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Any Colour As Long As It Isn’t Black

This is beyond human comprehension. It is beyond the comprehension of Gods. It is beautifully absurd.

As a weapon against global warming, it sounds so simple and low-tech that it could not possibly work. But the idea of using millions of buckets of whitewash to avert climate catastrophe has won the backing of one of the world’s most influential scientists.

Steven Chu, the Nobel prize-winning physicist appointed by President Obama as Energy Secretary, wants to paint the world white. A global initiative to change the colour of roofs, roads and pavements so that they reflect more sunlight and heat could play a big part in containing global warming, he said yesterday.

Speaking at the opening of the St James’s Palace Nobel Laureate Symposium, for which The Times is media partner, Professor Chu said that this approach could have a vast impact. By lightening paved surfaces and roofs to the colour of cement, it would be possible to cut carbon emissions by as much as taking all the world’s cars off the roads for 11 years, he said.

Building regulations should insist that all flat roofs were painted white, and visible tilted roofs could be painted with “cool-coloured” paints that looked normal, but which absorbed much less heat than conventional dark surfaces. Roads could be lightened to a concrete colour so they would not dazzle drivers in bright sunlight. “I think with flat-type roofs you can’t even see, yes, I think you should regulate,” Professor Chu said.

Professor Chu said that his thinking had been influenced by Art Rosenfeld, a member of the California Energy Commission, who drove through tough new building rules in the state. Since 2005 California has required all flat roofs on commercial buildings to be white; the measure is being expanded to require cool colours on all residential and pitched roofs.

The California Energy Comission? Yeah the folks who can’t generate enough ‘tricity to avoid brownouts in one of the richest places on the effing planet. Idiots fuck up all the time on a small scale but to fuck-up as epically as that requires a Nobel Prize winning physicist and the Cali Energy Whatever… Jesus fucking wept. I note the video from the Times also features the Prince of Wails talking drivel (as usual) whilst (also as usual) playing pocket billiards with himself through the secret pocket in his double-breasted jacket. Can someone, anyone, please explain to me why our future head of tamponage (remember that?) cannot speak in public without engaging in a mass-debate in a double-breasted jacket. He really is a complete and utter fucking embarrassment.

I am so gob-smacked by this utter drivel which has so clearly not only jumped the shark but performed a triple toe-loop over the blue whale and God alone knows what it did over the orca but that critter is looking somewhat high-minded and rather bitey about it. This is now well beyond a fucking joke. I mean we laugh at the Victorians for believing masturbation caused every badness under the sun but a hundred years from now this fetishization of CO2 as the new ultimate evil will keep our grandkids in giggles and fits. I really mean that. This isn’t science. It isn’t even witchcraft because it’s completely fucking insane. It’s on a par with the C19th Texan doctor who promoted excision of the clitoris as a cure for female sexual dysfunction. It is that mad. Fortunately for the Victorians pretty much all his colleagues thought him utterly round the sodding bend and I think got him struck off.

And to someone with a science background like me this is very depressing. It is depressing because the enemy is well inside the gates. Prince Charles can witter on relentlessly and no fucker in a semblance of their right mind will care a wit but we now have Nobel Prize-winning physicists (physicists!) on the green gravy train. It appals me because science has done more to advance the human condition materially, intellectually and morally than any other human endeavour and to see notable representatives of this wonderful pursuit to make life monotonically better taking the likes of Obama and Chuckles shillings to drag us back to a new Dark Age for a few bob in the short term makes me want to vomit with rage. There have always been enemies to the cause of human progress but to find them infesting Our Camp is beyond toleration. I am now officially mad as hell about this utter cunteration. They have taken my temple and there shall be a Nírnaeth Arnoediad over this when I take it back. It will be their tears and they shall be of an uncountable cardinality. Does anyone know Al Gore’s address and if rectal pears are on sale on eBay? Rectum? I will damn near kill him. It will not be over quickly and he will not enjoy it. I on the otherhand shall take the camcorder and it will be on Youtube.

I am quite angry. I am in fact so angry and so fixated on torturing the Goreacle (I think I would end up in the Abu Hamza Memorial Wing of Belmarsh if I even said what I have planned at sleepless 3 ams for Johnnie Porridge*) via his devine Gorefice whilst the reprehensible cunt is tied down to his four-poster in his bedroom which is the size of a Nimitz class carrier’s flight deck that I cannot even bring myself to comment on this.

*Actually it’s so fucking evil it will cause you sleepless nights if I tell you.


