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Andy Burnham Can Fuck Off and Die…

…Preferably in a gutter and howling like a disembowelled wombat.

The toss-pot wants to censor the internet and his whizz-bang idea (which he wants to discuss with Barackkk Obama) is cinema style ratings on English language web-sites. Has this guy ever used Firefox (or IE or Opera or Safari)?. This is what the wanker has to say…

“It worries me – like anybody with children,” he says. “Leaving your child for two hours completely unregulated on the internet is not something you can do. This isn’t about turning the clock back. The internet has been empowering and democratising in many ways but we haven’t yet got the stakes in the ground to help people navigate their way safely around…what can be a very, very complex and quite dangerous world.”

I am now forced to use one of my Gran’s phrases, “It’s neither fair nor right – like the darkie’s left tit” because Andy Burnham’s idea is neither fair nor right and frankly I’m gunning to get CC R18 rated. What precisely is he worried about the children seeing? Oh, and “think of the children” is the first refuge of the scoundrel. That’s the first thing that’s wrong with it. I’m trying to imagine being ten again but with my Speccy on broadband. I’m pondering what “dangers” I’d look-up. Pr0n wouldn’t have been of much interest to me though a coupla years later it would have been a consuming passion. I would have probably searched for stuff on air combat and games (no change there then). Is that dangerous? And surely, surely “our children” are the responsibility of their parents. Assuming there are dangers on the internet (and they are grotesquely over-stated by the clearly technophobic wank-shaft Burnham – our Sec State for “Culture”) then the thing to do is for every parent to take responsibility for bringing their kids up right so that they don’t fall for scams, download malware or just assume that 13 year old girl in a chatroom is a 13 year old girl because “she” says so*. Staying safe online is the same as staying safe walking down the street. It requires a modicum of savvy and moreover experience and that is all. It doesn’t require legislation – quite the reverse. I have no idea what sort of bizarre world Mr Burnham imagines the bubble-wrap generation are growing-up in. Mr Burnham is quite simply a Righteous wanker. He is self-fellating himself over a non-issue and trying to make life a little bit more miserable for us for reasons of his own self-aggrandisement.

When I was an astrophysicist** I dreamed of maybe having a theory named for me or a star or a mathematical technique or even a mere lemma or something. Mr Burnham clearly dreams of being the guy who prevented kids seeing “Asian Babes”. I have never understood the motivation of the Righteous and their utter failure of imagination. I mean when I was a kid I wanted to be a fighter pilot (my eyesight nixed that) and then an astrophysicist and I wound-up as your friendly neigbourhood techie (which does have the advantage of being self-employed and never having to attend “diversity training”) which I like because it’s a bit like being my hero Sherlock Holmes. You never know what might turn-up or how to fix it***. But nah… Mr Burnham clearly dreamed of the utterly trivial and annoying. Things like traffic-calming**** or censoring the ‘net. Not that the ‘net is Mr Burnham’s to tinker with anyway. Not that that has ever stopped the Righteous because anything they don’t control is an itch they just have to scratch. Repeatedly.

And quite frankly my taxes being spent on a whole load of digital curtain-twitchers telling me what I can and cannot view on the ‘net for my own good appals me. The ‘net that I along with the rest of you built – our ‘net – not theirs (how many PCs have you built or networks have you installed Mr Burnham? – how many hours have you spent with a Maglite in your mouth and a posidrive in your hand under somebody else’s desk breathing dust-bunnies?*****). Well I have spent uncountable hours. I have lumped countless PCs around the gaffe******. I once had to take a (small) angle-grinder to one. This is my ‘net and Cat’s ‘net and they can fuck-off out of it. The ‘net is not about “democritisation” and it is not a general resource. It is something built by us and not by them (not even the Former Senator From The Great State of Tennessee). The ‘net is a profound example of the invisible hand and the Righteous hate it for that reason alone. A load of individuals and corporations (and DARPA) just did it and they hate the ‘net just because of that. Because they hate anything they can’t take credit for and hate everything they don’t understand. And the later would fill the warehouse at the end of Raider’s of the Lost Ark.

