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All of Them…

Derek “Dolly” Draper is clearly a wank shaft and a blatant vituoso open Shatner’s Bassoon. He looks like a tramp’s mate and like he washes his hair with turdulent remnants but that is just because he is in fact worth it.

He has now been caught out by Guido. And how! Caught with his pants down and his cock in a donkey whilst his beshited ass (not the donkey – which may or may not be beshitted – unlike Ed Balls I’m not into that – but I’m not blaming Balls for that because if I was married to Yvette Cooper a beshitted ass would be an attractive proposition) was being vigourously felched by Cunt Mandelbitch himself.

All of them need to go. All of them. Derek Draper needs to be re-arseholed with a claw-hammer, Gordon Brown needs to be ritually whipped naked with a bull’s pizzle south of the Thames. And then his dismally jockulant dirge “It were nee ma fault!” must ring out loud and clear from Battersea Dogs Home as he is thrown into the malnourished terrier pound with Bovril on his knackers.

They are all scum. I am not prepared (for legal reasons) to say in public what I really want to see done to them but it would be Chinese in it’s ingenuity and Afghan in it’s brutality.

I’m loving the collapse of NeuArbeit. I am already sharpening my claws for NeuTory…

All of them. Every last one of them.


  1. Nick,
    I generally understand everything you write.
    But when you really get worked up, you become incomprehensible to those of us on this side of the Atlantic.
    Could we bother you to translate this into American English for us?

    BTW, I do understand the phrase “Derek Draper needs to be re-arseholed with a claw-hammer”, and will begin using it in casual conversation.

    Thanks for considering this request,

    Allen in Fort Worth, Texas

  2. RAB says:

    I tend to think of Nick as a modern Chaucer (and chancer!)

    Robust, witty, earthy, all those words pertain,as they did to the big fella.

    Now if you Yanks dont understand da lingo, well I cant help.
    Looks perfectly ok to me, but then I live here too…

    Especially the bit about sharpening his claws for Neu Torturey.

    Cos it aint going to get any better for a long while yet.

  3. Pa Annoyed says:

    Still, while we’re all enraptured by the carnival sideshow, Brownshirt is quietly sneaking around behind the crowd, inserting this where the sunlight don’t shine.

    “Compulsory volunteers”! Somebody at the BBC has a sense of humour.

    Do you think he got the idea from Obama?

  4. Sam Duncan says:

    Well, well, well. What an insight into the workings of the Labour spin machine the last 48 hours have been. And not just the emails themselves. What Draper and his chums didn’t seem to appreciate when they were all over the news yesterday claiming that it was just a bit of fun was that we’d seen them, and they plainly weren’t.

    So, three things to emerge from all of this:

    1) Labour is fucked. And about time.

    2) They’re a bunch of slimy cunts. As I may have said before, their tactics remind me of nothing so much as your average school bully. I’ve seen that “Aw, Sir, we wuz only havin’ a laff” often enough to know what’s what.

    3) They’ll now turn their sights on the ‘net (or the web, at least; they’re too damn clueless to know the difference). Did you spot that Peter Snow lookalike on Sky pointedly mentioning that they have to abide by a set of rules?

  5. fidothedog says:

    Cheers that made me laugh that did, crossposted part of that an given hat a hat tip.

  6. Ok, now that I’ve been to Samizdata, Guido, Holborn, and elsewhere, I get it.
    I still had to google “Shatner’s Bassoon”, but I’m learning.

    Congrats to Guido.

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