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Real Football

Whilst Septic Bladder of FIFA was holding hands with a vicious tyrant real football happened in Augsburg.

Alas FIFA (who else?) have claimed copyright over most of the Youtubes of this but the BBC has it online here. Now that is a hell of a goal by any definition. Note the way White turns to celebrate just after she’s struck it. She knows the Japanese keeper hasn’t a chance.

Compare also that whilst Step Ladder flew to see another despot on his private jet and that last year the overpaid (and in the case of Wayne Rooney) over-pied “stars” of the England men’s team got humiliated in South Africa (after a lacklustre campaign the Germans delivered a 4-1 coup-de-grace) this…

To avoid a repeat of the troubles across the Atlantic when the Women’s United Soccer Association – the first fully professional women’s league – folded, the eight clubs in WSL can pay no more than four players wages of £20,000 a year.

That means the top eight women’s clubs in England are wage-capped to twenty-grand a year and only for their very top players. A top Barclays Premiership player is looking at (in wages alone – there are also sponsorship deals*, book deals** and all sorts of other income streams) a minuscule quantity. Assume all eight WSL clubs pay top whack a year to all they can. That is for 32 players making £ 640,000 per anum between all of them. Not long since Wayne Rooney pissed and moaned to get £250,000 a week (allegedlyy ManCity were offeringg £288,000 a week. And he looks like Shrek without the charm. And just by the by here. When he demanded that from Manchester United I felt deeply sorry for Alex Ferguson who had covered Rooney’s many forays into Homo habilis territory*** and now had to deal with a surreal pay-demand from the obstreperous wretch. Ferguson, who is paid nothing like as much but is the real reason for the success of Manchester United was visibly upset.

So the England Women’s Team are into the quarter finals with France after monstering Japan 2-0. I don’t know if the BBC will broadcast it or I’ll have to watch online but from what I saw of the performance against the much fancied Japanese

* You’d think on that money they’d be able to buy their own boots…
** Apparently an Alan Shearer “auto”biography contained the line, “I saw we were twelve points clear in the league so I decided to celebrate by going out and creosoting the fence”. Shearer retired a few years back and is currently available for terminally dull after-dinner speaking.
*** Anyone who decries Darwin’s “The Descent of Man” ought to be presented before Wayne Rooney’s compound in Chester Zoo where he will fling his own faeces at you. Unless you’re female and over 65 and and then arguable much worse. You think this is me having a go at the underclass? No. Rooney looks like a pie-monster. He was sweating like a Bangkok lady-boy rapist in the last World Cup. You know, for roughly 500 times median salary you expect a little more.


  1. Roue le Jour says:

    sweating like a Bangkok lady-boy rapist

    Just so we’re clear, is that a lady-boy who is a rapist, or a rapist of lady-boys?

    Completely O/T, well, it’s women’s sports anyway, I was watching Japanese girl tag wrestling this afternoon. Does that get out to civilisation?

    “Why is a girl dressed as Xena: Warrior Princess pretending to bash the crap out of a girl dressed as Sailor Moon?”
    “Quiet please darling, I’m trying to watch TV.”

    Japs, eh?

  2. Simon Williams says:

    I always remember Alan Shearer being described as “talking like a Geordie Speak-Your-Weight machine”. Handy with his feet, but a total charisma vacuum.

  3. Kevin B says:

    Simon. so that explains why he got a job on Match of the day.

    (Why is it that the beeb employ such useless presenters and then stick with them through thick and thin. Yes Lineker, I’m looking at you. And then there was the other bloke who did Motd 2, as well as loads of other stuff. When I heard they’d finally got rid of the prat I cheered. Only to find that bloody ITV had poached him for the two or three matches they broadcast each year. And the beeb’s new presenter was at least as much of a prat as wossname.

    All right, I know it’s our money they’re wasting but you’d think they’d have some sense of professional pride.)

  4. Simon Williams says:

    Kevin, you aren’t thinking of Adrian “lugubrious is my middle name” Chiles, are you? Now driving thousands of viewers away from ITV Daybreak. Must confess, I don’t watch MOTD much, probably cos of Alan “professional Captain Scarlet lookalike” Hansen, who for some reason really irritates me.

  5. Kevin B says:

    Yeah, that’s the fellow. The nice chap who grassed up a guest on his show for saying something unPC in the green room.

    And I can’t think why that nice, half drunk, jock ex-scouser who drones on and on about ‘laughable defending’ would irritate you in the slightest.

  6. NickM says:

    It is rarely laughable. Alan Hansen wouldn’t say that when he could call it woeful. I also seem to recall him being fond of “school boy errors”.

  7. Kevin B says:

    He’s fond of schoolboy what ! Oh… Errors… Right. Er…

    But I did go to Specsavers.

  8. NickM says:

    I think the crisp salesman has grown into the job. He was dreadful at first. But Hansen… To use one of his own favourite words, “dire”. Whn they pair him with Ian Wright it’s hard to tell they are the same species. “Wrighty” can be annoying but in a forgiveable way like an over-enthusiastic puppy but Hansen is a living, breathing reminder of the setting of “The Scottish Play”. I can’t think of any single individual who more clearly personifies the morose, dull, passive-aggressive Scottish stereotype than Alan “nobody was tracking back” Hansen.

    Other than Gordon Brown, obviously. Can you imagine a stag-do organised by Hansen? Or Brown. The later would be very “prudent”, extremely dour and still somehow leave you thousands in debt.

  9. Chalcedon says:

    Don’t disparage Homo habilis. He was a handy fellow and an excellent flint tool maker and presumably user. The human race had to start somewhere and he was no Australopithecine was he?

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