And it’s because they’re twats basically. It’s the root fallacy of the technocracy they are building. It is a technocracy built by technophobes. Lots of libertarians have ideas about the sort of deranged cunts attracted to politics and this is mine: politicians are the sort of people who, if they hadn’t been a bit of a thickie at that math and science lark at school, would have become doctors, engineers or scientists. They are practioners of a sort of quack pseudo science. They’re too thick for proper science and too smart to realise that they should have limited their ambitions to middle-management in smallish retailers. They are an example of the sort of twats we all know and for whom ambition outstrips ability by a huge margin. It’s the same reason they have dumbed-down science education from being about science to being about “issues”. I have quite a background in physics and the idea of fifteen year olds who wouldn’t know a neutron if it bit them on the arse discussing the pros and cons of nuclear power is anathema to me. Not just to me. The straw that caused my father-in-law to retire from being head of biology at a large school was the deranged and Righteous new GCSE syllabus. Because it wasn’t science anymore. It was about how the kiddiewinks felt about stuff that nobody had ever even tried to explain to them. Nukes=bad, wind turbines=good. Organic is “natural” and therefore good and GM is eviiiilll!!!! Not of course that the kids need trouble themselves with learning what “organic” really means in terms of hard chemistry because the thickies might not get that and science is elitist ain’t it because done properly it’s not easy is it? Imagine an Obama-era Manhatten project… Groves and Oppie wouldn’t get free rein to drag in whoever the best and brightest were. Nah… They’d have to meet anti-discrimination criteria instead. I mean there’d be hell to pay over quotas…

And that is the New Jerusalem they are building. It is a Jerusalem of those with no technical skills yet believe this not to be the case. It’s the fuck-up of people who believe politics is a science and not just a gravy train. But why are we surprised? The left has always tried to engineer the human soul. And always for the same reason because they can’t engineer anything proper like a car or a plane or a genome or a Large Hadron Collider. Let’s face it folks. We are ruled by a bunch of cunts who don’t know that the first derivative of sine(x) is cosine(x). And ya know that’s OK. That’s fine and dandy because not everyone needs to know The Calculus (which the dumbing-down is getting close to achieving anyway) but to pretend to know tech stuff despite never having got down and dirty with the microscope and the math and having quasi-scientific plans for the whole of society is frankly criminal. Not that I’m saying that if they were all Lucasian Professors of Mathematics at Cambridge they should be allowed to tinker with society either. Not that. I know how frigging difficult the Q-Mech of the Hydrogen atom is. It is a great innoculatant to tinkering with stuff that shouldn’t be tinkered with. Not that they have any right to anyway.

They are utter scum and (in a sane World) possibly more to be pitied than laughed at. Think of this: the greatest exponent of AGW is a politico who knows fuck all about fluid mechanics, helioseismology, climatology, computer-modelling or anything to the purpose. He even won a bloody Nobel Prize! This is The Endarkening folks. Please hold on tight and obey seat-belt rules…

*I might have given regular readers the impression that I’m a married man in my mid thirties. Time to ‘fess up. I’m a 16 year old girl who’s bi-curious and Mr Burnham buys my worn panties.
**I really have to use that phrase more…
***Oddest one so far was a high-end Acer laptop. Well I don’t usually do hardware with laptops but this was a favour for a neighbour. OK this one belonged to a “performance artist” and I had to rescue her vids from it. They mainly consisted of her dancing starkers and preggers and reciting her own dreadful “poetry” (and I mean worse than Andrew “Bowel” Motion). The computer was conclusively fucked and I asked if any children had access to it for, amongst other things, the firewire port was clogged with jam. “No” my client lied. Which would explain the collection of Barney the Dinosaur games on the HD…
****Traffic calming is something I despise. Round here there’s loads of speed “pillows” – you know the speed bumps which aren’t full width and are suppossed not to impede buses etc – and people swerve into the oncomming traffic to avoid them. Because, you see, one of the symptoms of Righteousness is just not getting the law of unintended consequences.
***** I suspect Mr Burnham spent the time instead under Lord Mandelsnake’s desk breathing the Dark Lord of Hartlepool’s cock-rot. If you’ve ever been to the land of the Monkey-Hangers (Google it) it bears more than a passing resemblance to Mordor.
****** Sometimes worrying about their fate as they bounced over the afore-mentioned Righteous traffic-calming in the itty-bitty Corsa.

