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August, 2008:

Turn Left

Why did I wake up next to EKS this morning?

I could have turned right. My previous relationships might have worked out. Anything could have happened.

This is what did happen.

I hooked up with a lad from Milan to look for a house in Leeds. He was doing a PhD in memory metals with respect to knitting machines. We didn’t find anywhere and he went elsewhere and I got a gaff with Rory Aitkens (recently on the BBC’s Watchdog for both pure and applied cuntery).

Anyhoo. I’d just been dumped and I was sitting on the fridge and this short brunette walks in. Actually, I let her in – she’d lost her key. She’d just been to the LGB event and was vaguely wasted. I made her a cup of tea and re-perched on the fridge and I thought, “Oh yeah!”. That is exactly how I met my wife. Then one night we got a little drunk and kissed and I thought it as good as I expected (I was on the rebound, recall, I wasn’t expecting much). So we did it again. And again and nine years later we’re still at it.

But that’s not what really happened. This is how it happened. My wife has naturally blonde hair. We all make mistakes. Hers was to decide to try and look like Louise Brooks. Her Brunette bob was not enough to satisfy this desire so she dyed it black. And then it re-grew. A faux-blonde with dark roots can look tacky but a a real blonde with a black-job looks like she’s having chemotherapy. Drastic measures were needed and we were talking Sinead O’Connor here.

So I let her in again when she returned after Crimble and I have to say the new ‘do was a bit of a stunner but I remembered a conversation with my school-pal Scott ten years before. He said, “The true test of whether someone is attractive is if they’d still be attractive without hair” and dear reader I fell in love at the very moment I opened the door to the now streamlined EKS and took her to bed and what happened next is none of your business especially because it was bloody brilliant. And it was brilliant.

The most important decision of my entire life is possibly entirely predicated upon a (at the time) pointless chat with a school chum and a 21 year old woman titting-up her coiffure. Upon such things does the World turn.

There are other ways of looking at it but that’s certainly one way of seeing it.

Another way of looking at it is that we had Ben E King’s “Stand By Me” played at the wedding.

Right now EKS has long blonde hair half-way down her back. She ain’t making the dye-job mistake again. Look where it might lead… She might marry an astrophysicist and God knows what the result might be.

Time for some Impallin’

John McCain has done the smartest thing he has ever done since his Skyhawk went tits-up over Hanoi and he pulled eject. Barack Obama is now toast. They were even cooing over Mrs Palin on the BBC this morning.

John McCain might be an old git but Barack Obarmy chose another old git in Joe Biden (who on this side of the pond is best known for ripping off a Neil Kinnock speech – Fucking Hell! If you’re gonna steal at least steal from a winner).

Now whadda I think about Sarah Palin? Brass tacks time. 1. I could imagine having sex with her and that’s a frankly new phenomenon for a presumptive veep (though I did hold a candle for Walter Mondale). Does that matter? I think it does to the electorate. For every women who falls for Obama’s geeky charms (seen the ears on him?) two fellas will fall for Palin. 2. This means a Republican win which is not ideal but not the total fucking disaster that an Obamestration would be. 3. The biggest weakness McCain has is his age and that’s canceled. 4. The second biggest weakness McCain has is that he’s seen as too socially liberal. Palin isn’t. She is dramatically anti-abortion for example. For the Republicans to have a youngish woman making that case takes the wind out of Obama’s sails to a staggering degree.

Enough numbers already! I disagree with Palin on abortion but a great many US voters don’t and quite frankly it’s all pissing into Joe Biden’s tent which is good. But that’s only one issue. Palin wants to drill for oil in Alaska which is good. Palin doesn’t believe in AGW which is good. Palin is quite possibly the presumptive Republican candidate for 2012 and that is good. The extent to which the Dems have claimed to be the party of the “minorities” and the marginalised deserves a righteous kicking and Mrs Palin is the woman to do it (you recall women are a “minority”?). The Dems have spent over a year wittering on about how cool they were to have a barack fella* and a “woman”** in the race and quite frankly (to quote my Aussie Great Aunt) everyone has got “piggy-rotten sick of it”. Sarah Palin is the real deal though. And why am I not surprised? Can we please drop the idea that the left is kinder to birds and nig nogs? Can we please just drop that? That General Powell*** has at least a touch of the tar-brush and who followed him as Sec-State? And don’t even get me started on Maggie Thatcher.

I’d best wrap-up because this is degenerating into a rant. The short version is that the GOP has pulled the rug (who the fuck is Joe Biden anyway?) from under the Obamanon. John McCain will be three billion and one in 2012 but Sarah Palin will be 48 and God alone knows what placental anti-ageing compounds the Wicked Witch of the East will have to be using by then.

Oh hell! I’m supporting an old git and an anti-abortion creationist. I don’t even get a vote for fuck’s sake. But I hope they win because Biden is (frankly) a cunt of the first water and fucking fuck knows what Obama is. If the GOP don’t beat those pair of prize twats into the deck with a rusty Sear’s wrench then I’m moving to Amsterdam and calling myself “Jan”.

If you are wondering (as am I) about the title of this post then you ought to visit JibJab more often.

*Not a black fella. Obama stands for everyone who embraces hope and indeed change. I actually believe (shit that sounds like an Obamanism) there is some truth in the “Uncle Tom” taunts from such deranged bastards as Jesse Jackson. I mean Obama isn’t either black or white or indeed anything. He is a cypher. What he’s a cypher for is something I don’t want to find out. What the fuck was he doing putting his kids on the stage at the DNC? WTF was that about?
**Mrs Palin is clearly a woman. You look at her and think, “that’s a woman”. You imagine she’s got like tits and everything. That isn’t meant in a sexual way. I don’t fancy Mrs Palin. My point is that I could imagine fancying her. By saying she looks “like a woman” I’m saying she looks human. It’s a short version of saying she looks like a member of my species which is something that cannot be said for Ed Balls for example. Now look at Hillary Clinton in comparison and try not to think, “That’s Joe Stalin in a trouser-suit”.
*** Sorry for the appalling racist term that follows. I use it because I am fucked off with lefties claiming the likes of Colin Powell got where they did as the token nigger. No he didn’t. The US Army doesn’t appoint **** Generals on PC whims. The moment they do we is screwed.

Extreme Porn Revisited

From The Register:

Back to Ben Westwood. He has put together a book titled Fuck Fashion. He believes that this is going to fall foul of the oncoming law on extreme porn – and he is livid. Of Jack Straw and “Wacky” Jacqui Smith, he adds: “They are trying to dismantle our basic human rights. We cannot just sit here and take this. We cannot just lie back and watch this ludicrous Act slip in the back door.”

Via the back door eh? They don’t like it up ‘em! Ben Westwood is a fashion designer whose mother you have probably heard of. Basically the law on extreme and violent pornography bans an awful lot of porn and erotica. Essentially, unless it’s Harriet Harman reclining on a bed of rose-petals and showing pink (sorry) it’s illegal. Or Hazel Blears being winsome in a see-through nightie (really sorry) you’re going to jail. Anything which is deemed “pornographic” and includes “extreme” (they don’t define – they are looking for a test case) or (violent – ditto) imagery will be illegal. So porn is OK but violent or extreme porn isn’t. Except there isn’t a proper definition. Rape “fantasy stuff” will definitely be deep-sixed even if everyone involved knew it was a fantasy and the john buying it knew as well. Knowing it’s made-up is no excuse because truth and fantasy are now conjoined twins.

It’s like the kiddie porn stuff. It’s now illegal to simulate kiddie porn whether through Photoshop, CGI or sticking photocopied images together. There is a case against kiddie porn and a strong one. The real thing involves the actual abuse of children. The simulated form involves the abuse of Adobe Software. They are going to do the same thing with adult porn and the fact that from cameraman (frequently it’s women these days – so go fuck yourself Clare Short because no one else will) to fluffer they are all going to jail despite the fact that as consenting adults they had an amicable cup of tea together after the shoot.

Back to the porn. There is a website you know which is organising a protest about this. I feel very strongly about this. I don’t feel strongly about it because I care about piccies of women in the nip though I do (they’re not gonna be banned anyway). I feel strongly because this is a de facto ban on all BDSM imagery (and much else). It is a de facto criminalization of about 10% of the adult population of the UK (those into BDSM). And we’re not talking drug-dealers or kiddie-fiddlers or anything like that here. We are talking about putting consenting adults on the Sex Offenders Register (aka destroying their lives forever).

That’s bad right? Hell, yes it is! But it isn’t that bad. It isn’t like they said, “You say another word contra-Islam and you’re in fucking Strangeways* me old china.” Except it is. They are coming for pornographers first. You don’t care because you probably think that it’s obscene and nasty. We stand and we defend this trench because yours is next mate.

Anyway, it would appear Dita Von Teese is defending this one and I’m first in the line behind her, taking her [censored].