  1. RAB says:

    I thought you’d pick up on this one Nick, I saw it yesterday.

    Now I am no scientist, but I was quite good at it up to the point I dropped Physics and Chemisty.

    I was taught that black absorbs all the white light frequencies and therefore heats up faster than something painted white which deflects those frequencies.

    But the Global Warming scare isn’t about white light from the Sun is it? It’s about the dreaded CO2 that is going to fry us all.
    So how does painting your house white help? other than to keep your house cool?
    White deflects the rays, but they are being deflected somewhere, and certainly not straight back into space, but into trees, grass mountains etc that aint painted white!!

    On this kind of logic, people of Scandinavia and northern or very southern climes should paint their houses black, because they will absorb more of the available energy.

    So unless we paint the whole world white, this is utterly butterly bonkers!

    I had another Huh??? moment yesterday too.

    They were discussing on the radio the idea that when you boil a kettle to make tea or coffee etc, you should throw away the residue in the kettle and fill up with fresh water, because it is chemically changed!

    Um, WTF!

    You heat water, it boils, it evaporates.
    It cools, condenses and becomes water again.

    You cool water, it freezes, you heat it again and it turns to its liquid state.

    To cut to the chase, how the fuck do you burn water???

    We are entering a friggin dark age of complete stupidity, mark my words…

  2. RobtE says:

    Well, Timmy Worstall reckons the idea started with Bjorn Lomborg. He mentions it over
    here. The comments there are pretty interesting too.

    Oh, and RAB, as for using boiled water for making tea, that’s long been a standard rule for people who take their coffee-making seriously (as in grinding, even roasting, their own beans). According to them, boiled water is de-oxygenated, so will be “flat” and “tasteless”. My mum’s early-1960′s Betty Crocker cookbook says to always use fresh water and always from the cold tap when making coffee.

    And hey, who are we to argue with Betty Crocker, eh? :-)

  3. RAB says:

    Thanks for that RobtE, I have heard all this stuff about not boiling the water for coffee and tea before. Also about taking the pot to the kettle and not the kettle to the pot.

    So what they are saying then is that when you boil water(H2O) you end up with just H2. So what happens when it cools down, does the O sneak back in or what?

    Sounds like wine snobbery of the first er, water to me!

    What about distilled water? What chemical symbol is that?

    I was in Turkey on holiday recently, and when you came down to breakfast you had a choice of these teabags you had to dunk in your cup (British tea as they called it) or Turkish tea.

    Well Turkish tea is black tea the same as ours, but very strong.
    They serve it black, in little glasses and with lots of sugar.

    I couldnt be bothered with dunking bloody teabags (I am not my best in the mornings) and I love strong tea. So I would fill up a bloody big cup of it, whack in some milk and a couple of sugars. I got some very funny looks from the waiters.

    I want my water to infuse my beverage of choice as quickly as possible.
    I dont care how er “Breathless” it might be! ;-)

  4. RobtE says:

    Oh dear, RAB, you’re wearing your silly hat this evening, aren’t you? :-)

    Water (H20) can contain dissolved gasses. If not there would be no carbonation, hence no Diet Coke and I would find life not worth the living.

    Also, there would be no need for aquarium keepers to “oxygenate” their tanks with those bubbly stone things. And their fish would live on despite their lack of oxygen.

  5. RAB says:

    I am wearing my silly hat most nights RobtE , and I did say at the start that I am no scientist…
    However I know perfectly well that the water that comes out of my tap, or bottled mineral water contains many things.
    Fluride, chlorine, carbonates, hence hard and soft water, all sorts of stuff that will add to or hinder the taste, depending on “Your Taste”
    How do oceans and rivers sustain life then, without those bubbly stone things you describe?
    Could it be movement rather than the staticity you find in an aquarium?

    And if you cant live without diet coke, I will leave you a couple of lines of the real stuff, a bottle of single malt and a revolver on the hall table, and let you make your peace with your maker! ;-)

    But seriously, what is the chemical formula for distilled water?

    The water that has not had nought, but everything taken out.

  6. El Draque says:

    Has anyone noticed that if Carbon Capture and Storage is done, then twice as much oxygen as carbon will be buried? And we need that to breathe?

    Yes, I know there’s about 65 times as much oxygen as CO2 in the atmosphere, but we’re talking the long-term here; will we run short of air?

    Maybe someone can run a small calculation and terrify the ignorant politicians by telling them their pet scheme is even worse than the apparent problem . . . which it was anyway.

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