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Hell’s Bells!

RING IN THE OLYMPICS! Aunique bell-ringing event will soon be taking place nationwide.

Martin Reed, the Turner-prize-winning artist and musician was commissioned by the Cultural Olympiad to create a piece to welcome the 2012 Olympics and Paralympic Games.

Work No.1197. All the bells in the country rung as quickly and loudly as possible” by Martin, a former attender at Glasgow Meeting, will be performed throughout the UK on Friday 27 July, between 8.12am and 8.15am.

Thousands of people are expected to take part. John [?] Creed wrote to Eye to say “BBC Radio 2 and BBC TV is including it in their programmes. Groups and institutions have organised special bell ringing events throughout the UK, which you can join or just ring your own bell[-end?], whether travelling to work on a bike [but not in the Zil lanes obviously otherwise you are alerting yourself to Lord Coe's Strength through Joy STASI and you will be taken out with a Rapier missile], a doorbell.

- From “The Friend” (The Quaker paper) 27/7/12 edition.

Check out the web site. This actually happened. Our local campanologists enthusiastically but tunelessly went absolutely fucking mental (a technical psychiatric term at 8am and didn’t stop ’till 8-20am. It was as if the bastarding Wehrmacht had landed. This country has gone the totally twatting bonkers. How much are we pissing-up the wall on this farce? How much did they pay Creed for this storming musical composition? I mean Elgar it ain’t is it. And the BBC was tenting it’s collective y-fronts about this. They showed everyone joining in apart from grinches like me. Including a baby with bells on it’s teething-ring. The baby was wearing a “Team GB” T-shirt as well. I found that almost as sinister as the labrador guide-dog with a Union Flag neckerchief ringing it’s little bell. Maybe it’s appropriate after all because it seems to me that we have fallen to a sort of National Socialism conceived by Fred Carno’s frigging circus. I am being unfair to the great impresario there.

Frankly I’m beginning to get really annoyed at this utter travesty. Can we coat Seb Coe in treacle and release the honey badgers? See if he can still run a four minute mile. We are spending a bloody fortune we don’t have to make this country into an international laughing stock.

24 Comments

  1. john in cheshire says:

    And we’ve got Hitler weather for the games too.

  2. NickM says:

    jic,

    Very good :-) Reckon Boris has been sacrificing virgins or something?

  3. RAB says:

    Well I wonder how the bloke with the DC9 fuselage come arts lab is doing negotiating the lanes of Wales, not a peep on that story. And the bloke from Scotland with the tons of Norwegian rock that he intended to build and island that would demonstrate Global Warming is doing as well, cos it’s all on the back of this preposterous Glorified Schools Sports Day. All paid for by us!

    And iDave and Co think this is an ideal opportunity to sell our stuff to the rest of the World…

    ” Ah you’re a British Security Firm… er no thanks, we’ve just signed up with Taliban.Com, just to be on the safe side.”

  4. Thornavis says:

    My mum remembers the 1948 games or rather she doesn’t as apparently nobody was much bothered really. OK they’d just come through something rather more important and there’s the reason I think, no one was going to elevate the games to the level of hysteria we’re witnessing now, they had a proper sense of what really mattered. Even if it hadn’t been the exhausted aftermath of the most destructive war in history the British of that era would have been far more restrained, what happened to us ? We used to be cool.

  5. RAB says:

    Thornavis,

    I read a story recently, about a British competitor for the 1500 meters, in the 1948 Games. He worked for an engineering firm and wanted the day off to compete. But they wouldn’t give it to him. Luckily his event was on a Saturday afternoon (half day). So he put in a morning’s work bashing metal, then caught the bus to the stadium and changed in the bogs. He didn’t win or anything, but that was true British spirit. No Olympic Village or Zil Lanes for him, or sponsorship, just the privilege of taking part. The true spirit of the Games.

    Oh and talking of Sponsorship… Tee Hee!

