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Ode to a Hangover – Part I

I’m not sure about the future of CCiZ but if I have to go I’ll do it with a laugh.

The fuzzy mists of Autumn
Made golden by the sun,
Lent veils of light to trees and shrubs
And things that rhyme with “un”.

Into that crisp and mellow day
Emerged our hero, Bob,
Dressed to the nines in a suit and boots
He really looked a nob.

For a rabbit he was quite the man
A well-read, gentle soul.
Well, normally, that is to say
For today his mood was foul.

His head felt swollen, fit to burst
And he muttered something sinful.
The night before he’d hit the booze
And taken in a skinful.

High on a branch above his head,
A thrush sang out its heart.
Bob shook his fist and shouted out,
“You can quit that for a start!”

“That racket is intolerable,
That stupid high-pitched trilling.
It sets my teeth all on edge
Just like a dentist drilling!”

The thrush then stopped his warbling song.
“Shut up yourself,” he hissed.
“I’m not about to still my tongue
Just ’cos you got pissed!”

Bob glared at his tormentor
With eyes of blood-shot red.
His lip curled into quite a snarl
As he wished the bastard dead.

After turning up his collar
He slouched off down the lane
Then suddenly, a piercing shriek
Made worse his throbbing pain.

The Hedgehog boys jumped into sight,
“Good Morning Mr. Rabbit!”
Then they danced about and yelled a lot,
A normal children’s habit.

“Shut up! Shut up!” the bunny cried,
“There is no need to shout!
Shut up this awful caterwaul
Else I’ll land you each a clout!”

Out from her tidy burrow
Mrs. Hedgehog’s head did pop,
One paw clutched tight a duster,
The other held a mop.

Her shrewd brown eyes took in the scene
And she frowned at all the fuss.
She said, “Really, Mr. Rabbit
You’re behaving like a wuss!”

“My kids are playing in the sun
And doing no one harm.
You’ve never bawled them out like this,
What’s happened to your charm?”

“There’s a better place to play, I think,”
The bunny he did crow.
And inclined his head towards the road
Beyond the tall hedgerow.

Mother Hedgehog’s eyes grew round
And she chewed her bottom lip.
For a moment she was lost for words
Then finally let rip.

“Are you suggesting what I think,
You stupid lop-eared f***?
That my kids go play on the big highway
To get squished by a truck?”

With mop in hand she charged at him
And landed quite a thwack.
“Come here you drunken prick,” she yelled,
“’Cos your skull I’m going to crack!”

Common sense dictated
That the bunny run like Hell,
So he took off rather sharply
To the Tinkling Ringing Dell.

Will there be a Part II?  Who knows.  CCiZ in now in the lap of the gods.  Let’s hope that Blind Io is feeling mellow.

14 Comments

  1. Julie near Chicago says:

    And Lynne Herself’s the Poet here?
    If so, well done; Bravo!
    We’ll hoist our tankards, drink to cheer
    And toast the fair Io.

    (If you think that will help. –Or even if not, perhaps. Although if not, I hope we don’t run afoul of Mrs. Hedgehog. )

  2. CountingCats says:

    Blind Io is a male god. I know there are acceptable contexts, but not sure the word ‘fair’ is fully appropriate here.

  3. John_R in Western Australia says:

    Io, Io, it’s off to work we go …

    Well, I hope someone does; I’d hate us to lose this blog. There are too few sanctuaries nowadays on the interwebs.

  4. HSLD says:

    Write one about Greebo Lynne, we have been owned by many versions of him ( the most authentic being the demon in cat form known to us as Rooster J Cogburn, who had one eye and would have cheerfully waded into a river to fight a bull moose )

    He wasted a fox once, but never did get hedgehogs figured out.

  5. Julie near Chicago says:

    Io? The one Zeus was allegedly so hot for that Hera had to do Something Drastic?*

    At least, that’s the Io I thought Lynne was referring to; so “fair” was supposed to be a play on words…. :>)

    Although I truly intended only to tell Lynne I enjoyed the saga of Bob Rabbit thus far.

    *From the Foot of All Knowledge:

    “Io /ˈaɪ.oʊ/ (Ancient Greek: Ἰώ [iːɔ̌ː]) was, in Greek mythology, a priestess of Hera in Argos,[1] a nymph who was seduced by Zeus, who changed her into a heifer to escape detection. His wife Hera sent ever-watchful Argus Panoptes, with 100 eyes, to guard her….”

  6. RAB says:

    Lynne, you are a blessed treasure! Keep on keeping on girl!

  7. CountingCats says:

    Julie,

    Blind Io is a god occasionally mentioned in Terry Pratchett’s Discworld books. He is known, along with other gods, to play chess, using live pieces, and the discworld as the board. His most formidable opponent is only ever referred to as The Lady. On those occasions luck is not on his side….

    Pratchettophiles can recognise even the most glancing reference.

  8. Julie near Chicago says:

    Ah! I thank you for the elucidation, Mr. Cats. I know of the Discworld, of course, but have never peregrinated therein. Perhaps one day I may visit.

  9. CountingCats says:

    I recommend, I really do recommend, that you read them in the order published. The world grows as new characters and new concepts are introduced.

    The first two, while excellent introductions, are a different flavour to all the rest.

  10. Tim Newman says:

    The first two, while excellent introductions, are a different flavour to all the rest.

    That’s a shame, because I thought the first two were better than the third. I’ll start reading the rest at some point.

  11. Tim Newman says:

    And yes, superb poetry Lynne!

  12. Rob F says:

    Tim, Try ‘Guards! Guards!’. I think that’s where the Discworld series really started to kick off.

    Lynne, I’ve read your poetry twice, because at the moment I’m still seeing double. Hic.

  13. macheath says:

    A delight!

    Do you draw as skilfully as you write? It would surely lend itself to a Ladybird-style presentation along the lines of ‘Downy Duckling’ or ‘Lost at the Fai’r.

    I second Rob F’s recommendation – ‘Guards, Guards!’ and ‘Wyrd Sisters’ and their sequels are the pick of the (universally excellent) Discworld crop.

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