Counting Cats in Zanzibar Rotating Header Image

Jacqui Smith & Porn

You’ll all have heard of Ms Smith’s latest woes on the expenses front.

She’s been caught trying to claim hubby’s taste for pay-per-view Frankie Vaughn as an expense.

Unfortunately that’s the headline news and unfortunately that’s what will be remembered and tittered over.

The real story though is not Mr Smith’s left-handed channel surfing. The real story is why the fuck are we expected to pay for Jacqui Smith’s home cable TV and internet connection? She earns over 140,000 Pounds a year. I don’t. Why doesn’t the tax-payer pony-up for my Sky package?

Actually no… The real question is why are the tax-payers expected to stump up 40,000 Pounds a year to pay for Mr Smith who is allegedly employed as Ms Smith’s “advisor”? He certainly ain’t worth it. He’s clearly not media savvy enough to be aware that much more hardcore chick-flix can be had much less obviously via the ‘net and those Virgin Media cable connections stream video very well these days.

Actually no… The real, real question is why the fuck are we paying Jacqui Smith anything at at all? Because she is both useless and draconian and if you pay 140,000 pa you expect a heck of a lot better than a Happy Shopper dominatrix like her. Imagine her in Latex with a riding crop saying, “You’ve been a very naughty boy…”

I think I have discovered the cure for premature ejaculation.

I apologise to the Miss Whiplashes of the nation. You all do an honest and difficult job. And a job vastly more useful and decent than that done by that bloated, kleptocratic, authoritarian moo Smith.


  1. Ian B says:

    You’re right of course. The lesson here is, you don’t get sacked for spending £200,000 on housing or £10,000 on a kitchen or even £67 on a broadband package, but you do for spending £10 on a couple of movies, because they’re “adult”. It’s pathetic. And deeply damaging to civil liberties in terms of people being allowed to read and watch and say what they like.

  2. Nick M says:

    Interesting dichotomy Ian. Part of me can’t help but feel that the best thing to happen to civil liberties would be for Jacqui Smith to be sacked.

  3. Ian B says:

    I’m thinking more strategically. If you want to legalise drugs, don’t attack politicians for getting caught smoking dope, kind of thing, even if they’re a hateful bastard. You’re just adding another little brick in the wall against your bigger objective.

    Anyway, do you really think we’d get any better if Jacqui were sacked? It’s not like she’s sitting there all by herself thinking up the shit being shovelled onto us.

  4. Nick M says:

    I think I might be angrier than you… I am at the end of my tether with NeuArbeit*. I know deep-down that iDave’s Barmy Army will not be much more than one iota better but I am at times blinded by visceral hatred of Labour.

    *I’m at the point where I’m thinking of chewing my ankle through.

  5. Infidel753 says:

    We have a similar situation here in the US with all the virulent anti-gay Republican politicians and right-wing preachers who have been caught getting their gay on on the sly.

    I agree with Ian B. Don’t attack then for using porn or MJ (or being gay) — that stuff is normal. Attack them for being hypocrites. Nothing undermines a moral scold faster than being caught doing the very things he condemns.

  6. Sunfish says:


    All of them, or just Ted Haggard?

    All he did with that party boy was smoke some redneck cocaine and get a massage. He said so himself.

  7. Infidel753 says:

    Actually most of the people I’m thinking of were politicians (Larry Craig, Bob Allen, etc.). Well, there was that preacher whose name I forget who was found dead in a wetsuit-bondage-dildo masturbation accident, but I don’t think they ever established whether there were any gay undertones to that. Still, same principle. As for Haggard, probably the only people who believe he was really paying an experienced gay prostitute just for massages are the same ones who believe he’s “cured” now. :-)

  8. Nick M says:

    In the 80s a rising star in the Tory party here was a real “back to basics” type called Alan Amos who was MP for Hexham. A small market town just up the road from where I grew up. He was into hangin’ and floggin’ and all sorts of Dickensian self-righteousness.

    His career screeched to a halt when it turned out he paid rent-boys to whip him.

    How we laughed.

    Because the phrase “hoist on his own petard” sprung to mind.

    I felt rather differently about Max Mosley of F1 (S&M Nazi themed orgies*) because I never recall Mosley making himself out to be a paragon of moral rectitude.

    I really have no idea how such hypocrites as Amos live with themselves.

    *You can imagine how much the red-tops loved that.

  9. d dyer says:

    I know its mean but have I enjoyed the Smith porn fiasco! Greatest injustice for me is poor old Mr Smith having to carry can for his wife. More likely scenario is dominatrix Jacqui whipping hind off unfortunate Mr S before joint wanking fest while viewing “College girls go wild in frisco 2″….!

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: