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Jessica Ennis is fat.

This is Jessica Ennis…

Obviously, I think you will all agree she is a right bloater. Unlike this kid, obviously, for whom a trip to hospital required structural engineering…

My personal take is, well, personal. Last night, after my wife had gone to sleep I watched Springer and he had two lasses fighting over a bloke (obviously a no-good-nic: I only slept with your sister because…) and one was very skinny and missing teeth and roughly twenty years older than her birth certificate suggested as you’d expect crystal-meth to do to someone and the other was grotesquely fat. The chunkster stripped to her bra (made by Zeppelin) and her panties (Harland and Wolff) and Jerry looked ashamed for once. And well, so he should. The spectacle was seismic. Now I like curves on a woman as much as the next man but there is curves and there is tectonics. Now I am not casting nasturtiums or anything but this “lady” ought never to be allowed anywhere near Japanese nuclear stations.

So, I guess, World-class dreadfulness. But back to Ms Ennis. Who precisely released this nonce? Last weekend I watched in Manchester the female pole-vault. Now obviously athletes look athletic. These did. They were World Class and all. I am glad I saw that because I’ve always thought it about the most deranged thing imaginable. I mean how do you start to pole-vault?

I suspect it is obscurely related to US birtherism over Obama. In much the same way Obama supporters saw last time around that birtherism hit the Republicans harder (by showing-up they had a stock of mentalists and it utterly detracted from the real issues) Ennis supporters are doing the same thing. I know. I know.

But is the victory of Jessica Ennis less important than that of Mitt Romney? Not to me it isn’t (though I know who I’d rather shag – and no Mitt it really isn’t you). The footie season is over so the hell with it all! Well, there is the European Cup in Poland and the Ukraine. Wayne Rooney is visiting Auschwitz so what could possibly go wrong? But stuff that! If Roy Hodgson gets us out of the group stage I shall eat underwear. Obviously not the underwear of the lass the paramedics had to demolish a house to get at. That would be above and beyond. I mean you could bring a C-130 to a prompt stop with her gusset.

17 Comments

  1. A “fat girl” like Miss Ennis?

    Hell yes.

    Really, if you have a six-pack (especially if you are oestrogen loaded i.e. female) you aren’t fat.

  2. NickM says:

    You know SAoT that is exactly the reason why most of the readership here is male and straight and knocking on a bit. Fine, whatever. But do you ever wonder why libertarianism doesn’t appeal to 20-something lesbians? Why is it always middle-aged blokes? Like me.

    Let us fly our flag for everyone. I am piggy rotten sick of libertarianism being seen as pulling the ladder into the airship and saying, “Feck you!” to the lower orders. We are not about that and neither was your book. I did say it passed the essential test didn’t I? How quickly I read it. That was a bloody quick read so thanks a lot. Put it this way if I’d picked it up in a store for 5 quid I wouldn’t have regretted it. Write more. You have a talent. You can write a thriller that can’t be used as a doorstop and that is wondrous!

  3. Single Acts of Tyranny says:

    “But do you ever wonder why libertarianism doesn’t appeal to 20-something lesbians? Why is it always middle-aged blokes? Like me”

    I agree. Speaking as a member of the lower orders (the old man was a lorry driver, ghastly comprehensive school etc), I reckon it’s because no-one tells you about the anarcho-capitalist position when you are young. My journey was at sixteen ~ yep socialism seems to make sense; twenty-two, hang-on, the state seems to suck at everything it does, and very expensively at that, so I must be a right-winger then because that’s the alternative right? Then I randomly came across Rand and from there Rothbard, Hayek, Austrian economics and all the rest.

    The normalcy bias is powerful, no-one in the middle ages said “hey how come we are all short with lousy teeth?” Leviathan government is assumed to be normal and benign not the gun in the room which it clearly is.

    But I take heart from two things. First this, it’s easier than ever before to find the libertarian position. Second, I think at some point in the next decade, fiat money will die, certainly in the West. We will have to revert to some kind of commodity money system and this will reduce state wealth and power but increase our freedom (unless they get totalitarian of course!)

  4. John Galt says:

    @NickM:

    …that is exactly the reason why most of the readership here is male and straight and knocking on a bit…

    Oi! Speak for yourself – even some of us puddle jumpers are libertarians you know.

    On the point about Miss Enice being a porker, this is only ‘reality’ in the eyes of the obesity scare neo-nazi’s. Just like the 3 and 4 year old kids that are diagnosed as obese.

    All this BMI stuff is utter ballhocks.

  5. NickM says:

    SAoT,
    Fiat money is a dead man walking. what worries me is what else it takes down with it. You, me, uncle Tom Cobley…

    As to the general point. “A man who isn’t a socialist by 20 has no soul, if he isn’t a conservative by 30 he has no brain” – Winston Churchill.

    Puddle-jumper John?
    New one on me and Viz was like mother’s milk to me. But seriously. You are the only openly gay reader I can think of here. I can’t for the life of me think of any lesbians. It worries me because this site is the sort of bastard offspring of Samizdata which is a sort of exemplar of libertarianism and that doesn’t seem to get many friends of Dorothy either. Or women in comfortable shoes. That is a line from a medical student, Andy, I once lived with. He had many such lines. He, moderately in his cups, once opined that he hated the gynaecology rotation because he thought it so sad to see so many women with “sick choppers”. Seeing as “chopper” was Andyish for “penis” he got looks. Bloody good centre-forward though. Top scorer in the league for Radcliffe Olympians. He got me to quiz him for his finals. Nobody knew what “Chronic Brain Syndrome” was. A registrar at the Newcastle RVI later told me (in a social context). It isn’t good.

