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Where does it all go? (or come from?)

Penis pumps cost U.S. government millions, watchdog cries waste

(Reuters) – Penis pumps cost the U.S. government’s Medicare program $172 million between 2006 and 2011, about twice as much as the consumer would have paid at the retail level, according to a government watchdog’s report released on Monday.

Just a minor point but how much does the “government watchdog” that surveys the price of penis pumps cost? Just a thought.

A minor thought. Two major ones spring to mind. The first is of course to do with economies of scale (oh, err missus!). Surely Medicare could get more bang for buck (so to speak) than an individual due to greater economies of scale? That is the real scandal here but more on that later.

Now, I did a 5s Google and is knocking them out at from about GBP14.99 (that’s, what, 20 bucks a throw. Does anyone seriously believe the average yank on the sans a wank can’t afford 20 bucks for sex?) So this is the second point – why? Well, I guess it could be argued that sex is a right and Medicare ought to pay. But why pay twice the odds? That’s back to the first point. This is deeply inefficient.

So where does it all go? How much isn’t stealth planes or Obamacare but sheer waste? And buying an item for twice the retail rate is waste in spades. It is reckoned that the 21 B-2 Bombers built by Northrop-Grumman cost over USD2 billion a throw (and the operating costs are astronomic) but nobody really expected an intercontinental range bomber to be bought from the penny-jar (even with the Slovak 50 Eurocent that always finds a way in there). Penis pumps though are something I can find on Google in seconds. Is the US Department of Cock (and indeed Bull) lacking a computer? If they are they can speak to me and I’ll quote them an interesting price.

I mean it is sometimes worth looking at the small ticket items too because there are so many and a million here and a million there and soon it is billions and then it’s a billion here or there and then rapidly you are talking serious money.

So, apart from offering a service no one needs because anyone can get it off their own bat and doing this in a deeply inefficient way we come to the real er… meat. I can best sum this with a quote from the article…

“Considering the strain retiring baby boomers will soon be placing on Medicare’s budget, shouldn’t we be focusing this entitlement program on real, life-saving treatment and equipment to serve the health needs of seniors – instead of subsidizing penis pump purchases?

Why did I make that strong (I watched too many “Carry On” movies as a kid). Well, that and who is being subsidised? Not the seniors for sure. Just think who. This happens all the time. Look at the F-35 programme. Would it be interesting to suggest that the F-35 is a farce* on a trillion+ dollar budget which oddly enough (I think) has contracts in 48 states (and abroad). God knows what the congress-types from a pair of states were doing that afternoon. Manning Ted Kennedy’s penis pump (now deployed in Somerset?).

Anyway, it’s all er… pork barrels.

*A late block F-16 knocks it into a cocked hat for half (less?) the money. Possibly less than half the money.


  1. Paul Marks says:

    Nick – as you know when something is subsidised by the government the price goes up.

    For example the government subsidises going to university in the United States via government backed student loans – THEREFORE the cost of tuition has exploded.

    Healthcare is no different – with Medicare and Medicaid (and so on). They push up health costs – including for people who are not in the schemes (they push the cost of health care into outer space – for everyone).

    Even David Ricardo (certainly not my favourite economist) would have understood this – centuries ago.

    So when people say “government spends a fortune on subsidising X [say rents via "Housing Benefit"] why is the cost so high?” I do not feel like talking to them.

    I feel more like hitting them over the head with a baseball bat – not that hitting them over their (empty) heads would do them any harm at all.

  2. Julie near Chicago says:

    Well! You guys aren’t going to believe this, but (at my age! — and my provable experience in certain areas of human activity!) I never till this second heard of the p-p!

    I can only kneel in the most abject gratitude (is gratitude abjectible?) before Mr. Nick, who has presented this knowledge for our edification. Nick, thou mayest not be a Saint, but thou sure art of the Perfesserial Caste, in that thou teacheth that of which YrsTrly kneweth not.

    However, why so upset at my Government’s latest budgetary item? After all, if the taxpayer is going to pay for little (or even great bit) girls to have Fun With Biology without worrying about nasty old Children, it would be Sexist to deny the boys the ability to recover from their excesses without having to pay for such recovery (directly, that is).

    Although if we’re already paying for Viagra …. ????

    I think it would be lots less complicated (and cheaper) if the Gov got out of the Sex Business altogether. Except of course for that Chicken Ranch–where, outside Las Vegas or was it in Texas? Either way, I hear the Feds couldn’t even make a go of the brothel business. Amazing.

  3. NickM says:

    Well, I found this entirely by accident via click, click, click. So the Feds couldn’t run a brothel. Doesn’t surprise.

  4. Julie near Chicago says:


  5. Philip Scott Thomas says:


    Are you talking about the best little whorehouse in Texas?

  6. Julie near Chicago says:

    PST, I know that movie. It didn’t do so well, but I liked it a lot. Especially Charles Durning as the Governor. “I just do a little sidestep….” –LOL!)

    As for the story I told in the first place, I have indeed read that, and it must be true because I read it on the Internet. Twice. But I don’t have a source otherwise to back it up, so….

    Actually, as I remember it, the Chicken Ranch in the real incident (if it was real) was in Nevada, where bordellos were legal.

    Did you see Burt & Dolly? Or the Broadway play? If so, how did you like it?

  7. Penis Pump Warehouse is a clearing house for Penis Pumps, which range in price from $14.99 to $55.99, depending upon your “needs” and which unit resonates with you. This website purports that with the penis pumps “you will strengthen your penile muscles, giving your erection extra power and stability – a visible difference you and your partner will notice”. Often these products are also advertised as being able to increase penis size; while at other times it is implied that this product can help men attain this goal. We know many consumers will be asking – what exactly is a penis pump and can it really increase erection quality? Can it increase penis size and girth? This is a question we intend to address in this review.

  8. John Galt says:

    Julie, let me tell you that you are living in a bubble.

    Not that I’ve ever used or need a p-p, carrying the under-tackle normally seen on a derby winner.

    Before anyone gets any ideas, that’s a paraphrased line from Blackadder.

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