mason, Bilderberger or Illuminatus) on a management committee will not be taken as a priori evidence that the organisation in question is run by the (Jews, Masons, Bilderbergers or Illuminati). The exception is – we are prepared to acknowledge that the B’nai B’rith is run by and on behalf of Jews, the Freemasonry Societies are run by and on behalf of Masons, the Bilderberg Conference is attended by people invited to attend the Bilderberg Conference, and the Illuminati look after the lightbulbs.
  • This policy is subject to modification, without notice, as circumstances or mood dictates.


Just had the ravening ego fed by a very pleasant and complimentary site review and introduction by The Whited Sepulchre. And* importantly, he added us as to his blogroll, listing us amongst luminaries such as Samizdata, Devils Kitchen and Cafe Hayek.

Links. Need links. Must have links.

The ravening ego must be fed.

* Yes, I know, never start a sentence with ‘and’.

Sod that. And split all the infinitives you like.

%d bloggers like this: