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The Spirit(s) of Christmas…

I was recently in my local convenience store buying a bottle of wine and at the head of the queue at the check-out was a lady (perhaps mid-60s) who was, at the time, clearly a considerable fan of high romantic composers of the Germanic tradition and at least one movement short of a concerto. There was a queue and it was a bit late but she felt the need to regale us all with her joke…

You know what’s wrong with Santa Claus? He only comes but once a year and then just down the chimney!

Well, it’s not a great joke. It’s not even a passable joke (more like something Jim Davidson thought better of back in ’87) but you had to be there and everyone was kind of sort of amused. Not least when she returned looking utterly meerkatted having “lost” her hand-bag and told it again and collapsed into ribaldry.

She was wearing a vaguely Chinese cut zip-front blouse in black shiny stuff with many small pictures of terriers emblazoned upon it.

I guess if that joke could be improved (which it can’t for it is awful – though funny as hell in the context) then it would be with the addition of something like, “… despite having both sacks full!” I mean Wilde or Wodehouse it was not. But is that the point?

I wish you all a Merry Christmas!

That lady was clearly having one.


  1. Jay Thomas says:

    This joke comes for the classic bawdy soul song “Back Door Santa” by Clarence Carter. “I ain’t like old St Nick, he don’t come but once a year…” I make all the little girls happy while the boys are out to play…”

    definitely worth checking out on YouTube

  2. APL says:

    Jay Thomas: “I make all the little girls happy ..”

    Quick must call the social!

    Just about to wander off in search of Clarence C., but if it’s bawdy you want, Bessie Smith should be at least on you itinerary.

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