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Burn as many flags as you want…

I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.

- Dennis Leary

No, you’ve burnt your flag.

- Jimmy Carr.

I don’t care if they burn flags. They’re usually (see later) at least probably putting bread and cheese on the table of a local flag-merchant. I’m not that thin-skinned to care about them burning flags that are their own property imbued as symbols of their own hatred. The scenes from Yemen yesterday (they have so much to be proud of – well, at least they’re not Somalia) on the news were (I apologise for the use of a technical, psychiatric, term here) of blokes going totally fucking mental. One utterly deranged loon had a home-brew Stars And Stripes which looked like a thick kid made it (it didn’t have enough stars for a start**) and he proceeded to torch it and then stamp on it with what can (ironically – I guess) only be described as an act of Dionysian fervour. He was wearing flip-flops. So absolutely ripped to the tits on pointless indignation he probably didn’t notice his burns progressing from first to second degree.

And all over this utter crap on YouTube. And people die over such tantrums that a toddler would be ashamed of (even my little cat looked un-impressed and licked unmentionable parts of himself – but then he does that anyway – especially in company). That is a tragedy of literally Lilliputian proportions but the truly enabling tragedy for these mentalists is that we take such idiocy seriously. Why? Well, apart from it killing people and breaking things it is utterly farcical.

So if they are going to go doolally over a video like that (and it ain’t “Triumph of the Will” is it?) then they can burn their own flags and play Les Buggeurs Risible until the camels come home because I don’t fucking care any more. If I live another millennium on this planet I do not care whether or not I see another Western flag burnt, another stomp-fest, another bearded git declaiming blood-curdling rhetoric against Zionist-Crusaders or whatever. They are pathetic and infantile and deserve their sand-box (in every sense). It is ludicrous that we take this spitting of dummies out of the pram seriously. Surely strongly held religious beliefs can stand on their own and ignore such obscure mockery? Don’t they think their faith is strong enough without the periodic nine-day wonder of a hate-festival?

Indeed it is perhaps odd that we have embassies with such babies in the first place and tread as though over egg-shells in the face of such derangement (and its causes). The odd clip round the ear ought to sort it but all the, “Let’s talk about your legitimate grievances and find some common ground” (and there is no common ground between lunacy aand freedom) schtick only encourages them. Does anyone discuss “legitimate grievances” with a toddler when the pureed peas are flung from the high-chair? No. Practically, here the simple solution would have been to have stationed Marines at US diplomatic stations across the Middle East. This seems not to have happened. Instead it was softly, softly catchee fire and the consulate is torched and the ambassador is murdered. Epic Fail. A couple of platoons of Marines (with reasonable RoE) in each of these places and it would have all been very different. Of course in their infinite wisdom the US State Department seemed to be relying on the unstable regimes of the “Arab Spring” and decided to rely on the local “security” services. Yeah, right… Any parents out there need a sitter this weekend drop me an email to my new start-up We have a lovely guy called Paul Gadd on our books.

But I digress…

At a really obscure and deep level is one of the things that really gets the vile coves behind these numpties going?


No, not the freedom to get a beer and a bacon sandwich or to realize before your arranged marriage that women also have legs and don’t move on casters or whatever but that in the West (and I include Israel here) the average Muslim is probably freer in general than their co-religionists in the Middle East or Pakistan or wherever and also freer in religion. They hate the fact that, say, a British Muslim is perfectly free to be a Muslim and to enjoy the fruits of living in an essentially secular state. The theocrats hate this because it undermines a central plank of their argument which is that until the Umma is freed from external influences and The One True Caliphate*** is set-up Muslims will always be victims of some great global conspiracy. And we all know who’s behind that don’t we?

So why do British and other Western Muslims go a-protesting or a-jihadi-ing? I suspect much of it is a strange romanticism (TE Lawrence Syndrome) and perhaps it is much like the romanticism of the Greens. An almost poetic rejection of modernity that takes whatever form their up-bringing primes them for. A strange year-zero urge. It is a desire for adventure and something completely new (yet old) and exciting (yet sanctioned) and the promise of a higher calling than working in ASDA. Except, of course, working for ASDA isn’t anything special but providing goods and services for people is vastly more noble than wrecking and killing on spurious grounds.

Either that or there is a poisionous combination of friggeth all to do in these places and a load of theocrats and climbers of assorted greasy poles happy to harness the boredom and resentment of young men to their own ends. I suspect that is a positive feedback loop.

I guess it isn’t either/or. I have tried to understand intellectually and maybe I can up to a point but viscerally I can’t. I just can’t. I can’t, can you?

Why not build and have fun along the way doing that?

Works for all the rest of us.

And no, that ain’t Orientalism. People from Tierra del Fuego to Anchorage and from Osaka to New York have a name for it. I think we all call it life.

PS. Just heard they have wrecked the British and German Embassies in Khartoum! I saw on the telly some cunt leaping up and down on the German Eagle. Ho hum. Fuck ‘em! Can’t these fuckers just get over themselves and desire iPhones or something and build a functional economy based on something other than excising clitorises with rusty tin-lids and the virtual butchering of Gordon again and again? (call that civilization?) And quite what we or the Germans have to do with this fracas is utterly beyond me.

*How much more beneficial would it have been to all concerned if they’d watched DVDs of great US-made movies that afternoon rather than rampaging over a truly abysmal one they probably hadn’t even seen?
**Vital start for all wannabe jihadis, “US History 101: Louisiana Purchase”.
***Of course which Islamist’s leader’s vision of the One True Caliphate is a vexed question going back to the death of Muhammed himself. A terrible source of tension it must be to be eternally torn between an overarching need for unity in the face of inherent schismatism.


  1. Wolfers says:

    Wow. I’m trying to think of something to add, but failing, beyond I love it.

  2. “They hate the fact that, say, a British Muslim is perfectly free to be a Muslim and to enjoy the fruits of living in an essentially secular state. The theocrats hate this because it undermines a central plank of their argument which is that until the Umma is freed from external influences and The One True Caliphate*** is set-up Muslims will always be victims of some great global conspiracy”

    Very well put.

    How come most Saudis or Pakistanis (not the politically connected ones) are cowed and bullied and god knows what else by their own fascist states but can say and do more or less anything over here?

    Cue the cognitive dissonance and start stamping on flags, that should solve everything.

  3. Lynne says:

    Excellent commentary, Nick.

    The toddler tantrum analogy is spot on. I get the impression all this puerile rampaging, arson, murder and flag genocide is supposed to instill fear into the likes of us. After all, isn’t that what 9/11 and 7/7 was all about? Whenever I see growth enhanced kiddies in nighties playing with themselves firing guns pointlessly into the air or intimately fondling their AK47s in front of a video camera, it doesn’t inspire fear in me. It does inspire an outburst such as, “Look at that wanker! Did his mummy never buy him a Tonka Truck?”

    It’s all so pathetic I’m almost embarassed for the stupid bastards.


  4. [...] he is probably right. The childish temper tantrums exhibited in the Islamic world –  backed up with guns and bombs ensures that the aura of [...]

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