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Complete and utter Bollocks Study of the Week Pt 69.

But bloody nice try guys!

This is the study that all us fellas would absolutely love to be true, but it’s the usual crapola based on statistical insignificance and wishful thinking.

But come on ladies, it might be true, think of all the expensive shit you shovel on your faces in the hope of beating wrinkles, the mad diets you put yourselves through to lose weight, the self help books you devour by the ton… You want to be less depressed, become more affectionate, sleep better (it certainly makes me sleep better, and with a smile on my face!) It’s more than a mouthful, it’s a meal!! Swallow don’t spit!

8 Comments

  1. NickM says:

    Now here we see a cart/horse misalignment. Let us take some basic axioms…

    (1) People in happy sexual relationships tend to be happier than people who aren’t.

    (2) Nobody unless paid to fund their crack habit gives a blowjob. Unless they really like the person.

    (3) therefore (unless they are funding a crack habit) they are in a happy sexual relationship and that is generally regarded as a “happy place”.

    Conclusion.

    People who have oral sex are generally happier because they have oral sex (I have never done it and thought “that was fifteen minutes utterly wasted when I could have watched country file with John Craven”. I know. and I know because the most frigid cow I ever dated spit rather than swallowed. Ladies swallow. Baptists spit. The first time I had a blow-job without begging and without being made to feel I was enforcing an awfulness was grand. I said, “I’m very close”. She said, “I think that is the whole point”. I laid back and thought of England. The frigid baptist moo only did it once and made a five act opera out of it and then hawked it out of her bedroom window. And she didn’t like me being a cunning linguist to her. After thirty minutes of my cunning linguistics she said, “You know I can’t have orgasms”. Well that killed the passion.

  2. Sam Duncan says:

    “You know I can’t have orgasms”.

    Any bloke’s immediate reaction to that is to take it as a challenge. Then the ones with brains think about it for about… oh, two or three femtoseconds…

    RAB: Best post title ever. In a sort of Carry On Kitty Kounting kind of way.

  3. RAB says:

    Ta Sam. I thought the Pt69 to be the crowning flourish ;-)

    I await Julia M’s monthly awards with keen anticipation of another Gold for Team CC!

  4. Peter says:

    “…..study – which scientists carried out via survey rather than through practical experiment -”

    I wonder if they thought of experiment first but were un-sure if they could get any one to volunteer, especially as best practice would be for double blind control, how would you advertise that?

  5. Roue le Jour says:

    Interesting that you raise the subject of crack, Nick. I’ve thought it might be inerestin’ in a SF story to have a genetic mod that puts a crack like substance in semen. On the down side you would be attracting the wrong sort of girls, on the upside you’d never have to pay them.

  6. Lynne says:

    Any bloke who enjoys sex with another person could be said to have a crack habit…

  7. NickM says:

    Roue,
    You ignore the law of unintended consequences. What would happen is I would retrain as a physiotherapist and make a mint treating backs put-out by men hordes of men attempting to orally pleasure themselves. And anyway Roue most people never have to pay them. As to the wrong sort. Well that’s anyone on “Geordie Shore” on the telly. When a lass at the point of orgasm yells “Chlamidya!” you have got to wonder.

    Lynne,
    I’m not sure if that is witty or disgusting or both. Surely though it would by def also apply to lesbians?

  8. Lynne says:

    Nick, yes it does apply to lesbians. And also to every female who indulges in self stimulation which, according to Cosmo, is all of us. ;0)

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