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Modern Life is Rubbish #2 of 10(-ish)

#2 – Facebook

I don’t have a problem with Facebook per-se. But I do have a specific issue.

Now consider my situation. I am 40 and lots of people I was at school with try and get in touch via Facebook. Now leaving aside the fact we largely haven’t seen each other in 20 years – leaving that aside for good reason what I despise about Facebook can be summed-up in a simple question, “How the fuck do you know who it is?”. Seriously. There are three mammoth probs here (all related).

First. The piccies are passport size – titchy. This is not easy if you ain’t seen the bugger for twenty years. One fella on my Facebook is bald as a coot but he wasn’t when I used to have a pint with him when we were 19. He also clearly took his avatar from the Skype-cam on his lappy in very poor lighting. Fortunately he has a moderately unusual name and no kids.

So why does those things matter? Because it is vastly easier to clock whether a Facebooker is the first person you ever properly kissed if they are a bloke and are therefore vastly less likely to have changed their name due to marriage(s) – alas due to my general heterosexuality this does not apply to me.

This happened to me a couple of years ago. J poked me. Right, I hadn’t seen here since we got our A-Level results in 1992, second, she had changed her hair-style (probs several times being a girl and all that), thirdly she had a scanned passport photo as an avatar but finally she’d got married and changed her surname yet (of course) kept her first name which should have been handy if it wasn’t a very common name.

So I replied to her poke (which is rude anyway) and she got very snotty with me when I asked if she was the same J from my class at school. Very snotty. Well, I’ve kissed girls from multiple continents since and she was nowt special. But what really annoyed me was she seemed to think I should automatically recognise someone I hadn’t seen for 20 years and only snogged once in 1988 as the result of a game of “spin the bottle”. And she was a Brosette at the time (note my point on hair).

There is another thing though. Apart from dreadful images (they don’t help) for obvious reasons (being 40 and all) a large number of folks I was at school with are married with kids. Now I mentioned the surname change but a hubby and kids? Look, nowt against it but within the space of a Facebook piccie 5 people and a dog and a changed surname means it could be anyone.

It narks me.


  1. Shodan71 says:

    I have an account but I never sign in any more, because I think it’s so pointless that I wonder why I ever signed up in the first place.

    I have about three ‘friends’ on there – I don’t see the point of pretending that people are my friends if the last time I saw them was ten or twenty years ago.

    I’d only include people as friends if they really were friends – people I see often in person or talk to regularly on the phone, which sort of defeats the whole bloody object, anyway.

  2. Longrider says:

    I have never felt tempted by Facebook, so don’t get friend requests.

    I use LinkedIn reluctantly. I was advised that it would help get me work and yes, it has. I ignore anyone trying to connect that I do not know (which is the LinkedIn policy anyway).

    I don’t do anything with it – but I do get approaches for work (last week, for example). So I let it tick away in the background.

    Facebook. Nope. Not interested and never will be.

  3. Ian Hills says:

    I had a problem with Friends Reunited, which helps you organise school reunions. When we met up I was shocked to discover that everyone looked 30 years older than their Friends Reunited pictures showed them to be.

    Clearly, the use of social networking sites has an ageing effect, and they should be avoided when planning reunions.

  4. NickM says:

    I have only kissed girls from two (Europe and North America) continents but I have also kissed a European in Asia. I did that whilst hugging a bull – as you do. I have also kissed an African but that was in Leeds so that hardly counts. I also

  5. Julie near Chicago says:

    So why should I be different? If you want to be my friend, e-mail me. [I also accept snail-mail. And if you sound interesting and I know you from here, I might even answer the phone. (It's a land-line. Call me old-fashioned, I dare you.)]

    Luv, J.

  6. Tim Newman says:

    Facebook is really good for staying in touch with people you know and like who you live a long way from (and with me being in the oil business, this is most of them). What it is not good for is pretending to stay in touch with people who, before Facebook, you had no intention of ever communicating with again. I love Facebook, use it all the time, but it has its limits and you need to exercise discretion.

  7. I resisted Facefuck for years.

    UntilI started to find that other clubs used ONLY that, to send invites.

    Question; “Do you want to give up attending events, and therefore closing your whole CLUB out of the circle, just because you are pissed off by Facefuck and societys habit in general, of not using anything else these days? OR do you grit your teeth and sign up?”

