Counting Cats in Zanzibar Rotating Header Image

The more the world knows me

Thrice cursed huh? That’s me out of the running for head of the residents committee then.

Shameless Human Scum Counting Cats Condemned

PYONGYANG (KCNA) — Against the backdrop of angry shouts rocking the country, a special military tribunal of the DPRK Ministry of State Security was held against Counting Cats, traitor for all ages.

Absolute is the trust of the army and people of the DPRK in its ability to vanquish Cats, the enemy of the party, revolution and people and heinous betrayer of the nation.

A decision of the special military tribunal of the Ministry of State Security of the DPRK will be read out at the trial.

Cats brought together undesirable forces and formed a faction as the boss of a modern day factional group for a long time and thus committed such hideous crime as attempting to overthrow the state by all sorts of intrigues and despicable methods with a wild ambition to grab the supreme power of our party and state.

Cats is a traitor to the nation for all ages, who perpetrated anti-party, counter-revolutionary factional acts in a bid to overthrow the leadership of our party and state and the socialist system.

Cats is hated as the most cruel monster and blood-thirsty beast,does not know even elementary diplomatic etiquette and lacks diplomatic ability, and will feel the weapon of singlehearted unity.

Cats is a traitor to the nation for all ages, who perpetrated anti-party, counter-revolutionary factional acts in a bid to overthrow the leadership of our party and state and the socialist system.

Cats put inspection and supervision organs belonging to the Cabinet under personal control in defiance of the new state machinery established by Kim Jong Il at the First Session of the Tenth Supreme People’s Assembly. Cats put all issues related to all structural works handled by the Cabinet under personal control and had the final say on them, making it impossible for the Cabinet to properly perform its function and role as an economic command.

All facts go to clearly prove that Cats is a thrice-cursed traitor without an equal in the world, who had desperately worked for years to destabilize and bring down the DPRK. The hateful and despicable nature of these anti-party, anti-state and unpopular crimes will be fully disclosed in the course of the trial. No matter how much water flows under the bridge and no matter how frequently a generation is replaced by new one, the lineage of Paektu will remain unchanged and irreplaceable.

No one in the world can stand in the way of the army and people who are advancing single-mindedly united around supreme leader Kim Jong Un under the banner of great Kimilsungism-Kimjongilism.

Go get yourself denounced.


  1. Schrodinger's Dog says:

    I tried this. Really it’s an app to turn yourself into Emmanuel Goldstein, isn’t it.

  2. Julie near Chicago says:

    Read all about it, only two bits, READ ALL ABOUT IT!! Here ya go, Mister, thanks! Read all about, the latest in a strange rash of denunciations published by the kooky outfit boingboing but probably really issued as warnings from the dread KCNA! Look at this headline:

    Sycophantic Hooligan Julie near Chicago Condemned

    Only problem is, anti-capitalist running jackasses got Chicago’s gender wrong! Will apologies be forthcoming, will a retraction be issued? Remember to keep informed by for the latest, juiciest, ripest revelations in the Zanzibarian universe!

  3. John Galt says:

    One of the funniest things I found about the recent kangaroo court trial and execution of Kim Jong Un’s uncle Jang Song Thaek, was the Kafkaesque charge of “dreaming different dreams” of which he was found guilty naturally.

    Disgusting behaviour, but you’d have to have a heart of stone not to laugh.

  4. RAB says:

    Heh Heh Heh…

  5. Lynne says:

    Oi! Despicable Flunkey over here!

    Oh, I am mentally deranged too so wotchit you unscrupulous henchmen you!

  6. I am happy to relay the news that Rogue Trooper has come to help in the fight of Counting Cats against the Norts.

    The blue skinned soldier has announced that socialist regime in the northern part of Korea will be defeated in 2014.

  7. Mr Ed says:

    Are you sure this isn’t run by Randians?

  8. Julie near Chicago says:

    Julie near Chicago is insulted at being cast as a mere hooligan. Chicago stands firmly, proudly, and vocally with the other Revolutionaries against kimilsungism-kimjongilism denounced above. Chicago urgently and stridently demands that other revolutionaries also announce publicly their undying commitment to the overthrow of whomever writes the copy for the Korean Central News Agency, or else submit to the will of our Revolutionaries that they be Purged. Should they choose this latter course, we have in our store of Revolutionary Weapons a large supply of ipecac.

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