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A tale of two Great Metropolitan Newspapers…

From The Guardian we have:

“Experience: I gave birth outside Waitrose”. (Please read the whole thing It is unfiskable nonce…) Obviously, The Guardian doesn’t have the companion piece, “I got knocked-up round the back of Aldi”. That would be merely for the lower classes. So enter the Daily Mail. Soon… Too soon if you ask me.

But not yet! The Guardian has this to say about the towels used (was this a John Lewis ad?) “They gave us them” – well obviously! Do you want towels someone else gave birth on? I mean they weren’t exactly saleable after that were they? Do you want some placenta with that Madam?

Anyway I find the use of the name “John” for Lewis somewhat bizarre in the context. It was a boy but it would seem the person who did most was an Alexandria. So not Alexander? I mean name the kid after the effective midwife and not the owner of the car-park.

From the Daily Mail we have this gem.

A disgusted mother is boycotting high street chemist Boots after she found her children playing with a sex toy near the checkouts. [disgusted I tells ya!]

Alison Savory wrote to Boots chief executive Alex Gourlay after her sons, aged six and eight, picked up a purple Durex vibrator displayed ‘prominently’ in the store.

The mother-of-three, from Crowthorne, Berkshire, said: ‘Call me a prude, but it is not something children should be exposed to.

‘Boots presents a family image – since when did it turn into Ann Summers?’

Ms Savory, an acupuncturist, let her sons wait near the tills at the Camberley store while paying for her shopping with her two-year-old daughter on December 23.

She said: ‘I don’t choose to take my children into a sex shop, but in a family shop I felt happy for the children to run around.’

The 42-year-old was ‘flabbergasted’ and ‘embarrassed’ when she found them playing with the penis-shaped toy displayed at their eye level by a wall of condoms next to the till. [a wall of condoms!!!]

She said ‘I wasn’t ready to have that conversation in the middle of a busy Boots – I was very embarrassed.
‘I felt Boots took my choice away as a parent and that upset me.’

Four points. The first is that the Fail article repeats the word “family” repeatedly and ad nauseum. Might I suggest that a “mother of three” probably knows a bit about sex – unless it was all down to jumped-up fanny-mechanic Lord Winston. Second, nobody forced her into Boots. Third, where does she get off on lecturing Boots on it’s business model? If Boots wants to sell sex-toys (perfectly legal – this is England – not Iran) then fair enough. Their biz, their rules which brings me to the ultimate point: she owes Boots an apology, not the other way around. She pretty much admits to letting her kids run wild on private property and wreck the goods which were not her property. Would you want a dildo that had been fondled by a six-year old? I assume you aren’t Jimmy Saville.

So, that is it. That is why I’m a libertarian. Both articles are deeply risible. The Guardian one fails to address the fundamental point which is the lack of an ambulance (20 minutes! – in inner-city London! – spitting distance from the Royal London Hospital -which I lived near for a year and I know has a helipad). I mean it’s like come for the posh ham and stay for the child-birth. It reads like something from the John Lewis press-office. The Mail story is just demented. It is a story about a woman who can’t control her kids and wants a private business to do it instead.

Oh, and seeing as the Mail, which makes a big deal of being a “family” paper, hangs up a “Femail” side-bar which is essentially soft-porn for old gits.

12 Comments

  1. RAB says:

    I feel a song coming on…

    Oh I gave birth in Waitrose
    But I only earn Lidl money
    They sent us flowers and vouchers though…
    catch them customers early honey!

    I think Waitrose did bloody well in the circumstances. As for the silly bitch in Boots, words fail… Mum, can we have this cool looking rocket?… Kids that age would have no idea what it was for .

  2. Stonyground says:

    “The mother-of-three, from Crowthorne, Berkshire, said: ‘Call me a prude,…”

    You are a prude! how’s that?

  3. CountingCats says:

    Of course she is entitled to criticise Boot’s business model. She has no say in it, but she has all the right in the world to criticise.

  4. Julie near Chicago says:

    Cats is absolutely 100% right.

    (Besides which, the smarter merchants want to know of customers’ complaints, so as to address the concern if it (Boots) thinks it would be a wise business move to do so.)

  5. Julie near Chicago says:

    Heh…those marbles. Well, “it (Boots)” should have been replaced by the simple “they,” referring back to “the smarter merchants.” :>(

  6. JuliaM says:

    “The Guardian has this to say about the towels used (was this a John Lewis ad?) “They gave us them” – well obviously! Do you want towels someone else gave birth on?”

    ‘These are not just any towels. These are…. Eewww!’

  7. JuliaM says:

    “The Mail story is just demented. It is a story about a woman who can’t control her kids and wants a private business to do it instead.”

    Makes a nice change from demanding the state do it instead, though…

  8. Lynne says:

    I always thought that supermarkets took deliveries “round the back”. Taking up a valuable parking space is pure selfishness. Besides, what woman in her right mind would consider pootling around a city looking for a restaurant when her unborn child’s debut is imminent? Stupid bitch.

    I had to smile at the accusation of a “prominent” display. Of course it was prominent. It’d be no bleeding use whatsoever if it wasn’t. I hope she doesn’t take her kids on holidays to seaside resorts. There are shops on various promenades that prominently display Kiss Me Quick hats, plastic boobs and…chocolate willies on sticks.

  9. NickM says:

    Or my personal fave – the baseball cap with a plastic coiled turd on the bill.

  10. Lynne says:

    I must have missed that one!

    :D

  11. SadButMadLad says:

    Makes a change that the highest rated commentators on the Fail piece are telling the woman to sort herself out.

  12. Paul Marks says:

    I do not buy a newspaper, but if people want a “mid market” newspaper they should buy the “Daily Express” – it is less hypocritical than the “Daily Mail”.

    But then “moral crusades” from the owner of the Daily Express (Mr Desmond – who made his money selling photos of ladies with no tops on) would get laughed out of the country.

    The Daily Express is, as far as newspapers go, a decent anti socialist and anti E.U. newspaper.

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