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Jumped the Shark

Bacon Panties

Just read the whole thing. It is beyond parody. I don’t eat pork products since finding -out pigs are so smart and my wife is vegan so… Not on my Crimble list. It does though demonstrate a level of decadence beyond belief.

This Charming Man…

‘Well hopefully it doesn’t get any worse than this, because my stomach just couldn’t take it…’ and their fiendishly loving wrestle began once again, rolling across the floor as hot-tempered enthusiasts of lustful joy as both adorers’ bodies did their sexual staccato heaving and barging into place, nothing forbidden, heartbeats uneven, the mind as naked as the body, weakened by exertion, only to shockingly lock with a halt at the astride legs of Sammy, young brother to Ezra, as he quietly stood with satisfied slyness watching the debauched display of sensuous pleasure at the sweetness of living seized by the initiative.’


‘At this, Eliza and Ezra rolled together into the one giggling snowball of full-figured copulation, screaming and shouting as they playfully bit and puled at each other in a dangerous and clamorous rollercoaster coil of sexually violent rotation with Eliza’s breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra’s howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it whacked and smacked its way into every muscle of Eliza’s body except for the otherwise central zone.’

Excerpts from “List of the Lost” by Morrissey. It is up for an award – The Literary Review’s Bad Sex Award. And if Morrissey can’t win with that then there is no hope for the English language.

Truly Mozzer is an ornament to the nation – one you got from your granny and keep in the attic. I have no words but, dear reader, I offer you my bulbous salutations!

Vive La France!

That is Plácido Domingo, the great Mexican tenor. I was going to put up the Edith Piaf version but today we are all French or we are barbarians. I am with Ayn Rand on this. I have been to Paris and civilization beats the Hell out of what passes for it in the alleged cradle of it. I shed tears over the Paris attacks but not entirely of grief – rage figured in a leading role. This is not a “fixer-upper”. This is not a job for Jimmy Carter. This is a job for General Patton or Lt Ellen Ripley.

I’d been to a Christmas party last night (I know a bit odd) but we have to co-ordinate a complicated family structure so this is “First Christmas”. I returned home in a jovial mood and turn the TV on to see a Meccatomb let loose in the capital of a close sister nation by about the most repulsive bunch of cunts that ever cursed this goodly Earth. I am piggy-rotten sick of this shit. Europe is my playground. It is mine. It is my continent and the sword of Roland must be retrieved because I can’t take this anymore. I was born in 1973 and in all my 42 years this has been on replay on the jukebox of hate*. I have seen the “wings” of the Polish cavalry (my sister-in-law’s partner is Polish and I spent last night with him at the party – one of the reasons for the odd timing). The wings used at the relief of the siege of Vienna in 1683 are in Krakow. This goes back further than me. This is Lepanto redux. Fuck me! This is the Battle of Tours and we need a Charles Martel.

I wish I didn’t live in such interesting times but I do. We always do.

But Vive La France!

And this is an act of war.

*Is it worth noting that on that last dreadful night France and Germany played football? You can bury the hatchet with rational actors but Islamists aren’t. Is that worth noting?

Hit the Mohorovičić discontinuity…

… and keep on digging.

Well you do if you are the Daily Fail. This is a screen cap from their frontpage. You might find the juxtaposition of stories interesting…


Now the Mail has a bit of history on this. The “Femail” sidebar is almost entirely about female ‘slebs and who is looking fat or not looking fat, who has a great physique and who doesn’t yet much of the editorial on the left is tirades about all of this sort of thing causing eating disorders and rapes and all manner of horrors.

The Mail’s editorial team either has a sense of irony beyond me or is totally deranged. Possibly both.

Anyway I hope Rihanna paid 5p for her placky-bags. You know to keep George Monbiot happy and Mail readers masturbating enough to generate some form of renewable energy. Or something. God knows! I don’t.

Baroness “Irritable” Jowell.

It would appear Dame Tessa is going to get a cat-skin windcheater.

