Wanna read the only piece of poetry I have ever written in my entire life?
Years ago I had a friend who was a bit of a goth, so I knocked this up for her:
He walks as evil through the night
In nightmare climes ‘neath shadowed skies;
And all that’s worst of dark and night
Meet in his aspect and his eyes;
All deepened by that dreadful blight
Which hell to baleful night supplies.
With apologies to Lord Byron
Ok, so it was a rip off. Still.


I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high ‘or vales and hills
When all at once I saw a crowd
Of Goths trashing Daffodils
Bastards!
It’s still better than anything I’ve ever come up with. They usually involve Young Ladies from various locations around the world.
There once was a man from Nantucket…
..who was a member of the same gym as I was. And would shower and then sit around the locker room for half an hour before getting dressed.
The stories are badly exaggerated.