It’s the Hump! Yes, Engelbert Humperdinck shall represent the UK at Eurovision. Oh, yes! Can you think of a better way to piss from a stratospheric height on Angie’s Merkin and Nick’s Sarcophagus? The Leicester (he was originally named Arnold George Dorsey) crooner who lives in Vegas. He has a simulacrum of an East Midland’s pub in his backyard there. He can even pour himself a pint of mild - God help him. Anyway, excellent. We are royally taking the Michael here. Excellent stuff. Bring it on! Anyway it’s just not the same without Terry Wogan getting pissed. Norton is OK but he is not of the same water. Well, I shall watch but it’s not the same. I once watched it with a US citizen and she was like… Well she had this demented idea that Europe was a global seat of advanced culture until the Eurovision. The British Museum, The Prado, The Louvre… All seemed to fade and she was from Georgia where the Dukes of Hazard came from. She even said to me, “So the Scandinavians all vote for each other?” And I’m like “yup!”. The only people the UK can count on are the Irish and the Maltese. We are not popular but so what?