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Diplomatic Impugnity

According to the Daily Telegraph, Madonna’s ex squeeze Sean Penn, has been boxing in matters well above his intellectual microbe-weight.  When I say well above I’m not talking stratospheric, I’m talking  lunar orbit.  Hollywoodland has rich deposits of stupid which are exploited on a daily basis and exported to the world’s political stages and media by the megaton.  Lucky Penn has discovered a seam of pure moronite and is currently fracking for all he’s worth. The dense mineral is extremely toxic which might explain why he is totally nucking and  completely futz:

Sean Penn has accused Britain of colonialism and urged the government to open negotiations with Argentina over the Falkland Islands.

Penn is Tinsel Town’s self appointed ambassador to Argentina.  Ah, bless.  And he’s discovered a big word too: colonialism.  Gosh.  And now he’s stamping his feet in anger and pointing his self-important and pig ignorant world renowned US diplomat digit of dumb doom at li’l old Britain.  Oh, my.

At a meeting with Argentine president Cristina Kirchner, the Left-wing Hollywood actor referred to the islands “the Malvinas Islands of Argentina” and said Britain should entered into a UN-sponsored dialogue over their sovereignty.

No, we shouldn’t.  The UN supported Britain following the Argentinian aggression thirty years ago.  As did NATO and the Commonwealth,  Even the Organisation of American States refused to come out in favour of Argentina.

“The world today is not going to tolerate any ludicrous and archaic commitment to colonialist ideology,” he said during the meeting in Buenos Aires.

I’m so glad to hear that.  I mean, no tolerant nation would consider launching a ludicrous, pre-emptive strike against a foreign state in order to consolidate an archaic commitment to colonialist ideology would they.  Oh, wait…

“I know I came in a very sensitive moment in terms of diplomacy between Argentina and the UK over the Malvinas islands.

That explains the dignified, statesmanlike air wanking at the beginning of the DT video.  No getting off to Page Three or Playmate of the Month for Mr. Penn.  I guess that Cristina must be a real hottie, eh?

“And I hope that diplomats can establish true dialogue in order to solve the conflict as the world today cannot tolerate ridiculous demonstrations of colonialism.

Here’s some dialogue for you, Mr. Penn.  Sod off and mind your own bleeding business and pass the message along to Hillary Rodham Clinton and that muppet you call a President while you’re at it.  I’m sorry I can’t be more diplomatic but you see I find it hard to tolerate being lectured to by a mental pygmy ridiculous demonstrations of hand-wringing, no-nowt, lefty bollocks.

“The way of dialogue is the only way to achieve a better solution for both nations,” he said, according to the Buenos Aires Herald.

We’ve already tried that.  It didn’t work.  It was Kirchner herself who told Gordon Brown back in 2009 that there would be no further dialogue regarding the sovereignty of the Falklands because, as far as she was concerned, the mineral deposits islands were the property of Argentina, so there. The 1995 agreement between the UK and Argentina regarding joint oil exploration was ripped up by Argentina’s then president, Kirchner’s husband, almost five years ago.  It was undiluted hubris; an infantile dummy throwing exercise.  The only acceptable solution, according to Kirchner, is the complete surrender of UK sovereignty over the Falklands, or else.  Oh, and to stop exploiting the mineral wealth that belongs to Argentina forthwith.  I guess Penn was too busy rewriting history stretching the boundaries of improbable and clichéd scenarios to breaking point starring in movies to notice.  We should be grateful that Mr. Penn has taken time out of his busy schedule to act on his lady friend’s behalf.

The Oscar-nominated Penn has long been a friend of South American nationalism, visiting both Venezuela’s Hugo Chávez and Cuba’s [Fidel Castro]

And with the addition of Cristina Mr. Penn is well on the way to collecting a comprehensive set of Latin American Loonies.   Will a feature film be far behind?

The [British] government has consistently refused to take part in any negotiations over the status of the islands, saying that they will remain a British territory as long a majority of the 3,000 islanders wish them to.

That’s because Argentina isn’t interested in negotiating, Kirchner herself having made that perfectly clear in 2009, so what’s the point in opening a unilateral negotiation?

