Every time I turn the TV or the radio on, there it is, heading towards its doom in the gloom and the Iceberg, Polar Bears cheering like Sirens from the Berg’s upper reaches (that’ll teach ya for Global Warming you arrogant human bastards!).
I’ve had the straight story in the 1958 film, a Night to Remember (you bet it was) the romantic bollocks of the DiCaprio version, socio economic studies of the British class system viz who gets to get in the not nearly enough lifeboats first, “Women and children first, then the first class passengers, then the second and finally the steerage and coloureds, and the band played on (they all died).
Was it all down to Imperial arrogance? (unsinkable) bad workmanship? bad riveting ? the bulkheads not reaching all the way to the deck? What did it mean for the reputation of Belfast as the best shipbuilding town in the world? Was it a portent of the First World War?
Did Global Warming cause it, them icebergs being so far South? (you can’t leave that one out these days can you?) Why did ships close enough to rescue ignore the distress calls? Were the Lookouts drunk?…
Quite frankly I don’t fuckin care! It was a terrible tragedy, with a huge loss of life, but thousands of ships have sunk in equally tragic circumstances before and since, but we don’t get this minute bloody scrutiny of them do we?
There is even a cruise going on that traces the exact journey of the doomed ship, that is laying a wreath on the exact spot it sank on the anniversary. Well I feel like towing a bloody big iceberg into its path myself, just in the interests of realism you understand. I mean, how fucked up and maudlin do you have to be, to be on that particular cruise!!
E fuckin nough of the bloody Titanic already!!!