Counting Cats in Zanzibar Rotating Header Image

Folie à douche

The Grauniad’s Wintour and Watt blog reports that:

Former PM believes he could still be in No 10 if new allegations relating to Andy Coulson had emerged before the election

The blog post headlines with:

Gordon Brown: I’d still be PM if hacking claims had been aired earlier

That’s right.  The former Prime Mentalist believes that he lost the election because details of Coulson’s alleged phone hacking were suppressed and not because he was a totally useless twat who wrecked the economy and sold us down the festering  EUSSR creek we hated his incompetent and worthless fucking guts.  So let’s see what the Grauniad blog warriors have to say.

Gordon Brown has been experiencing mixed emotions this week.

Translation:  Brown’s been chucking around iPads, iPods, laptops and tablets as well as Nokias.  Maybe his new dummy as well.

One side of him has felt what can best be described as a sense of Schadenfreude as he watches the pressure pile up on Rebekah Brooks and James Murdoch.

It doesn’t even begin to match the sense of revulsion I experienced as I witnessed the damage this pin-headed, shit-for-brains freak inflicted on the UK.

Brown has never, and will never, forgive the pair for the brutal manner in which they withdrew the Sun’s support for Labour before the last general election. The former prime minister always knew he would struggle to retain the red top’s support. But pulling the plug on Labour in the autumn of 2009 on the evening of his last speech to the Labour conference before the general election was seen as a deeply hostile act.

So it isn’t about Coulson and the phone hacking then.  It’s about petty revenge.  Labour was perfectly happy to hitch its dilapidated wagon to the Murdoch ox despite the hacking scandal.  It wasn’t until Murdoch’s change of editorial policy that Brown began stamping his feet and scweaming and scweaming until we were all sick.

But Brown is not enjoying any sweet taste of victory because his over-riding emotion is one of regret. He believes that had the latest set of allegations been aired 18 months ago he might well still be prime minister.

That’s because, to borrow a very appropriate phrase, he’s nucking futz.

It might seem slightly far-fetched to believe that alleged law breaking at Britain’s largest Sunday tabloid newspaper, even if it supports the Tories, could have changed the result of the election. But here is his logic.

Only slightly far-fetched?  In the same way that the Pope is only slightly catholic perhaps?  Your stupidity bias is showing, boys.

Had two of this week’s key developments become public at the turn of 2009/10 then the electorate’s doubts about David Cameron might have hardened into outright rejection. Brown believes those doubts explain the Tories’ failure to secure an overall majority.

That load of retarded bollocks is so hairy you could make a sporran out of it.  Cameron failed to achieve an overall majority because he was perceived to renege on his ironically called “cast iron” promise regarding a Lisbon Treaty (EU) referendum.  And even had the scandal broke early all Cameron had to do was sack Coulson and do what any slimy politician worth his salt would do, distance himself from the issue at the speed of light.  The country was so fucking sick of low-Brownism they would have voted for a lump of dog shit.  Which is more or less what happened.

The two disclosures – the hacking of Milly Dowler’s phone and News International’s admission that payments were made to police – raise questions for Andy Coulson, Cameron’s communications chief from 2007 to January this year. Coulson was NOW’s deputy editor at the time that Milly Dowler’s phone was hacked and News International let it be known this week that it had passed emails to the police suggesting he was aware of the police payments.

All of which happened under Labour’s watch while they were cosying up with News International and stroking Murdoch’s wrinkley member.

Brown believes the appearance of these allegations 18 months ago would have led to Coulson’s immediate resignation. That would have led to questions about Cameron’s judgment in hiring Coulson. These questions are being asked now. But Brown believes that Cameron would have faced far more pressure in the immediate period before a general election. Voters, who were unsure about the Tories, would have turned away from Cameron, according to the Brown thinking.

