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Total Fucking Barbarians…

From The Guardian

One of seven Saudis due to be put to death on Tuesday by crucifixion and firing squad for armed robbery, speaking over a smuggled mobile phone from his prison cell, has appealed for help to stop the executions.

Nasser al-Qahtani told Associated Press from Abha general prison on Monday that he was arrested as part of 23-member ring that stole from jewellery stores in 2004 and 2005. He said they had been tortured to confess and had no access to lawyers.

They were apparently juves at the time which don’t matter a jot to me. Nothing much does when I hear the word “crucifixion” uttered in anger in 2013AD. And I bet it’s done in public though you won’t be able to sup a beer during the hilarity for that would be immoral. Or watch girls in their summer clothes for that too would be immoral. Crucifixion for three days though is moral. Sometimes allegedly they behead you first – with a sword. Thank heavens for small mercies. God almighty, even the bloody Romans would take a few coins to break the condemned’s legs and help ‘em on their way. These depraved camel fuckers are beyond anything I can imagine – 3 days! Is that in the Qu’ran? I’ll bet dollars to donuts it ain’t anyway it’s 2013 for the love of fuck. A kid was born recently who was HIV+ and is now not. Dennis Tito is planning a second honeymoon for a middle-aged couple to Mars! My wife’s new phone has more computing power than Alan Turing ever played with. But not it would seem in the Un-Magic Kingdom (the unhappiest place on Earth). What an epic shit-hole!

1. 9/11 terrorists – 15/19 were Saudis.

2. One enlightened princeling owns an airline (as you do) and employs a female pilot. This is progress – w only got there with Amy and Amelia when my grandad wasn’t even in short pants – of course we could have got there sooner but we had to wait for two guys from Ohio to build a ‘plane. Of course whilst she can fly (because they never got around to banning it) she can’t drive to the airport because women can’t drive. She’s allowed to fly a Boeing or Airbus but a Toyota is beyond her.

3. The last King (the one before Abdullah) had hordes of children due to his harem and due to his alleged “dicky ticker” had the planet’s only one-step escalator installed in the Royal Palace.

4. I can’t go to Mecca on pain of death! Only Muslims can. Not that there is much point anyway because it’s all been paved to build 5* hotels for rich folk on the Hajj (have you seen the cost of that?). The archaeological stuff has just been flattened. It’s like Vegas without the gambling and booze and broads. Or a complete fucking waste of concrete in the desert.

But they are a key ally in the “War on Terror” (see 1) and for some Godforsaken reason we sell ‘em Gen 4.5 Strike Fighters. Blimey. The first time I saw a Tiffy it was in RSAF colours in Malta. I assume on a ferry trip. They also crucify people. I wouldn’t trust those intellectual and moral retards with a propelling pencil let alone a fighter jet. And BAE Systems only managed to get the deal via grand an hour hookers and Scotch Whisky laid down when Rob Roy was knee-high to a grasshopper. If it wasn’t for the World-Class blow-jobs and the Malts they’d have bought Block-52-60+ F-16s like any sensible person. But so would we! And I guess when you are in a country that is dryer than an Arab’s sandal* and all the girls wear the Millet’s back catalogue God knows.

Perhaps the odd crucifixion relieves the tedium somewhat. God alone knows why we don’t call them for what they are. They aren’t the only gaff knee-deep in four-star. Alberta is but that involves fracking which is controversial. Now if fracking is controversial where does that put crucifixtion?

We live in a very morally troubled World.

*BTW the (in)famous episode of “Yes, Minister” in which Jim Hacker get’s pissed on a visit to a fictional Mid-East country is based on truth. That’s magic that is, “There is a call from the Scotch (sic) Office – a delegation of Teachers”. “A call from the Soviet Embassy – a Mr Smirnoff”.


  1. Sam Duncan says:

    “A call from the Revenue, Minister. It’s about your 1969 tax return.”


    “Something about the V.A.T., minister? VAT… 69… ?”

    (A pedantic Saudi would have noticed that there was no VAT in 1969, but it’s the best gag of the lot, IMO.)

    Anyway, I see the Gaza Marathon’s been called off because those lovely tolerant Hamas blokes won’t let them include women. Something about “respecting local traditions”. Bollocks, of course, unless you take the BNP view of what constitutes tradition and treat anything that occurred since 1066 with suspicion. But even so, while it’s only been going three years I’d argue that makes it traditional for women to run in it…

  2. NickM says:

    Oh Gazan clerics can go fuck themselves too! Anyway, my wife is doing the Great North Run this autumn. This of course means she will show her legs and all Hell will follow in the train. She will run fast because that is the only way to go in South Tyneside. Faster than blue buggery because otherwise that happens up back-alleys.

