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Weekend Mentalists – (Mainly) US Edition.

A social media strategist at a Utah language school [A what?] said he was sacked because his boss thought a blog post written on homophones might encourage homosexuality.

Tim Torkildson, a former employee at the Nomen[?!] Global Language Center, said he was asked to leave his job as head of social media because his boss feared the blog entry might give the impression that the school was promoting homosexual behaviour.

Well of course homophones are the new Samsung range that enables anonymous toilet-trading – My Motorola/Google phone only allows hook-ups with fat birds from Stockport. Quite how anyone encourages homosexuality anyway is beyond me. Go on, go on, go on!

But wait! A homophone is not that at all is it? It is a linguistic term meaning two words said the same but mean different things and are spelt differently. English due to the mongrel nature of the lingo is replete with them, “Which witch?”, “We can see the sea from here” and all that. Indeed, “Homo” is of ambiguous meaning, depending on the Laughing or Grief root (or, er… missus) “Man” (as in the clearly pushing bum-fun term “Homo erectus” (I bet there is a movie by that name showing Ugg and Ogg the cave gents getting it on big time – trust me when HD video things* are as dog-cheap as they are and you got the internet every oddness that can be done (and with CGI things that can’t – slashfic with Sauron and Morgoth). Trust me it will exist.

Speaking to the Salt Lake City Tribune, Mr Torkildson said that Mr Woodger told him he ‘could not be trusted’ and the only job he would ever succeed in would be ‘something clerical’.

The blog post has been removed from the language school’s website.

Mr Woodger however denied that he had sacked Mr Torkildson for that reason, saying instead that his blog posts had begun to ‘go off tangents’ and had become confusing and occasionally offensive.

He added that homophones were beyond the understanding of most of the student body.

That from a guy running a language college! Having said that Mr Torkildson does appear to have purloined Cpt. Mainwaring’s syrup.

He’s the one on the left.


Now we all like good customer service

An Oklahoma woman didn’t hesitate to pick up the phone to complain when a product she bought did not meet industry standards.

But perhaps she should have taken a moment to think it through, since the number she called was 911 and the product was crystal meth.

According to police officers in Enid, 54-year-old Lynette Rae Sampson was the model of politeness as she described how the ‘ice’ she had purchased did not meet the purity standards she was used to.

Officer Aaron Barber was greetly[sic] warmly when he arrived at Ms Sampson’s home.

‘I’m glad you came,’ she told the officer, before leading him to the kitchen where the crystal meth was stored in a tin on the counter.

The woman was arrested.

‘Once you think you’ve seen it all, something new will surprise you,’ said Captain Jack Morris of Enid Police.

‘It’s sad people who utilise these drugs don’t realise how it affects them and what they can do to you.’

Ms Sampson now faces up to 10 years in jail for possession of the drug and paraphernalia.


Why use public transport and fight for a seat when you already have a fully charged up four wheeler at the ready?

That’s what this gentleman decided to do, apparently disregarding the law.

Mobility scooters are banned from being used on any non-pedestrianised roads – let alone one of the UK’s busiest motorways.

But the OAP was seen on the hard shoulder of the M1 being escorted by a police motorcyclist between Junction 31 near Sheffield and Junction 32 for the M18 interchange.

A passenger in a passing haulier lorry filmed the bizarre occurrence on Britain’s oldest full-length motorway.

– which just goes to show it isn’t just America that produces mentalists.

*Between my wife and me we have seven video takers! Everyone is David Lean these days. Not including webcams.


  1. RAB says:

    What a bunch of Mormons…

  2. Ed P says:

    Beware of homogenised milk, it might “turn” you!

  3. NickM says:

    Ed P,you have left a very sour taste in my mouth 😉

  4. Julie near Chicago says:

    Well, Nick, on the one hand we have a homophone, on the other a heterograph. We must ask Mayor Terwilliger or whatever his name is to compare and contrast.

  5. endivior says:

    I have heard of people being threatened with dismissal for using vile racist words like “picnic”, or “niggardly”, or disgusting sexist expressions like “rule of thumb”. Even in academia. Even outside Utah.

    A while back a columnist here in Ecuador claimed that “indigenous” meant “without the gene of God” and was therefore an offensively racist expression. But I had to laugh when a respectable Congresswoman here claimed that calling people “blacks” was offensive because it “denigrated” an entire people. Well, I suppose you can’t argue with that. Though I don’t know why she went on about “people of African descendance” – as if there was anyone alive today who wasn’t. We are all descended from Africans! It says so in our genes, which not only don’t lie, but are refreshingly non-racist. Certainly less than all these people who congregate round stupid folk etymologies like flies around a turd, desperate for their weekly fix of manufactured righteous outrage.

  6. Julie near Chicago says:

    endivior, please. Can’t you post something in SOME discussion for me to disagree with? One has to practice rants, sarcasm, put-downs, and general snottiness, y’know, or one loses one’s flaming chops.

  7. NickM says:

    “When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean – neither more nor less.”

    – Lewis Carroll.

    When I want to be truly offensive I’ll call someone a …

    “Pigeon-chested abattoir-creeper”

    – Vic Reeves, Bob Mortimer.

    (To which Bob came back with the line, “You twat Vic”.

    Made me laugh.

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