Yes, I saw our dear deputy prime minister make a real pretty speach on the telly yesterday morning.
What was it some US politician onc said about the vice presidency?
Not worth a pitcher of warm piss?
That’s Clegg for you. I’m ashamed not just to share the same name and nationality with the him. The same nucleic acids is too much. Oh, and I also think of myself as a liberal so what Clegg said outraged me because I’m a real liberal and he isn’t. He bigged-up the importance of a free press but then said there had to be limits. He wittered on about plurality of ownership. “Rupert, you’re our bitch now!” and safe-guarding that plurality which of course means the government must act. He also spoke a lot about the public interest and about how the press ought to serve it. The public interest is of course whatever Nick and Dave think it is. It is lso the last refuge of the blackguard.
Really! I have just been down the road to the little shop. Now Sayeed stocks a wide variety of periodicals. He will happily sell you whatever paper you want. He gets in Dr Who magazines especially for my wife. Sayeed couldn’t really give a toss if you buy The Guardian, The Telegraph or Big Jugs. It is all money in his till isn’t itl which translates into cheese on his table and shoes on his feet. Sayeed, humble newsagent of Cheshire understands that press is business. Nick Clegg doesn’t - he believes it a “public service”. The simple truth is that the News of the World wasn’t wound-up because of Clegg et al. But because people didn’t want to buy a paper that hacked the phone of a murdered thirteen year old who was pretty and did the ironing. The same applies to anything. If I open my copy of Big Jugs and discover it to be about collecting water containing earthenware and not naked ladies who can’t buy bras in normal shops then it’s my last copy.
People talk a lot about the extent to which we trust politicians. We rarely talk about the extent to which they trust us. On the basis of what Clegg said I can only conclude they don’t at all. I can only conclude they regard us as small children who don’t like vegetables. That is the true scandal. Clegg wittered further about some sort of new PCC with more teeth. OK, I’ll admit to something. Many years ago I sometimes bought The Mirror. I haven’t ever looked at it since 1996. You know why? Their appalling front page on the day of the European semi-final between England and Germany. Stuart Pearce in a CGI tommy hat and the paper edged with a barbed wire motif. It was vile. Christ almighty I had a German flatmate at the time. Marcus was a nice lad and once bought me a bagel and was born nearly three decades after the end of the war. The Sun of course crucified The Mirror the next day. And that is how it should be. We can only be decent people if we believe that to be the case or at least technically possible. Or put it another way the Syfy channel on Sky has been running “The Human Centipede” on continual rotation for months. I haven’t watched it. Torture porn doesn’t float my boat - not a moral point. I sort of prefer “Midsommer Murders” if truth be known. Most people are fairly decent. Politicians only want to protect us from our basest urges because their own urges are scuttling on ragged claws across the bottom of some abysmal trench that Robert Ballard would struggle to reach. It might seem trite to say but in order to conceive of evil about others it is necessary to see the capability of it in yourself first.
I see this everywhere. It is illegal for me to use crack cocaine. Is that why I don’t? It is illegal for me to have sex with 14 year olds. Is the legality the real issue? I was 14 once and that meant I knew girls that age. Right cows by and large. But the peadostyria that exists in this country is actually salacious. It’s all about shagging underage girls being the forbidden fruit and all that jazz. It is almost assumed you want it young and naive. I don’t. They try and make out that whatever depravity available is something we will fall into unless nanny stops us. Whereas all they are really doing is looking into their own black hearts and projecting. Once amongst the back-to-backs of Leeds I happened upon a lost little girl. In a rational society I would have taken her hand, calmed her down and took her home. I walked on by. Peadostyria was big news at the time and I thought I’d get filled in (a rough area) before I had the opportunity to explain that I actually had a girlfriend with pubic hair and quite simply didn’t fancy the little Miss (it fairly automatically being assumed “The younger the better!”). That is what the mistrust of the public (or pubic) does. It creates a climate of fear. It assumes that everyone’s motives are vile. I suspect the only people who can believe that are people who at heart vile themselves. That instance with that girl crystallized something in me. It was the realization that I was afraid the automatic assumption of a man in his mid-20s talking to a small child not related to him was only doing so with sexual intent. Moreover it was the realiztion that there was a good chance it would merely be assumed I’d want her sexually. That is an assumption that is not even wrong. It’s vile and if anything it creates a culture where such a transgression is kinda cool, kinda sexy. It also creates a culture where a decent bloke like me can’t help a kid in need. A kid that (it’s very unlikely) could be prey to a predatory peadophile if the likes of me don’t take her home. I didn’t even phone the cops. I know what suspicious minds they have. “So you just found this girl in a back alley“. They wuld accent the “back alley”. It is one of the greatest tragedies of our society that adults have to be in a position appointed by the government to interact with kids. I think about this every time I take my camera to the beach.
