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Apocalypse postponed – again.

We all know it was finito on the 21st. Due to the end of the Mayan Long Count.

Except it like wasn’t… Mind fair play to the Mayans – they still exist and still have their language and culture – shorn of human sacrifice – that does happen in Mexico mind mainly as a result of the deathly tango between “The War on Drugs” and the gangs… But that’s another matter…

But quite a few of them made a few quids out of new-age twats. And if a hippie and his or her money is parted due to ancient and brilliant mathematics and astronomy then Nick is happy.

Over at the “Christian Science Monitor” they have a round-up of their top-five failed (obviously) prognostications of global doom. They are all corkers…

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The Millerites* – serial prognosticators of doom – kinda like religious Alan Hansens – but there was a “Great Disappointment” for them when the world didn’t end in 1844. They split and we got the Seventh Day Adventists and ultimately the Branch Davidians.

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December 21st (again) 1954. This is a cracker…

Martin’s followers, many of whom quit their jobs and gave away their possessions, gathered in her home to await the aliens. (Martin’s husband, a nonbeliever, slept upstairs through the whole thing.) To avoid being burned by the flying saucer, her followers removed all metal from their persons, including zippers and bra straps. Midnight came and went and the group became increasingly agitated. Finally, at 4:45am, Martin said that she received another message from Clarions informing her that God was so impressed by her groups actions that He changed His mind and decided to spare the earth.

I love the fact hubby slept through the End of the World and what sounds like some sort of deranged Dianetics orgy. I mean why worry about the clap if it is the End of Days? Or maybe it was like the Heaven’s Gate “Away Team” who watched Star-Trek videos before they drank the Kool-Aid (or whatever). Some of those even castrated themselves so they didn’t get a stiffy when Lt Uhuru fiddled with the Crimble dec in her lug. Me, I lugged the ‘scope and Pentax out the back and got some pretty decent photos of Hale-Bopp. With my girlf and a cable release. Mentalists. I mean I knew my Solar System Dynamics lecturer Carl Murry had a year’s sabbatical in Florida to work on his book so why worry? Prof Murry is still with us and so is Florida. The book is available from Amazon. The paperback is fifty quid. There is a used hardback for nigh on nineteen hundred quid. I assume it is a mint signed first edition or similar. Very bright chap Prof Murray. Looked to the future. I have a copy of the earlier ring-bound photocopied version with my own spider-crawl marginalia.

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Hal Lindsey. Bog standard apocalyptica though repeated – often. He now claims (after his predictions for 2000AD didn’t come to pass) that Prez Obama is setting the stage for the antichrist. If the antichrist is Joe Biden I think we can all sleep safely for he is a moron.

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Pat Robertson, who in a 1980 broadcast of “The 700 Club” said “I guarantee you by the end of 1982 there is going to be a judgment on the world.”

The world didn’t end in 1982, but “WKRP in Cincinnati,” did.

So why was Mr Robertson running in several desultory attempts for the presidency when it’s all effed anyway?

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And finally my personal fave. The Prophet Hen of Leeds. This one is instructive for utterly contra to millennial or apocalyptic visions this shows that the good folk of Yorkshire then, as now, have a warped, nay, fowl, sense of humour. And in these final days it is good to have a certain sense of continuity.

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Now we only have the enforced jollity of Crimble. Ho, ho, ho! to look forward to.

Something I saw in the Telegraph darkly amused me. The Crimble Special of the execrable “Call the Midwife” on BBC1 (which has displaced the “Who” spesh – Dear Gods!) said it would, “Have you crying into your Christmas pud”. True, in a sense. In the sense of outraged boredom and terminal tedium.

Merry Christmas everyone!

(Bah, humbug!)

*Not to be confused with the Miller Lites which is only the end of beer (as if that wasn’t bad enough).

11 Comments

  1. john in cheshire says:

    NickM and everyone at CC, and your readers, Merry Christmas.

    One thought that has occurred to me for a while that your piece above has nudged in my mind – I know that the climate change alarmist brigade have been likened to a cult religion and there’s a lot of truth in that. But, they also have a lot in common with the Mayans and other societies where sacrifice is needed to appease the gods. In the case of climate alarmism, the sacrifice is money, since blood sacrifice would probably be frowned upon by many potential adherents. Gaia is angry with us so we must impoverish ourselves and ruin our civilisation to appease her. It just shows that when you scratch the surface, the pagan is still within us; or rather within too many of the loudmouthed, low common-sense members of the human race.
    Anyway, I wish you all a Happy 2013 and many years thereafter.