    And fuck “local traditions”. The GNR is a local tradition (the largest half-marathon on the planet) even if it involves running through Gateshead (you get your second wind there – or you get stabbed).

    Of course rather than wankers (and they must be) regarding a show of stocking as something shocking my wife will be wearing shorts (be still your splitting sides!). Anyway, if you are all up for South Shields where fish, chips, curry sauce and a rather sweaty 5’1″ blonde may be had. Not the later. She’s mine, like. But you will get to see her very nice legs because we are not mentalists up North.

    Because she will get to run in normal running garb because we are not fucking mental. They think a tent is fine and dandy but bicycle shorts pisses on the grave of Mohmmed. Well, fuck off already! This is not the 8th sodding century. Women can wear trousers and sruff. Welsome to 2013 and please stop crufixtions. It’s ust so the last millenium before the one before the last one.

    Just fuck off or get with the program.

    *yeah, we invented the modern age and like stuff like cars and TVs and stuff. What the Saudis invented apart from Tyranny and Misery is beyond me.

  3. RAB says:

    Whatever happened to hung drawn and quartered? Now that was an execution. Fun for all the family and the victim too!

    Dangled a bit but not dead, stomach ripped open and the intestines laid in the lap… How do ya like them Chitlins? want fries with that? Then the limbs chopped off one by one. No bloody imagination these Muslims!

  4. JuliaM says:

    Meanwhile, over here, we free lunatics to wander the streets unmedicated until they almost saw the heads off strangers, release hit & run murder suspects on bail and allow those who preside over the deaths of the people who pay their wages to continue running the hospitals that we are all too frightened to end up in.

  5. Mr Ed says:

    And Satan has just got a discount on his oil bills.

    But surely crucifixion is a Pagan ritual, coming from the Romans? Do the holy writings prescribe this method? I understand that pre-2001, the Taliban had an earnest debate over how to kill gay people, I think that the discussion was about whether it was prescribed to kill them by crushing them under rocks or throwing rocks at them, or maybe by throwing them off a tower. The Sage of Kettering told me of that.

    I don’t suppose that the Riyadh Blockbuster rents out Life of Brian then?

    And wouldn’t it be nice to be able to buy ‘ethical’ petrol/Diesel, not sourced from these type of places? Now that Venezuela has a chance, there might even be some ethical supplies.

  6. NickM says:

    But Gods almighty! we don’t use the cross. We haven’t since God knows when. We haven’t because we have something called civilization. It’s not just a computer game you know. They behave like fucking savages who *I quote my Gran) eat shit from the trees. Yeah, RAB we used to hang draw and quarter miscreants. Now with the possible exception of Mr Nick Clegg I am generally glad we no longer do it. And yes, before they bunt your bowels they burnt your genitals in your face. We no longer do this. We iz civilized like. This is a good thing. Stick some of the buggers in chokey for the duration for all I care but my country will not torture on my tax.

    We don’t torture folk to death. We are better than them. I’m feeling a JRRT episode coming on… “Yes, it was pity…” said Gandalf.

    Pity. I wonder

  7. Phil B says:


    With a really, really, GOOD lawyer, they can persuade the Judge to order the hanging, drawing and quartering to run concurrently.

  8. Chris says:

    Compare and contrast with this:

    [ ]…….In December 2011, Lama was admitted to hospital with multiple injuries, including a crushed skull, broken ribs and left arm, and extensive bruising and burns, according to the activist group. Hospital worker Randa Kaleeb said that the girl’s back was broken, and that she had been raped “everywhere. Hospital staff reported that the child’s rectum had been torn open and the abuser had attempted to burn it closed.”…[ ]

    That required the perpetrator (her father) to pay a fine of $50,000 US – with no prison time served. His excuse was that he doubted she was still a virgin. She was five years old FFS!!! (then again, maybe he had seen her go to an uncle or male grandparent for a hug and interpreted it as her giving them the come on).

    Oh…and if he had done the same to a child of his who was male, the fine would have been doubled.

    As Nick states: We are living in a very morally troubled world.

  9. Mr Ecks says:

    Islam is a totalitarian political system that quite openly speaks of its intent to conquer the world. They have zero chance of that head on since any tech they have beyond donkey-herding comes from us but there are other ways beside starting with direct violence. The violence comes after you have been outbred and outnumbered. Lebanon was a Christian country with a muslim minority. When the muslims reached 40% trouble started and when they reached 60% it was civil war. The same program is underway over here with the aid and connivence of the left. The left sponsored mass immigration in the hope of balkanising the UK but even a few of them are begining to realise that, with the muslims, they have let a Djinn out of the bottle that , if it wins, will crucify them amongst the first.

    Of course your average Mr & Mrs muslim have no interest in world conquest but like the average citizen of Nazi Germany or Stalins Russia, they are not going to take any risks to stand against the clerics who do.

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