Counting Cats in Zanzibar Rotating Header Image

Father to Son

Bearing in mind that my co-conspiritor probably still doesn’t know who or what Lindsay Lohan is* then I’d be surprised if he was too au fait with Pete Docherty and his amusing antics.

Pete Doherty is currently in the Scrubs doing 14 weeks for a parole violation. He is an inveterate junkie and got kicked out of the band that made his name, The Libertines, for his heroin use. The final straw was when, desperate for cash for heroin, he burgled the guitarist’s flat and stole his guitar to pawn it. Since then he’s been most famous for being Kate Moss’s boyfriend (sometimes). I think he’s a complete tosser. NME readers would appear to disagree.

We have gone downhill. This guy is being lauded as counter-culture musical hero despite being kicked out of his band before the release of their first album. Hardly compares with the antics of Their Satanic Majesties, The Rolling Stones. Or Bowie, or The Who or even Queen who once allegedly had a party which featured dwarfs with saucers of cocaine strapped to their heads, allegedly. They’re all still going 30+ years on. Well Queen aren’t exactly but you can’t blame the lads for that (it would be a truly remarkable comeback tour!) and Brian May has taken the downtime to complete the PhD in Astrophysics he abandoned to play for Queen. He is also rated by Rolling Stone Magazine as the “39th best guitarist of all time”, has a CBE and as well as his recent PhD, he already had an honourary doctorate in music. Shame about the mad hair, though.

Doherty abandoned Eng Lit in his first year at Queen Mary. The place has quite a rep for it. Brett Anderson (Suede) and Bruce Dickinson (Iron Maiden) both abandoned QM for music (and did rather well). I did my MSc there so why am I sitting in a shed fixing bust Dells and not playing Wembley Arena? Why? I could quite take to a Rock ‘n Roll lifestyle and I wouldn’t make a complete twat of myself like Doherty clearly has.

We don’t do Rock ‘n Roll “rebellion” like we used to. It used to be glorious chaos but now we have Britney flashing her minge**, Pete Docherty falling over (a lot) and Amy Winehouse getting nicked for hitting people who picked her up after she fell over (again) ripped to the tits on ketamine (a horse tranquiliser). It used to be driving Rolls-Royces into swimming pools and Oliver Reed landing in a ‘copter on Keith Moon’s mansion lawn and Moon taking pot-shots at it. It used to be real cool stuff. Reed and Moon later became firm friends. All of the above are only alleged to have happened.

Now we have this bunch of scallies. Matt, from Busted, allegedly, once defenestrated a Corby trouser-press from the Birmingham Hilton. Oh, fuck me sideways! Is that what the glorious anarchy of popular music is reduced to?

Anyway, so what is Doherty (our great hero) doing whilst in chokey? He’s reading the Qu’ran.

Cat Stevens, the sequel.

It’s pathetic.

*I do know who Lindsay Lohan is. I just don’t know what she’s for.
** When Ditta von Teese does it on stage it’s sexy. When a washed-up popstar getting out of a taxi does it it’s pathetic.


  1. CountingCats says:

    Does Ditta actually do it? Or does she just let you hope that she might?

  2. Nick M says:

    It’s a bit like a card trick. Does she, doesn’t she doesn’t really matter to the audience. You could try Youtube and slow it down (how do you do that?) but that’s not my point. There is a huge difference between an accomplished burlesque performance and being a drunken slag.

    I suspect that Ditta might do it but, more importantly, she definitely makes you think she has done it.

    My brother once went to see some strippers. They definitely did it. One of them had (imperfectly) shaved pubic hair and in it’s place a tattoo of a cannabis leaf. That’s real class that is.

    And zat iz zee point.

  3. RAB says:

    I love the smell of smoking pussy in the morning

    And the late great Bill Hicks take on this?

  4. RAB says:

    Oh and of course this

  5. Rob Fisher says:

    I’m quite sympathetic to poor Pete being constantly harassed by the police for (burglary aside) no good reason. But otherwise your logic is flawless.

    Probably a good thing I can’t get YouTube at work.

    RAB: Non-smokers die every day.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: