Engineering the behaviour of our children continues apace. Traditional playground games like Cops and Robbers are to be considered an unwanted anachronism because they might “promote violence”.
A primary school has come under fire after banning its pupils from playing cops and robbers or any playground game which involves ‘imaginary weapons’
Trans: Don’t let kids use their imaginations, it might lead to independent thought.
School chiefs at Worcesters Primary School in Enfield, north London, outlawed the games over a fear that they will upset other children.
Trans: An imaginary bullet might hit someone of a sensitive disposition causing them to loose control of their bladder/anal sphincter/both.
But parents at the 470-pupil school have reacted with outrage, saying that playing cops and robbers or cowboys and Indians was ‘part of growing up’.
Trans: But since the staff at this school have clearly not grown up then it comes as no surprise they aren’t going to allow the kids to grow up either.
Father Mark Ayers said his seven-year-old son came home last week after being told off for playing with a pretend gun.
Memo to School Health and Safety Co-ordinator from Headmistress: please draft letter to all parents of male pupils stating that the wearing of mittens in the playground during break times will become compulsory from next week. Anyone seen pointing a finger at another pupil in suspiciously violent way will be excluded immediately.
Mr Ayers also spoke out after his son had a fun-size pack of Maltesers confiscated by teachers after it was spotted in his lunch box.
Trans: Maltesers resemble musket balls. Musket balls are fired from guns. The confection is clearly harmful to impressionable youngsters.
My Ayers said: ‘I put the Maltesers in as a weekly treat, but the school confiscated them for some reason.
Trans: The offending items were shared out amongst the staff to be eaten disposed of sustainably.
‘The school should be concentrating on other things rather than banning children playing games and taking their chocolate away.’
Trans: The teachers are too busy snooping and playing nanny to teach.
Another parent, who asked not to be named, said: ‘My son was told that he was not allowed to play with imaginary guns or weapons in the playground by his teacher.
Trans: But we are expected to send him to school to acquire an imaginary education.
‘He’s nine years old and plays cops and robbers at home with his brothers, so he finds it quite strange to be told it’s not allowed to do the same at playtime with his friends.’
Trans: Headmistress to Head of Social Services: When I identify who said this perhaps a visit to these errant parents will be undertaken. Abusing their children by encouraging them to play violent games surely warrants family court proceedings.
Headteacher Karen Jaeggi defended the policy this week, saying: ‘We actively discourage children from playing violent games or games involving imaginary weapons in the playground by explaining to them what it represents.
Trans: Young boys enjoying themselves engaging in heterosexual, mock adult role playing is clearly not in tune with our infantilised, post gender society and must be stamped out.
‘Some children can be easily frightened by violent play which is often influenced by computer games and we feel that such games can have a harmful effect on young minds.’
Trans: Although no one has actually complained as yet. It’s only a matter of time though.
Speaking about the ban on chocolate snacks, the headteacher added: ‘At Worcesters we promote healthy eating habits since we recognise the problems of childhood obesity in the borough and want to do our best for the children attending this school.’
Trans: But we don’t recognise the fact that by not permitting children to exercise themselves by racing around the playground playing games they enjoy, they aren’t going to burn the calories that might otherwise make them fat.
You couldn’t make it up…