I want my barbaric yawp to sound to Alderley Edge. These cunts have taken our money. They have told us what healthcare to get, they have told my vegetarian wife (at her own expense) to eat her greens, they have taken over education and now they’re telling us what we can and can’t get turned on by? Possibly because a YouGov survey showed the majority of adult males were put on the slack by an image of Jacqui Smith doing a Marilyn (I am really sorry).

They correlate pornography with sexual violence. I correlate their attitude to it with the fact they’re an unspeakably ugly bunch of fuckers. And they are. Ever wanked yourself to sleep over a picture of Hazel Blears? I think not. If you have please report to the extermination camp because frankly it will be a mercy for all concerned.

And Nick is on the fucking warpath over it.

H/T Rob Fisher.

*You have to see it. Those Victorians knew how to make a jail look scary as hell.

George W Bush is a Moron

There was a thread on Samizdata yesterday about George W Bush’s intellectual credentials. I didn’t comment. I didn’t want to get into a pointless slagging match with Billy Beck on the relative merits of various early supersonic fighters (I’d rather take him on in Strike Fighters – of the “When the skirts got shorter and the missiles go deadlier” – epic tag-line). What would my steed be? Possibly a Super Sabre* (I prefer revolver cannon to Gatlings) or maybe, and this will surprise you, a Phantom – just for the epic power of a brace of J-79s behind you – hell, this is war not fucking ballet). The lack of a proper cannon on the F-4 would count against it but it’s all compromise innit? And with power like that you can hold a turn-fight all the way to the deck and back-up (when you cane ‘em). It’s all about energy and handling. Billy would whip me though. I haven’t been in a virtual cockpit for over a year.

Anyway, I did have a point here. Yes, I did! The “Bush is thick” meme drives me up the wall. He’s no rocket scientist (I’m an astrophysicist so I can tell) but he’s no dimwit. Guess who his educational achievement strongly corresponds with. Just guess.

It’s Saint Albert of Gore. They went to very similar universities and got very similar grades. Oh, yes they did. One is a privileged scion of a Washington insider family who got a vanity degree and the other is President. The extent to which the leftist establishment have dissembled the truth is stunning. I don’t like Bush. I think his “Compassionate Conservatism” (the fourth way?) is a disaster because not even a Democrat should run-up a deficit like that. But Bush isn’t thick and the crude leftist propaganda to that effect merely shows what a morally bankrupt bunch of tossers they are. Bush is moderately smart and very wrong. That the left cannot take him on on those terms says more to me about them than it does about Bush. That they regard everyone they disagree with as being de-facto stoopid says a lot. It is typical of a political culture in terminal decline (intellectually they’re in decline, electorally they’re not – go figure) that it’s only weapon is to call it’s opposition “thick”. That this has become a truism is truly disturbing. There is a corollary you know. So how smart is Barack Obama? What the fucking fuck is a “community organizer” anyway?

Oh, I’ve had enough…

One last question though. America, you have a choice (we can forget Bob Barr) between a former community organizer and a former A-4 SkyHawk Pilot. So who do you want holding the football when some ‘stan needs a righteous nuking? Less histrionically which of the two would you rather be stuck in a lift with? A genial elderly chap with tales of transonic adventures or a “community organizer”? But he’s black you know? Stone the fucking crows because so is my cat and he’d give a better State of the Union address than Barack Hussein Obama.

*We once lived in an age where they called things “Super Sabre”. I didn’t and they didn’t even put fins on cars in my day. Bugger. What happened to the future? It bought a Toyota fucking Prius that’s what it did. “Where’s my jet-pack” is the question. That and why is a Vauxhall Corsa parked outside my gaff and not a supersonic VSTOL strike-fighter? Why you cunts? Why? We ought to be living like the Jetsons and not like the Simpsons. Just down the road from where I grew-up is the house of George Stephenson. My local boozer was his local boozer and well, come on people! Come on! Alpha Centauri or bust! And fuck the lesser-spotted tit-mouse because it never gave me a lift in the rain.

You would as well, yes you would…

Dita Von Teese has a new lingerie range out from September 23rd…


Gentlemen, I think we all know where our Crimble shopping money is going this year…


Barack “Change” Obama is planning on winding up the DNC by making a speech on a set which will be an elaborate columned stage resembling a miniature Greek temple.

Somehow it reminds me of this…

Hope or Change or Whatever…


- via LGF & The Political Inquirer

Quick, hide your knickers under the bed!

It turns out in the UK the council can spy on who you’re (assumed) to be having sex with.

