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Beach Volleyball

I used to play volleyball at school and was noted for having a JDAM of a serve.

I liked it because it was mixed PE and that meant there were girls. Obviously this was preferable to always being second-row in the Rugby scrum. I watched some of the beach volleyball last night – GB v the Canadians.

From the commentary…

“The British pair”

“Can she take it all the way?”

“That was an idle toss”

And during technical breaks they are playing the “Benny Hill” theme tune.

Beach volleyball is a travesty. This is a sport that doesn’t need to exist at Olympic level. They have volleyball nets on beaches across the globe anyway (obviously not Shoddy Absurdia or Whitley Bay) so if you want to watch “girls in their summer clothes” you can for free and without the UK tax-payer* footing the bill. Because from what I saw this is a “jumpers for goal-posts” sport. It just doesn’t shift at the rate of court volleyball because it is played on sand. It’s only porpoise is to satisfy the dirty old men of the IOC (the players hugged and patted each other’s bottoms after each point). It was like lesbian porn as imagined by The Pope. Now if you really want genuinely lesbian porn it is freely (or for a small fee) available via the internet from various commercial operations and not the tax-payer.

And more to the point this state-funded hot lezza action was extremely tame and featured girls with almost no tits whatsoever (and the blonde Brit was a right hound). Stomachs you could crack walnuts on but no jiggle on the jump which it would appear to be like what they were aiming for.

So basically they duplicated an Olympic event in a facile attempt to create sex-appeal and created at vast pubic [not an sp] expense out of something that isn’t especially sporting and isn’t especially sexy.

Right. I’m now off to embuggerate Beth Tweddle in five unusual positions. Because if we are to be forced to pay for very soft-core Frankie Vaughn (my local newsagent sells much harder-core stuff – with like tits and muff – and he and his wife are Muslims – Oh and they also contribute to rather than take from the economy) then I want my money’s worth! I guess what I’m saying is the IOC et. al’s attempt at “sexing it up” is expensive, pointless and dismal.

*Not strictly true as such. This was not paid for from tax already raised but on tick. Forever and ever Amen! There will be a legacy alright. It’ll be like inheriting your great uncle’s gambling debts.

Update: Great minds seem to think alike.

16 Comments

  1. Simon Jester says:

    I assume that some people like their girls athletic, rather than jiggly – but even then, a search on google videos for “athletic girls porn” returns “About 16,100,000 results”.

    I also googled ms Tweddle – she’s a tad equine, isn’t she?

  2. NickM says:

    Simon,
    I don’t think there is a dichotomy between curvy and athletic as such.

    As to Tweddle… Well, her face is not the attraction. It’s more what she can do (in my deranged imagination) rather than her prettiness. I mean you don’t look at the mantlepiece when poking the fire and all.

  3. Simon Jester says:

    Nick,
    It depends how curvy – even the best sports bra can only do so much. (There was a discussion on alt.fan.heinlein a while back, about whether the eponymous Friday could easily beat conventional human Olympians, given descriptions of her alluringly curved frame.)

    The point about what she can do reminded me of this:
    http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/flexibility.htm

  4. NickM says:

    Simon,

    “Big tits porn” returns 262,000,000 hits. I think we have a clear winner breasting the tape.

  5. Boris says they are glistening like wet otters.

  6. RAB says:

    How someone who looks like Billy Bunter on a bike has managed to get his leg over as often as Boris, beats me.

    When’s the Squash on?

  7. John Galt says:

    “Sex” returns 3,370,000,000 hits.

    Have I won “1 Internet” yet?

  8. NickM says:

    “Money” gets 3,620,000,000 so you is pwned John!

    WoaR, I don’t know what you are getting at. I’m not sure I want to either. Vicious little buggers are otters.

  9. Sam Duncan says:

    “I liked it because it was mixed PE and that meant there were girls. Obviously this was preferable to always being second-row in the Rugby scrum.”

    /me seethes silently. You know my place took over a nearby girls’ school the year after I left? /me seethes some more.

    Anyway, yes: beach volleyball, load of arse. (Hoho!)

  10. NickM says:

    Yeah and you parents paid top dollar for your education whereas I went to the local comp where girls were put on by state largesse. Or in some cases state large-ass but I digress.