Last week, Argentina submitted a formal complaint to the UN, accusing Britain of “militarising” the South Atlantic by sending HMS Dauntless, the Royal Navy’s most advanced ship, to the region.

Yeah, it’s one thing for Argentinian ships to stop and search merchant vessels heading for the Falklands.  Having the cojones to stop and search HMS Dauntless is something else.  Let’s not mention Argentina’s sabre rattling which has a history of turning into pre-emptive armed conflict. Let’s also not mention its own “militarising” of the South Atlantic, policing and delaying merchant vessels carrying vital supplies of fresh fruit and vegetables to the Falklands.  Many captains, frustrated by the delays, turn back, their cargoes undelivered.   Falkland islanders are being deprived of vital nutrition.  What’s the UN going to do about that?

Tensions between the two nations are running high as the 30th anniversary of the Falklands War approaches.

And if the Argies decide to kick off a second time we’ll be waiting for them.

It’s interesting that Penn has taken a stand against colonialism.  When  you look at Argentina’s ethnicity it is (quoting Wiki): 86.4% European (mostly Spanish and Italian), 8.5% Mestizo (mixed native and European), 3.3% Arab, 1.6% Amerindian and 0.4% Asian and others.  Indigenous people make up less than 2% of the population thanks to mass European colonialism?  Shome mishtake, shurely?

Argentina declared Independence from Spain in 1816 and claims it “inherited” the Falklands from Spain at this time.  That’s right, the same Spain responsible for colonising South America and subjugating the indigenous peoples.  Perhaps Mr Penn should insist that Cristina hand back the land stolen from the original inhabitants in order to make amends?  No?  I mean. this anti-colonialism works both ways, yes?  And while he’s at it he can make an appointment with Hillary and demand that the US is returned to its original owners.  And that includes Tinsel Town.


  1. RAB says:

    Nice little piss take here…

    And the pic! Oh ye Gods! Can’t play the guitar either, by the looks of it. Two finger chord??

  2. NickM says:

    Thanks for fisking that so I didn’t have to! You covered all points wonderfully. We took the Falklands and planted a flag which the penguinista residents tended to be “like whatever” about in 1833. Sean Penn can fuck off with his imaginarry colonialism and go back to sucking Hgo Chazez’s cock which is something of a come-down from Madonnas’s tits but that’s life.

    Alas, despite his insane views on a whole smorgasboard of matters (BTW the EEC – as was – backed us at the time – well at least Dassault didn’t sell the Argentinians any more Exocets) Sean Penn is a very good actor. But then I also tell world-class filthy jokes but you wouldn’t want me to be doing surgery on you?

    You’ve given me an idea for post – The Wankers – a bit like the Oscars but for Hollywood’s elite contributions beyond stage and screen.

  3. Bill Sticker says:

    Every time an Argentinian President rattles sabres over the Falklands means their economy is in deep doo-doo and they want to divert attention from it.

    Penn is obviously too thick to appreciate this.

  4. bloke in spain says:

    Aptly named bloke.


  5. Sam Duncan says:

    I spotted this myself and meant to post about it, but I’m a creature of impulse and didn’t get to a computer in time.

    The history of the Falklands is messier than you might think. So is the naming. It’s implied by the likes of Penn that “Falkland” is some kind of colonial imposition, and “Malvinas” is the rightful name. Actually, if anything, the archipelago’s “real” name is the Sebald Islands, the name given to them by the Dutch* in 1600. They became Falkland in 1690, and the French named them “les Malouines” seventy-four years later, upon settling in Port St. Louis.

    Here’s the entire history of military aggression against the Falklands: British settlement at Port Egmont attacked by Spanish warships, 1770. USS Lexington raids Port St. Louis, 1832. Argentine invasion, 1982.

    So much for the spoils of war. Argentina’s claim is based on a short-lived 1828 settlement they say we stole from them. Fact is, they more or less abandoned it while their own Governor turned to Britain for help.

    It was founded by one Luis Vernet, a French citizen born in Hamburg. He was owed money by the United Provinces (forerunner of today’s Argentina), and was given the islands in partial payment in 1828. However, well aware of the British claim (his partner in the venture, Matthew Brisbane, was English), he sought – and received – permission from the UK. After being proclaimed Governor, no less, by the Republic of Buenos Aires (forerunner, etc.) a year later, he asked for a warship to protect the settlement. The republic refused. It didn’t know that Britain had already agreed to come to his defence if any Royal Navy ships were in the area.