To those of you lucky enough to not be au fait with UK local government the Council Tax is a levy that our locally elected parasites piss up the wall and use to empty your bins – sometimes. When we lived in Manchester the council saw fit to (partially) fund “Islam Expo – a Call to Humanity” but couldn’t be arsed to take my bust fridge away (I torched the fucker in the end – filled it with scrunched-up junk mail and dead aerosols and it went-up like Hiroshima). To return the courtesy I couldn’t be arsed to tell them my girlfriend had moved in with me. This ensured the 25% single-occupier discount on the Council Tax remained.

Rotherham, Greater Manchester:

A surveillance dossier used by the Labour-run Rotherham council shows permission has been given to inspectors to use “drive-past surveillance”, sweeping round and round the block for a glimpse of lovers staying overnight.

Thurrock, Essex:

Claimants of a 25% discount for single people in Thurrock, Essex, have to sign a form authorising “the council or its agents to make inquiries to corroborate this claim” and “inspect the property”.

Socially inadequate? Tired of inflating your “girlfriend”? Into stalking? refused credit on “used” Japanese school-girls panties on the internet? Join the Council and rootle through people’s dirty washing and sniff their panties and get paid for it!

Jeebus Hornblower fucking Crimbletide on turbojet-powered moped who the bastarding-hell do they think they are? The fucking KGB? I am waiting for someone to give one of these preverts a righteous hoiking up the bracket (and elsewise).

But wait…

It gets worse

Councillor Tim Young said: ‘We are entitled to take photographs of people who have committed an offence – we have checked and it is all above the law’.
Earlier today it emerged that security guards and town hall workers were being armed with sweeping police-style powers.
For a few hundred pounds, state and private sector employees can receive Home Office accreditation.
This allows them to hand out fines for a raft of offences, from dropping litter to riding a bike on the pavement.
They can also stop cars to check their tax discs, seize alcohol from underage drinkers and demand people’s names and addresses.

[Emphasis mine]

…And thus it starts. Not with the big-stuff but the little. Years ago the British adult comic Viz had a strip called The Bottom Inspectors – a collection of uniformed quasi-fascists who kicked people’s door down in the middle of the night to check if they’d wiped properly. They were often thought to represent the SS or the Stasi. They were actually based upon the ticket inspectors on the Tyneside Metro. Well that’s what Chris Donald, co-founder of Viz, said anyway.

I’m beyond wanting the bastards out of office. I want to get positively Wallachian on their asses.

H/T Obnoxio the Clown and the newsagent (I only went in for a Coke).

Full Circle

Flying near the ground, the Americans found the German light flak as accurate as ever, and they suffered heavy losses from enemy ground gunners. On one occasion a Mustang pilot rescued his squadron commander, Major McKennon, when he was hit by flak while strafing Prenzlau airfield, near Berlin. McKennon baled out some six miles from the airfield, and his wingman, Lieutenant George Green, watched the Mustang explode in a field near his leader’s parachute. Circling lower for a better look, Green decided there was a sporting chance of getting down safely and picking up his CO. Then he saw several soldiers running towards McKennon, so calling on the other Mustangs to strafe, he put his undercarriage and flaps down and landed in the meadow. Green stood on the wing, threw off his parachute and watched McKennon run towards him. There was no argument over who should fly the aeroplane, for the squadron commander was over six feet tall. He heaved himself into the cockpit, and the smaller Green struggled onto his lap to handle the controls. There was only a take-off run of some three hundred yards, instead of the usual eight hundred yards, and there was a copse at the edge of the field, but somehow they staggered into the air, and two and a half hours later Green called the control tower at Debden:
“Clear the runway.”
“Is this an emergency?” asked the controller.
“I guess so.” Replied Green. “We’ve got two pilots in this ship.”

That’s from Full Circle: The Story of Air Fighting by Johnnie Johnson. I bought a second-hand 1968 copy for a quid at the rather good Empire Books in Manchester a few years back and it is one of the finest quids I have ever spent. It’s a wonderful book full of Boy’s Own heroism and cold analysis of the evolution of aerial tactics in equal measure. It has both because Air Vice Marshall Johnson, Allied Ace of Aces in World War II, knew both in equal measure.

They don’t make ‘em like Johnson, McKennon or Green anymore.

Or do they?

Politically Correct Multiculturalism

Victor Davis Hanson on the dishonesty and hypocrisy which is fundamental to the multicultural argument.

Seriously, would you stand on a street corner in Riyadh and start declaiming that God is dead?

via The London Fog

Words of the Prophet

Translation of Sahih BukhariVolume 5, Book 58, Number 188:

Narrated ‘Amr bin Maimun:

During the pre-Islamic period of ignorance I saw a she-monkey surrounded by a number of monkeys. They were all stoning it, because it had committed illegal sexual intercourse. I too, stoned it along with them.

