Anyone about my age will know The Krankies. They might want to forget the utterly talentless and vaguely sinister fuckers on the BBC in the ’80s but they can’t. I can’t.
Children’s entertainers The Krankies have disclosed that they used to be swingers who enjoyed a lifestyle wilder than rock stars.
OK. This is going to be good by which I mean bad.
Very bad.
Ian and Janette Tough, both 64, confessed that they each had a string of lovers in their 70s and 80s heyday and shared an “anywhere, any time” attitude to sex.
Their act - such as it was - consisted of him being a bloke and her dressing as a schoolboy to “comedic effect”.
The married couple told how they once trashed the tour bus of rock band Status Quo and that on one occasion Ian flattened magician Paul Daniels with a single punch in a bar.
Speaking on BBC Radio Scotland’s Stark Talk show yesterday, they said they only curbed their excessive lifestyle when they realised they were “playing with fire”.
The pair, famous for their catchphrase ‘fan-dabi-dozi’, said they feared their other partners were getting jealous and that kiss and tell stories would wreck their careers.
That is probably the most staggering thing I have read this year. I would be less surprised if Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was offering himself for hire at Bar-Mitzvahs in Tel Aviv. I mean really. I can sort of imagine if my little black book contained the names of Kylie, Uma and Cate some people would consider me a bit of a goer but Wee Jimmy Krankie? Not in the name of all that is unholy! If those three aforementioned ladies had had their lady gardens tended by yours truly then I might be in a boastful mood but Screwing with the Krankies… Well, I wouldn’t be jealous or blogging. I would be sitting here with a glass of Scotch and a revolver. I mean how do you live down fucking a Krankie?
Describing their “active” relationship, the comedy duo, who soared to fame on children’s TV show Crackerjack, revealed how they were once swept across the Channel while having sex in a boat.
That is a misuse of the words “comedy”, “soared” and “fame”.
Janette, famous as naughty schoolboy Wee Jimmy Krankie, said: “We had a little boat. It was only a little 12 foot boat and we went out for Sunday lunch one day and we thought we’d get a bit romantic on this boat out at sea, and we nearly ended up in France.
“He couldn’t make it last that long now.“
Oh my Gods! I really, really didn’t need to know that!
The couple said their outdoor sexual escapades frequently involved golf courses, with Jersey being a particularly memorable location.
Speechless.
Just read the whole thing here. I honestly can’t go on. It is utterly vile.
These are the Krankies.
I wouldn’t with yours via remote control from a continent away.
The whole thing is too gruesome to contemplate. I saw the headline at The Daily Mail and didn’t dare click the link.
Hmm. Actually, I’m not really surprised at all. Relatively dull bloke married to a midget who dresses up as a schoolboy, and they’re in showbiz? Sure, they were swingers. Why not?
And anyone who “flattened magician Paul Daniels with a single punch in a bar” can’t be all bad.
I could have done without the other details, though…
Not for the first time do I find myself not regretting growing up without a TV.
Please! I’m trying to eat my Tea!
Who’s it gonna be next? I was buggered by Jimmy Clithero?
Or Lord Charles…
The Swingers Gazette and Advertiser describes him as…
“A bit of a wooden performance when not given a hand, and watch out for splinters…”
The ‘Daily Mail’ - truly, a public service to the nation, bringing us all the news that’s fit to print. And also totally unsuitable to ever see…
*fetches screwdriver to hammer into brain*
I always thought the Krankies was a vent act.
Oh well, live and learn. At least I now know who the dummy was.
By all accounts, Mr Ahmadinejad is of Jewish descent, so your comparison is probably a little closer to reality than you might have thought?
Ya know, I’m all for swingers and other various forms of recreational sex if done safely, sanely, and consensually, but for the love of God, why do people have to tell us about it?
Money dfwmtx, and more sex…
I’ve just read the full piece… Golf clubs? oh please God not Golf clubs! I am now completely bunkered! All I can see in my minds eye now is him and her cavorting in the sand at the Road Hole bunker at St Andrews with him saying to her…
“I think you need to tighten your grip and hold it lower down the shaft…”
Thats it, all over, a lifetimes love affair shattered, sob… My clubs go to the charity shop come New Year
Random fact: For a while, The Krankies lived in Peterlee. Bet they livened up the local swinging scene no end…
Peterlee. Christ almighty! I know Peterlee quite well and it is a profound shit-hole. I would argue that it is the crappest town in England with the possible exception of Siloth in Cumbria.
Just read this…
http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/2011/dec/15/apollo-pavillion-peterlee-listed-building
I haven’t been this surprised since Gwyneth Paltrow went on live TV to call her grandma a cunt (yes, she did).
Thank You, I am still laughing, I thought I’d clicked on too the Mash.
John Gibson
‘They said their antics often made rock stars look tame’
Actually, when it’s put like that it all becomes so clear:-
Jerry Lee Lewis, Jimi Hendrix, John Lydon, Keith Richards, Pete Townshend, Moon, Cobain, Hutchence; Christ, even Amy Winehouse. What wouldn’t they have given to hang out with Ian and Janette Tough?
And look at the giants they WERE hanging out with…
Led Zepplin? Nah, Status “the only riff we know” Quo.
Well this was quite the revelation. I had absolutely no idea what you were writing about. My thought process went something like this:
What the hell is a Krankie?
Oh, a kids’ show in the UK from the 80’s.
Staggering? Really? Once again, what the hell is a Krankie?
Then…
“These are the Krankies”
The only term that comes to mind would be vapor lock. When that passed, I think I strained something laughing.
I thought nothing could make me think better of this sad excuse for an act, but flattening Daniels, well, “That’s magic!”
No Ed P, that’s called a natural involantary reflex
What awful people.
Glad I had never heard of them.
Sad that I have now.