    In 1831 Vernet seized three American ships for violating his fishing rights, and sent their captains to Buenos Aires to stand trial. This led to the USS Lexington raid, and some – hoho – fishiness. The Yanks said that they simply seized the settlement’s armaments. Vernet claimed the entire settlement was destroyed, and wanted compensation from the USA. It was refused. BA seems to have done little to assist, much to Vernet’s frustration.

    Destroyed or not, he left the islands, never to return, and they were declared “free from all government”. (Yay!)

    The following year, Argentina tried to establish a penal colony at Port St. Luis. The Commander was killed in a mutiny after four days.

    The British returned soon after, early in 1833, and finding a very small Argentine garrison, asked them to leave. They did, without a shot being fired.

    Vernet’s colony was re-established, ultimately with Brisbane in charge (although he was later murdered). While he never returned, Vernet – Argentina’s Lord High Governor himself, remember – was closely involved, receiving regular reports on its progress from the British government. Indeed, after Brisbane’s death, he specifically requested British help in continuing the enterprise, having fallen out with Buenos Aires over its weakness in the Lexington affair (presumably the attempt to turn his fishing port into a prison didn’t help either). He later sold – sold – much of his interest in the islands to British settlers.

    The islands officially became a British colony in 1840 and have been continuously settled ever since.

    Phew, long comment (which took even longer to write – I’ll bet Sean did’t put as much effort into it as this). I don’t claim to be an expert; truth be told, this is really an attempt to figure it all out for myself. In a way, I can see Argentina’s side of the argument better than I ever have before, but it’s absolutely paper-thin. They had barely any claim to the islands in Vernet’s day – as he recognised himself – and after 170 years of British settlement what little they had has utterly evaporated.

    Doesn’t self-determination mean anything to the Sean Penns of this world? I thought his sort were big on that kind of thing.

    *Sebald de Weert named them after himself. Well, why the hell not?

  6. John Galt says:

    @Sam Duncan:

    Congratulations on the potted history of the Falkland Islands as a rather wet and windy trophy of war. That must have taken a lot of time to put together.

    What must also be remembered is that the British Government was in the process of agreeing a graduated transfer of sovereignty in the Falkland Islands from the UK to Argentina during the Labour government of 1974-1979.

    Indeed it was this transitional arrangement that was eventually used in Hong Kong.

    During the Falklands crisis of 1976-1978, similar tactics were employed, including the sending of a nuclear submarine to the Islands (HMS Dreadnought).

    In fact if Argentina hadn’t invaded in 1982, then it is likely that a transitional sovereignty arrangement would have been instituted at some point during the past 30-years. Certainly the UK government and foreign office have wanted to rid themselves of ‘the poisoned chalice in the South Atlantic’ for a long time.

    This would probably have happened during the minority Labour administration of 1987 under Prime Minister Neil Kinnock (so at least the Falklands War served some political ends).

    The Falkland Islanders would have probably been given the option of resettlement in the United Kingdom and given events in Argentina over the past 30-years, would probably have taken it. Thus Las Malvinas would probably have been an Argentine colony for the best part of 20-years by now.

    Fortunately for the Falkland Islanders, the idiotic Argentines did invade and were stupid enough to do so without being prepared for a UK naval assault (thinking that the UK would just slink away with it’s tail between it’s legs).

    This rendered the issue of the Falkland Islands as a matter of national pride, to such an extent that even the idiot socialists realise they couldn’t just quietly hand the Falkland Islands over to Argentina without a national outcry and probably at least one lost election.

    Thus for both Labour and Tories, the current stated position that “the Falkland Islanders retain the right of self-determination and have repeatedly confirmed they wish to remain as an overseas territory of the United Kingdom”.

    The only thing which might override these events would be a successful invasion of the Falkland Islands, followed by either a British capitulation or repulsed invasion. This would probably result in the Falkland Islanders being resettled either in the Scottish Islands (which are similar in terms of terrain, population and farming skills required).

