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Sir Salman Speaks (So Do I…)

Ask yourself the question that if the Kashmir problem were resolve tomorrow, if Israel-Palestine reached a lasting peace, do we believe that al-Qaeda would disband? Do we believe that Lashkar-e-Toiba and Jaish-e-Mohammad would put their guns down and beat them into plough-shears and say we would now be farmers because our job is done.

I mean the point about is that is laughable, right? And the point about that is that that is not their project. Their project is power. This is a power grab by the most obscurantist, revanchist, old-fashioned, medievalist idea of modern culture that attempts to drag the world back into the middle ages at the point of modern weaponry …

- Sir Salman Rushdie.

I couldn’t have put it better myself but then I have never won the Booker Prize (bastards!). None of the jihad has anything really to do with it’s “root” causes. Anybody who believes that Hamas (who recently got a righteous kicking at the hands of the IAF – good) would be happy ruling all of Israel/”Palestine” under the iron sandal of Shariah is kidding themselves. The whole World belongs to Allah ya know? Islam is our natural religion which is why Islam doesn’t boast “converts” but “reverts”. Both me and the Kitty Kounter (aka an agnostic and an atheist) are actually Muslims and the fact I prefer having a beer to having a beard is merely me straying from the path of righteousness as revealed to an illiterate kiddie-fiddling warlord and generalised scum-bucket. I mean for fuck’s sake couldn’t the creator of the Universe have chosen someone with a bit of credibility? A guy in his thirties with a trade would fit the bill. Hell, that could be either me or Jesus.

I have a general theory of religions. Religions cause problems in indirect proportion to how rational they are. And this is for a very simple reason. Christians don’t normally go raving mad and holler themselves hoarse calling for beheadings because Christianity is pretty rational and in fact much of it’s moral tennents are the same as my (Godless) own. Christians by and large don’t feel that terrible need which is driven by having to justify the unjustifiable five times a day. That’s why Muzzies Go Mental over the likes of the MoToons of Doom or the Teddy of Terror. It’s because they have fuck-all rational justification for their deranged belief system and therefore have to try very hard all the time to keep it up. It’s the theological equivalent of tap-dancing on custard. The minute you stop and start wondering why you start to sink. Why else does the teaching of the “religion” of Muhammed require so much ritualised movement and recitation? You know just like Commie brainwashing during the Korean War.

But enough of that. Let’s look at the facts…

Let’s look at Christ’s rap sheet: (alleged by Dan Brown etc) he had a sexual relationship with a willing adult woman. Well – so fucking what?

Muhammed’s rap sheet (and heralded as a good thing by his numerous apologists): peadophilia, rape, murder (including captives), sex-slavery (“whatever your right hand posesses”), genocide (and if killing every Jewish male of the Qurayzah old enough to have pubic hair and fucking the rest isn’t genocide* then I’m a bloody Dutchman), banditry, pillage and generalised chaos all endorsed by a God who denies free will.

Great ain’t it? I have read enough of Robert Spencer’s epic Q-blog (via Jihadwatch – it’s blog-rolled) to know that last fact. Allah calls the righteous to the “One True Faith” and those that aren’t called are designed that way in order to give Shaytan’s stoves something to burn. Seriously. Believing in Islam is believing in a God who creates reasoning beings solely to torture for all eternity. Well, my Muzzie pals… that ain’t the God I choose** not to believe in. That’s depraved and frankly a bit childish. And I do mean that. I once dated a theology student. She was flat-out fascinated by Islam (and had great tits but that’s another story…) because she simply didn’t get the appeal. Well, EH, it’s this simple: there isn’t any appeal. Just balls-out intimidation and violence. And it has been that way since Muhammed had his first kiniption fit in a cave in 610 AD. Muhammed spent years in Mecca with fuck-all in the way of followers until he pissed off to Medina and raised an army. The unmitigated bearded cunt that he was. He was forty at the time. Sounds like a bloody mid-life crisis to me. Not a meeting with an Archangel but who am I to comment? I’m only 35 so I haven’t bought the Porsche, got the comb-over and traded in the missus for a newer model just yet. 35 of course not seeming too old in the context of the C21st with everything that Western (post-) Christian science has achieved which is of course something it could do whereas Islam never could because of that core precept (“Allah’s hand is not fetterred”***).

If only Big Mo had dumped the missus for Ms Lewinsky and traded in his camel for a faster camel (Porsches obviously being out of the question back then) the World would be so much a better place. At least we wouldn’t have a billion plus lunatics ranting and raving and blowing shit up anyway.

Not that that would really matter if we just regarded Islam as the mid-life crisis of an “immoral bedouin” (Churchill) and not a “great” religion. I have no idea why we cosy up to the likes of the Saudis or the Pakistanis. I really don’t know why our left aren’t raising fucking Cain over the treatment of the homosexuals, adulterers and apostates in such countries… I have no idea why Channel 4 (for example) would spit their dummy out of the pram (and right over Nelson’s bleeding column) if it was suggested that an opponent of gay civil unions was suggested as a suitable person to deliver their alternative Christmas message but that Mahmoud Dinnerjacket is OK because he just hangs the buggers. I don’t understand “The Left” for a very simple reason. Sad to say, I don’t really give a flying one about anyone other than my family, my friends and my cat. Oh I know that sounds harsh but… What would you prefer?

