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What is the name of Muhammad’s mother?

An Indian man came forward and they said, ‘What is the name of Muhammad’s mother?’ When he couldn’t answer they just shot him,” said Hakim who owes his survival to his last name which sounds like that of a Muslim.

Zee News India

So finally we reach the point of catharsis familiar to the residents of Beirut and Belfast during their sectarian civil wars where the Dhimmī are separated from the Ummah so that they can be culled like the fatted calf.

As a sometime resident of a Muslim country and thereby self-confessed in my dhimmitude it does give me cause for concern. Will I face a Muslim gunman in Queensbay Mall, Penang questioning me on the ancestry of the prophet or simply face a bullet in the back of the head for being an obvious unbeliever? With the red hair and pale skin it is hard to pass as anything else in Malaysia.

For myself, rather than bow down to the oppression of fundamentalist Islam I’d rather take the view that I’m more likely to die falling off my moped riding around Georgetown, so fuck the terrorists and their inquiries into the genealogy of the prophet. If I do win the lottery and end up with a bullet in the back of the head behind Starbucks at least I will have earned it through my defiance of their medieval barbarism.

On a separate note, I’ve just finished binging on seasons 1 and 2 of Homeland and it’s bloody good, I recommend it.


  1. XX ‘What is the name of Muhammad’s mother?’ XX

    ” HERE Piggy piggy! Here Piggy!”

  2. Rob F says:

    I agree, fuck ‘em. I know enough about Islam to possibly pretend to be a recent convert (or revert, as they say), but I’d hate to do it. If I had kids with me and was worried for their lives, I’d do it, but otherwise they could go screw themselves.

  3. John Galt says:

    For those interested in the historical rather than the porcine suggestion from Furor Teutonicus, Mo’s mother was Aminah bint Wahb, but sometimes accepting a couple of 5.45x39mm full metal jackets is a better answer than trying to blag your way through an islamic shibboleth.

  4. NickM says:

    Fuck that JG! If I can get out I can fight (or something) but if I’m dead then I’m dead. Use Taqqiyah against the fuckers. Anyway, is FT trying his level best to piss off the World ;-) That’s my job. After musing on the possibility of invading Poland (like that went swell last time) he’s now hurling bacon at the followers of Big Mo. FT, Gawd help us :-)

  5. tux1952 says:

    I thought you were talking about Muhammad Ali… didn’t know that one either…

  6. Sam Duncan says:

    Definitely, Nick. Screw principle; I’d rather be alive and fighting than a clean-up on the condiments aisle. Personally I’d rather be alive and not fighting, but as Jefferson put it, “the temper and folly of our enemies may not leave this in our choice”.

  7. RAB says:

    As an atheist I would have no compunction about lying to an Islamist terrorist about my religious beliefs being the same as his, if it keeps me alive. In fact keeping me alive is my sole directive every living day. After all, who am I going to be ultimately answerable to?

    Better still I’d like a bloody big Smith and Wesson in my shoulder-bag, so if these murderous scum tried it on in my vicinity I may just be able to take a few of them with me.

  8. John Galt says:

    Lets face it RAB, they’d shoot you on sight without even asking the question for being an infidel westerner. If you were wearing the full ihram and taqiyah you might get to the point where a terrorist had his hatred for western decadence sufficiently suppressed to think twice, but in your usual holiday casuals he’d put a cap in your ass without asking.

    A gun would be a nice idea, but most places won’t allow non-residents / non-citizens to possess guns let alone buy them over the counter, so you’d be more likely to get shot by the police on a non-terrorist open day in most of the world. In the UK they’d shoot you and if you lived then give 5-year sentence for the absolute offence of possessing a firearm.

    In fact, you’re gonna have to work very hard to stay alive.

    Now everybody repeat after me: :-)

    كنت وضعت ذراعك اليسرى في
    ذراعك اليسرى خارج
    في، انتهت، في، انتهت،
    كنت يهز عليه كل شيء.
    كنت تفعل باقة سجن وتتلفت
    هذا ما يدور حول كل شيء

  9. The answer to the question is ‘Go fuck yourself you medieval sheep-shagging savage!’.

    Let’s face it, they’re going to shoot you anyway.

  10. Twenty_Rothmans says:

    Don’t listen to their lies!

    It is a trick question – Mohammed (PUBAH) was the product of two gay fathers. Only a true believer would know this.

  11. Paul Marks says:

    The forces of Islam keep showing the world what Islam is about (on the same day as the attack in Kenya more than 80 people were blown up in a Church attack in Pakistan) yet Western leaders keep saying that Islam is the “religion of peace” (actually “Islam” does not mean “peace” it means SUBMISSION) and claiming that “Islamists” (including Mohammed himself – see his life and deeds) have “misinterpreted” Islam.

    I can understand the forces of Islam – it is the Western leaders (and academia, and media and….) who are baffling.

  12. Mr Ed says:

    Mr Billy Connolly has something to say not far from this topic, but some might be offended. I may have posted this before.

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