No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant lord, one that will do
To swell a progress, start a scene or two,
Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool,
Deferential, glad to be of use,
Politic, cautious, and meticulous;
Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous—
Almost, at times, the Fool.
– T S Eliot
Next week the portable (though not potable) wankfest that is G20 rolls into London…
Due to the economy tanking there are rumours of riots and generalised no-goodness attending this auspicious happening. The usual suspects are undoubtedly in the frame: Beards, Greens and Trots. Even it is rumoured some green-bearded trots*.
I don’t buy it. I seriously don’t see major civil disorder happening. What I do see happening is much more interesting and will produce much more defining images. Because, let’s face it a riot is a riot and all riots look pretty much the same. What I think will happen will be much more memorable…
First some background…
It has over the last few months become increasingly clear that Brown is about as popular with other World Leaders as elephantiasis of the scrotum is with trouser manufacturers. I saw on BBC News 24 yesterday an interview with an Indian economics prof. When asked about the Sub-Prime Mentalist she had to stifle a giggle. Well when I say “giggle” I mean “guffaw”. He’s a vaguely ambulant joke who generally looks like he’s just shit his pants and is wondering what his name is**. Look at the snub that The One True Obamessiah visited on Brown when he despatched a staffer down to Walmart to get a bunch of DVDs***. It’s fairly obvious that Merkin and Sarcophagus (who I bet are thick as thieves on the QT) hate Brown’s very guts. Every Brown-up after all is a BMW or nice Claret which Britain doesn’t import.
Brown who, unlike Blair, has always bestrode the global stage like a pygmy with a hormone deficiency will be very obviously and brutally exposed as alone and despised and as a pathetic shouldn’t have been. The media will do this. They will do it now because they have scented the blood in the water, they have spotted the wagon train circled in the Utah desert, they know he’s more fucked than a Bangkok Ladyboy in Josef Fritzl Memorial Week. They know he’s ripe for a take down. Dan Hannan’s now famous re-arseholing of Brown was not a great speech. It was good but not great apart from in one specific way in which it was truly great. It’s timing was brilliant. It’s timing was bang-on. A few months ago it wouldn’t have worked. It would have looked like routine party-politicking. Now it doesn’t. Now it looks like Mr Hannan said precisely what everyone in the entire developed world is currently thinking. And Brown laughed****. And then they summoned from whatever park bench he currently uses as a postal address that tramp’s mate Dolly Draper to attack Hannan on C4 News. And the best he could muster was some dismal toss-pottery about “Old Etonians”.
In the coming week or so I advise you to clear and sand***** the decks, get in the beer and nibbles because we are going to be witness to an epic and very public fail. By the end of next week even the parliamentary Labour Party will be openly baying for the Thane of Cawdor’s blood. By the end of next week Brown will be a total laughing stock******. I have avoided using the “T” word because this is not a classical tragedy. This is not one of the great or good being undone by circumstance or character flaw. It is a complete arsehole who was never even fit to run a whelk stall in Arbroath in the quiet season being painfully unmasked as the useless twat he so clearly is. And due to the real operators which make up G20 (not an endorsement BTW) he will meet next week with his very public evisceration it will be plane-wreck telly of the first water. It’s gonna be fucking ace because Brown has now clearly gone the full Harold Wilson.
Sometimes it is actually fun to live in interesting times.
*It was left over from St Patrick’s Day.
**An observation I owe to OH or one of his cohort.
***I bet they’re Region 1 so Broon can’t even watch ’em over here.
****Or that thing he does that he learned from diagrams in a book which passes for the desperate hilarity of the damned.
*****Not quite what you might think I mean.
******If you recall “Spitting Image” in the ’80s they laid into Thatcher with a full fusillade (cross-dressing, Caligula, Nazis – the full nine yards) but they only winged her. The one they actually destroyed was Kinnock by portraying him as a buffoon. Brown has no charisma of likeability. He only ever had his mythical “prudence”. Once that is stripped away (and it has been) the wolves will be unleashed. I can imagine the demented fucker being escorted out of Downing Street by the men in white coats and into a bottomless van going to the nearest laughing academy.