    The UN would then probably intercede and a transfer of sovereignty to Argentina would be pretty much guaranteed, although the UK would ensure some face saving measures such as a transitional period and the right of return from expelled Falkland Islanders.

    I hope this never happens and the Falkland Islanders can live in peace, but I suspect that as long as Argentina exists in it’s present form, the threat of invasion of the Falkland Islands will continue.

  7. John Galt says:

    P.S. Sean Penn and Cristina Fernández de Kirchner can both go fuck themselves.

  8. NickM says:

    “The Commander was killed in a mutiny after four days.”

    That has to be some sort of record.

  9. RAB says:

    The problem Argentinians have with regards the Falkland Islands is that they have been brainwashed from birth to believe that they are theirs(despite none of them ever having lived there for more than a few moments) and that Britain has stolen them from them. They know absolutely nothing about the Islands, and certainly wouldn’t want to live there if they did.

    But that appears to be changing. I finally found this, which I read a few weeks ago, and in the Guardian no less!

    Now then… another quick anecdote anyone?

    One of my neighbours in Heath Cardiff, Tom, tosser, Evans, (well he was, right imperious git!) used to swan around talking of his illustrious job in the Colonial Service (he was retired) as Minister of Education for the Falkland Islands. Well none of us knew where the Falkland Islands was prior to the Argie invasion in 1982, so we just went “Wow really!, must have been important then, even if he is a twat”.

    Course when the war came, we knew exactly what being “Minister of Education for the Falkland Isles” meant. That is, the headmaster of a small junior school! He never mentioned the Falkland Islands again.

  10. Single Acts of Tyranny says:

    “One of my neighbours in Heath Cardiff”

    I cannot get my head around the fact that someone ‘on the internet’ and someone who is Libertarian to boot, may live about three streets away from where I grew up and my mother still lives ~ is Pum Erw Road close to you?

  11. Sam Duncan says:

    RAB, A friend of my dad’s was the Attorney General of Tuvalu and claims to have written* the Constitution of the Seychelles. Or possibly the other way round (like it matters). Sounds like he’d get along with Tom Evans.

    *The way we were shedding colonies back then, I suspect this consisted of filling in the “Your tinpot state here” bits of a form drawn up by the FCO.

  12. RAB says:

    Oh yes, just round the corner really SAOT. Heath Park Ave. We used to be the local shop, Heath Park Stores. My parents shut it and converted the shop into a front room when they retired. The she Elephant, my 88 year old mum, still lives there.

    Ton Yr Ywen and then Cathays. Boozers, The Three Arches, the Discovery or the Birchgrove, depending on mood or where we’d been thrown out of last. Right across the road from Heath Park (I still remember when Heath House was still standing) and just up the hill from Roath park (well beautiful in all its aspects from the wild gardens through the lake and on to the flower gardens).

    All in all, not a bad place to grow up eh, Single Acts? ;-)

  13. RAB says:

    Oh and by the way Single Acts, just in case you are getting confused, the wife and I live in Bristol, have done since about 1975 (no jobs for us in the Socialist Paradise of South Wales back then, see) but we are over in Cardiff at least once a month visiting family and friends.

  14. bloke in spain says:

    Makes one wonder if it would be possible to see the airbursts of a Trident MIRV cluster over Buenos Aires from Port Stanley?

    Could be quite pretty on a cloudless night.

  15. RAB says:

    General Galtieri, the Argentinian dictator who started the whole shebang back in 1982, is reputed to have said, on hearing that the poor beleaguered, half starved and frozen stiff remnants of the Argentine invasion force had surrendered unconditionally…

    Does this mean that Britain owns Argentina now?

    That’s how tight a grasp the Agentinians have on what constitutes Sovereignty.

  16. Tim Newman says:

    What’s interesting about the Falklands War is that when you ask lefties about it, they come out in favour of a South American right-wing military junta.

  17. Lynne says:

    Sam, I decided not to add a potted version of the Falklands convoluted history because I only had so much time to write the fisk, stealing short amounts of time between performing other tasks to assemble the bare bones. You made an excellent job of filling in the gap and I couldn’t have done it better. Your addition is greatly appreciated and makes the post complete. Thank you. :D

  18. Henry Crun says:

    Always makes me laugh when Americans rail against colonialism. Especially given the way in which the USA cam into being and the record of genocide perpetrated against the peoples already living there.