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2179550/Olympics-2012-Our-bags-Nike-logo-zippers-Adidas-tweets-Egypts-Yomna-Khallaf.html

  6. RAB says:

    Stardate 21.54 GMT

    Are you watching this shit! I mean really watching it? I knew it was going to be bad, but nothing compared to this! I have tears in my eyes and they have nothing to do with Pride and joy in my Nation.

    Which of us Kitty Counters is going to be the first to put the boot in? I nominate Nick, but if he aint quick I’ll be in like Flynn.

    The expression on the Queen’s face said it all… Oh my fuckin God, why hast though forsaken my Nation that I worked my ass off for?

    Mr Bean??? Mike Oldfield??? Pretty Vacant? you bet!!…

  7. Lynne says:

    Seems our local vicar didn’t subscribe to the “art”. And since I refuse to tune in to any of this crap I’m afraid I can’t stick the boot in. Well not directly.

  8. Kevin B says:

    “I’ve got this great idea. At twelve minutes past eight on the Friday evening we’ll get everyone to ring their bells. 20:12 see. Twelve minutes past eight.”

    “Great idea Martin! Just one thing though. Let’s make on Friday morning eh. Kids’ll be going to school and it won’t clash with Corrie.”

    “No luv. It’s twenty twelve. 20:12! Geddit… Wait, how much are you paying me. Whenever you like dear”

  9. Single Acts of Tyranny says:

    Just don’t watch. I spent the evening in conversation with my Farsi speaking in-laws and my Farsi is very much “La Plume de ma tante” stuff.

    “kapootam pareh shod to dar oomadi” As Seb Coe may now be thinking, if he is a Farsi speaker.

  10. Radical Rodent says:

    Talk about rubbing salt into our national fiscal wounds but why, oh why, is every announcement in French (truly a minority language) before English?!

    And am I the only person who felt that the opening show was a propaganda-fest? With those interviewed, and others zoomed in on, you could get the impression that the indigenous population is very much in the minority.

  11. RAB says:

    Because French is the official language of the Olympics. It was re-invented by a Frenchman, though he owes a lot to an English bloke from Much Wenlock Shropshire, who really invented it.

  12. Radical Rodent says:

    Okay, RAB, I stand corrected.

  13. Sam Duncan says:

    Glasgow Meeting, eh? Didn’t hear anthing here. Mind you, since a crowd of local killjoys got an abatement order slapped on the bells at St. Mary’s Cathedral down the road, you can barely hear them above the traffic.

    Anyway, Recycled Goon Show Gag of the Week (which I was going to put in a post of its own, but it’s not really worth it):

    Now that the Olympics are here at last, they can finally do something useful: go away.

  14. RAB says:

    Bugger stand corrected (and yes I agree, they could use the host language first, but we know what these copyright buggers are like by now don’t we?) It’s a service we offer here on Counting Cats, free of charge. ;-)

    This is the bloke to blame…

    http://www.smithsonianmag.com/history-archaeology/The-Little-Known-History-of-How-the-Modern-Olympics-Got-Their-Start-160282505.html?c=y&story=fullstory

    All our bloody fault again you see! Oh God it’s bloody Paul McCartney on now!!! kicking the corpse, er can down the street! Beam me up Scotty!

  15. John Galt says:

    Brenda didn’t look too happy at all did she? Like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle.

    Mind you she is 86 and by the time they got to her bit (and a very short bit too), it was well after midnight, so understandable really.

    I thought much of it was funny, but most of it was just strange.

    Christ only knows what the foreigners thought of it.

  16. JuliaM says:

    I can’t really complain about the opening ceremony, RAB, because……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… the Red Arrows came right over my house in formation!

    Anything, after that, would have been an anticlimax. :)

  17. JuliaM says:

    Radical Rodent: “And am I the only person who felt that the opening show was a propaganda-fest? With those interviewed, and others zoomed in on, you could get the impression that the indigenous population is very much in the minority.”

    Nope. I had to stifle giggles every time the camera panned across the ‘bucolic English countryside’ and showed us a maypole surrounded by Somalis, Ghanaians and Pakistanis.

