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Optimus Prime?

I’m in the market for a phone…

Halt Nick here and return to a question I asked a bit back about gen-gapping. My wife tonight said something about reading a book on her phone. How far back would that have seemed like a statement of true oddness like scuba diving with a trombone?

Anyway, I need something cheap, nice(ish), and I don’t really care about the camera. And it has to be PAYG because I’ll be probed up the Gary Glitter by LGM before I sign-up to a 24 month contract for a phone. Just in principle.

Anyhows the LG Optimus L1 II seems to fit the bill. Any ideas?

I had to dig a bit (not much but you know we live in the century of instant gratification*) to get much beyond the blurb…

Stylish design. Rounded contours and easy lines combine to create a form that fits perfectly in your palm.

Quite bizarre how what is essentially a pocket computer with a radio can be described in almost exactly the same tones as a 1950s Hollywood starlet. I mean I’ve stuck my penis into a number of things but I draw the line at getting on the Universal Sexual Bus (yes, even USB3!). Anyway it has wifi. Anyone for teledildonics?. The Pimms shall also be virtual.

But is it OK? I just mean OK and is there anything else at around that price to consider? I like the sound of the Three 321 price-plan BTW. I simply don’t want to spent much on a phone because it’s just a phone and I am not the sort of wanker who queues all night to spend 709 quid on an iPhone5S. I do wonder about the mentality of someone with the thick-end of a grand spending the night on Oxford Street. I do wonder…

*I wish my physics extended to inventing the “time-travel bar” where you could get sex before buying a couple of cocktails. I’d make a fortune in payments to my defunct Northern Crock a/c. I’d need The Doctor’s note (and God knows how the tax would work) to access the funds mind. An accountant in a periwig would probs see most of it in Quatloos.


  1. Julie near Chicago says:

    Heh…speaking of that of which you spoke of, Nick…. ;)

  2. Personally, I’d be wary about buying a phone that might transform into a giant sentient robot, but hey… ;)

  3. RAB says:

    Well don’t get a Galaxy Ace 2. Ness got one a few months ago and it is bloody useless. It allegedly connects to the internet, but takes so bloody long you might as well not bother. It frequently cuts out in the middle of calls too.

  4. NickM says:

    I want a phone for 50 quid that can become a giant sentient robot. That would be like cool. I mean if I had that then how cool down the pub? You got an iPhone5S… I got something that destroy cities with laser-beams for it’s eyes! Pwned!

    Readjusts Mao jacket and strokes cat. Now, Meister Bond…

    …I expect you to have computers with 20MB drives the size of tumble dryers that when they go wrong look like R2-D2 in Magaluf on dodgy E.


  5. Swiss Bob says:

    I waited until my Nokia N95′s paint had rubbed off all the buttons and the screen started doing an imitation of the Blue Screen of Death after a slight immersion, then started asking friends if they had a free phone (sick of spending money on crap and believe me I’ve spent a fortune on phones since the late eighties).

    A short time later I was asked if a Galaxy S2 would do as a friend’s wife had said ‘It’s NOT AN IPHONE!!!’ and so became surplus.

    Eleven quid later it was no longer locked to Orange and is as smart a phone as I could need and I work in IT.

    What I hate about smart phones. You have no idea what is running on it, every app seems to require everything, texts, emails, details of calls, location info.

    I watched the GPS start 30m from me and then slowly triangulate my position as it received more satellite data until it located me in my sitting room!

  6. Sam Duncan says:

    I’m no phone obsessive either – our criteria sound very similar – but yep, it looks okay. My advice would be to remember that you’re buying, as you say, a computer, and make your decision on the same basis. Check the specs, and remember that Android can struggle on low-end devices. I have a 2-year-old (nearly 3, come to think of it) ZTE Blade with an 800Mhz processor (overclocked), and it’s a bit choppy and laggy on that. Actually, that’s unfair: the OS is bearable in itself, but the latest versions of apps I’ve had installed for ages assume better hardware and can be slow.

  7. wh00ps says:

    If I were buying a phone right now, I’d get a Nexus 4.
    It’ll take any sim, and with a nexus you are always up to date with the OS.
    I’m still using my slightly aging Galaxy Nexus and its running Android 4.3 just fine.

  8. NickM says:

    I’m not sure I want to deal with the Tyrell Corp Wh00ps;-)

  9. “I watched the GPS start 30m from me and then slowly triangulate my position as it received more satellite data until it located me in my sitting room!”

    Well, Swiss Bob, you just never know when the NSA are going to need that info… ;)

  10. Swiss Bob says:


    It is trivially easy to share your location details with someone else, or for someone else with access to your phone to share your details for you.

    The latter I know to have been done, the relationship is awkward, there is no way the person can let the other person know without at least a little embarrassment. There is also the chance that one day she sees who her location has been shared with!

    Has anyone ever had access to your phone? :-)

  11. wh00ps says:

    Many apps require access to all sorts of things: it is up to the user to decide whether to install the app or not, all apps installed through Google Play are required to show a manifest of their permissions before install. In 4.3 (and up) even this is not final, the OS allows you to revoke individual permissions for individual apps.
    Unless you are going to stick to dumbphones ( which are hard to find and are only going to get harder) it is necessary to view them as equivalent to your pc, with all the security issues that entails.
    This is the main reason I stick to Nexuses… you can (if you wish) run it without any of the closed-source Google apps, and it comes free of any carrier or manufacturer additions to the OS. It is simple to root (which allows firewalling and cuts many security issues out straight away as an app can read your contacts all it likes but it can’t transmit them without internet access).

  12. CountingCats says:

    Reading books on the phone is why I went Samsung Note. The form factor is all important.

    Not cheap though.

  13. legiron says:

    I splashed out on the latest phone, £40 on a Vodafone thing that looks like a Blackberry but doesn’t do all that ‘apps’ stuff. It detects and connects to the unprotected wifi of local idiots in an instant and it makes phone calls. For these old eyes, the full qwerty keyboard is appreciated too.

    I’d never try reading a book on it though. I have a Kindle for that sort of thing.

  14. [...] filmed his perambulations for prosperity, smartphones are just the bees [...]

  15. PeterT says:

    Just inherited my wife’s iphone 4 – I had upgraded from my Samsung Galaxy first generation to the iphone 5 – but it caught my wife’s eye, and as she says: if I never answer my phone then why should I have a nice one.

    Anyway, much as I dislike being locked in to Apple’s technology it is a much easier to use phone than the Samsung (admittedly I haven’t tried the latest one) with a much better browsing experience (format and speed).

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