Anyone about my age will know The Krankies. They might want to forget the utterly talentless and vaguely sinister fuckers on the BBC in the ’80s but they can’t. I can’t.
Children’s entertainers The Krankies have disclosed that they used to be swingers who enjoyed a lifestyle wilder than rock stars.
OK. This is going to be good by which I mean bad.
Ian and Janette Tough, both 64, confessed that they each had a string of lovers in their 70s and 80s heyday and shared an “anywhere, any time” attitude to sex.
Their act - such as it was - consisted of him being a bloke and her dressing as a schoolboy to “comedic effect”.
The married couple told how they once trashed the tour bus of rock band Status Quo and that on one occasion Ian flattened magician Paul Daniels with a single punch in a bar.
Speaking on BBC Radio Scotland’s Stark Talk show yesterday, they said they only curbed their excessive lifestyle when they realised they were “playing with fire”.
The pair, famous for their catchphrase ‘fan-dabi-dozi’, said they feared their other partners were getting jealous and that kiss and tell stories would wreck their careers.
That is probably the most staggering thing I have read this year. I would be less surprised if Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was offering himself for hire at Bar-Mitzvahs in Tel Aviv. I mean really. I can sort of imagine if my little black book contained the names of Kylie, Uma and Cate some people would consider me a bit of a goer but Wee Jimmy Krankie? Not in the name of all that is unholy! If those three aforementioned ladies had had their lady gardens tended by yours truly then I might be in a boastful mood but Screwing with the Krankies… Well, I wouldn’t be jealous or blogging. I would be sitting here with a glass of Scotch and a revolver. I mean how do you live down fucking a Krankie?
Describing their “active” relationship, the comedy duo, who soared to fame on children’s TV show Crackerjack, revealed how they were once swept across the Channel while having sex in a boat.
That is a misuse of the words “comedy”, “soared” and “fame”.
Janette, famous as naughty schoolboy Wee Jimmy Krankie, said: “We had a little boat. It was only a little 12 foot boat and we went out for Sunday lunch one day and we thought we’d get a bit romantic on this boat out at sea, and we nearly ended up in France.
“He couldn’t make it last that long now.“
Oh my Gods! I really, really didn’t need to know that!
The couple said their outdoor sexual escapades frequently involved golf courses, with Jersey being a particularly memorable location.
Just read the whole thing here. I honestly can’t go on. It is utterly vile.
These are the Krankies.
I wouldn’t with yours via remote control from a continent away.