Some lion, somewhere, that I had never previously heard of, nor had any reason to have heard of, isn’t dead? Really? And this is NEWS?
Get a grip people.
"It is not worth the while to go round the world to count the cats in Zanzibar" – Henry David Thoreau
When did people start wishing Happy Easter?
True, there is the joy at Christ Risen, but the crucifixion is hardly something to inspire happiness.
I remember in the early ’80′s a TV ad exhorting “Give a Kodak camera this Easter”. Happily that sentiment never caught on, but “Happy Easter” is another innovation which seems greatly at odds with the holiday.
It’s real you know. The damned animals are faking everything.
Move over, you got competition.
It isn’t how well the bear dances, it’s that he dances at all.
That is quite a rabbit.
Now there is a point to this other than a piccie of a truly enormous bunny. He’s still growing by the way.
TV medium Derek Acorah, star of Most Haunted, has even had a meeting with Ralph after believing the reason he had grown so big was because he was possessed.
“We are pretty sure our house is haunted by something or other, so Ralph went up to London with friends of ours to meet Derek Acorah,” said Mrs Grant.
“They said it was pretty spooky and he had a good old chat with Ralph about the spirits in our house. He seemed to think Ralph was channelling the spirit of a ghoul.
“It sounds like a load of old nonsense but Ralph isn’t your average rabbit.”
Now there are crooks, liars, fraudsters and charlatans out there by the truckload but nobody comes close to the utterly talentless shyster Acorah.
There is of course another explanation for Ralph’s size. It’s an outlandish one so I expect you not to believe it but I’ll give it my best. Ralph is a Continental Giant by breed. His mother Amy weighed three stone and his dad was a previous holder of the world’s largest rabbit so it just might be genetics.
Or Ralph could indeed be possessed by the spirit of a ghoul. Derek, it’s not that I wish to piss on your combustion here (though I do) but for fuck’s sake man that’s low even by your own abysmal standards. If Acorah really believes that he is so totally unhinged he ought to be locked-up. If he’s just making it-up then he is a fraudulent medium and that is specifically against the law so he ought to be locked-up.
Though perhaps I’m being too tough on Acorah. I mean making that shit up and presenting it with a straight face – “Madam, your giant rabbit is possessed by a ghoul” – is a talent of sorts. I couldn’t do it.
Having said all of that having the world’s largest rabbit and the world’s most blatent liar makes me proud to be British. The Royal Navy no longer rules the seas and the sun has set on the Empire but when it comes to bullshitters and bunnies we’re still king of the hill!
H/T Pavlov’s Cat (who I assume is a normal sized feline)
… Till her
Daddy the judge takes her T-Bird away.
Florida Highway Patrol troopers say a two-vehicle crash Tuesday at Mile Marker 21 on Cudjoe Key was caused by a 37-year-old woman driver who was shaving her bikini area while her ex-husband took the wheel from the passenger seat.
“She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit,” Trooper Gary Dunick said. “If I wasn’t there, I wouldn’t have believed it. About 10 years ago I stopped a guy in the exact same spot … who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, ‘Nothing will ever beat this.’ Well, this takes it.”
If that weren’t enough, Megan Mariah Barnes was not supposed to be driving and her 1995 Ford Thunderbird was not supposed to be on the road.
Well, to be fair to Ms Barnes, in a very real sense she wasn’t actually driving.
I shall pass over the fact that her ex was “driving” her to see her new beau from the passenger seat whilst she shaved her pubic hair. Except to shout, Jerry!, Jerry!, Jerry! because it gets better…
The day before the wreck, Barnes was convicted in an Upper Keys court of DUI with a prior and driving with a suspended license, said Monroe County Assistant State Attorney Colleen Dunne. Barnes was ordered to impound her car, and her driver’s license was revoked for five years, after which time she must have a Breathalyzer ignition interlock device on any vehicle she drives, Dunne said. Barnes also was sentenced to nine months’ probation.
But the heck with the law (or any form of common sense)! She had her date and her ex was prepared to steer whilst she intimately groomed in the driver’s seat (huh?). The question that really springs to mind is how she could control the pedals whilst trimming? She wasn’t using cruise control or something? Bloody Hell!
Barnes and Charles Judy were southbound in her Thunderbird at 11 a.m. when they slammed into the back of a 2006 Chevrolet pickup driven by David Schoff of Palm Bay. His passengers were a man and two women; the latter were treated for minor injuries at Lower Keys Medical Center, FHP spokesman Alex Annunziato said.
Schoff had slowed to about 5 mph to make a turn when the Thunderbird hit him, traveling about 45 mph, which was within the speed limit, Dunick said.
Barnes allegedly drove another half-mile, then switched seats with Judy, who allegedly claimed to be driving, Annunziato said.
“She jumps in the back seat and he moves over,” Dunick said. “It was like the old comedy bit, ‘Who’s on first?’ ”
Burns on Judy’s chest from the passenger-side airbag deploying belied their story, Dunick said. The airbag in the steering wheel did not deploy, he said.
Troopers charged Barnes with driving with a revoked license, reckless driving, leaving the scene of a wreck with injuries and driving with no insurance. Judy was not charged.
Barnes faces a maximum of a year in jail if found guilty of violating her probation due to the wreck, Dunne said.
“My phone has been ringing off the hook all day, and I know there’s a funny side to this, but it’s also deadly serious. This is a scary road and a lot of bad wrecks are caused by dumb stuff like this,” Dunick said. “It is unbelievable. I’m really starting to believe this stuff only happens in the Keys.”
I don’t think I can comment further except to say the Keys are a bit mental (generally in a cool way). Let’s have a musical interlude whilst you digest the full screaming idiocy of what must rank as about the most insanely bizarre RTA I have ever heard of.
Debbie Harry was born in Florida BTW.
I would bugger Jessica Rabbit –
doggy style so I could reach around for her swinging orbs of glory…
…but I’d still be thinking of 69-ing Cheetara at the time.
Oh, those claws!
If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this post please contact the Counting Cats comment box. Seriously. Go on. Get your filthiest confessions off your chest. I want to know. Basically anything short of bringing Harriet Harman to a screaming orgasm (can you imagine what Cheetara sounds like at climax – I can -like a Siegfreid and Roy show gone horribly wrong) with the aid of galoshes and a Leatherman multi-tool is OK.