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God Is Great, Beer is Good and People Are Crazy

I thought you fine folks deserved a short, introductory spin through my world before y’all decide I’m stone crazy. I figured laying some of my more provocative writing on Cats from the get go might raise a few eyebrows, the prudes in the crowd should consider this fair warning; I’m not safe for work.

I write about sex. A whole lot. I’m a foul mouthed woman, possessing a vocabulary that causes the churched to bend their knees, condemning me straight to hell with hamfisted vigor. I’m not politically correct. I don’t have time for puling women, craven men, victims groups, activists of all stripes, the intellectually stunted or the gross stupidity running rampant in our world. I dislike most politicians, hate progressive leftists and harbor sick fantasies of turning PETA members into human game fodder on a West Texas hunting lease.

I like and own guns. I’m an economic Misean and staunch capitalist. My politics run more Libertarian these days after suffering through the crap sandwich offered up by compassionate conservatism and big government Republicans. I believe authentic men have been beaten like red headed step children into cringing pussies by the demented crusades of leftists. I know women are incredibly powerful forces of nature and stay disgusted at their bizarre insistence on living a lie as members of a beleaguered special victim’s group.

I couldn’t give a shit about your color, ethnicity, education credentials or class status. Are you a stand up human being of integrity? Do you take responsibility and own the consequences of your decisions without spilling tears? If so, we’ll get along just fine. I own big dogs, enjoy the company of properly raised children, eat meat, fuck like a bandit and play a mean game of Texas Hold ‘em. My life is full of high heels, cowboy boots, denim and diamonds. I’m married to a stellar man who earns enough to allow me the luxury of staying home with our two small boys, the third, our eldest, is a fine chef who just landed a gig running the kitchen in a two star restaurant. My life is blessed, bitching would be a sacrilege.

God and I get along just fine, I have huge problems with organized religion. Beer and bourbon smooth the edges of my wonderful world and terrorists live at the bottom of my barrel, from the IRA to self exploding Muslim scum, I can’t abide terrorists of any stripe. 

I found this superb blog through one of my London friends some months back and was completely smitten with the quality of writing and intelligent opinion. I enjoy brilliant smut and smart snark, these fine men give it in spades. I’ve been a small part of the UK blogosphere for several years and am proud to claim a handful of wonderful Brits as my dearest friends. I won’t be writing derogatory posts on the state of Britain, I don’t have enough knowledge to do the topic justice and the men here cover it just fine. I will fill your ears with cuss filled rants on everything else.

I’m quite honored by the invitation to join this fine group. I hope my Texas sensibilities can offer equal entertainment.

8 Comments

  1. Nick M says:

    Well that sounds almost exactly right for this gaff. Why “almost”. I’m a seven card stud man, not a hold’em one. Although I have to admit it did get a bit silly especially when we played “Follow the Bitch” or when a Canadian gambler of my aquaintance (I still keep finding Canuck quarters in my penny jar) turned the whole thing into a lottery by nominating aces, deuces, one eyed jacks and suicidal kings all wild. If you didn’t have 5 Kings by the showdown you should have folded.

    Daphne. Are those Michelin stars? If so I am seriously impressed.

    Oh, and you seem to have double-posted. Don’t worry about that. The server is cranky and located down-under and I blame the Coriolis effect or wallabies or something.

  2. RAB says:

    Welcome Daphne, I think you will get on like a house on fire round here.

    I am a five card draw man myself. I just cant seem to figure out the betting at hold em, no matter how hard I try.

    I also have a dog, a bonkers, loving Springer Spaniel.

    I would love to own guns, but as you probably know, our Government seems to think that only criminals are allowed to have guns!

  3. IanB says:

    Very much looking forward to more :)

  4. Sunfish says:

    Where the hell was I when you were single?

  5. NickM says:

    Probably the Midwest, Sunfish. It is where you usually are.

  6. Rambler says:

    Too bad the animals can’t shoot guns. Doubt if there would be any hunters left. They would probably be hiding under their bed. As for owning guns, I have quite a few and a concealed weapon license. Only thing I would shoot is someone or something I consider a danger to my family.

  7. daphne says:

    Cheers, Alison! What the hell are you doing this fine back alley? You surely get around, girlfriend.

    Chris, you should link her – she’s stellar British goods. I love her.

    Sorry for the multiple posts. The first went to a dead screen and I thought it went wonky and hit post again.

    Five card draw works for me, I expect I’d kick ya’lls ass in that simple game. ;-)

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