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Diet Coke Kills!!!

This story absolutely dominated the entire front page of The Express.

ONE can of diet fizzy drink a day can dramatically increase the risk of a stroke or heart attack, a study has revealed.

The new findings claim that millions of Britons who believe that the drinks are healthier and can keep them in trim may in fact be wrong.

It is the latest research to highlight the growing health concerns associated with non-alcoholic drinks like carbonated liquids and fruit juices.

Previous studies have shown that the drinks, which are packed with artificial sweetener, can cause long-term liver damage similar to that seen as a result of chronic alcohol abuse.

And others have shown that having as little as a couple of cans of pop a day, like cola or lemonade, raises the risk of liver damage as well as potentially causing diabetes and heart damage.

Just read the whole thing. It’s hilarious. Highlights include the use of scare quotes around the word “vascular” and a remarkable 11th hour volte-face on the perils of fruit juice. Personally I’ll stick to drinking gin (without the tonic – especially not lethal slimline tonic) out of a cracked teapot.

14 Comments

  1. David Gillies says:

    What a crock of shit. They cite an RR of 1.43, for a start, which is epidemiologist-speak for ‘statistically insignificant’. It’s hedged around with ‘might’ and ‘could’ and, of course, that old chestnut, ‘more study is needed’ (so keep the gravy train running.) There’s no mention of even a putative method of causation. These fuckers won’t be happy until we live on nothing but tofu and twice-boiled water.

  2. Tim Newman says:

    Previous studies have shown that the drinks, which are packed with artificial sweetener, can cause long-term liver damage similar to that seen as a result of chronic alcohol abuse.

    Right, so we may as well get ratarsed as drink orange juice. Suits me!

  3. CIngram says:

    Wow!! The Daily Express still exists!! I had no idea. And it hasn’t changed a bit.

    And David Gillies is quite right, of course. The study shows nothing at all, statistically speaking.

  4. RAB says:

    I drink nothing with artificial sweetners in it. Why? cos it tastes like shit. Real sugar only for me.

    I look askance at my dear lady wife who takes her tea with artificial sweetners and her “pretend” (semi skimmed) milk, with 4 Hob Nobs and thinks she’s on a diet.

    That’s a thought of course. Where does this “evidence” leave the righteous anti white death (sugar) industry? up the same creek without a paddle as the Nicotine patch industry and the evil chemical muck that is margerine industry?

    Real Butter, Sugar and fags for me, if I’m going to die (which, what a suprise! I am) I may as well run full tilt and full flavour at it.

    And as WC Fields once said Tim, about the flask of orange juice that he promised to drink to keep him sober to complete a film he was making, which he regularly used to spike with Vodka, but which concerned production types switched for the real thing…

    “Who’s been putting Orange Juice in my Orange Juice!!”

  5. I hate to bang the same old drum, but it’s another prime example of the Niemoller-like use of the tobacco control template. The ‘no safe level’ argument.

    We saw it first with smoking, then passive smoking, then Prof Nutt used it to talk of no safe level of alcohol intake, then you can’t take your kids to McDonald’s … ever! Now fizzy drinks.

    It’s just the same method transplanted. The smoke-haters hold seminars now to teach these things to other dreary fucknuts.

    Buried beneath each ‘health’ scare is some nasty bugger earning a barrowload of cash on the back of it.

    It’ll be another two decades before the general public will start to understand the lies told in the name of their health though, sadly.

  6. [...] but we’re back to liver damage now. Don’t try dodging it by opting for sugar-free, that gets you just the same. Something is damaging livers and someone is looking to shift the blame. It will be affecting [...]

  7. Barman says:

    Another day, another health scare….

  8. Andrew Duffin says:

    What’s the backstory on this one, I wonder?

    We know where we are with the anti-smoking and anti-alcohol fanatics, it’s a minor health risk dressed up in today’s “There must never be any risk at all” clothes and giving power to the elbow of the puritans who are always amongst us.

    But Coca-Cola? What evil, exactly, are they pretending to try to avert?

    It really is time to point and laugh, is it not?

  9. Single Acts of Tyranny says:

    There have been times in my younger days, when a diet coke saved my life from a possibly terminal hangover. It has stopped me dehydrating in sunnier regions, given me the caffeine blast to push through some late night work, made for handy storage of a drink on many occassions and been quite a nice mixer for various cocktails.

    Thank you coca-cola, fuck-off and die* Daily Express.

    (*By something much, much more lethal than drinking Pepsi Max!)

  10. Lynne says:

    The stupidity doesn’t amuse me in the least. It’s people like us who are forced to pay the rent of these fucking parasites.

  11. Robert says:

    “But Coca-Cola? What evil, exactly, are they pretending to try to avert?”

    My guess would be: Coca-Cola is American, therefore it’s evil, nuff said.

  12. bloke in spain says:

    “What’s the backstory on this one, I wonder?”

    Asd Dick Puddlecoat says:

    “Buried beneath each ‘health’ scare is some nasty bugger earning a barrowload of cash on the back of it”

    As with most things, follow the money. Look at the players. The folk did the research? Not sure. The actual research is something you might want to be doing. Looking at the effects of guzzling artificial sweetners. So it depends on what findings it actually produced. On the evidence, not much & not definitive. From then on it’s all to do with dosh. Brit Heart Foundation mouthpiece is paid to market health scares. Way BHF secures its funding. Express sells newsprint. It’s a story turns ink n’trees into dividends. Most others involved are coining it one side of the argument or other.

    My view? Why would you be bothered about the 30 odd calories in a split when you’re about to tip high calorie alcohol in it. People drink that stuff without alcohol? Good grief!!!!!!!

  13. bloke in spain says:

    Incidentally, always worth noting with these stories how the ‘product’ is never a generic cola but specifically a highly market visible market leader like Coke ™. The story actually rides on the back of the multi-million Coke ™ advertising budget, the reason it’s highly market visible.
    If the authors were honourable, they’d chip in with the ad fees.

  14. bloke in spain says:

    Oop’s, for once they didn’t do it. Should have read the article more closely.

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