*Muhammad ratified the judgment stating that Sa’d’s decree was a decree of God pronounced from above the Seven Heavens. Thus some six hundred to nine hundred men from the Qurayzah were led on Muhammad’s order to the Market of Medina. Trenches were dug, and the men were beheaded; their decapitated corpses were buried in the trenches while Muhammad watched. Male youths who had not reached puberty were spared. Women and children were sold into slavery, a number of them being distributed as gifts among Muhammad’s companions. According to Muhammad’s biographer Ibn Ishaq, Muhammad chose one of the Qurayzah women (Rayhana) for himself. The Qurahzah’s property and other possessions (including weapons) were also divided up as additional ‘booty’ among the Muslims. The following details have been chronicled consistently by Muslim sources: The arbiter (Sa’d Mu’adh) was appointed by Muhammad himself; Muhammad observed in person the horrific executions; Muhammad claimed as a wife a woman (Rayhana) previously married to one of the slaughtered Qurayzah tribesmen; the substantial material benefits (i.e. property, receipts from the sale of the enslaved) that accrued to the Muslims as a result of the massacre; the extinction of the Qurayzah. That’s from here. Emphasis mine.

**Used for rhetorical effect I don’t think my (non)religious beliefs are an active choice. I just don’t believe in much the same way I like my steaks rare as hell and my tuna just mildly seared. Yes, I eat raw meat. Anyone who likes it “medium” is a big girl’s blouse. I know a great steak place in Prague where the chef’s wear firemen’s hats and even my (vegetarian) wife liked it. And it was pretty cheap and the service was excellent.

***Key point in the Qu’ran. Allah is all powerful so the Universe is a mere whim of His. It does not display the regularity needed for science because Allah can do anything even the illogical. This became dogma about 700-800 years ago and all that (much hyped) glorious Islamic science hit the buffers at that point. Just Google “Muslim Winners of the Nobel Prize”. It’s a dismal crop. Compared to the Jews, for example, it’s fucking appalling.


  1. Jack says:

    As one former astrophysicist to another, can you give me the name of that restaurant in Prague. We’re going there next week and it sounds like my wife would love it.

    As to the rest of the post, there doesn’t seem much to add.

  2. NickM says:

    Sorry can’t recall. But watch this space. It was over in the Little Quarter which is worth a wander anyway.

  3. CountingCats says:

    In your list you left out oath breaking, political assassination and demands with menaces.

  4. NickM says:

    I thought of “oath breaking” but frankly considering Big Mo’s many sins it seemed small beer. And therein lies the rub. (and beyond lies the Wub). I don’t believe in Christ or the Buddha or whatnot but I seriously don’t believe in Muhammed. Becuause (am I still allowed to say this Andy Burnham?) He was a cunt. Muhammed was born a cunt. He grew up and at the age of forty he became a cunt of world-class standing. Because he was essentially a cunt.

    Ultimately it comes down to this. Muhammed was a cunt.

    To the tune of a famous Limerick…

    Muhammad was a cunt,
    Muhammed was a cunt,
    He ate pork pies,
    And he had four wives,
    Muhammed was a cunt.

    H/T my wife.

  5. CountingCats says:

    No, oath breaking is major. Without going down the stupid road of claiming all muslims are liars, because they aren’t, it provides justification for any islamic state to negotiate in bad faith with a clear conscience.

    And the average muslim is limited to 4 wives, Mo, as Gods Messenger, had 20+.

    The rules didn’t apply to him.

  6. NickM says:

    But they do apply to Abdul-public. I’m currently listening to Alison Goldfrapp a scantily clad Jew – raise the militia!) and I is a leetle bit pissed (well it’s Christmas) so whilst I know that the supreme moral arbiter had more wives than I’ve had steak dinners… Well, fuck him I ought to have more sirloins (I like them bloody as hell BTW). I have one wife and that’s more than enough. No, seriously fuck him. I once spent a pleasant Christmas with Jews (the world’s only other juridical religion – and yup I did the washing-up in a Kosher manner) but at no point did they seek to impose. I have great respect for that.

    Muhammed never had more than four wives at a time (though he got through them at a fair rate). I do though utterly fail to guess where that “morality” comes from. I mean sex for me is not just automatically made OK by some bearded cunt saying it is so…

    I just seriously don’t get it. I have had sex without the bands of marriage and for me that was always a heck of a lot more moral than “owning” the girl. I mean for fuck’s sake I have been married for just over 2 years and we have been together for over nine and we spent all that time playing Monopoly…

    Marriage means something way different to me….

  7. Vince says:

    “I really don’t know why our left aren’t raising fucking Cain over the treatment of the homosexuals, adulterers and apostates in such countries…”

    Little thing called moral relativism that’s raping our culture at the moment.

  8. El Draque says:

    Teeny weeny comment.
    The original post refers to Jesus as a chap in his thirties with a trade.
    The NT doesn’t record his job.
    He’s described as the “son of a carpenter” so people assume he adopted his (apparent) father’s trade.
    But the phrase is also slang for “uneducated”.
    Maybe Joseph wasn’t a poor carpenter then.
    Maybe he wasn’t poor. He was registered for Roman taxes so must have been in the top 2% of the population in terms of income.

    I can assure you, it’s tough being a Bible-believing Christian at Christmas, when so much of the Nativity Play isn’t in the Bible text.

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