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Nick’s Law of Beer Advertising

It has come to my attention that Counting Cats has taken a rather serious turn of late with a lot of politics and philosophy being discussed. This is a dreadful state of affairs. So I shall expound a law I worked out recently:

The quality of an advert for beer is inversely proportional to the quality of the beer advertised.

Foster’s is not exactly the worst beer in the world but it’s not great…

I’ve never had a Coors Light but if it’s anyting like it’s Budweiser equivalent heaven help the USA…

Carling is dreadful stuff – the very quintessence of the urine of Beelzebub himself but this is a brilliant advert…

Now compare with this advert from Stella Artois a brand that likes to think of itself as classy (recall the old slogan, “Reassuringly Expensive” . Yes I know it’s for cider not beer but it’s undoubtedly by the same team of creatives that do their beer advrts and I find this one particularly annoying…

Now perhaps you’re thinking that Guinness is an exception here. Certainly it is marketed as a premium brand and it’s advertising is almost as legendary as the black stuff itself (a few years back Guinness tankers were emblazoned with the slogan, “Relief for the Guinnless”) but this is my law and I don’t like Guinness.

Anyway enjoy…


  1. RAB says:

    Well I tell ye we’re gurt pissed off down yer in the West Country wi’ that Stella advert!

    Cidre my Nempnett Thrubwell! Everyone knows it’s spelt with a Z!!

    And it’s going to taste of Peon piss if it’s made of fuckin French apples innit?

    Yer proper Zider should be still and sharp with a lovely spilt petrol in a puddle sheen on the top of it, and made by little old ladies smoking clay pipes and treading the apples till their feet bleed. You know when its ready to drink when you throw a sheeps head into the vat and it disolves in half an hour.

    Bloody foreigners!

  2. Curmudgeon says:

    Stella “Cidre” is pretty crap, though…

  3. Bill Sticker says:

    Have to disagree with you on the Guinness, although it has to be ‘kept’ properly (Not the ‘Ice cold’ version) at the right temperature in a decent cellar like a real ale.

    Good Guinness is hoppy, dry, and flavoursome, with a body that could stop a .223 sabot round at a hundred metres. The stuff more often served in Gastropubs and ‘popular’ bars is an insipid, fizzy shadow of the real thing.

    Your other displayed adverts are for stuff that is little better than recycled urine.

  4. Mr Eugenides says:

    Given that by far the worst beer advert of modern times is the infamous tacky 80s style ad that aired in North Korea for their Taedonggang beer, it came as no surprise to actually discover that it was bloody good…

  5. Current says:

    Boddington’s wasn’t very good. The first run of beer ads for it were excellent.

  6. Nelsontouch says:

    Agree with the thesis that poor beer needs a good ad.

    Remember the Carling ad “I bet he drinks Carling Black Label”?

    It was the only time I bought beer as a result of an ad.

    It was the last time I bought that thin, metallic-flavour gassy nothing, too.

  7. RAB says:

    Do you mean this one Mr E?…

    I comes as no suprise to me that people have to be off their faces to still live there.

    You must give us your North Korean experiences sometime.

  8. Laird says:

    “Telling lies is what separates us from the animals.” (from the Fosters ad)

    Truly a philosophy to live by!

    RAB, that “Zider” band sounds just like any midwestern polka band.

  9. Leo G says:

    don’t know Nick, I think this one is better!

  10. Robert Edwards says:

    There used to be a brewery called Benskin’s. Their heroic strapline was, I recall:
    “Benskin’s gets you drunk…”

    It was banned…

  11. Lynne says:

    I think the crap beer/lager to amusement ratio is high on this particular offering.

    Leo – nice find!

  12. Pavlov's Cat says:

    that aired in North Korea for their Taedonggang beer, it came as no surprise to actually discover that it was bloody good…

    That could be due to the fact that ol Kim Jon-il bought the Ushers brewery in Trowbridge lock, stock & barrel and had it shipped to the RNK , where it was all set up for them and ex Usher’s brewers trained the staff, so they weren’t really starting from scratch (apart from the ads that is)

  13. mike says:

    This is the best Carling ad.

  14. Nelsontouch says:

    The Ushers brewery used to be owned by Watneys (of Red Barrel fame) and they also made StarLight beer – which was so low in alcohol content it could legally be sold off-licence, so it was said.
    Yes I drank it, it was cheap.

    Years later was talking to a marketing man and he said it was not meant to be good, it was meant to be bought and to be drunk in sessions of several pints on the run. Which means he did his job, of course.

    Talking of good beer – anyone ever seen an advert for Doom Bar? No? Thought not.

  15. RAB says:

    Ah Yes, Watney’s Red Barrel…Like making love in a canoe. Fuckin close to water!

    Welsh beers in the heyday of the mines wern’t very strong either. They too were designed to be session drinks, basically it took at least three pints to wash the coaldust out of miners throats at the end of a shift.

    Brains beers still arn’t strong, 3.5 to 4.5 even for SA which for some unknown reason is nicknamed “Skull Attack”.

    I prefer a Peroni or a Grolsh for taste myself.

  16. Sunfish says:

    Coors Light is made to make Budweiser seem good by comparison. It’s watery sweet green death.

    In the US, lately we’ve been getting ads for Keystone, “Always smooth, like Keith Stone.” Cute ads for crap supermarket pseudo-pilsner. Proves your hypothesis, I guess.

    Then again, Flying Dog was banned from Texas because the label bore the legend “The good shit’s in here.” Too bad. Texas needs better beer than they’ve got.

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