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Pointless

The “War on Cutlery” continues apace…

I have little to add to what the good Bishop and his commentators have to say on the matter.

Yes, there is a reason kitchen knives have points and these are inferior. Yes they will try and make them compulsory and no it will not do a damn thing for the “epidemic of knife crime”*.

The only thing I’d add is that I suspect they might try a scrappage scheme.

*You know whenever they have an “amnesty” on kinves the police always display a sample of what is handed-in and it’s always the most recherche and vicious looking stuff: claymores, katanas, battleaxes, morning-stars, holy-water sprinklers, Boehemian earspoons… I swear they just borrow a job lot from the Royal Armouries for the show…

14 Comments

  1. IanB says:

    Perhaps in future we could commemorate June 16 2009 as the day the last vestiges of sanity were eradicated from Britain.

  2. RAB says:

    We are all going to starve to death!

    How the hell would you open modern packaging with a knife with no point?

  3. Pavlov's Cat says:

    Not forgetting of course amongst all your ‘morning stars and gallowglass axes, those nasty flick Bat’Leth’s, they’re a menace

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-387680/Lethal-Star-Trek-blade-seized-knives-amnesty.html

  4. HSLD says:

    The gun amnesties are even funnier. I know what I’m looking at, and it’s obvious that the scariest seeming stuff is always pushed to the front for the photos, despite it being a non functioning replica, an airgun dressed up to look like an assault rifle or a childs toy.
    The best bit is the ‘rocket launcher’. Every bloody time there is a ‘rocket launcher’
    It’s usually a 66mm LAW but always a single use weapon. Meaning that it’s just as dangerous as a length of plastic drainpipe, because the rocket is long gone.

  5. IanB says:

    Before long, all we’ll be allowed is those blunt scissors you had to use in kindergarten, and our infantilisation will be complete.

  6. J.T. Wenting says:

    Just ban all foods except canned soup in self-opening cans (so you don’t require a can opener, which after all contain a blade and could be used to harm someone).
    At that point, you can ban ALL kitchen utensils except wooden spoons, so not only are those ugly knives gone but also nasty forks you can poke someone’s eyes out with.

  7. RAB says:

    Them self opening (there is a little human effort involved) cans yield a weapon of fearish intensity!

    You have a razor sharp lid in your hands there, attached by a ring to your middle finger…

    You can tear up an entire pub with one of those!

    It’s the sheer inconsistancy of all these “Rules ” that burn me up.

    My wife has had three lots of nail scissors confiscated at airports, her mascara too,

    But when we came back from Turkey the other day. we got through with our own water and food.

    Admittedly my hand luggage was searched twice, but then it does resemble a terrorist bomb on a scanner, being full of electronics and chargers with wires etc.

    Why they did this twice, I have no idea.

    Labour intensive country I guess.

  8. IanB says:

    RAB, you’ve provided a crucial public service there by warning us all of the danger of cans. Maybe everything could be provided in plastic bags, as a kind of mush that can be eaten without utensils simply by dipping one’s face in it.

  9. NickM says:

    Boil in the bag Soylent Green. Except of course without the boiling, obviously.

  10. Rob Farrington says:

    Heh, I was going to mention the Bat’Leth, but Pavlov’s Cat got there first!

    If I remember rightly, there was a case here in Manchester too a few years ago where such ‘lethal’ weapons were seized from a shop, and a nice policeman appeared in the Manchester Evening News, looking suitably sombre while being photographed holding one up for display.

  11. Pavlov's Cat says:

    and with regard to both HSLD & Rob

    Here is a policeman looking sombre and holding a dangerous empty plastic tube , the horror , the horror.

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2006/jun/16/ukcrime.davidfickling

    You have to read halfway through the piece before finding out that

    Once the rocket has been fired the launchers can no longer be used, but they are popular as collectors’ items.

    Won’t somebody think of the children

  12. RobtE says:

    Bwa ha ha!

    So let’s do a test.

    Give one of those to a TV chef and let’s see how they get on.

    I know, let’s start with Gordon Ramsay. And no bleeping of his comments, either.

    That should be entertaining…

  13. valkyriedragon says:

    Well .. It just seems that people need to be saved from themselves. Its amazing that we , as a race, have survived as long as we have with all the sharp little nasties around. CONGRATS BRITIAN YOUV’E BEEN NEUTERED.

  14. JuliaM says:

    “Before long, all we’ll be allowed is those blunt scissors you had to use in kindergarten…”

    And there’ll be a strict prohibition on running with them!

    And yes, these knives are ridiculous. All it takes is for someone to grind down the blunt point and viola! Your new stabbing accessory.

    Or simply slit throats with the blade, of course…

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