As awarded by de debel hisself bloody_devil08.png


  1. HSLD says:

    Now thats what I call invective :-)

  2. Ian B says:

    Everyone should readthis book. Everyone. Read it now.

  3. RAB says:

    we haven’t yet got the stakes in the ground to help people navigate their way safely around…

    The only stakes in the ground I want to see are the ones through the heart of Burnham. Balls, Jackboot Jacqui and Uncle Gurnin Gordon an’ all.

  4. An absolutely splendid and spot-on rant, and especially about science (a microbiologist here, now your friendly neighbourhood designer). A bloody Devil will be winging its way to you as soon as I get a chance to post on this myself…


  5. Ian B says:

    So, anyway. What’s going on?

    It’s not much use thinking in terms of Left and Right. What we call the “Left” have always been friends with those we term the “Right”. The communists are gone, wiped out in the 80s. So what we’re left with are upper class social authoritarians, fabians, whatever you want to call them. And as the book I linked to above shows, they have always gone hand in hand with business interests. Most obviously, look at whose names those big charitable foundations who have been so crucial to the success of the modern total state operate- Rockefeller, Carnegie, RW Johnson, Ford… both “the left” and Big Biz pushing constantly for the hive society, in which we subjects are moulded by the school system to be servants of that corporate (in the broadest terms) state. Free-marketeers, genuine ones, libertarians, get little support from big business for that reason. They don’t want free citizens, they want good little workers churned out for them by the schools. And so on.

    Our ruling junta are technologically and scientifically ignorant, yes. But they’re ignorant about everything they wish to control- human nature, economics, everything. It doesn’t matter.

    Controlling things means pushing those things into the hands of elite-insider corporate groups. Taking the internet, their goal is to kill the small, independent site. By heaping on compliance costs, they can simply force the small website owner (like me) off the web. At the moment, I can run a website for a few pounds a year- I can buy a domain name in a few minutes, some shared hosting, I’m up and running. That horrifies them. It’s so difficult to control.

    Once it’s gone, it’ll be almost impossible to get back, like the High Street killed by the out-of-town development. As the small websites vanish, the business infrastructure that supports them will disappear too, such as webhosts. Web presence will be consolidated into the hands of those who can afford the compliance- big business, big charity, NGOs, governments. Anyone else will be forced to ask for a voice at sites run by corporations- “you may have a blog if you follow our AUP”. And those corporations, even those not actively part of the Big Guv movement, can be easily brought to heel- a few people to be called in for a chat with the minister.

    I don’t think there’s anything really we can do to stop this. They have, for the moment, won. I haven’t seen a single useful suggestion of strategy for stopping The Enemy, in all my travels on the web. There are blogs moaning like buggery, but nothing practical being done, because these people are ignorami at everything useful, but incredibly organised and skilled at political control- because that is all they care about. They can have a scare up and running and everyone screaming for Something To Be Done before we’re even out of the pub. They know we’re beaten. They know that there’s nothing we can do. They know that we could get ten million people marching through Trafalgar Square (licensing permitting) and it wouldn’t get mentioned on the news and would have no effect.

    Probably the key historical thing about the ascent of Blair to the purple was that that marked the historical turning point when they had won; when they had reached that critical mass of control of the hegemony they had been working towards since the Webbs began their little society. They have bulldozed every resistive attempt out of the way; they know they cannot now face a mass revolt, for they have successfully remodelled the population to such a state that that cannot happen. Yes, there are still a few angry stranglers yelling swearily about it, but they can be cheerfully ignored. The memory of what was is now down the hole; even those few resisting have no personal experience of a free society and can only try to piece together narratives of how things might have been; for the rest, the past has been refashioned as such a terror that none now would dare return to any aspect of it. Even many who think they are resisting cling instead to something they call conservatism which when analysed reveals itself as nothing but a desire to return to the earlier stage of progressive authoritarianism when cruder force was used.