Apparently this is courtesy of Ed Millipede. But not just him. Alan Johnson who I vaguely figured as being on the vaguely saner side of Labour (Jezza has raised the bar somewhat) said this of Baroness Jowell (possibly soon to be the mayor of London she is to be made a peer of the realm for services to… er… Apparently the 2012 Olympics),

Now don’t get me wrong here but… Yes, she did deliver the Olympics (sort of) but they made an utter hash of the legacy including not having the faintest idea what the fuck to do with the stadium despite a number of London football clubs wanting to buy it but this was verboten for reasons undisclosed. I am right here? I’m fairly sure West Ham and Spurs were interested at least.

Anyway Johnson, having a moment felt the need to email this to his literal handful of fans…

“Tessa is a star. She is Labour’s Kylie – everyone loves her and she only needs a first name. She has a remarkable way with people that generates real affection…”

This is Tessa Jowell…

Due to her new enobling (she is already a dame) she is campaigning for the Mayorship under the tag, “A Lady for London”. I apologize to anyone who has now puked on their laptop. She insists you don’t have to call her Baroness Jowell, “Tessa” will do. How gracious of her!

This is Kylie Minogue…

I think someone should have gone to Specsavers. I mean one is the globe’s sweetheart (and the Madonna you don’t wanna kick) and the other is Tessa Jowell.

I am not condoning anyone kicking Madonna. Just that you do think of it don’t ya? And in a back alley, after dark with nobody else around… Well anything could happen. Those cobbles can be slippy.


World’s first race transplant

Rachel Dolezal before and after her race change

A prominent civil rights activist in the United States is facing investigation after her parents accused her of falsely passing herself off as black.

Rachel Dolezal, 37, has been the head of the local branch of the National Association for the Advancement of Coloured People, or NAACP, in Spokane, Washington, since January.

But her parents have now told US media that Ms Dolezal is in fact white – and has spent several years deliberately misleading the public and her colleagues about her race.

“She’s our birth daughter and we’re both of European descent,” her father, Larry Dolezal, told Buzzfeed. “We’re puzzled and it’s very sad.”

“Rachel has wanted to be somebody she’s not. She’s chosen not to just be herself but to represent herself as an African American woman or a biracial person. And that’s simply not true,” her mother, Ruthanne Dolezal, told KREM news, a television network.

White woman ‘posed as black civil right leader’ in years-long deception

Colour me somewhat unsurprised really, given the nature of positive discrimination in the United States. Economics 101 says “incentives matter”. She was unlikely to get this cushy role with a black advocacy group given her WASP background so, bit of frizzy hairstyle and a darker shade of fake tan and voila! an instant ethnic – the worlds first race transplant.

I suppose it shows the progress of the civil rights movement, less than a century ago “race deception” was all the other way and solely to avoid discrimination.

The question then becomes whether she will resign or be fired? and if so on what grounds? I say this because it sounds like she would have a decent claim for dismissal on the basis of racial discrimination. :-)

Who said the Americans didn’t do irony?

I get a better class of spam these days

Bloody Hell! that is from 215+VAT per person. I must have joined the plutocrats without knowing. You get parking but somehow the idea of depositing a 51 plate Vauxhall Corsa is…

An ex of mine was a cox for the University team. She managed to sink a 20,000 quid boat and that was in ’94. She had forgotten her specs and the Nottingham University boat she was coxing plowed through the Nottingham Trent University boat utterly wrecking it. The two colls have a boat race. E was not miss popularity after that. Nobody was hurt seriously but she quit the coxing by mutual consent very shortly after.


A couple of weeks ago I bought a lighter in the Co-op. You’d think nothing of this as did I until I was asked by the shop assistant, “What colour?”. Err… I said, it doesn’t matter and asked why are you asking? I got a reply that he’d been threatened by a geezer who he’d given a red lighter to. This guy objected most strongly because he was a Manchester City fan and their colour is blue. Their arch-rivals, Manchester United, play in red.

That is tribalism. I got thinking about this when I saw something about the election and some bloke who’s great grandpappy had known Keir Hardy and was of a “Labour Family” and was now writhing in coils over “defecting” (his term) to SNP.

The World is mad.

