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This has to be a Darwin…

From the NST we have this wondrous story…

LUSAKA: A Malawian man has been left without a penis and is missing three toes after they were eaten by a hyena in a Zambian border town, a local hospital said Wednesday.
Chamangeni Zulu, in his early twenties, was discharged from the Chipata General Hospital this week, a senior nurse told AFP.

“He was discharged on Monday after the relatives requested that he should be transferred to Muchinji in Malawi,” said Sister Precious Matongo, referring to a town just across the border.

“They should be constantly cleaning the wounds but he is stable,” she added.

Local media reported that Zulu sacrificed his body parts after being told by a traditional healer that it would help him become rich.

“I went to a bush where I was instructed to be naked and a hyena came to me and started eating my toes and eventually my manhood was eaten,” he is quoted as saying by the Times of Zambia.

Many Malawians cross the border between the two southern African countries to work on Zambia’s commercial tobacco farms. — AFP

Apparently he stood bollock naked in the Zambian bush at 4am due to the prognostications of a witch doctor until a Hyena ate his penis. All across the world there is a dimwit born every minute. Fortunately (as in this case) his line is ended.

My parents worked in Zambia and going out in the sticks at the dead of night was a very stupid thing. I mean our largest and meanest natural predator is the badger. In Africa they have critters the likes of which…

Anyway, this daft sod won’t be paddling in the gene pool.

This grave tale of grimnacious stupity has a kerching with me dear reader because I was conceived in Zambia.

12 Comments

  1. Mr Ed says:

    I suppose that if even one of his testes is left, he might have a theoretical chance of reproducing, if only by AID, but if not technically a Darwin Award winner by surviving, he would qualify, in my view, if infertile and no longer mixing it in the gene pools.

    However, having ventured out at around 3 am one morning to confront two fighting badgers whose noise was keeping the village awake in rural England, I took the precaution of carrying a garden fork, having very much this sort of injury in mind as a(n albeit) remote possibility! Poor Zulu has beaten me to it.

  2. Roue le Jour says:

    Sounds like a clear case for government regulation of witchdoctors, if you ask me. ;)

  3. NickM says:

    Or an even clearer case for not being a complete idiot.

  4. VftS says:

    Mr Ed, no, sorry, the rules are quite clear. As a survivor he doesn’t qualify for entry to the Darwins. Not even an honourable mention. Same as this guy http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2595739/Pictured-Moment-Irish-bomber-blew-FORGOT-TO-MOVE-THE-CLOCK-FORWARD.html

  5. Mr Ed says:

    VftS: If this is the right site, it appears the exclusion from the gene pool by sterility is enough, so barring the assistance of Sir John Gurdon and the good knight doing a ‘tadpole’ on one of his cell nuclei, he may yet qualify but the extent of the hyena’s snacking is not yet clear.

    http://www.darwinawards.com/rules/

  6. Paul Marks says:

    No Nick – the way for the poor to become rich is to attack the rich (and “big business”) the left “libertarians” say so – so it must be true.

    Actually the Class War (“down with the corporations”) plan has as much rationality in it as what the witchdoctor told this poor fool.

  7. NickM says:

    My understanding was you get Darwined if you remove yourself from the breeding pool. You don’t actually have to die. See this…

    http://www.snopes.com/horrors/freakish/darwin04.asp

  8. Jobrag says:

    It’s easy to mock this poor fools deluded beliefs, but there are millions of respectable people around the world who go and see a man in a frock magic bread and wine into flesh and blood every week.

  9. Talwin says:

    Chipata General Hospital: henceforth to be known as Chipolata General Hospital.

  10. NickM says:

    Carry On Talwin!

  11. NickM says:

    Jobrag,
    There is a hell of difference between going to mass and what this loon did. A hell of a difference. I speak that as an agnostic.

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