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The power of instruction is seldom of much efficacy, except in those happy dispositions where it is almost superfluous.*

- Edward Gibbon

You can take a whore to culture but you cannot make her think.

- Dorothy Parker

It is a truth univerally acknowledged that Ed Balls (The UK’s “Minister for Children”**) is a warp-factor 9 gigacunt. Here he is…

Is that not a face you want to beat repeatedly with a hammer? Not to make him uglier for that would be unpossible – just to take out the rage. He is cabinet minister and earns vastly more than almost all of you do or I do. But here’s the kicker… You probably make your dough doing something of benefit to someone. He earns his for fucking things up for everyone.

Apparently Neddy Balls wants a statutary requirement for every “failing” kid to get individual tuition in math and English. Look, Neddy, you cunt, I have done (privately – nice little earner for a post-grad) tuition and it only works if the parents and the kid give a toss (pretty much by definition you have the parents onboard). Your ideas Ned are not what real education is about. Some kids “fail” because they’re just thick (fact of life – for every Einstein there’s a million Jade Goodys). Some fail because they simply can’t be arsed. Some fail because their parents couldn’t give a fuck. There is of course a complex interaction between all those factors.

But this is intensely personal and intrinsically individual. Every target set and every pledge made is worse than drivel: it is evil. Education (real education) is about individuals learning stuff of interest and use to them. Anything else is nonsense or indoctrination.

Balls is planning on squandering huge amounts of monies we don’t have on trying to make an entire generation all equal and all “successful” by whatever deranged metric he is using to define that. We shall all have graduate jobs! Does he have the slightest idea how the world works? Does he not realise he is bigging-up the thick and yanking down the bright so all can be equal under the benign Lord-Protector Mandelson? I think he does and that’s why I’m calling him for the utter cunt he is because he know he will be in the inner party. Everyone being equal means everyone is a slave.

Can we please, as a nation, torture Ed Balls to death?

*I only know that because Feynman quotes it in his magesterial “Lectures on Physics”. And RPF knew a bit about teaching. Of all the awards he won (including the 1965 Nobel Prize for physics) he was proudest of his Ørsted Medal for teaching.
**Only still in the position because Mickey J is now dead.


  1. [...] and don’t forget that you can CLICK HERE to get my letters sent to you by RSS every morning.1. Counting Cats explains why Ed Balls is a warp-factor 9 [...]

  2. Nick S says:

    Several of his cabinet colleagues too..?

  3. JohnOfEnfield says:

    Interestingly this minister has been branded a “liar” by Fraser Nelson…

    …..even more interestingly he hasn’t sued him for defamation – even though the
    UK is the libel capital of the world (i.e. it’s dead easy & very rewarding to sue some one).

  4. RAB says:

    It will never happen of course, just another decree from Fantasy Island which where NuLab live these days.

    Education used to be dead simple.
    You turned up aged 5 at Infants school, and teachers taught you to read, write and count.Easy peasy!

    So presumably the person who is going to identify the pupil who is failing is the same teacher who is failing to teach them in the first place! Genius!!

    Where the hell are all these tutors going to come from anyway?

    Labour are hellbent on smashing up this country, trying to leave it in a worst state as possible, for when the Tories take over.

    There is also this conspiracy theory going round that Lord Mandy of Undead, is single handedly keeping Brown in place till after the Irish Referendum, then he doesn’t care what happens to the Bastard. The Lisbon Treaty will be ratified. They are betting that 1Dave wont call a Referendum, and the United States of Europe will be reality.
    President Blair anyone?

  5. CountingCats says:

    Hell RAB, I’ve heard that and I’m not even in the UK.

    And it wouldn’t surprise me at all. Don’t forget, on being appointed to the Commission Hissing Sid swore an oath of loyalty. Now you can question what such an oath would be worth to him, but nonetheless, he swore it.

  6. NickM says:

    Mandy is undoubtedly playing Brown like a rusty trombone (look that one up). What Mandy is up to is more curious because unlike most of the politburo Mandy is smart.

    We shall see but it will be horribly dreadful.

  7. Perry Neeham says:

    Not particularly relevant to this post (Bollox’s description as a warp-factor 9 gigacunt finally prompts me) but I gotta say that this is the best blog that I read.

  8. CountingCats says:

    And have you sung our praises to all your friends?

  9. Perry Neeham says:

    Yeah, both of them.

  10. Richard says:

    “Is that not a face you want to beat repeatedly with a hammer?”

    Every time my girlfriend sees Balls she expresses a feeling that he has a face you just want to punch, so there must be something in it. I think that some scientific investigation should be funded into “punchable faces”. Start with Balls, and perhaps investigate the psychological effects of indulging the whim.

    That would just about cover torturing Balls to death, and be educational.

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