Chuckles – the gift that keeps on taking…

So, Prince Charles has been to Washington DC (as have I) but whilst I flew steerage in an American Airlines A330 (and had to change at Philly – the most confusing airport this side of Mars) he went in style. He went on a chartered A320 configured as a private jet that costs GBP250,000 a hop. Or approx. 800 times what I paid (hard to say exactly – there were several hops on that hoilday which included Key West). Well, I guess it evens out because he got to meet Obama and I trogged the Smithsonians until my feet hurt – badly. He got a gong for his tireless crusades (or whatever) on the environment. He almost certainly clocked more CO2 than I can manage in a fecking lifetime. And then he delivers a lecture on the environment… Because the A320 normally carries just over about 160 passengers and not just a dickhead and his moll.

But that’s OK because it is only the little people who deserve to be taxed out of the air and not the nobs and he is a nob in every sense.

Moscow on the Orinoco

Venezuela Oil Takeover

As countries around the world have demonstrated, those with little in terms of mineral resources, like postwar Japan until the stagnation, can operate vibrant economies, but equally, those with significant mineral resources can be destroyed by bad economic policies. This seems to be the fate of most of South America except Chile and to a lesser extent Brazil.

The government of Venezuela may be blaming “The American capitalists and their Saudi running dogs” for the fall in the oil price, but even at the peak of the oil price they were spending the economic bounty of their oil as if there was no tomorrow – well, it looks like tomorrow has arrived.

Now the average Venezuelan can’t even afford to screw in safety, regardless of the thoughts of Pope Francis on the matter.

In Venezuela, a 36-pack of Trojan condoms now costs $755 at the official exchange rate. That’s the price being asked on the MercadoLibre website, where Venezuelans go to buy goods in short supply.

A 36-pack of condoms in Venezuela now costs $755 at official rates


It ain’t just Islam…

This is arguably one of the more bizarre stories I have read. Ever.

A small Jewish ultra-Orthodox newspaper in Israel has found itself in the spotlight after digitally removing Germany’s Chancellor Angela Merkel from a photo of this week’s Paris march.

World leaders had linked arms to march in Paris against terrorism after Islamic extremists killed 17 people. At the march, Merkel stood in the front row between the French president, François Hollande, and Palestinian president, Mahmoud Abbas.

But readers of the Hamevaser newspaper’s Monday edition didn’t know, as she had been digitally removed, leaving Abbas standing next to Hollande. Israeli media joked it was meant to bring Abbas closer to Israeli premier Binyamin Netanyahu, who was standing nearby.

And why? Why? because of XX-phobia. Seriously. They also took-out the EU foreign affairs supremo and the Mayor of Paris.

Within the insular ultra-Orthodox community, pictures of women are rarely shown, due to modesty concerns. In Jerusalem, ultra-Orthodox vandals frequently deface buses and billboards with advertising deemed to be immodest.

Now if Chancellor Merkel had been strutting her stuff in a sling-shot bikini and heels and nowt else then OK but this is the original photo…

Now I’m no fashionista but that is a modestly dressed woman. And she is also the German Chancellor so she ought to be there. God knows what Abbas was doing there but France and Germany are best buddies these days (thanks for small mercis – I mean we don’t want to go through all of that yet again).

Binyamin Lipkin, editor of Hamevaser, said the newspaper is a family publication that must be suitable for all audiences, including young children.

“The eight-year-old can’t see what I don’t want him to see,” he told Israel’s Channel 10 television station. “True, a picture of Angela Merkel should not ruin the child, but if I draw a line, I have to put it there from the bottom all the way to the top.”

He also said he did not want to tarnish the memories of the people killed in the attacks.

“Including a picture of a woman into something so sacred, as far as we are concerned, it can desecrate the memory of the martyrs and not the other way around,” he said.

I am lost. There is no way anyone could take that image as sexually provocative (I assume that was this loon’s point). I mean it ain’t Miley Cyrus. And in terms of the “family paper” schtick don’t families tend to have female members? Call me old-fashioned but I female relatives. I don’t think that unusual. And what the flying hellskis is the desecration stuff about? These people weren’t martyrs. They were just unlucky by and large. Could have been me, could have been you. This site has republished the Motoons of Doom. And in what way Chancellor Merkel takes away from the loss is beyond me. Also one of the dead was a female French cop. If anyone was a martyr she was dying in the line and all.