    Yeah, BMI is toss. I mean real toss. It reminds me of women’s dress sizes. I buy jeans and a T-shirt and three measures come into play. A woman buys a dress it’s like is she an 8, 10, 12 or whatever.

  6. Philip Scott Thomas says:

    Nick –

    You are the only openly gay reader I can think of here.

    The key word there is, of course, “openly”. I am in the same camp – you’ll forgive the expression – as John, but as I regard it as no more relevant to my identity than my hair or eye colour I don’t generally make a point of mentioning it in either blog comments or social situations.

    I was thinking last evening of mentioning it in relation to one of your comments on the Manchester 10km thread with which I disagreed but I was, to be honest, too absorbed by the Gay Olympics in Azerbaijan.

  7. Philip Scott Thomas says:

    BTW, Nick, while I owe Samizdata an enormous debt of gratitude for converting me from a conservative Conservative to a libertarian I would now happily disavow any personal association with that site.

    There was a time, back when it was Verity rather than Alisa who felt the need to comment on every fricking post, that I was proud to be associated with Samizdata. Heck, when John Humphrys on BBC R4′s Today programme called it “the blog that everybody read” I was irrationally proud to be a member of that community. These days, not so much.

    Micklethwaite is pointlessly florid and useless. Amon posts about space crap I couldn’t possibly care less about. Even the host, Perry, I’ve come to see over the years, is a credulous numptie who is outraged by every bit of rubbish to come down the turnpike. The only posters and commenters worth the bother of reading are Johnathan Pearce and Paul Marks*. The blog is, for any practical purpose, moribund.

    There was also, once upon a time, also Devil’s Kitchen and Obnoxio the Clown. Both of them, while still technically alive, are, for all intents and purposes, dead.

    In short, Nick, CCiZ is the last bastion of readable and entertaining libertarianism on the net. Your role in its destruction is not something to be proud of. Mrs Nick, if the picture you posted are anything to go by, is a canny lass and you are a good man to defend her honour. But that can go too far. You have, frankly, lately been a dick. It’s past time for you to knock that shit off, listen to RAB, and start being the witty, engaging and enjoyable advocate of libertarianism you once were.

    *Anything Paul writes, on any blog, is always worth reading. He is quite possibly the greatest advocate of libertarianism in the UK today. What he hasn’t read (and remembered) isn’t worth knowing about.

  8. “Fiat money is a dead man walking. what worries me is what else it takes down with it. You, me, uncle Tom Cobley… ”

    Not financial advice blah blah but Adam Ferguson in “When Money Dies” noted some people who saw it coming down the track and went off fiat money personally and thus were able to profit when the currency died.

  9. APL says:

    With regard to the Elephant. Yea, the one that had to be removed from her bedroom by engineers.

    Since she couldn’t move from her room, here is my question …

    Who the fuck fed her all that shit?

    I mean, was it ‘the social’? From what I read, admittedly not much about it, but her parents are pretty much a write off too.

    So, who brought the take aways, and quick meals around? That shit is pretty expensive in the quantities the whale must have consumed, so who paid for the stuff?

    And why ain’t they being prosecuted?

  10. NickM says:

    Her Mum fed her 13,000 calories a day. Where the monies came from? God knows. But yeah APL I get the distinct impression you and me paid to make foie gras out of a teenager. The bitter irony is the lass had attended a “fat camp” in the USA and lost a load of weight and upon her return Mum has the fish and chips in. Epic fail.

  11. NickM says:

    The gay olympics in Azerbaijan. Yeah, that about covers it. Did you see the gaff they built specifically for it? This is like the biggest thing in Baku since Stalin had a purge. Dear Jesus, what a hell-hole! Sometimes I am glad to be from a G8 country and not a crapulation.

  12. John Galt says:

    @NickM:

    New one on me and Viz was like mother’s milk to me.

    Then you need to read more Viz then ‘cos that’s exactly where it is from, albeit quite a while back – when it was funny and wasn’t £3.20 an issue.

    I know quite a few gay former-Tories like myself and Philip Scott Thomas who have crossed the bridge from being conservatives to out-and-out Libertarians. From a personal perspective I find the Libertarian camp being more acceptable.

    Equally, most are now in their early 50′s and run their own businesses. What motivates us is not just the right-on bollocks from the left, but the ability to keep the vast majority of our hard earned in our pockets.

    Compared to that, bedroom preferences are secondary.

  13. RAB says:

    £3.20 ! That’s certainly not bloody funny, it’s supposed to be a comic for kids. What does the Beano cost these days then?

    Little factoid here. A very old friend of mine’s animation company did the tv version of Billy the Fish.

  14. NickM says:

    Viz is &GBP;3.20 a shot! Christ all fucking mighty! It was pocket money when I were a lad (and of course I bought it because it said not for sale to under 16s). Now pocket money might have gone up… I used to smuggle it into the USA. My girlf there thought it bloody hilarious. They had nothing like it in Georgia apart from the Republican Party. And then there is the Demmycrats. Her Ma once voted for Jimmy Carter. Lived long enough to regret that. But then many of us did regrettable things in the ’70s. My father once bought a pair of flared pantaloons. I grew up in the ’80s and ’90s and thank you Ronnie and Maggie! You were emotional!

  15. John Galt says:

    @NickM:

    By the way, I did send you an e-mail, to your NickM@CountingCats.com e-mail address offering to submit some articles, but just got a bounce-back from the e-mail server.

    Should I try a Oui-Ja board next time?

  16. NickM says:

    John,
    You could try nick@xmuse.co.uk. That usually works!

  17. Bilovisso Sanspoul says:

    Climate of Freedom – Part I: Lord Monckton on Obama Eligibility

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