  2. NickM says:

    JiC,
    Seasons greeting to you too! I’m feeling good about myself because I did an SAS-style raid to get my shopping in and have been watching poor souls on the telly in my nice warm house doing their Christmas shopping today! Do you know Chesterton’s “Father Brown” stories? (recommended). There is a line in my fave which your comment reminds me of. I’m not gonna do a spoiler but basically it’s about the idea even evil or wrong or what have you religions are real. Quite a thought. AGW is not a cult in that it is mainstream and therefore generally damaging to everyone. Cults are damaging to the elect. Think “Kool Aid”.

    And no, the price is not just money, alas. It is also the pimping out of science to false Gods. Imagine if you will a major religion with 100s of millions of devotees that is not true. According to Father Brown that is still a “real” religion. To get theological does it really make a difference if the Devil exists and people do evil things because of that or people do evil things because they *think* the Devil exists.

    Over the last few years I have spent a lot of time up in the Lakes where a lot of these (proto-Greens) poets sang of nature. Too many of us buy the idea that beautiful countryside is God/Gaia/Nature’s handiwork. No. It. Isn’t. It’s due to human deforestation for sheep-farming!

  3. Robert Edwards says:

    And you omitted to mention the Labour Party. Recall “24 hours to save the NHS”?

    But Merry Christmas to you!

  4. Roue le Jour says:

    Nick,

    admittedly OT, but a strange thing happened yesterday. I was sitting on my porch drinking coffee at 8:15am (sun up at 6am here so broad daylight) when I saw a bright light in the sky. It looked exactly like something falling to Earth. It had a ‘Y’ shape, trailing two bright lines behind it and it reminded me a little of the Challenger footage. It was visible for a about 15secs in a break in the clouds. I’ve seen shooting stars and wasn’t that, too bright and two slow, and going down, not across. My guess was a jet, the two lines being the burning wing tanks.

    I called the mrs. and she took one look at it and said “2012″ and poured herself a large one.

    I’ve kept an eye on the news but seen nothing. Any ideas?

  5. John Galt says:

    “It’s due to human deforestation for sheep-farming!”

    Coming from a long line of Yorkshire coal miners and sheep farmers, I can tell you that there is no more thankless task than looking after these dumb, stupid animals on the windswept moors of Yorkshire. The side of the family that does it had to move into a side-line of construction just to keep a roof over their heads. Beautiful scenery, but you can’t eat the scenery.

    Nothing quite as irritating as chasing a bunch of woolly headed sheep across hill and dale with horizontal stinking sleep being thrown at you by 70 mile an hour winds.

    Lambing time is nice enough as a kid as long as the adults keep the still born ones out of sight in a barn. Hey Ho! The realities of life are sometimes harsh.

    Merry Christmas and a Happy 2013 to you all. Currently 30 Celsius and sunny here in Malaysia…..utter bliss.

  6. John Galt says:

    “…stinking sleep…” = “…stinging sleet (i.e. freezing rain)…”

  7. Julie near Chicago says:

    JG, thanks for clarifying that–I have to admit it rather threw me. –Not with 70 mph winds though, I’m happy to say. :)

  8. NickM says:

    The Rev Spooner has now left the building…

  9. RAB says:

    Currently 30 Celsius and sunny here in Malaysia…..utter bliss.

    And Happy bloody Christmas to you too, you swine! I’ts been sheeting it down here for three days. There are floods everywhere; I walked the dog in the local park yesterday and she got so muddy when we bathed her, we had half a Grow bag’s worth of dirt off her. Soon my 89 year old mum will be with us for the festivities, so I can look forward to watching every crap tv show on offer, and if there is a Christmas Deal or No Deal, probably twice. Dismal taste in telly my mum.

    But talking of Miners John; did you hear that Scargill lost his case against the NUM for them stopping paying for his Grace and Favour Flat in London for life? Well there’s only 5 miners left! Fred Kite lives on in that man I feel.

    Happy Christmas one and all.

  10. John Galt says:

    @RAB:

    “did you hear that Scargill lost his case against the NUM for them stopping paying for his Grace and Favour Flat in London for life”

    Yes I did. Nothing could make my heart happier than seeing that small-minded little Marxist get told to bugger off by the high court. King Arthur (as he is mockingly known back in Yorkshire) was the key instigator of the miners strike and if it hadn’t been for him the miners would have never gone on strike.

    It would have saved a lot of pain and agony for the miners (especially those that were fitted up as rioters by the police), cost a fortune in police wages, overtime and other bribes and fundamentally changed nothing about the mining industry other than that they had lost the power to bring down a government.

    In the long term, nothing was gained except pain, bloodshed and suffering.

    I hope there is a special icy pit in hell for King Arthur.

  11. NickM says:

    JG,
    Amen to that!

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