Counting Cats in Zanzibar Rotating Header Image

You can tell you live in Cheshire when…

This morning I had a medical appointment. I don’t sleep. I was very tired for it which I guess means I presented with the condition. It also meant I presented with my wife. I like her appearing with me for medical issues for a very simple reason. I like to have a recording angel – that’s a William Gibson ref – when Case gets quizzed by the Turing Heat.

Anyway, the doctor says make an appointment with Alison the nurse for an EKG and some blood tests. Fair enough except the receptionist says for the EKG appointment I am not to have any body lotion on. According to my wife I pulled an interesting face. I was born in the RVI in Newcastle in 1973. Body lotion! For hell’s sake! I know practicing homosexual men who would regard body lotion (whatever that is) as being a bit gay.

How very dare they cast such nasturtiums! I mean it wasn’t that I thought I was upset about questioning my sexuality. Not that I care anyway being a socially liberal kinda guy and like you know I know I’m a heterosexualist. I mean it was obvious – I was there with the missus -the same woman since 1999. No, it wasn’t that. Someone accuses me of being gay – well water off a duck’s back! If I don’t regard homosexuality as wrong so why should I care? But this was hinting at meterosexuality like I waxed or did meditation or read the Indy or was a Green or something. Christ almighty! I go to airshows and read Tom Clancy. Body lotion! Sheesh!


  1. Henry Crun says:

    Body lotion yechhh. I am what some might call hirsute. so much so that I don’t have a bath, I go to the dry cleaners.

  2. RAB says:

    Heh! Nice one Henry.

    Ah Cheshire. Doesn’t Wayne Rooney live round your parts? I thought he had his own brand of body lotion on the market, called Old Shag?

    I’m Welsh, we didn’t even have baths, not even at the pithead, we just ran around naked in the perpetual rain once a day.

  3. NickM says:

    They all live round here.

  4. Lynne says:

    Everybody’s doing a brand new dance now – c’mon baby, remove the body lotion.

    Heh heh

  5. john in cheshire says:

    NickM, haha. I wonder what is body lotion and should I be concerned that I’m not using it; does it delay the onset of aging? Or reduce the distended stomach that seems to stay regardless of exercise?

  6. NickM says:

    I think you shall surely die! Gok Wan surely wouldn’t approve. You ought to check out my bathroom. It is like the lair of an alchemist. That’s the missus. I have no idea what jojoba is because I’m a bloke and like hitting things with a hammer and having fires and chucking petrol on them. I once blew a fridge up for the sheer hell of it.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: