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The Workers’ Paradise

The DPR of Korea (North Korea) will become in the next years the most important hub for trading in North-East Asia.

Oddly enough I recently read in Computer Shopper that the eviiilll! Republic of Korea boasts the highest internet speeds in the world and in the DPRK folks are extremely lucky to have a land-line phone.

Lowest labour cost in Asia.

And this is the state allegedly for the workers and peasants? It is beyond parody.

Highly qualified, loyal and motivated personnel. Education, housing and health service is provided free to all citizens. As opposed to other Asian countries, worker’s will not abandon their positions for higher salaries once they are trained.

Isn’t the single most fundamental worker’s right the right to say, “Stuff this for a game of soldiers Mr Dodds! I quit because I’d rather work for Ms Scoggs she has better canteen facilities”? I mean surely!

Lowest taxes scheme in Asia. Especially for high-tech factories.

High-tech? South of the DMZ there is high-tech. I know because I’m currently screwing some of it into a box to build a computer. Not for the first or, I strongly suspect, the last time. And the lowest taxes. I assume this isn’t taxes on workers’s wages pocket money but for whoever is prepared to “invest” in the DPRK in a desperate bid to get the DPRK foreign currency.

Indeed the DPRK even issued 3D stamps to commerate the birth of Prince William (yes, that Prince William). Click and scroll down. Now why do you think the most hardline “communist”* state on the planet did that? Not for DPRK citizenry certainly. It’s for Comrade Kim’s single malts, DVDs**, uranium hexafluoride centrifuges…

Stable. A government with solid security and very stable political system, without corruption. Full diplomatic relations with most EU members and rest of countries.

Well, as to corruption, I’d perhaps agree. In a reasonable polity corruption is pretty much by definition against the law but if the law (which in the context I mean the power) isn’t even a law unto itself then how does one define corruption? And “stability with solid security”? We all know what that means. Well those of us not hanging by our genitals upside-down over the scorpion-pit do.

New market. Many areas of business and exclusive distribution of products (sole-distribution).
Transparent legal work. Legal procedures, intellectual rights, patents and warranties for investors settled.

Well, I guess, the DPRK is a new market for pretty much everything more sophisticated than a pointed stick. As to the rest, God knows, but I’d rather invest in bicarbonate of soda futures with a vinegar storm a-brewin’.

So there you have it. All of this from the website of the KFA (Korean Friendship Association). Now one way of looking at this is that quite literally the Workers’ Party of Korea is advertising for foreign*** help to enslave their own population but that the KFA (the Korean Friendship Association who have this nonsense hosted on a .com TLD – DPRK doesn’t have one itself) can be followed on Facebook. Well, I can, you can but the North Koreans can’t. Of course not.

*The scare quotes are used advisedly. I have a follow-up to this post which shall explain all. I hope!
**He apparently has a veritable Imelda Marcos collection of western (indeed western) movies.
Typical tax exemption for the first two years. No middle agents. All business made directly with the government, state-owned companies. No middle agents.
***And to pile the Ossa of double standards upon the Pelion of hypocrisy the DPRK’s essential base-line concept of Juche is intrinsically nationalistic. It will undoubtedly be incredibly disappointing to you that the DPRK is one (the only?) country in the World you just can’t emigrate to.


  1. Sam Duncan says:

    I’ve said it before: King Kim II of Norkland.

    By the way, there was a question on this week’s Brain of Britain about Nork’s “biggest sports venue in the world”, with a 150,000 capacity. Hah. As an armchair motorsport fan I can refute that thus. Permanent seated capacity at the Brickyard: 257,325. Suck on that, Kimmy-boy.

  2. Paul Marks says:

    The absurdities of Norkland are too much.

    Whenever I try and think about them, I feel my head is about to explode.

  3. NickM says:

    Well, Sam it kinda misses the point. Just up the road from me are Old Trafford and the City of Manchester stadia and well, you know, I can see a decent game of football at either and not “Attack of the Clones”. Paul, absolutely. Let us imagine I went to Norkland. I would never do sucha thing but I’m tempted for ultra-blogging cred but you know you can’t go for a saunter outside the hotel of an evening ithout a minder so stuff that! But even then I wouldn’t know what to take. I could take this here Lenovo netbook but that’s internet enabled and that’s illegal or my Sony camera but that’s got GPS on it (I upload photos and it tells me where I took ‘em – there is a plot element there for a murder mystery I’m sure!).

    Now Sam I have to disabuse you of ideas of anything as mundane as monarchy (I hope Paul’s head doesn’t explode!) but the myth of the Comrade Kim’s birth on a sacred mountain has a touch of the divine about it (odd for an avowed atheist but there you go).

    “According to North Korean historical literature, Kim Jong Il was born in a log cabin inside a secret base on Korea’s most sacred mountain, Mt. Paekdu. At the moment of his birth, a bright star lit up the sky, the seasons spontaneously changed from winter to spring, and rainbows appeared. This contradicts way less interesting Western accounts of his birth, which state the dictator was born in a guerilla camp in Russia, while his father was on the run from the Japanese.”

    The full version (elsewhere – can’t find – tired) rips off the Christian nativity even more blatantly than the star. The above seems more Pokemon than anything. Whatever!

  4. Lynne says:

    I always thought the D in DPR stood for demented. You live and learn you were correct all along…

  5. Kendall says:

    The sad thing is that there are plenty of people who’ll buy any bullshit the DPKR puts out. The number of North Korea loving loonies in the “sceptic” community certainly killed any Richard Dawkins inspired ideas I held about superior atheist rationality.

    Yes, of course all those people who say they’ve fled Norkland are just capitalist shills from the fascist South, while the contented citizens of Dear Leader Kim’s great country play on HP laptops in their free luxury homes…

  6. Single Acts of Tyranny says:

    The KFA are covered on youtube and it makes for horrible viewing. Each and every one of these people is a “see you next Tuesday” type.

    Can you imagine the confederacy running similar adds in 1860? Want your cotton picked at rock bottom rates, keen on raping darkies? then come to Georgia. Utterly vile.

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