I wanted to watch something on at 11pm on MTV and rather than have a conversation or whatever I watched the tail-end of the BBC’s new(ish?) sitcom “The Wight Way” which is an hilarity set in – as far as I can tell – a council Health & Safety department. And it is that funny. Or not. It was five nines not. Folks who know about servers (not that I am casting any nasturtiums) will know what I mean. It were fucking dreadful.
Dear sweet Jesus of Nazareth (and I am not taking Our Lord’s Name in vain because if He had seen that Sodom and Gomorrah would have looked like a small incident with a camping stove there would have been smiting beneath the fifth rib, up the bracket and indeed elsewise – and that from the Prince of Peace). It wasn’t just bad it was chronically septic. It was so far up the pole it was fucking orbital. I’ve known people who enjoyed major abdominal surgery more than that.
It makes “Geordie Shore” sound like fucking Shakespeare. I enjoy rides out to the sticks and perhaps dinner in a pub but that show is a country pleasure I shall not partake of again. I’m a fairly liberal guy but when shit like that is smeared across the Samsung (what did nowt to cause it) I want to fucking well lock and load.
I know a lot of libertarians and conservatives and such and such think the BBC has a bias towards the left and it does but it also expropriates GBP145.50 from all of us to make utter drivel. Oh, and to pay for pedophiles, obviously.
I mainly watch “Watch” and “Dave” so I can see great comedy writing. Where is the pill? And the drug? And which knockwurst contains the painting of the “Fallen Madonna…”. As to the whereabouts of the “Cracked Vase with the Big Daisies”. God knows. The BBC clearly doesn’t anymore. It requires a Pte Helga not so much to tell them to “COME IN!” as “FUCK OFF!” and possibly with Lt Gruber (and his “little tank”).
Anyhow, congrats BBC. In “The Wright Way” you have made “So haunt me!” look like comedic genius. That is genius, that really is. I haven’t seen a faster “race to the bottom” since Manchester hosted Europride. Because I thought you had hit bedrock, BBC, with “My Family” which despite starring Robert Lindsay and Zoë Wanamaker you managed to make utterly dreadful. Though the storming example of the recent shitcom about a British Muslim family that makes “Love thy Neighbour” look like TV downloaded from the future (there is an app for that) runs it close.
I say this because the BBC used to make good stuff Like “‘Allo Allo” or “Only Fools and Horses” and it’s all still on Sky’s Satellite of Love. And dear Gods some BBC executive ought to be waiving his cock in the neighbourbood of Arkright’s till. Or doing “Porridge”. For the crapfests of recent years.
But with “The Wright Way” the BBC utterly breached the turdulence threshold and sent the crap-o-meter to permanent FSD*
Yes, they made “On the Buses” for a new century.
*That happened at Chernobyl. When reactor 4 went totally tits-up (that’s how my nuclear physics lecturer at Nottingham put it – “Now, children, now you know what not to do so don’t do it!”). Of course I would do it because I’m a meddler. I am the ethnically British person The Daily Mail warned you about (not Neil Kinnock – I’m the other one). I have done questionable things. There is a reason I always fancied Ace in Dr Who. Remind me to tell you about it later but the things I’ve blown the fuck out off or burnt down is something else. Never anyone else’s property, mind. Anyway FSD. If a dial is showing FSD it is probable that it is much more. The wonks at Chernobyl didn’t tell Moscow this. I think they were mainly shot. FSD is Mother Nature getting upset**- or instrumentation’s way of telling you it has l gone very badly Pete Tong. Pete Tong? By that point you are technically fucked. At that point it becomes emotional.
**Every scientist knows that she’s the one bitch you really don’t diss. Not. Ever. You tease her, mind.