Personally I’m more interested in Labour’s equally questionable love affair with the Murdoch press before Rupe kicked them in the balls.  Brown should be down on his knees thanking God for the Wapping bastard’s infidelity. But then, Brown’s not the one who broke it off, is he…

The former prime minister developed a close interest in the phone hacking scandal after the Guardian disclosed in July 2009 that News International had paid more than £1m to settle cases that threatened to reveal widespread phone hacking. Patrick Wintour and I recently reported that a few months later, after the News of the Worldand the Sun abandoned their support for Labour, Brown sought to hold a judicial inquiry into the allegations. This was blocked by Sir Gus O’Donnell, the cabinet secretary, on the grounds that it would be too sensitive before the election.

A close interest, eh?  I’ll just bet he did.  And Sir Gus pulled the plug.  Possibly because hypocritical Brown only called for a judicial enquiry after being dumped so conspicuously by Murdoch.  Before that, while they all were defecating in the same pot, he’d kept judiciously schtum.  Throwing his dummy out of the pram with such bitter public resentment would have raised too many eyebrows and too many questions about Brown’s, and therefore Labour’s, pisspoor judgement and (non existant) veracity.

And who was the decisive voice in persuading Cameron that at least one of the inquiries must be led by a judge? That would be Nick Clegg who of course was the man directly responsible for Brown’s resignation. During the coalition negotiations Clegg held open the possibility of a coalition with Labour but only if Brown announced that he would step aside.

Something for which Clegg should be thanked even if he is an insanely leftist cunt with the principles of a shithouse rat and for whom hardly anyone voted.


  1. APL says:

    “Gordon Brown”

    Credit where it is due, don’t forget the organ grinder, one Anthony Blair.

  2. Lynne says:

    Blair, lying and treasonous twunt that he is, isn’t the one delusionally claiming he lost the election because details of the phone hacking scandal were suppressed.

  3. NickM says:

    Excellent stuff Lynne!

    Yes, I do imagine scenes like this:

    Harold Wilson Memorial Home for he Elderly, Fife:

    “But I was Prime Minister once!”

    “Now can you return to your seat Mr Brown, you’re upsetting other residents and ‘Midsommer Murders’ is on in two minutes.”

    If there is any general message to take from this it is the septic nature of the democracy with the Murdochracy. If Rupert is on side then he farts Chanel No. 5 and if not he is Lord Voldemort. It’s fucking pathetic.

    Lynne, you are absolutely right that Gordon Brown is feeling “betrayed” in a totally deranged manner. He is feeling the betrayal of a john who believes last night’s seamstress loves him forever and has just seen her with another punter (“But she loooves me! – I gave her hree twenties!”)”. The press backs winners. Blair was a winner so News Corp backed him. Brown is a loser so they shifted. Brown in his own deluded mind might think of loyalty but Murdoch is a man of business. Jeebus, his inability to grasp that is pathetic!

  4. Sam Duncan says:

    But not exactly surprising, Nick. After all, Brown is, as I may have mentioned, as thick as two short shitty planks.

    Of course it’s about revenge. This all happened nine years ago. Why now, just as GOSPLAN OFCOM is considering the Sky bid? Because they only just found out? If you believe that, I’ve got a tower in Paris you might be interested in.

  5. Subrosa says:

    I see you’re on top form today Lynne. Great frisk of a ridiculous article. Mind you it possibly started life as a press release from Fife.

  6. RAB says:

    Yes, you are on friggin fire this week Lynne. Damn I’m proud of this place!

    Gurnin is havin an Elba moment innee? It’s amazing how many mad people think they’re Napoleon, you know.

    And it is absolutely unbelieveable to me, that it has been obvious since as far back as the Bernie Ecclescakes fiasco, that we have been ruled by two delusional shit for brains Sociopaths for the last 14 years (er, make that three now) and still people voted for the cunts!

  7. Roue le Jour says:

    Politics proves that turkeys will vote for Christmas if you tell them about the presents under the tree and don’t mention lunch.

    Wake up and smell the cranberry sauce!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *