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Lard of the Glen.

Apparently a consignment of lard has washed-up in Scotland.

Storms over the east coast have resulted in several unusual relics from World War II washing up on an Angus beach.

Staff at St Cyrus nature reserve said four large, barrel-shaped pieces of lard have appeared on the shore.

The fat is believed to have escaped from the wreck of a merchant vessel that was bombed in WW II.

Scottish Natural Heritage said the lard was still a brilliant white and smelled “good enough to have a fry up with.

Only in Scotland could they elect celebrate…

A washed-up tub of lard.

A washed-up tub of lard.

Angus McHardy [who might just be Scottish], a local resident and retired fisherman, said he remembers similar events in the in early 1940s.

“I’d never seen anything like it,” he said. “There was quite a lot washed up at St Cyrus and beyond, not quite to Montrose.”

“Some barrels were complete and others were just lumps. People collected it. My grandma boiled it up to get the sand out. It was great because we couldn’t get fat during the war.”

He added: “After a storm in the late 60s or early 70s, the lard came up on-shore again. The seagulls thought it was a bonanza.”

Scotland has found a seemingly inexhaustible supply of saturated fats. The First Minister must be delighted. The Hell with North Sea oil when Scotland can lay claim to fat deposits that would put Überwald to shame.

Does this mean the Scottish people will re-elect…

Alex Salmond

Alex Salmond

…despite the best nannying efforts of Ms Sturgeon (why are these Scottish pols so fishy?) to nanny and coerce the population into “health”?

And I speak as someone who has had a lunch of deep-fried cheese washed down with an excellent beer in the Czech Republic.


  1. macheath says:

    I wonder if the 1970s crop inspired Sir Terry Pratchett.

    If I were not an atheist, I’d be tempted to suspect the Almighty of some kind of joke here; those dour Presbyterians would surely tempt even the most po-faced of deities to have a bit of a laugh and the way the morally upright have made a sideways move into health ‘education’ gives ample scope for divine intervention.

  2. John Galt says:

    “Big fat tub of Lard” – sometimes these stories just write themselves you know…

  3. RAB says:

    Well it’s hardly Whisky Galore, but I’m up for it. I’ve got the Mars Bars and the batter… let’s get frying!

    Whatever happened to the Lard Information Council by the way? Merged with the Trans-fat, Salt & Sugar Extermination Board I suppose.

  4. John Galt says:

    Don’t quote me on it, but I think the “Lard Information Council” is one of the piss-take adverts from Viz Comic.

    Along with adverts for “Drink Beer”, “Smoke Tabs” and the infamous “Skegness…it’s fucking shit”. To be honest though, this is more Nick’s realm than mine, him being a local of them there parts, where men are men and sheep are scared…

  5. RAB says:

    Shucks, a piss-take eh? Who’d a thought it! :-)

    And that’s Alex Salmond trying to prove he has opposable thumbs too.

  6. Sam Duncan says:

    “why are these Scottish pols so fishy?”

    I think it’s a rule in the SNP. There was a Haddock or Trout or Turbot or… well, something else aquatic at one point as well I think. Pondslime, maybe. If not, there should be.

    Mind you, at least they’re not sneaky like the other gang. I thought for months that their Leader, Johann somebody or other*, was a German bloke. Couldn’t understand why I’d never seen him on telly**. Turns out it’s a woman who can’t spell Joanne.

    *Don’t know, don’t care.

    **Not really, since I try to avoid Scottish politics like the plague that it is, but I thought I might have seen his face somewhere.

  7. JuliaM says:

    This is one of those rare news stories that can’t help but bring a big smile to one’s face…

  8. NickM says:

    “Whisky Galore” – hadn’t thought of it like that but…. :-)

    Hold your er… sheeps. I am from Suburban Gateshead. The sheep-shagging ref is well-off beam coming from someone who not long since referred to his own family background as being Yorkshire Dales or whatever and specifically mentioned sheep-farming! Dear Gods sir!

    Anyway, up Geordie-land there are more than enough munters, pigs and assorted swamp-donkeys down on the Quayside that the livestock hardly gets a chance…

    You have seen “Geordie Shore”?

    Anyway, yes that is a Viz “advert”. They are the best things in it. Especially the ones that take the mickey out of those crappy “collectibles” aimed at the senile in the bak of TV mags and the like. Some of those are sheer genius.

  9. John Galt says:

    The difference is that to us Tykes sheep are hard bloody work, whereas to the Taffs, Jocks and Geordies they’re the best sex available.

    Ob Joke:

    “Oi! Old Macka! why does tha’ nah shag ya sheep fra tha’ back like?”

    “Why bonnie lad, so’s a can kiss ‘em”

  10. The Jannie says:

    I’m so glad you weren’t tempted to transpose the captions.

  11. Philip Scott Thomas says:

    FWIW, John Galt is right; it is a spoof from Viz. OTOH, the picture is very much like the ads at the end of Jasper Fforde’s novels.

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