  18. John Galt says:

    I had to stifle giggles every time the camera panned across the ‘bucolic English countryside’ and showed us a maypole surrounded by Somalis, Ghanaians and Pakistanis.

    Certainly, but this was a utopian vision of Britain, not the actual real-life in the 17th / 18th century which (as Thomas Hobbes put it) was “”solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short”.

    So join in the Olympian communitarian spirit of these things and appreciate that the powers that be would have come down on Mr. Boyle pretty hard if his utopian dream hadn’t been politically correct.

    If he had only placed whites in the pre-Windrush era, then this would have been interpreted as “Ethnic cleansing to shame the Nazis” or similar politically correct hyperbolic clap-trap.

  19. Laird says:

    Whatever happened with the proposed moment of silence to honor the terrorist victims of the Munich Olympics 40 years ago? Did anything get done?

  20. Kevin B says:

    Laird, the Muslim countries said no and the IOC bent over.

    Spitzer, who jumpstarted an international campaign to garner a minute of silence at the London games, reported that Rogge told her that “his hands were tied” by the influence of the 46-member group

    Her rejoinder to Rogge: “No, my husband’s hands were tied, not yours.”

  21. Laird says:

    I knew that the IOC had genuflected to the Muslims, but the last I heard Spitzer et al were trying to get people to spontaneously (and without IOC recognition) engage in a moment of silence anyway, sticking a well-deserved finger into Rogge’s eye. I had also heard that one US TV commentator was planning to observe it. Any word on whether any of that happened?

  22. JuliaM says:

    John Galt: “… and appreciate that the powers that be would have come down on Mr. Boyle pretty hard if his utopian dream hadn’t been politically correct.”

    Almost certainly. But, oh, just once for someone who stood up and said ‘No! I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more!’ and refused to go along to get along, eh? Isn’t that true artistic bravery?

  23. John Galt says:

    Almost certainly. But, oh, just once for someone who stood up and said ‘No! I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more!’ and refused to go along to get along, eh? Isn’t that true artistic bravery?

    But this is an Olympic Opening Ceremony, subject to oversight at the highest level (David Cameron and Brenda) and even involving Brenda herself in the Quixotic amusements. You don’t get that kind of opportunity without toeing the line.

    What do you think this is? A Twisted Sister concert?

  24. NickM says:

    Two issues here.

    One. The minute’s silence for the ’72 massacre was probably just a trading point to get various Arab countries to send female teams*. I also tend to think it was not needed and never going to happen. They did it for the 7/7 bombing victims. I thought they did that oddly in that it was not obvious without the commentary and video what was going on. But essentially two minute silences would have been odd.

    *Interesting fact here. In the Kingdom of Shoddy Absurdia they a few years back closed gyms (and other sporting facilities?) for women and girls. These were sexually segregated anyway so what were they afraid of? Women on their own talking and in their more lurid moments (and in such repressed societies these can be half-hours) lezzing it.

    Two. If we allow two truths here. Most performers were volunteers from the local area and that this was theatre. The last Shakespeare play I saw had black actors in Macbeth. So what? It’s theatre! Shakespeare never set-out to make documentaries did he? He made his pile from entertaining and he certainly did entertain.

    Auxiliary point. Empire Windrush is hopelessly mythologised. Like we’d never had immigrants before? My forebears arrived from Ireland and Norway way before and then there were Jews and Huguenots and all the bally rest. Even in Shakespeare’s day there were Africans here (Dark Lady?) and if I might make so bold what Windrush represents is the start of arranged, waved, immigration for specific purposes. West Indians to run the transport, Indians to be doctors, Pakistanis to work in the mills (that no longer exist) and Bangladeshis to do the catering and Poles to do the plumbing etc. It’s dreadful and if this naturally tolerant country has a “race problem” that “specification” of people is a major part of it. We never allowed a “free for all”. We have since Windrush stratified immigrants into a pre-existing class system.

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