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Cannibals!

There has been an outbreak of cannibalism in Pakistan. I really have nothing much more to say. Except this seems an act of depravity almost beyond the comprehension of Burke and Hare. Or it could just be nonsense because I trust “Pakistani Authorities” as far as I could spit a pig. Oh, and any wannabe cannibals out there – get a fridge because then you can keep your head full of headly goodness and not cause a Dame Judi that gets the neighbours upset. Jus’ sayin’.

My Dad (who worked there) has a front page of the “Times of Zambia” covering an outbreak of cannibalism. Headline is “Gobblers strike again!” The UK has no laws against human-munching. We have never seen the need. That’s called being civilized. Mind when I watch “Geordie Shore” I have doubts.

12 Comments

  1. Nick you Colonialist Imperialist!

    Who are you to criticise Pakistani culture?

    Soon you will be saying that according to your “biology” thing, incest is a bad long term plan (even though it leads to those charming small headed people).

    My favourite is the blasphemy trials – when anyone who mentions the offending words (the judge, the prosecutor, a witness – anyone) is automatically guilty of blasphemy and is punished by death.

    So the charge is just “blasphemy” – “but what I am supposed to have said?”, “bad things”, “but what SPECIFICALLY am I supposed to have said?”, “shut up – you are trying to get us hanged along with you”.

    Even the Spanish Inquisition did not get themselves into a mess like this – because, although they were evil, they were also intelligent and learned. The Islamists are idiots – they really are.

    And we must be even worse idiots – because they are wiping the floor with us (all over the world).

  2. NickM says:

    Paul, Nah, I doubt by any metric this is Pakistani culture*. This is just Jeffrey Dahmerism of the first water. What does amaze me though is they got only two years for the first, grotesque, offence. As to blasphemy, well that would be a hanging matter. Going grave-robbing for tea gets you two years. By the balls of God Himself!

    And I had a lovely bit of halibut yesterday… Good enough for…

    I have said almost too much.

    And no, “they” aren’t wiping the floor with us. We are just in the wrong wars and fighting them the wrong way. Every download of a Miley Cyrus video onto a Samsung is a win bigger than dropping a JDAM. Mind

    *Islam has very specific rites for the dead which don’t include making a sandwich. Or going out at the dead of night with a spade.

  3. Mr Ed says:

    The UK has Denis Nilsen, the head boiling civil servant, this is just one of those sad, horrific things that happen from time to time.

  4. Julie near Chicago says:

    Barbara Bel Geddes once fed the evidence to the cops. I can’t remember for sure, but I think Mr. Hitchcock let her off scot-free.

  5. John Galt says:

    The UK has no laws against human-munching. We have never seen the need. That’s called being civilized. Mind when I watch “Geordie Shore” I have doubts.

    Technically pre-UK as it was in Scotland prior to the Acts of Union 1707, but still the tales of Sawney Bean and his cannibal clan were in the school library when I was a kid.

    Although of dubious veracity, the clan were hung for murder rather than cannibalism.

  6. John Galt says:

    Wikipedia has a category for this!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Scottish_cannibals

    Really something when the 3 Scottish cannibals are historical and of dubious veracity and the two English ones are recent, both being currently banged up for having acquired a taste for long-pork.

  7. Mr Ed says:

    JG: I did think it was a rather mischievous category, but heck, will independence allow the obviously suppressed Scottish cannibal ‘community’ to flourish? (As the local communities of cannibals did in the Ukraine in the early 1930s, and Leningrad in the early 1940s).

    In recent times, Denis Nilsen is Scottish (Norwegian father) but he wasn’t a cannibal. I recall from the coverage of his trial that he was alleged to have boiled the heads of victims in the same pan he used to make a curry for the office party (purely for want of a ‘head pan’ presumably, being a civil servant, low pay under Thatcher might have been to blame.)

    There’s nothing that can be extrapolated from these examples.

  8. NickM says:

    Mr Ed, spot on in your final observation. Nilson was so far from normal he was in the next state so to speak. I mean Nilsen said he wanted to keep his lovers near him. Most people would just give a phone number and hope the person would call. I’ve done that, I’m sure you have. You don’t moider ‘em and keep ‘em under the floorboards. But then neither of us are total mentalists and indeed bonkers in the nut. Now he might not have been a cannibal (and we all lack a head pan – going to Sainsburys today to rectify this appalling omission) but he was a necrophile. I honestly can’t say what is morally more repugnant which again adds weight to your final point. Somethings are so far over the rainbow as to not just disgust the average Joe but be the cause of utter bafflement.

    As to Stalin’s genocide in the Ukraine. According to Vassily Grossmann it was worse than the Holocaust – and he was the first war reporter into Auschwitz. 7.5 million in a year and it salted the very earth with the dead to such an extent that large chunks of the “bread basket of Europe” became untenable for farming. Still, people give Uncle Joe a bye for it. One wonders why. .

  9. NickM says:

    Sawney Bean? Sounds a bit like Sean Bean. Coincidence? I think not! He tried to take Frodo’s ring and that worked out well. Also everyone around him in “Game of Thrones” comes to a sticky end. Coincidence? I think not! When do I become a staffer on the Daily Mail?

  10. Mr Nielson not normal?

    “I always wondered what civil servants did when they went home – now I know”.

    As a late (and much missed) writer put it.

  11. Mr Ed says:

    Mr Marks, that was the great Auberon Waugh, who said that it would be tempting to think that behind every desk in every jobcentre there was a sadist who killed people to talk to them, as no one could bear to be in the company of a civil servant otherwise, and that those killers were people who only chopped up and boiled their victims when the natural processes of decomposition made the corpses unbearable, even by the civil servant’s own undemanding standards.

    He may be closer to the truth now than he might have ever imagined. In every bureaucrat, there is the inner Yezhov.

    http://www.cyberussr.com/rus/ye-bio.html

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