Instant hate crime

Damn, I guess it had to come, after all, computers can be used to automate ANYTHING.

And here it is – if you are Canadian use your computer to generate your very own hate crime. You too, for only the minimum effort, can get the Canadian Human Rights Commission after you, and in defiance of the traditional legal right to be free of double jeopardy, any number of Provincial HRCs as well.

Here it is, just feed in the details, and instant hate crime. All you have to do is get one of Canadas premier hate police to notice you, and then you too can have all your traditional rights and freedoms abolished in the name of some intolerant determination to enforce a spurious tolerance.

Act to have your freedom to peacefully express yourself stripped away right now.

via Blazing Cats Fur


Just happened to see this on the net, 9 little known facts about Ezra Levant -

And just to remind you, here is Ezra, in full flow, confronting the bovine Shirleen McGovern. Look at her, bored, laid back, and uninterested. At this point, she just knows this is all a waste of time and a pointless use of breath. If the past was any guide, Ezra was just a dead man walking, conviction was inevitable. Thankfully, in this case, the past was no guide.


IanB, graphic novelist, gay hobbit porn aficionado and general wit about town, is making his mark.

A comment he once made on Samizdata , to wit -

Imagine telling somebody twenty years ago that by 2007, it would be illegal to smoke in a pub or bus shelter or your own vehicle or that there would be £80 fines for dropping cigarette butts, or that the words “tequila slammer” would be illegal or the government would mandate what angle a drinker’s head in an advertisement may be tipped at, or that it would be illegal to criticise religions or homosexuality, or rewire your own house, or that having sex after a few drinks would be classed as rape or that the State would be confiscating children for being overweight. Imagine telling them the government would be contemplating ration cards for fuel and even foods, that every citizen would be required to carry an ID card filled with private information which could be withdrawn at the state’s whim. They’d have thought you a paranoid loon.

has recently started appearing around the net – not least on John Jay Rays (he of the ten thousand blogs) site – Dissecting Leftism. The latest occurrence is on the blog of the mighty Tim Blair.

Damn, the best we have ever had is a mention in Tim’s  comments. Here are we, struggling for recognition, and Ian just strolls into the big time without even trying.

Of course, that Ian is right goes without saying.

Addendum:     I had forgotten how good were the comments in that thread. Read just how insane the UK has become.


Ya follow all that? The Higgs Boson is the theorized to be the thing behind gravity. Dark matter is currently a complete bloody mystery but the entire fate of the Universe hinges upon it.

If I was a gambling man then I reckon they’ll nab the Higgs boson. CERN have quite a track record at this sort of thing. They discovered the W and Z bosons confirming the Salam/Weinburg electroweak unification and also the top quark. As to dark matter? God knows! I suspect it doesn’t exist and something vastly more interesting is going on. My real hope for the LHC is that they provide evidence for Garrett Lisi’s E8 theory and we can dump the extra dimensions of superstring theory. Lisi’s theory is exceptionally simple compare to String Theory. It is potentially accessible to a bright final year undergrad in math or physics. Well, I guess strings are too but they are not at all easy to work with. Perhaps E8 is too beautiful to be true as Kaluza-Klein was but we live in hope.

And anyway, the LHC is magnificent. The US could have had an even bigger one (oh, er missus!) but the Superconducting Super Collider was cancelled by Congress after $2bn had been spent digging tunnels for it in Ellis County, TX. Which is just bloody typical. Congress probably spend more than that on expense account lunches in a year. The Atlas detector at the LHC alone is the size of a cathedral. The kinetic energy of the proton/anti-proton streams is epic (14TeV) or enough to power a Nimitz-class carrier at a stately 8 knots. It is ready and scheduled to go live on the 21st of October. They are currently cooling it to just above absolute zero* because the superconducting magnets need that and also I’m sure the reduction in Brownian motion helps with beam focussing.

Oh and just google the rate LHC will generate data. It’s fucking awesome. It’s so much that CERN have re-jigged the internet to distribute it. ‘net 2 is fast enough to send a Blu-Ray movie from Britain to Japan in 2 seconds. Sometimes, just sometimes, we are magnificent. Bring on the Space Elevator.

*Actually you probably all have in your homes something that operates at a negative Kelvin temperature. Guess what? You probably have several of them actually. There is a reasonable chance you might have one in your car too. Or wear one to the gym or out jogging.

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