    We’ve lost. We’re not losing. It’s over. It makes me sad, it makes me incandescent with fury, but there’s nothing I can do. The barbarians aren’t at the gates. They aren’t inside the gates. They’re in the palace, and most of the population are convinced that barbarianism is just what the place needs.

    And just personally, I feel a grim sense of “I Told You So” that cheers me not a whit. Ten years ago I was saying, the governments will take control of the internet and destroy its freedom, and all I heard was utopian bollocks about how it routes around censorship and can’t be controlled and we’d be free forever now and technology had saved us. And I was saying, enjoy it while it’s here and dismissed as a depressive Eeyore. Well, the information society is going to be, already is in many ways, a tyranny of degree unimaginable to past generations, a tyranny of which historical tyrants could only dream. The first society in which there is truly, absolutely, no place to hide. We’re on its cusp now. Fun’s over, kids.

    “It will soon be possible to assert almost continuous control over every citizen and to maintain up-to-date files containing even the most personal details about health and personal behavior of every citizen, in addition to the more customary data. These files will be subject to instantaneous retrieval by the authorities. Power will gravitate into the hands of those who control information.”

    -Zbigniew Brzezinski, 1970

  6. NickM says:

    Thanks for your thoughtful and long comment. I fear you are right. I fear it is over. But if it is I, for one, shall take up cudgels. And I seriously mean it. Several hundred years of English freedom will not be relinguished without a fight, even if that fight is ultimately pointless. We will go down fighting. To the Andy Burnham’s of this World, Come and Get Them!. You cunts!

  7. RAB says:

    Ian B you write like a dream and read like a nightmare

    That’s why I too fear you are right.
    And I am so thick at this computer stuff, I dont realise what i’ve lost yet.

    But like Nick (who does know) I will put up a fight to the last.

    I have offered up my Gaff as a place of sanctuary before.
    It’s all paid for
    plenty of room
    on top of a hill
    and has a field of fire, oh almost 360 degrees. 😉

  8. NickM says:

    This place was built in 1600 and has walls which are 18″ of stone. It’s also up a hill. A couple of .50 calibres and we is sorted.

  9. Sunfish says:

    Nick and RAB:

    As well-armed as the police and the army are over there, outgoing gunfire is probably unnecessary. I’d tell them that if they didn’t piss off and respect our cultural diversity, then I’ll file all kinds of IA complaints about their racism towards New Mexicans (Colorado being near NM), Georgians (Georgia, Geordie, same difference when we’re playing the chickenshit diversity game), Samoans (who are Pacific Islanders, and Cats is from Australia, which is an island in the Pacific), whales (whales, Wales, we can quibble about whether we meant Celts or cetaceans on our own time-they don’t need to know), and the obvious Islamophobia (Hebrew being a semitic language like Arabic, and Arab = Muslim at least as far as dipshit Diversity Coordinators are concerned) etc. And if that doesn’t work, we accuse them of being violently heteronormative and sexually repressive for their attempts to censor Ian.

    And if that doesn’t work, we taunt them a second time and launch a fucking cow over the wall.

    Off to snowshoe around some place with no stakes in the ground. See you all in a week or so.

  10. RAB says:

    Ya think so then Sunfish?
    Well it’s worth a try!
    But we’ll keep the 50 mms on standbye if you dont mind.

    Have a great week, and dont kill more than you can eat!

  11. NickM says:

    I said .50 calibres. Half an inch – 12.7 mm not 50 mm what d’ya think I’m trying to do? Start a fucking war or something? Jeebus Christ. That’s the ‘stan that is. You know why the Afghans took the Taliban in? They promised law and order. Of course the cure rapidly proved to be worse than the disease. But… I can see their thinking. The ‘stan was “ruled” by warlords and the tipping point at which folks said “biring on the theocrats” was a dual by two warlords. Both coveted the arse of a young boy and decided that the honourable thing to do was fight a dual over the buggering rights, in downtown Kabul, in tanks, in broad daylight.

    Anyway I have space for an F-35B here and frankly I feel the grunt-work beneath me so it’s “Death from Above” time. I reckon a supersonic stealth(y) STOVL strike fighter about fits the bill.

  12. […] have mentioned before the despicale attempts by the likes of the reprehensible Andy Burnham to censor the internet. Well […]

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