    NO one uses Snailmail any more, and I only accept telephone calls after aranging a written appointment. You get five minutes either side, and you do not fall within that, you are OUT! Failing to telephone within the appointed time does NOT nulify the booking fee (€5). (You think I am joking? NO, IAM BLOODY NOT! You wish to invade my private space, you will PAY!)

  8. RAB says:

    Jeez, what clubs do you belong to Furor? Pretty small membership ones I’ll bet.

    Ness has a Facebook account, I do not. Main reason… I don’t trust ‘em with my details. Ness only signed on when one of our nephews was in Australia and we wanted to see the pictures he posted. There is a minimum of info about her on her facebook page and no pic even.

    We have about 30 friends on there and I sometimes look at what they are posting and comment on their postings, but we never put posts up ourselves.

    A friend of ours has dobbed us in for three Facebook theme pages. One is called the Think Tank, and is obviously for those who are Hard of Understanding, so swivel eyed and mystical Leftist are the folks who rant there. On the rare occasion I make a comment, I am accused of being a CIA Troll!

    The other two I am fine with… Music to inspire, and the Jazz Appreciation Society. I love music as you all know, and folks post stuff even I have never heard of, but definately appreciate.

    I’m also on Linkedin, but I have never ever used it. Like JnC, you want to talk to me, send me an email via this site.

  9. XX Jeez, what clubs do you belong to Furor? Pretty small membership ones I’ll bet.XX

    Seen the films/Photos from Leipzig Volkerschlacht this year? Or those of the American civil war groups at Gettysberg every year?

    THOSE clubs.

    Lützowers alone, around the 5,000.

    Clubs that can put 10,000 men in the field for a four hour battle. living in tents (WITHOUT groundsheets, just a strawsack and a blanket) for three to five days, in the middle of October, or in Borodino, near Moscow in December, Bourtange (Niederland) in März, Gibraltar and Malta in August, Egypt in July, and FUCK the weather.


    Try again.

  10. RAB says:

    Ooops, obviously touched a nerve there!

    I have encountered our very own Sealed Nut.. er Knot Society in the distant past. When I was still in the Crown Court we had a very grizzly murder on our books in Bristol, committed when the lads were playing Civil War down Taunton way. Very Midsomer Murders.

    Tell me Furor, does the outcome of the historic battles you fight ever change?

  11. Change….

    Not for the historical battles. WE are there to show what happened. (Although, I have ideas for a new approach of showing a skirmish as part of the battle, rather than the full battle. Then we would be roughly around the correct number. Instead of trying to make a couple of thousand look like the whole Prussin/French/Russian/etc armies combined.)

    But, Bourtange, for example, was never a battle….at THAT time (1813-1815), so that is basically a game of cowboys and Indians, with 1800s military tacticts and discipline. AND, normally around 15,000 public as audience.

    “Who dares, wins.” Different every two years. (Two yearly, because it clashes….na not important.)

    Sorry CCiZ, Did not mean to steal the thread…. just got carried away. ;-) :-)

  12. BUT!!!

    We all contact each other through Facefuck…. I KNEW there was a link there somewhere. :-D

  13. Sam Duncan says:

    “Main reason… I don’t trust ‘em with my details.”

    Bingo, RAB. I wouldn’t touch it with a bargepole. I have vaguely techie objections to it, in that everyone communicating via a single website is not the way the internet was supposed to work, but it ultimately boils down to the same thing.

  14. XX “Main reason… I don’t trust ‘em with my details.” XX

    So, don’t give your details.

    Invent them.

    There is always the “Friends only” button, as well.


    Ever seen a Facefuck mob trying to find a party that does not exist? Give them GPS coords. to the middle of lake Buttermere.

    Facefuck CAN be fun….! :-D

  15. Lynne says:

    This is the closest I get to any kind of social media.

    FT don’t you dare send the buggers in my general direction! What the heck has Buttermere ever done to deserve that? Let them party in the Serpentine instead.

  16. Lynne. Remember the “Yew Tree restaurant?” The YHA, Or Glanamara? On the road from Keswick?

  17. OHHHH And the Snae Fell Hotel!! With DRAFFT Old Peculiar!

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