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From wikipedia

When Leif Ericson’s pregnant half-sister Freydís Eiríksdóttir was in Vinland, she is reported to have taken up a sword, and, bare-breasted, scared away the attacking Native Americans. The fight is recounted in the Greenland saga, though Freydís is not explicitly referred to as a shieldmaiden in the text.

Jebus wept! A pregnant half-naked Viking woman charging you with a sword. I’d run away. And do it screaming like a 1D fan. That one must have been emotional. And yeah I’d well call her a shieldmaiden.

I am no man.

The idea that women can’t or don’t fight is bizarre. Anyone who feels that way ought to have met some of my ex-girlfriends or Freydis with her tits out and a sword in hand. No, my domestics never got quite that dramatic. We had knives or hammers at extremis but that was all.

But by buggery, charging bare-breasted with a sword. Respect!

That is fucking top quality. It really is.

I have done questionable things. What I haven’t done is ran like a total mentalist with my 34Ds out whilst wielding a sword.

I kinda wish I had.


  1. Know how I met my Wife?

    Nun, she is 1, 85m Built more like a drey horse than a pony,, with blond hair than she can tie in her belt.

    So. I was at Edinburgh Uni. We met in a pub (Blind Poet, if anyone knows it.), and that was it. I had other things to do, involving 80-/.

    An hour later I arrived at my Keltik/Wiking war group, and there she was.

    Of course, the FIRST thing you do in such a situation, is challenge each other to a sword fight ( I LOVE Klingons!).

    Re-enactmet?, SHIT! In broad daylight you could see the sparks as they met. My sword STILL has a notch on it that is BURNED around the edges! (Also WELDING temperature!)

    She won……JUST!

    So, later, at the Pear Tree, (next door to the Blind Poet) we arranged an arm wrestling contest, and I won….. Just… :-(

    It just went on from there.

    That was 1997, we are still together. :-)

  2. Paul Marks says:

    Quite so Nick.

    Furor Teutonicus – with folk like yourself and your wife about, perhaps there is hope for the West.

  3. RAB says:

    A six foot Nun with blonde hair she can tuck in her belt, built like a Drey Horse (Hobbit feet, I got ‘dem Hobbit feet!) and a broadsword? My extreme regards to Mrs Teutonicus! Live long and prosper, the both of you ;-)

  4. Lynne says:

    I can beat your 34DDs. I’d have to borrow the sword, mind.


  5. I am sure we could oblige, Madame. :-)


    She is NOT a “Nun.” (DEFFINATELY NOT! :-D)

    “Nun” is a German expresion that means sort of “Well!”

    “Well! You know how I met my Wife”

    But I write it automatically. The same as “Also” Which means “So!”

  6. NickM says:

    “Have to borrow a sword”! I larfed.

  7. Ian Hills says:

    Er….Furor….is she really…um….I mean….how many X chromosomes has she got?

  8. Sufficient.

    To quote Rolls Royce.

  9. NickM says:

    Y would you ask that Ian Hills? ;-)

  10. Watchman says:

    Can I suggest that a shield maiden requires rather more than a sword (and possibly dangerously swinging mammeries). I’d suggest firstly a shield…

  11. Bjorn says:

    Also, isn’t it a contradiction to be both pregnant and a shieldMAIDEN?

  12. Furor Teutonicus says:

    Go ask the Catholices about their “Mary” character.

  13. That is a hard one Furor – for example if it is heretical to deny the immaculate conception of Mary (not of Jesus – but of Mary as well) then Thomas Aquinas was a “heretic”.

    By the way a lot of the work on Marian theology was done by Cyril of Alexandra (an utterly dreadful man – a murderer and so on), who was declared a Doctor of the Church as late as the 19th century (in spite of him showing no repentance for his various crimes).

    Still all Churches (indeed all religions) have their internal problems – i.e. even if one believes in God there are still the problems of “this doctrine contradicts that doctrine” or “why is this dreadful person honoured”.

  14. Thanks Paul. Sorry my answer is late, but my computer caught a virus, and has been in computer hospital. My old one was/is too damn slow to do anything except “Office”.

  15. No need to apologise to me Furor – I am overwhelmed with computer stuff.

    Actually I like Roman Catholics – both many individual Catholics and the Catholic approach of refusing to allow religion to lead to the rejection of reason (contrary to popular belief many great scientists have been practicing Catholics).

    However, sometimes (just sometimes) they stop me cold.

    For example I recently watched a Dr Frederick Marks (I suppose it was his family name that caught my attention) say the following…….

    “Isabella of Castile was very pro Jewish” – said without irony as a corrective to a supposed mistake that people make.

    This was the Queen who ordered all Jews to leave Spain in 1492 on paid of EXECUTION – but to leave their gold and silver behind them (nice touch of “piety” that).

    Dr Marks looked into the camera and he lied – and no one on EWTN (the Catholic television network) said “stop lying”.

    Such people believe they are defending their religion – actually they are urinating on it.

    There are confusing loyalty (blind loyalty) with honour.

    Any cause (religious or secular) that demands that you leave aside honour (conscience) subverts (undermines) the good part of its self – the moment it does that. “You must not make a noise about this – cover it up, it will bring scandal to the Church if you do not…..”

    This is not what Catholic doctrine actually says – it actually says that the conscience should be informed (have the facts and reason before making a hasty choice) NOT rejected.

    But every person (Catholic and non Catholic) is tempted to forget that.

  16. XX This is not what Catholic doctrine actually says – it actually says that the conscience should be informed (have the facts and reason before making a hasty choice) NOT rejected.XX

    Is that not similar, or the same, as the philosophy of the Jesuits?

    My ex Wife…. ONE of the ex wives, was Catholic and her Father was a “failed” Jesuit.

    I am pretty sure he would have agreed with what you say.

    (Loooong nights with whiskey and philosphy thrown in.)

  17. There are good Jesuits and bad ones (like everyone).

    The classic Jesuit point is “if some innocent person was hiding your house – and killers came in and asked you if he was there, would you not lie to save him?”

    The “lesser evil” thing. And it is true.

    The trouble is – that a lot of Jesuits get addicted to their word games.

    They also get into their heads that they know better than everyone else – that they are an enlightened elite……

    The old (Plato old) problem.

  18. NickM says:

    Well, Jesuits are an elite. I have met some.

  19. CountingCats says:

    And some people do belong to elites. Seb Coe is unquestionably an elite athlete. Do you have a problem with this?

  20. No problem at all.

    As long as Mr Coe does not pick my pocket or order me about.

  21. Paul Marks says:

    None at all Cats – as long as Mr Coe does not try and pick my pocket or order me about.

    Same with Jesuits.

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