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Sweet Jesus…

I got this from co-conspirator RAB via Alisa

Oddly enough I recently saw a bit of a doc on Bubbles the dismally treated ape of Michael Jackson. It appeared that Michael and Latoya and much of the rest of that non-shrewdness didn’t twig on Bubbles ever growing-up (where ever did they get that idea from?). Sometimes it is hard to know whether to laugh or cry.

But, yeah, let’s give “the monkey” an AK-47! What could possibly go wrong?

Actually no it isn’t. Borges argued that everything persists due to it’s need to be what it is. The rock has to be a rock, the tiger a tiger… Everything is what it is because that is what it is. The shark swims and gets bitey, the Nick codes and wields a posidrive and dreams of orthogonal universes where his leather jacket carries the stripe of the invisible flying tiger. All things can pass and all things can be but that doesn’t mean I can’t think some people are just wankers.

You’re Homo sapiens sapiens for fuck’s sake! You don’t give the monkey a gun for a laugh. You have agency. You have the capacity to plan, to think ahead.

And yes, I tend to think giving a loaded assault rifle to a chimpanzee is about as wankerish as it gets.

I shouldn’t mock. I once exploded s fridge (not a Beko – too easy) and have done other things for the sheer hell of it.


  1. CountingCats says:

    Damn, but they scarpered. What did the elf n safty guys have to say? Any rules covering this?

  2. mike says:


    Chimp 1, West African soldiers 0

  3. fred says:

    My initial thought is that the Video is fake. sound of gunshots is not right, for a start – compared with videos of people actually shooting

  4. Angry Exile says:

    Doesn’t look like he wants to give it back. Say bye-bye to your gun, boys. Is now a good time to ask again where the £6bn of kit the MOD can’t find might have ended up? ;-)

  5. RAB says:

    Deary me, you are a misery Fred! What’s that smoke coming out of the barrel then?

    Nobody faked that, or do you think thick as shit West African Guerrillas came from Central Casting? They buggered off faster than a Kenyan Olympic sprinter!

    And it just goes to show how much your average African rape and pillage merchants care about their indigenous wildlife. “Let’s wind the monkey up before we eat him, eh lads?”

    Well you get a lot more respect with a gun in your hands don’t you?

    Way to go Monkey!

  6. JuliaM says:

    He later swapped it back for two bananas…

  7. fred says:

    It’s a planet of the apes publicity viral video.

    I’ve watched it a few times now, and noted the following in addition to the sound being obviously wrong:

    Film quality is too high for a random w African soldier
    cameraman hangs around
    there is no smoke at the muzzle, only very obviously CGI’d impacts that look nothing like the low angle bullet impacts I’ve seen.
    No muzzle flash – junk grade military 7.62×39 always has an impressive flash, only high grade commercial and hand loads don’t
    where are the empty cases being ejected? Video quality was high enough to be able to see them.
    The recoil looks like it was from a computer game and is not accompanied by lashings of muzzle flip – ak’s climb like nobody’s business. CGI.

    Sorry to pee in the punch, but the level of credulousness on this video is like guardian readers on visit to the Soviet union

  8. Lynne says:

    Fake or not I wouldn’t be surprised if Darwin, wherever he is, is laughing his beard off.

  9. Mike K says:

    Erm, bottom left: 20th Century Fox Research Library

    Posted to youtube by a user called apeswillrise

    This must be a piece of viral marketing for the next Planet Of The Apes film, Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes.

    Sweet Jesus indeed.

  10. RAB says:

    Well Fred, you may be right, but I still think it’s real and very plausible. Do you think that if you gave a chimp a machine gun with the safety off that it wouldn’t be able to do that?

    I have no idea what an AK 47 sounds like, but could fully auto mode and semi auto sound rather different?

    As to the picture quality, well those soldiers (sic) were the real thing, don’t you agree? and festooned with weapons that I will never be able to get my hands on, you reckon they have no quality cameras in Africa Then? My Lumix will take video of that quality and is only cost £200 or so. Besides they probably looted it.

    I just don’t see why anyone would bother to fake that up. What for? Where’s the payoff?

    Nope I reckon it’s real, just like other YouTube videos of a Police officer giving a demonstration of how dangerous a Glock pistol is, and managing to shoot himself in the leg in the process, is real.

  11. NickM says:

    RAB is right wrt the video quality. Quality video is cheap as spit these days.

  12. Tim Newman says:

    And yes, I tend to think giving a loaded assault rifle to a chimpanzee is about as wankerish as it gets.

    Not lived in Nigeria, have you? At least there is only one armed chimp. There are hundreds of mobile police in Lagos armed similarly, both with weapon and brain.

  13. Henry Crun says:

    Fred, having been on the wrong end of AK47 fire, I can confirm that is more or less what they sound like. They don’t go bang like other rifles. when it fires it sounds more like a cough.

  14. mike says:

    “…where are the empty cases being ejected?”

    The only clear shot the cameraman gets of the end of the gun as the chimp is firing occurs at 0.27. At that point, the dark colours of the soldiers legs and other objects nearby would likely absorb the appearance of any discharged cartridges. The video isn’t that good. Plus there’s a lot of camera shake going on at that point.

  15. fred says:

    Every time I have been on the right side of an ak, it has sounded like every other intermediate cartridge rifle. But what do know, i only have 2 rifles in that calibre.

    You tube has plenty of semi and full auto ak action gun pr0n. Compare and contrast.

  16. richard grey says:

    It is fake.

    However who wants to bet someone has actually done that, let’s call it a reconstruction.

  17. Rob Fisher says:

    You don’t need to analyse the ballistics. It says, “20th Century Fox Research Library” in the corner.

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