    And how come a lot of Argentines have German names?

  19. Peter MacFarlane says:

    Rage all you like against Penn, but we all know next time Argentina has a real go at the Falklands that will be the end of the matter.

    Britain has no (NO) aircraft carriers, almost no surface ships, a few Trident subs which are useless in this sort of situation (apart from anything else, Obama won’t allow their armament to be used), and nobody in the world – least of all the US – will lift a finger to help. Why should they? We don’t count for anything any more.

    And to cap it all, the EU will probably forbid us to do anything anyway – remember, we buy all our ammunition from Belgium these days, since we stopped making any ourselves, so they’ve got us by the short and curlies. Would Cameron stand up to them? What do you think…

    There is a lightly-defended airstrip on the islands, but it could and would be quickly put out of action by any invaders, and then no reinforcement of any sort would be possible. Also see all the above.

    It’s over, folks.

  20. Sam Duncan says:

    No trouble, Lynne. As I said, I was really finding most of it out for the first time myself, and writing the comment helped put it into some kind of order in my mind.

    Reading over it again, it seems obvious to me that what happened circa 1830 was that the only government of the islands recognised as legitimate by the Republic of Buenos Aires seceded from that Republic, inviting Britain to take over. In other words, the principle of self-determination doesn’t simply rest on some kind of unwritten statute of limitations, based on 170 years of British occupation (let alone its defence in 1982); by the time the present colony was founded, the Falklanders – what there was of them – had already determined they didn’t want to be part of Argentina.

    Tim: Indeed. Between that and the mullahs, it makes you wonder if leftists have any principles at all.

  21. Lynne says:

    Peter McFarlane – Don’t discount the mineral wealth of the Falklands having an influence on any EU decision to repel a second Argentinian invasion. After all, the Green Nightmare is gradually coming apart as stark reality claws it way back into the limelight.

    Any EU refusal to allow the UK to engage might just be the final straw. We live in interesting times.

  22. NickM says:

    Precisely. The exact sort of junta which would pass electricity through their genitals before ensuring they were never seen again…

    Yes and no. We couldn’t re-take the Falklands but if the UK forces (esp the Navy) are disgracefully buggered so are the Argentinian ones. What can be done is to defend the islands and the key to that is in order to invade the Argentinians have to use surface vessels and the RN has a Trafalgar class mooching around the gaffe. if we have sufficient Intel assets (dubious since Nimrod MRA4 was fucked-over) that could sink the entire Argintinian fleet because if Argentina has a singular weakness it has zilch in anti-sub warfare. Now, obviously if we sank all that we’d be in the cunting-house (“they were only on exercises!”) but will Mrs Kirchner risk the Armada at the bottom and not a hope in hell of winning an election again. I mean they’re economically and militarily fucked too.

  23. Talwin says:

    Thanks, Lynne, for providing me with the opportunity to say I’ve been to the Falklands: a day there as part of a cruise around South America.

    As we tendered ashore to Stanley (not now Port Stanley apparently) the rain appeared, lashing horizontally for hours. We went by Land Rover to Bluff Cove where even the penguins looked miserable and pissed off. Even the lunchtime fish and chips in one of the pubs were rubbish.

    The place really is a dead-and-alive, treeless hole which, without its recent history vis-a-vis the UK Task Force, has absolutely nothing to commend it. Of course, if there’s oil, different kettle of fish.

    As it happens, our ship was en route to Stanley when the Argies first started buggering about again. We were the first vessel to visit and there was talk around the ship that when we arrived at our next port of call in Argentine Ushuaia, we would be arrested. Sadly for future dining-out stories, the Argies couldn’t even be arsed to do that.

  24. Single Acts of Tyranny says:

    RAB As a youngster growing up in the mid 1980′s I always thought the Discovery a better pub for girls, but just beyond stagger range so it was the Birchgrove or the New Inn (as was), for me.

    Yes, Roath Park, what a lovely old place ~ quite impossible to do today of course.

    Likewise, I bailed from the socialist paradise and now live in Hampshire

  25. John Galt says:


    “The place really is a dead-and-alive, treeless hole which, without its recent history vis-a-vis the UK Task Force, has absolutely nothing to commend it. Of course, if there’s oil, different kettle of fish.”

    Yes. It will be a dead-and-alive, treeless hole with oil. Surprisingly similar in fact to Sullom Voe on Shetland.

    Since Talwin has come out of the closet, I must admit to being a bit biased as well. I was out there for 3-weeks in 1993, testing a ground-to-air missile system GEC-Marconi that couldn’t hit a barn door if it was holding the fucking handle. Fortunately I was only responsible for the hopper, not the missile targeting system.

    As civilians we couldn’t get a direct flight to the Falklands and had to go via Brazil then Chile then on a dodgy small turbo-prop from Chile to Port Stanley. To be honest, while the locals were both friendly and appreciative of the efforts of those coming from the UK to support the defence of the island, they had all the usual attributes of yokels everywhere.

    The two predominant features of the island were the wind and the rain, made worse by the tin roofs of Port Stanley which sounded like a cat pissing on a can, day-and-night then night-and-day.

    You’ve got to have a lot of character to stay in a place like Port Stanley, or obstinacy, or the lack of opportunity to go anywhere else. Most of the time these things combine which is why there were stringent efforts (back in 1993 anyway) to stop fraternisation between the troops and the locals.

    This was two-fold, one because most squadies are sex starved reprobates anyway, but for the larger part because the opportunity for the girls to flee the islands for the bright lights of the UK on the arm of a soldier or even worse an RAF pilot was considered a real issue for the sustainability of the islands.

    Things have changed since and to a certain extent life seems to have normalized, but they are still far from living the life of Reily.

    I respect their determination to resist the Argentines, but I don’t envy their position, oil or no oil.

  26. Edward Lud says:

    Why’s this Penn pill sporting a Hitler ‘tache and quiff? He looks like a human version of one of those felines you see on

  27. Lynne says:

    Looks more like a rodent to me. Distinctly rat-like in fact.

  28. RAB says:

    The Disc was always good for Hot Totty Single Acts, them Cyncoed girls were well heeled too. Had many a fun night going back to their mini mansions, for some of daddies Scotch, a spliff or two and whatever came our way, wah hey!

    Did you ever get out to the Ty Mawr or the Maen Llwyd? Lovely old country pubs those. You needed car for those though.

    Mention this to your mum, she might even remember when our shop was still open. We used to get the Welsh Rugby team in often, of the classic Barry John etc vintage, buying Coke and fags on their way to the Training College in Heath Park where they used to train.

  29. Single Acts of Tyranny says:

    “Ty Mawr or the Maen Llwyd”

    Well if we could persuade our only friend with a car (the classic allegro!) to drive we would go there, but as you might imagine, only once or twice as he liked drinking as well.

    You mention something I was thinking about the other day. In the 1970′s sport wasn’t over-coached and professional, especially Rugby but also cricket, tennis and one or two others. Sure standards were lower but the sides and the players looked different, and all had different styles. These days all fast bowlers look the same (Malinga aside) and with masks on could you really tell Feder from Nadal from the top ten and international Rugby these days? Pass me the steriods!

  30. In case some of you didn’t have time to read RAB’s link up top, there are suggestions floating about the U.S. that Penn return his Malibu estate to the Mexicans who should rightfully own it.

  31. Paul Marks says:

    There was not really a country called Argentina in the 1830s – just what is now the capital and the area around it.

    Nor did the later Argentina even claim the place – till the 19 (yes 19) 30s.

    Peron and other Fascists wanted their own wild claims (like their heros Mussolini and Hitler).

    The present President of Argentina is very much in the Fascist tradtion (even down to locking people up for stating what the true price rise figures are).

    However, she is supported by the various far left regimes in Latin America (no surprise there – collectivists of various different types often ally against “reactionary capitalist” places like Britain).

    And there be the problem……

    There is a little secret about the 1982 war – one that most British people do not know.

    Britain could not have won without active American support (missiles for the aircraft, spareparts, the use of bases, military intelligence – and on and on).

    Errrr Comrade Barack may not prove to be the friend of Britain that (in private) Ronald Reagan turned out to be.

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