But this is only sort of about sexism. I mean it is but there is more. The massacre was about freedom of the press and an Israeli paper chooses to Photoshop inconvenient truths like the sex of the German Chancellor out. OK, fine print what you want but don’t doctor photos and then go on about martyrs for press freedom.

Or is it just plain sexism and they object to a female heading a major nation? Is it that simple? Get over it. We did with Maggie when I was a little kid.

What century are these folk in? I mean really? Moshe Dayan fought for this?

PS. And as someone from a culturally Christian background the idea that an image of a woman is a desecration is just weird.

I have seen the queer folk…

Yeah I have. A few days ago I saw “The Battle of the Five Armies” in 3D IMAX. It is the end of journey for me. The end of a journey of over 30 years. The thing is I saw Galadriel (kicking ass) several stories high and in 3D but I know Galadriel is a character portrayed by an Australian woman called Cate Blanchett.

But I am not entirely unique in my scepticism. Despite our “Age of Austerity” we do this…

If like me you get all your news from the Cornish Guardian, you may have spotted an article announcing that the Fairy Investigation Society is conducting a survey. They’re seeking information from anyone who has seen any pixies, elves or sprites — all on a strictly anonymous basis. I rang the man behind the research and he told me that in just three months, he’s had over 400 replies. An example: ‘I was walking down a field in Scotland when I noticed a winged being leaning up against the side of a sycamore tree. He was as tall as the trunk, maybe 15 feet.’

From The Spectator. H/T Infidel753 (he’s on the sidebar). Read the whole nonsense. It is champagne bollocks. We actually, in my country, in the C21st have a “Fairy Investigation Society”. I am not making this up. MSG to the fairy-hunters. Your quarry doesn’t exist.

Either these people are bombed out of their boxes (and I want what they are on), raving mad or taking the urine. One of ‘em suggested that slug pellets are an effective form of mythological pest control. Another reported seeing gnomes in small racing cars.

Yes, they are doing a “Fairy Census” in Cornwall. Jesus wept.

An ‘unnecessary simpleton’

That apparently was what the KGB thought of dear, departed, and overly lamented Wedgie Benn.

Oleg Gordievsky, who was tasked with spying for the KGB while posted in London as a resident designate in the 1980s, warned his colleagues that if elected deputy-leader of the Labour party, Benn would ruin the Cold War political balance.

Wedgie Benn was apparently too leftie for the Kremlin. The mind boggles.

Oleg Gordievsky was of course one of our greatest asset in the Cold War. Of course one of the commentators on the Dear Old Daily Fail gets grumpy about Russian spies working for MI6. You what! Mr Gordievsky was a big catch for SIS – he was a British spy technically working for the KGB. I mean you want a top operative in the KGB and not a street sweeper – although you never know what they might catch a lug-full of whilst sweeping the leaves. Especially because nobody notices such folk. Think of the postie in the G K Chesterton story, “The Invisible Man”.

Now, I found out a cute fact about Wedgie from the Mail. Guess what? Just across the road from where I spent my first year at Nottingham University in Lenton & Wortley Hall of Residence was Cripps Hall of Residence. This was named after Sir Stafford Cripps who was richer than a coat of creosote. So he generously endowed Cripp’s Hall of the newly founded University of Nottingham. It was endowed under two conditions. The first was that it was to remain in perpetuity all male and was to remain majority Public School – which it remained until the mid-90s! How very socialist of him. Wedgie Benn replaced Sir Stafford in Bristol SE.

It was unsurprisingly a hot-bed of sodomy. Notorious indeed for it.

Turn Left…

That is a Dr Who ref, not a political one…

The KKK (you know those fun-lovers) have decided to embrace diversity…

The Ku Klux Klan opens its door to Jews, homosexuals and black people in bizarre recruitment drive
White supremacist group Ku Klux Klan is re-branding as ‘the new Klan’
Founder wants Jews, black people, gays and those of Hispanic origin to join
Rebranded ‘Rocky Mountain Knights’ claim to stand for ‘a strong America’
New recruits will have to wear the white robes, masks and conical hats

From the Mail.

I think this is either real or I am going mental.

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