What I’m trying to get at is this. It is that our society bans things because the corrupt moral derelicts who run it think if they don’t ban it we’ll all do it. What they don’t get is I have no desire for crack cocaine or sex with seven year olds. But they seem to assume I would if it were allowed and the only thing preventing me is the penalty of the law. Oddly enough I don’t want my teeth to fall out and I prefer pillow talk above the level of the latest My Little Pony DVD. The whole peadostyria is based on the idea that men like the sexually inexperienced - indeed it is based on the deranged, rather old-fashioned, idea that sex is entirely a man thing. That is an appallingly sexist idea. And generally untrue. To put it bluntly I’ll bet losing your virginity was a frankly embarrassing kerfuffle and you’ve had much better sex since.
Anyway, off from shagging kids and back to monstering Nick Clegg. He said two things that really worried me.
He talked at tedious length (does he have other modes?) about the freedom of the media requiring plurality. Well, yes, obviously. But Clegg thought that is a government chore. It isn’t. Let me explain in terms simple enough for Mr Clegg to understand. If I buy a newspaper (and I usually don’t) but if I did I would probably buy a Telegraph. When my wife buys a newspaper she most likely buys The Times or The Guardian. That Clegg is plurality. Genuine plurality is bottom-up and not top-down. All a government has to do is nothing. The presses will roll and we shall buy what we want. It’s called freedom and it isn’t something our elite imposes but just what we do. Note that they are not “elite” in any reasonable sense of the word. Not if Mr Clegg is an example. He looks like a cunt in twat’s clothing if you ask me. And yes, Clegg did attempt to present this as “liberalism”. Which is why I used cuss words.
Not my liberalism.
Mine is about letting the people free. Mine is about not caring. Mine is not about telling them to be “liberal” or else because that makes no sense. And what is liberal anyway? If you ask me it’s about being free and not being told what freedom is. It’s just what you do. Being told whqt freedom is is tyranny. The denizens of the DPRK are told what freedom is. I am English. I am a member of the free world. I am of the nation of Shakespeare, Newton, Stephenson and Darwin and Mrs Clegg’s son Nicholas can fuck off if he wants to tell me what I can write.
And guess what? I am highly unlikely off my own bat to write the sort of stuff he really objects to. None of that is because of legislation as such because dear reader you know I’m not a homophobe, racist or anything like that. These are ideas Nick Clegg needs to get to grips with if he wants to claim to a genuine liberal. Moreover I am not any of the above because I just aren’t and that has nothing to do with being told it by the powers that be. I can have gay friends or black friends or whatever friends without being told to by my “betters”. I am a jump ahead of Nick Clegg but that ain’t claiming because I hve found things on the seashore a jump ahead of Nick Clegg. He’s a twat basically.
And the second thing. Nick Clegg had a go at was the PCC because whilst in 2007 Kate Middleton was hounded by the press she didn’t get any redress until she claimed in person. Clegg stated that he was outraged that Miss Middleton had received unwanted press intrusion into her life. I would agree. But Clegg said something quite remarkable and bizzare. He said that he was shocked that it was only until Kate Middleton complained about press intrusion into her life that anybody took any action. Clegg said it was wrong that the press wasn’t investigated before that because various members of the public had complained on her behalf. Just think about that for a minute.
I do think there ought to be a press complaint’s procedure - based on Common Law - you libel me, bring the evidence. But surely it ought to be instigated by the aggrieved and not by the general populace taking umbrage on someone’s behalf. That is vile. You libel me. I’ll see you in court. That is all a free-born Englishman needs. Only the likes of Clegg need their clothes laundered by the state.
But it is beyond that. Morality should not be laid down. If you can lay it down you can control it. Nick Clegg can tell me not just what will cost me time but what I ought to believe is morally right. And quite frankly lectures on moral philosophy with that fuckwittery that is a station to which I don’t tune. He has no moral fibre hiself because he thinks morality can only be enforced and not somethng that just comes to rational beings of their own free will.
All of which is a complicated way of saying I don’t think Clegg believes in free will which of course makes him a member of the tribe of moral pygmies.
And I reckon if we played a hand of “Cripple Mr Onion” it would be his car keys and title-deeds I’d be walking off with… If Monopoly he’d be licking my doorstep clean for the next twenty years. Yes, even if I’d said the cat had pissed on it. Which of course the cat wouldn’t but Clegg would buy that in much the same way he thinks we are all morally inept unless forced to be.
That is the measure of him.