    I had the shock of my life when I went to university. I was in the odd position of choosing a lower offer (BDD) than others I got I wanted to go to Nottingham and not Bristol, Durham or UEA (don’t ask on that one!). So, despite, my early app the accom people put me in a single-sex hall (Lenton & Wortley – now mixed) and I were filled with dread… Well, it was OK. There were 7 single sex halls on campus and they paired us off. Apart from Cripps obviously which was gayer than a tree full of monkeys. In a very odd way this made it easier to pull. The mixed halls were very insular. But we were paired with Cavendish and that had something like a drawbridge and a warden that could spit venom to ten paces but I have climbed in and out of windows before and since and we were the supposed intellectual elite and 19 so we found ways. To be fair to the warden she was more concerned about bringing umbrellas into the dining room than what her “gels” might get up to nocturnally but the gate closed at 11pm sharp to all but Cav inmates and their guests with them. Hence the derring do. If I had been down the Buggery (my coinage) Bar* with my mates and then wanted to see my girlf it was like something from Errol Flynn.

    *I of course mean “The Buttery” but “The Buggery” suits it far better. Especially when the men’s hockey team were pissing in pint pots for some reason known only to themselves. The hockeyists were the worst because it’s a “girl’s game” so they had to prove their macho. The cricketers had what ever guest ale was going and then buggered off Rugby were raucous but not obscene or violent. Well, the singing was obscene. The live role-players were something else though. They did their schtick in the woods round the lake (which is co-incidentally where people with like lives had their outdoor trysts). And I can tell you there is nothing like some git in a Minotaur head bumbling through the undergrowth and bellowing to put a man off his stroke at 1am. They used to knit “chainmail” from wool. World of Warcraft couldn’t have been invented too soon.

  11. Penseivat says:

    I never realised the Benny Hill theme was because of technical breaks in the beach volleyball. I, perhaps, naturally, assumed it was played every time the current Prime Mentalist had a chat with Clegg, Compo and that other bloke who no one can name, in his office on the other side of the stand.
    Two Olympics ago, the IOC decreed that the width of the sides of the bottoms of the womens beach volleyball uniforms had to be reduced from 1.5 inches to 1 inch “in the interests of aesthetics”! Pervy old bastards will come out with any excuse if they have the authority.

  12. Philip Scott Thomas says:

    Nick

    I don’t think there is a dichotomy between curvy and athletic as such.

    Really? Female athletes, or at least female runners, tend to be remarkably boob-free.

    I’ve wondered for some years whether this was because of a physiological change induced by the exertion (boobs being largely adipose tissue and so likely to be smaller in women who have little body fat) or a matter of self-selection (Dolly Parton, for instance, would likely give herself a black eye were she to take up running).

    My brother, who is an ultra-marathoner who runs 30 or 40 miles for a lark, tells me it is the former.

  13. I never expected that the sight of four nubile young women prancing around in bikinis would be boring, but as a game it really is useless. Where does it stop either? People play football and cricket on the beach too, so are they next for perving up?

    On the other hand there is apparently a beach version of handball, which I would pay money to see!

  14. NickM says:

    PST,
    I am given to understand that you are a gentlemen who prefers the company of gentlemen if you catch my drift. He said it BTW. But as I prefer the company of ladies I must, alas, pull rank here. I must also state something I would wish not to. A woman I knew (many years ago) had a very athletic build – 5’9″ and very slim and very toned and she was a runner (that could be taken the wrong way) but was a B-cup. OK, not Babs Windsor but you know (you probs don’t) very nice in that department. She also had a curvy ass. The elite athletes though do tend to be inadequately titted in my opinion. You are right on that. Great thighs but nowhere near a BSH* up top.

    *The non-metric measure of breasts – a British Standard Handful.

  15. Laird says:

    FWIW, ballerinas tend to be rather boob-free as well. I think it’s because the strenuous exercise reduces adipose tissue more than as a result of self-selection, but I suppose that could be wrong.

    And I agree that there’s no point to beach volleyball as an Olympic event (other than second-rate titillation). There also no point to synchronized swimming, synchronized diving, or most of the team sports.

  16. Leo G says:

    “but no jiggle on the jump which it would appear to be like what they were aiming for. ”

    You mean like this?

    http://theferalirishman.blogspot.ca/2012/07/one-reason-to-watch-oympics-from-home.html

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